Ink And You’ll Miss It

| Gainesville, FL, USA | Rude & Risque, School

(Our university has been around for a while. As such our mascot, Albert, has changed a bit over the years. I overhear an amusing conversation at a register next to me, the Sunday after a big win. Customer #1 is buying a shirt with the old-style Albert on it.)

Customer #2: “Man! The old style Albert is so lame looking!”

Customer #1: “Dude, what about the one on your butt?!”

Customer #2: “Oh, yeah!”

Coworker: *laughing* “Yeah, right.”

Customer #2: “Nope!”

(Customer #2 pulls down his pants just a bit, but at this time I can’t see it.)

Coworker: “I thought you were joking!”

(Customer #2 laughs and moves over to my register, as I’m now free.)

Coworker: “Wait, can I see that tattoo again?”

Customer #2: “Sure!”

(He pulls his pants down a bit again, and this time I can see the ‘old style’ Albert indeed tattooed on his butt.)

Customer #2: “Yeah, never get a tattoo while drunk.”

Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 4

| Baltimore, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work in a large office supplies store that gives customers rewards coupons that act as a certain cash amount that can be spent on anything. We often send out separate coupons that expire on a Saturday, as that is when our sales change. This happens as I am working as a cashier on a closing shift on Saturday.)

Me: “Hi, did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Yeah, I think this is all I need.”

(He hands me his rewards coupons, along with another coupon for $5 off a $25 purchase.)

Me: “Oh, it looks like you’re not quite at $25, with only $17 worth of stuff. But your rewards coupons would take you down to around $3, so you’re fine!”

Customer: “What? But I really wanted to use this $5 coupon. It expires today!”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to use it, but I guess it’s up to you if you want to spend more money.”

(The customer picks up all his things with a huff and walks away to look for more things. He returns almost 20 minutes later with many more things; one of the items alone is $40.)

Me: “So, I guess you found more stuff?”

Customer: “Yeah, this is how you get us to spend more money, huh? You give us these coupons that expire to force us to buy more at a time!”

(Even with his coupons the guy spent around $30, ten times more than he would have spent originally!)

Related:
Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 3

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The Good, The Bag, And The Lovely

, | Kings Lynn, Norfolk, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Holidays

(I spend about 20 minutes dealing with a middle-aged woman and her elderly mother, sorting out a rather complicated order. Despite my reassurances, they are continuously apologising for taking so long to decide.)

Me: “Okay then, is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Nope, that’s brilliant; thank you! Have a lovely new year!”

(The customers leave. About an hour later, the young woman returns and heads straight for my register, looking rather flustered.)

Customer: “Hi again! I was in here about an hour ago if you remember me?”

Me: “Oh, yes! Did you enjoy your meal?”

Customer: “Yeah, but did you happen to come across a black leather handbag in your dining area? My mother left hers here!”

Me: “Yup! I have it safe under my register for you. I found in just after you left!”

Customer: “Oh, thank you so so much! You’re a life saver!”

Me: “Not a problem; just doing my job after all. Have a good day!”

(She walks off and I begin to serve the next customer. I can see her conversing with her mother out of the corner of my eye. She comes over again.)

Customer: “This is for everything you’ve done for us today, young lady!”

(She hands me what I thought was a scrap of paper, but is in fact a £20 note.)

Me: “Thank you ever so much for the gesture, but I cannot accept this!”

Customer: “No, no, you keep it! That’s for putting up with us today!”

Me: “I can’t accept this, though! It was a pleasure to serve you, and thank you bu—”

Customer: “Okay then, call it a New Year present or something! Bye now!”

Me: “But I ca—”

(She all but ran out of the store before I could protest further.)

Belting Out Her Demands

| Tacoma, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I have just taken over a register where the guest has already been complaining the previous cashier was too slow.)

Me: “Hi! Any coupons or gift cards you are using today?”

(I move the divider out of the way to start ringing her items.)

Customer: *gasps* “Um, yeah. You… you need to put that bar back down.”

Me: “I am just moving it to start ringing your items.”

Customer: “No! Put it back. It has to be there. The belt cannot move. Now!”

Me: “Ma’am, I will be unable to reach the items if the belt doesn’t move.”

Customer: “I will hand you the items. I will not have the belt moving!”

Me: “Uh… why?”

Customer: “I can’t have it move! I lose control of my items when the belt moves! I must be in charge of my items! IT CAN’T MOVE!”

(She was having a freak out about the whole thing. I gave up and just tried to get her out as fast as possible.)

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