Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Starring Tom Booooohs

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (I am an assistant-manager at my movie theater and I am working at our customer service desk. Part of my job is to answer the phone and answer customer questions.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [theater]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, can you tell me what the next showtime for Mission Impossible is?”

    Me: “7:30.”

    Customer: “Have you seen it yet?”

    Me: “No, sir, I haven’t.”

    Customer: “Well, do you know if it has real ghosts in it?”

    Me: “Ghosts, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, because it’s called Ghost Protocol.”

    Me: “Uh, no, sir. There are no ghosts in that movie.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you.” *hangs up*

    You’re An Idi0t

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Language & Words

    (I’ve just handed the customer her credit card receipt.)

    Customer: “Why do they put that diagonal line through the O’s?”

    Me: “To distinguish the zeroes from the O’s.”

    Customer: “But they’re the same thing.”

    Me: “Zero is a number, but O is a letter.”

    Customer: “No, they’re the same thing!”

    Sure Thing, Sweet Cheeks

    | Ontario, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (We have international newspapers that we keep behind us at the till. Also, I’m female. I’ve just finished ringing up some British newspapers for a customer.)

    Me: “Have a brilliant day.”

    Customer: “Can I take a look at your rack?”

    (This not only catches me off guard, but all the staff and customers within earshot, who turn and look at us.)

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “I just want to see what else you’ve got to offer.”

    (Everybody is still staring.)

    Customer: *realizing what he’s said* “Oh! Your newspaper rack.”

    Disturbingly Dense

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I’m working the day shift at a hotel. One day, I get a page from the front desk.)

    Coworker: “This is going to seem like a weird request.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s up?”

    Coworker: “Well, the lady in room [#] needs you to show her how to use the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.”

    Me: “You’re kidding, right?”

    Coworker: *laughs* “I’m afraid not.”

    (I go to the guest’s room and knock on her door. A lady in her 50s comes to the door holding a little cardboard ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.)

    Guest: “How do I work this?”

    (I take the sign and put it on the door handle.)

    Guest: “Oh, so that’s how that thing works!”

    They Don’t Call It Pain-em For Nothing

    | New York, NY, USA | Language & Words

    (I work as a volunteer at our small public library, usually at the front desk, helping patrons and checking out their books.)

    Woman: *approaching desk* “Do you have…Hunger Pains?”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Woman: “I think it’s called Hunger…Pains?

    Me: “Oh, The Hunger Games? It’s very popular right now.”

    Woman: “Oh, right. My son told me the name. I knew I was going to get it wrong!”

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