Pen Envy

(Upon finishing a transaction with a customer, I give her a printed receipt to sign, along with a foot-long novelty pen.)

Customer: *getting very excited* “Oh. My. God. I love this pen.”

Me: “Ha, yeah, it’s pretty cool.”

Customer: “No, you have no idea. I love this pen. Gigantic pens are my thing.”

Me: “Oh, well, that’s cool then.”

Customer: “Can I buy it from you? I collect gigantic pens.”

Me: “Well, it’s not exactly a sale item, and it’s the manager’s pen anyway, so–”

Customer: “But I collect them! And this one is just awesome. Here, I can trade you for my pen.”

Me: “No, I don’t think–”

Customer: *digs in her purse and thrusts a pen at me* “Here, look! It’s really nice and it writes really well. Look at this – it’s real wood! It’s a REALLY NICE PEN!”

Me: “I’m sure you’d rather have that nice pen than the manager’s giant pen.”

(The customer begins to awkwardly try and sneak the huge pen into her purse. I stare at her while she does this, and she stops.)

Customer: “All right, all right! But I’ll be back for it!”

Me: “I have no doubt that you will. Have a nice day.”