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    You Better Belize It

    | Belize | Criminal/Illegal

    (I live in Belize. A lot of tourists think they can get away with anything in my country. One day, a foreigner walks into the store.)

    Customer: “Can I get some Diazepam?”

    Me: “Do you have a prescription?”

    Customer: *tries to look bewildered* “Do I need one?”

    Me: “Yes, especially since it’s a controlled substance.”

    Customer: “It is?” *scoffs* “Well I didn’t know that. Some Xanax, then.”

    Me: “That is a controlled substance too. Valium, Xanax, alprazolam, lorazepam, diazepam…they’re all controlled.”

    Customer: “Well, then!” *hurriedly walks out of the store*

    Nanny Nanny Boo Boo, The Golden Years

    | Maine, USA | Bizarre

    (An older gentleman is standing at the register looking directly at me.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Older customer: “Do I look like I need help? No! Oh, boo hoo, I’m a poor little boy who needs help!” *blows his tongue at me and leaves*

    Me: “What just happened to me?”

    The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Back Pain

    | California, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work at the fitting rooms of a retail store. Two women are trying on bathing suits. They each have had obvious plastic surgery and enormous racks.)

    Customer #1: *dumps a pile of bikinis on my desk* “None of these fit! It’s ridiculous that your store doesn’t carry anything to fit me.”

    Customer #2: “Don’t waste your breath…she wouldn’t understand. Look at how tiny her boobs are!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer #1: “Honey, let me give you my brother’s card. He can give you MUCH better boobs.”

    Customer #2: “He did mine too! Look how bouncy they are!” *jiggles chest*

    Me: “I’m…okay with C-cups, thanks.”

    Customer #1: “Call him if you change your mind! Life is better with huge boobs!”

    Weekend Roundup: A Day In An Employee’s Life

    , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    A Day In An Employee’s Life. This week, we share five stories that share the ups and downs (well, mostly the latter) of being an employee. If you’ve ever wanted to share with a friend what your job is like, send them this roundup!

    1. Teaching The Next Generation:
      Fold…unfold…fold…unfold…It’s a wonder more clothing store employees haven’t gone crazy!
    2. A Time To Laugh, But Mostly A Time To Cry:
      This one will get you teary eyed: A customer’s precocious little girl leaves a big, smelly surprise in the changing room.
    3. Mrs. Understanding:
      Teach your children by example…the example of poor, suffering employees, that is.
    4. In This War, There Are No Winners:
      When they say “stick it to the man,” they probably weren’t referring to the guy stuck cleaning up your mess with a mop and a broom.
    5. Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown:
      Customers often ask stupid questions, but on occasion they can have profoundly earth-shattering ramifications.

    PS: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I’ve just finished ringing out the customer’s items. He hands me a gift card for another store. It’s the same color as our rewards card, so I think he just isn’t paying attention and has them confused.)

    Me: “Sir, this is a [store] gift card. We can’t take this.”

    Customer: “No, you can. Take the gift card.”

    Me: “No, I can’t. This is for [other store]. You’re at [hardware store] right now.”

    Customer: “No, take the gift card. I want to pay with that.”

    (This goes on for a few more minutes, with the customer insisting I take the gift card for the other store. I even run the card through the scanner just in case.)

    Customer: “Wait, that is a [store] gift card, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And I’m at [hardware store], aren’t I?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *takes gift card* “So, what do I owe you?”

    Me: “$30.00.”

    (He hands me a $20 and stares expectantly.)

    Me: “And then it’s still $10, sir.”

    Customer: “You’ve got the $20.”

    Me: “Right, and $30 minus $20 is still $10.”

    Customer: “But you’re holding the $20.”

    Me: “Yes, but your total is more than $20.”

    Customer: “I gave you a $20.”

    (This goes on for a few more minutes, too. Finally…)

    Customer: “Wait, did you say it’s $30?”

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

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