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    Safety Before Stupid Customers

    | Utah | Food & Drink

    (I’m a delivery driver. This happens at the customer’s doorstep.)

    Me: “That will be $26.52.”

    (The customer hands me a $100 bill.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we only carry $20 in change. Do you have any smaller bills?”

    Customer: “Um, no, that’s stupid! Why don’t you carry more?”

    Me: “It’s a safety issue. Do you have a card we can put it on?”

    Customer: “How is it a safety issue for employees to give customers their change?”

    Me: “If we could carry a lot of money, and people found out, we would get robbed a lot more.”

    Customer: “So, you mean to tell me that they care more about their employees’ safety than customer service?”

    Me: “I guess so.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s bulls***!” *slams the door in my face*

    Check For Nerve Damage

    | New York, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer orders a cold drink and a hot drink.)

    Me: “Here’s your first drink.”

    Customer: “Is this the hot or cold one?”

    (She’s holding the cup in her hand at this point, which is very obviously warm to the touch.)

    Me: *trying to not laugh* “That’s the hot drink. Your cold drink is coming right up.”

    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 3

    | British Columbia, Canada |

    (We have kiosks in our location that provide a number of services. We also have an online service that provides some different options than we are able to provide in the store. A woman in her 30s is on the kiosk closest to me trying to order something that we don’t do in the store.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to order [product], but I can’t find it on this kiosk.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that item is only available online.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s only available through the computer.”

    Customer: *blank look*

    Me: “You have to go onto a computer and go to the website to order that item, because it’s not available to order in the store.”

    Customer: “What computer?”

    Me: “You have to get onto the internet and order that product from our website.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re saying! What’s a website?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

    All Karma’d Out

    | Australia | Holidays

    Customer: “Do you have any boxed Christmas cards?”

    Me: “Yes, we have two shelves over there. Have you seen those?”

    Customer: “Yes, but do you have any that don’t donate to charity?”

    Me: “I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll go shopping somewhere else!”

    Like A Snake Eating Its Own Email

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Technology

    (A customer has ordered an SSL certificate to enable https on their website.)

    Me: “You should receive a confirmation email with a link.”

    Customer: “Is this the email?”

    (The customer sends me a copy of the email, including the link he needs.)

    Me: “Yes. If you follow the instructions in the email, your certificate will be installed automatically.”

    Customer: “I didn’t receive the email. Resend, please!”

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