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    It Keeps Saying Error

    | Eau Claire, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a cell phone store. From time to time, we have to fix phones for people. Today, an elderly woman is asking me to look at her phone.)

    Customer: “There is something wrong with my phone. Could you fix it for me?”

    Me: “Sure, what’s it doing?”

    Customer: “Well, it won’t make any phone calls.”

    Me: “No problem. Can I see your phone for a moment?”

    (The customer digs through her purse, pulls out a calculator, and hands it to me.)

    Customer: “See, I punch in a phone number and nothing happens.”

    Me: “Erm, did you grab this by mistake? This is a calculator, not a cell phone.” *hands back the calculator*

    (The customer takes the calculator back, looks at it, then looks at me blankly before walking away.)

    No Sudden Gender Changes, Please

    , | Washington, USA | Food & Drink

    (Another employee and I are working the drive-thru and we both are able to talk to customers at the speaker box.)

    Male coworker: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ll take a number two and a number seven.”

    (At this point, my coworker has to talk to another customer, so I finish talking to the customer. I am a woman.)

    Me: “Okay, and what would you like to drink with those?”

    Customer: “Wh-What happened to the MAN I was talking to?”

    Me: “I’m sorry… he was helping another customer for a moment. Did you not want to talk to me?”

    Customer: “That’s just rude and confusing for the customer!”

    JFMAMJJASOND

    | Natal, Brazil |

    (It’s July 1st, so I am running the system to send the bills to all clients, as usual. I get a caller sounding very stressed.)

    Caller: “Hi there. About the bill you just send us: the due date is July 30th, but we are willing to pay this already tomorrow. Could you please change the due date for me?”

    Me: “Good morning, sir. About the due date, there’s no problem to pay it tomorrow. You have 29 days left to pay it. Feel free to do it any time before the due date.”

    Caller: “Yes, but I don’t wanna pay any taxes over this due to delays. So, could you please change the due date for tomorrow instead?”

    Me: “Sir, you can easily proceed with the payment tomorrow with no further taxes. The reason why the due date is set as the last day in the month is so that you can pay it anytime you want. So, feel free to do it any day before day 30.”

    Caller: *raised voice* “Do you just not understand? Today, it’s day 1st and your stupid financial department has set a due date that has already passed! Your company hires the stupidest people!”

    Me: “Sir, could you please tell me what month is now?”

    Caller: *long pause* “Hmm…”

    Me: “You are aware that month number 07 is July, not June?”

    Caller: *click*

    Me: “Sir?”

    You’re Hot And Your Cold You’re Yes And You’re No

    | Indiana, USA |

    (A woman comes through our drive-thru and orders an iced mocha. This happens after I hand her the drink.)

    Customer: “Um…is this an iced mocha?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    (The customer purses her lips, stares at her drink, then hands it back to me.)

    Customer: “Well, this isn’t an iced mocha. It’s supposed to be hot.”

    Me: “Oh, so you wanted a regular hot mocha?”

    Customer: “No, I want a hot iced mocha.”

    Me: “Ok, so…you would like some ice in your hot mocha?”

    Customer: “No, I want a hot iced mocha!”

    Me: “Well, an iced mocha is usually cold and has ice in it…”

    (I trail off as the woman just stares at me as if I’m insane, so I try again to figure out what “iced” means.)

    Me: “Do you mean you’d like whipped cream on it?”

    Customer: *becoming irate* “No! I want a hot iced mocha! I always get a hot iced mocha! They make it for me all the time at the other [other coffee shop].”

    Me: “Okay, we’ll make that for you. ”

    (I close the window and ask my coworker to make a regular hot mocha and give it to the woman, while I dash to the back to laugh my head off. When I return, my coworker tells me that the woman is perfectly satisfied with her hot mocha. To this day, I’m still trying to figure out what she meant by “iced.”)

    The Pot Calling The Blizzard White

    | UK |

    (I work for an online store that sells mostly shoes, bags, and other accessories. This particular Christmas, the weather conditions in the UK are so bad that almost all deliveries are delayed by several days.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My package still hasn’t arrived. I ordered it almost five days ago. This is an outrage!”

    Me: “I apologize. All orders are currently delayed due to adverse weather conditions.”

    Caller: “Are you telling me I paid 4.50 for shipping and you can’t even deliver them to me before the 25th? This is unbelievable!”

    Me: “I apologize for the delay. We will of course refund all shipping and handling costs.”

    Caller: “You don’t understand. I want my order now! It needs to be here before Christmas! My daughter asked for those shoes specifically.”

    Me: “Your order will most likely not arrive before Christmas, but I can have a look if these particular shoes are available in any stores near you.”

    Caller: “Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to get to the store? I’m snowed in!”


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