Peaking At High School Isn’t F-U-N-N-Y

(I’m having a particularly bad day. Customer #1 is a male in his 40’s while Customer #2 is a female in her 20’s.)

Customer #1: *waving a book in my face* “I want my godd*** money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have your receipt, sir?”

Customer #1: “No. But you’re giving me my money back, you stupid wh***! You have no right to defy me!”

Me: *taken aback* “I’m sorry, but the best I can do without a receipt is store credit.”

Customer #1:” No, the best you will do is money! M-U-N-N-Y. Get it? I got this book because I never finished reading it in high school, and it sucks!”

(At this point, the Customer #2, the customer in line behind him, speaks up. She’s over a foot shorter than the male customer.)

Customer #2: “Congratulations, numb nuts. At 40, you finally made it through a high school level book, and you still can’t spell ‘money’.”

Customer #1: *wheeling around* “How dare you?! Do you know who I am?”

Customer #2: *dryly* “Someone who never figured out how to work a breath mint?”

Customer #1: *leering down at her* “Who do you think you are?”

Customer #2: *sounding bored* “I am so displeased to meet you.”

Customer #1: *spluttering* “How da—the nerve, I mean—really!”

(He grabs his book and storms off.)

Me: *laughing* “Wow. That was hilarious.”

Customer #2: *joking* “He can’t words good. I bet that happens a lot, yea?”

Me: “More than anybody would like. What can I help you with?”

Customer #2: “I have an exchange. Got the wrong edition, you know. But, I do have my receipt.”

(Customer #2 ended up getting hired at our store about a month later!)