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    Putting The Dire Into Directions

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Geography

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get to your mall?”

    Me: “Sure; just tell me where you’re coming from and I’ll give you directions.”

    Customer: “I’m not telling you where I live.”

    Me: “That makes it hard for me to tell you how to get here.”

    Customer: “Oh. Washington, D.C.”

    Me: “Hop a plane to Cincinnati; call me when you get here.”

    Light On The Brain Cells

    | Willow Grove, PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, School

    (I am working in the office supplies section in late July.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you have any more of these pencil boxes?”

    Me: “Right over here.” *points*

    Customer: “Great. I need 29 more. I’m a first grade teacher.”

    Me: “That’s nice of you.”

    Customer: “There’s only five left in the blue.”

    Me: “I apologize, but we do have 20 black ones left. Except for the color, they are identical.”

    Customer: “I can’t get black for first graders. It will scare them.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, you can try the back to school area, but I doubt they’ll have more than one or two blue left. You’ll have to keep coming back throughout the summer to get 29 more in the blue.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you.” *scoots off to school section*

    (Not 15 minutes later, the customer is back putting black cases in her cart.)

    Me: “I see you decided to get the black ones after all; excellent choice.”

    Customer: “I know. Now I have to cover them in stickers so the children won’t be scared!”

    In A Fowl Holiday Mood

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is Christmas Eve. We close at 5:00 pm, and are closed completely Christmas Day. It is 5:15 pm and I am getting the last of the carts inside when a customer comes running up.)

    Customer: “Hey, I need to buy a turkey!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but we’re closed.”

    Customer: “Since when?!”

    Me: “5:00, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, what time are you open tomorrow?”

    Me: “We’re closed, sir.”

    Customer: “Why!?”

    Me: “Because we want to spend the day with our families.”

    (He flips me the bird and walks away.)

    Me: “Merry Christmas!”

    A Sound Driver Is Music To My Ears

    | Portland, OR, USA | Awesome Workers, Musical Mayhem, Top, Transportation

    (I am a passenger on the train heading home from a long day at school, keeping to myself as it is nearly midnight. A teenager is listening to very obnoxiously loud music. We come to our first stop.)

    Driver: *comes back to where the teenager is sitting* “Would you mind turning down your music? You’re disturbing everyone.”

    (The teenager laughs and ignores him. The driver glares at him, the teenager only turns it down until the train leaves again. We come to our second stop.)

    Driver: *comes back to the teenager* “Turn down your music. You’re disturbing everyone.”

    Teenager: “No, I’m not! Everyone likes music!”

    (The driver looks around to everyone on the train.)

    Driver: “Hands up everyone who wants to listen to this jacka**’s music.”

    (Silence.)

    Driver: “Hands up everyone who wants the jacka** to turn off his music so they can get home in peace.”

    (All hands go up.)

    Driver: “If I come back again, you’re off the train.”

    Teenager: *glares at everyone around the train and gets off on the next stop*

    They’re On Fire

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