Park On Someone Your Own Size

(I’m taking a load of grocery carts in the parking lot. The lot is pretty full, and I notice a large pickup truck and a shiny blue SUV flanking an empty space labeled ‘Compact.’ A female driver in a compact car carefully edges her car into the empty space and then gets out. The male driver of the blue SUV, who has been sitting inside, gets out a moment later.)

Male Driver: “Hey! Hey, lady, you need to be more careful!”

Female Driver: “Why?

Male Driver: “You could have scratched my paint!”

Female Driver: “What? I didn’t touch your car.”

Male Driver: “But you could have scratched my paint! You shouldn’t try to park in spaces that are this small if you can’t be more careful.”

(I should note that the small car is well within the lines of her parking space, whereas the SUV is halfway over his.)

Female Driver: “I didn’t scratch your car.” *starts to walk away*

Male Driver: *grabs her shoulder* “Who’s your insurance? I want to talk to your insurance!”

Female Driver: “I didn’t touch your car, so I’m not giving you any of my information!”

Male Driver: “But you could have scratched it! I might scratch my car on yours when I back up, and you’ll have to pay for it!”

(She’s clearly trying to get away from him, so at this point I walk over and intervene.)

Me: “Sir, if you hit this lady’s car when you’re backing out, you’d be the one at fault, so you’d be the one paying for it.”

Male Driver: *turns to me* “This is YOUR fault! Your parking lot is too small. Your spaces are too small! My paint might get scratched!”

Female Driver: “Look, mister, if you think the spaces are too small, maybe you shouldn’t have parked your freaking SUV in a COMPACT space!”

Male Driver: *turns red and goes quickly back to his car*