The Good, The Bag, And The Lovely

, | Kings Lynn, Norfolk, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Holidays

(I spend about 20 minutes dealing with a middle-aged woman and her elderly mother, sorting out a rather complicated order. Despite my reassurances, they are continuously apologising for taking so long to decide.)

Me: “Okay then, is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Nope, that’s brilliant; thank you! Have a lovely new year!”

(The customers leave. About an hour later, the young woman returns and heads straight for my register, looking rather flustered.)

Customer: “Hi again! I was in here about an hour ago if you remember me?”

Me: “Oh, yes! Did you enjoy your meal?”

Customer: “Yeah, but did you happen to come across a black leather handbag in your dining area? My mother left hers here!”

Me: “Yup! I have it safe under my register for you. I found in just after you left!”

Customer: “Oh, thank you so so much! You’re a life saver!”

Me: “Not a problem; just doing my job after all. Have a good day!”

(She walks off and I begin to serve the next customer. I can see her conversing with her mother out of the corner of my eye. She comes over again.)

Customer: “This is for everything you’ve done for us today, young lady!”

(She hands me what I thought was a scrap of paper, but is in fact a £20 note.)

Me: “Thank you ever so much for the gesture, but I cannot accept this!”

Customer: “No, no, you keep it! That’s for putting up with us today!”

Me: “I can’t accept this, though! It was a pleasure to serve you, and thank you bu—”

Customer: “Okay then, call it a New Year present or something! Bye now!”

Me: “But I ca—”

(She all but ran out of the store before I could protest further.)

Belting Out Her Demands

| Tacoma, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I have just taken over a register where the guest has already been complaining the previous cashier was too slow.)

Me: “Hi! Any coupons or gift cards you are using today?”

(I move the divider out of the way to start ringing her items.)

Customer: *gasps* “Um, yeah. You… you need to put that bar back down.”

Me: “I am just moving it to start ringing your items.”

Customer: “No! Put it back. It has to be there. The belt cannot move. Now!”

Me: “Ma’am, I will be unable to reach the items if the belt doesn’t move.”

Customer: “I will hand you the items. I will not have the belt moving!”

Me: “Uh… why?”

Customer: “I can’t have it move! I lose control of my items when the belt moves! I must be in charge of my items! IT CAN’T MOVE!”

(She was having a freak out about the whole thing. I gave up and just tried to get her out as fast as possible.)

Iron Chef

| QC, Canada | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

(I’m working in a bookstore, storing cooking books. On top of the pile is Gwyneth Paltrow’s recipe book. A boy of around 10 walks by and stops next to me.)

Boy: “Mom, look! Pepper Potts wrote a cookbook!”

(Being a comics fan, he totally made my day!)

Courage Under Fire, Part 2

| Harrogate, Yorkshire, UK | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am a supervisor at a car contract hire leasing company. The fire alarm goes off, so I call to my colleagues to apologise, hang up their calls, and leave NOW. One colleague is left as everyone files out. She is trying to talk over the very loud sound of the fire alarm.)

Colleague: *to customer on phone* “I’m sorry, the fire alarm is ringing and we have to evacuate. If you give me your number, I’ll call you back after.”

(I can hear the sound of irate shouting from the customer on the phone.)

Colleague: “Yes, but the fire alarm is ringing and we’re evacuating. If you won’t give me your number, can you call back later?”

(Sounds of more irate shouting.)

Colleague: “No, that’s the fire alarm. I can’t turn it down.”

(Sounds of yet more shouting.)

Colleague: *to me* “I don’t know what to do.”

Me: “Leave by the fire exit now.” *I take the phone*

Me: “Hello, I’m [name] and I’m the supervisor. The fire alarm is ringing. It’s not a drill and I’m going to have to terminate this call.”

Customer: “Where’s the f***ing b**** I was just talking to? I want her f***ing name. I will not be f***ing treated like this! It’s only a quick f***ing query, why won’t you f***ing answer it, you bunch of f***ing c****?!”

Me: “This building is on fire as far as we can tell. Call back later.”

Customer: “All I f***ing want is for someone to work out my early termination fee. That’ll only take five or ten minutes. What’s f***ing wrong with you people?”

Me: “The fire brigade is here.” *sound of sirens outside* “Frankly, sir, and I mean no disrespect, but people like you are not worth dying for. Call back later.”

Customer: “How dare you! I’m f***ing paying your f***ing—”

(I hang up and run down the fire escape. A few hours later, once the fire on the roof was put out the customer called back. He was very apologetic; he’d told his wife about the outrage he’d suffered. She pointed out how much of a dick he had been. He decided she was right.)

Related:
Courage Under Fire

Cut Price Cut-Throats

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Money, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(It is standard grooming salon policy to make sure the customer is completely satisfied with their dog’s haircut before they leave. If not, we will fix what we can. I am returning a dog to its owner.)

Me: “Here he is, ma’am! Are you happy with the haircut?”

Customer: *examining dog* “Hmm… well… he looks okay except for the hair above his eyes is still a little too long.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Would you like me to trim it a bit more? It’ll only take a minute.”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Okay then, if you’re sure, that will be [price].”

Customer: “But that’s full price! You can’t charge me full price, because the hair above his eyes is too long!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I offered to trim it for you. I can still do that; it’ll just take a minute.”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Well then, it’ll be the same price I just told you.”

Customer: “But that isn’t fair! The hair above his eyes is still too long! I want a discount!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve offered to fix the hair above his eyes for you, but you’ve refused. I cannot give you a discount for something that I am willing and able to fix right here and now.”

Customer: “Well, did I say too long? I meant it was too short! It’s too short! You can’t fix that now, can you!? I want a discount!”

(She proceeded to throw a tantrum for the next ten minutes and only paid up and left when I threatened to call the police on her. Needless to say, she and her dog are no longer welcome back.)

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