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    When In Rome (Or China)

    | China | Tourists/Travel

    (I am on a small group tour of China. One of the other tourists has been grumpy and loudly complaining all week. At the moment, he’s complaining to the Chinese tour guide.)

    Tourist: “There were no English channels on the TV. I ended up watching the basketball game, but because there wasn’t an English commentary I listened to my mp3 player to drown out the horrible sound of the Chinese commentary.”

    Tour guide: *speechless*

    Tourist: “And you really should tell them to get some English newspapers in their hotels if they want people to stay here!”

    (At this point, I’m fed up with hearing him complain.)

    Me: “You’re in China. Of course things are in their language. If you want to read the newspaper, get a Chinese to English dictionary.”

    Tourist: “Why would I want to read Chinese?!”

    Skimmed Milk, Skimmed Brain

    | Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, I need 2% milk.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s just right there on the shelf behind you.”

    Customer: “No, not that. That’s the 2% PARTLY SKIMMED milk. I want just the regular 2% milk.”

    Me: “Oh, but all 2% milk is partly skimmed. That’s what it means.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? I don’t want that light stuff. I want just regular 2% milk.”

    Me: “All 2% milk is partly skimmed. That’s what is means.”

    Customer: “No! I buy regular 2% milk all the time at [competitor].”

    Me: “Well, you probably just never noticed the label before, but I’m sure if you do, you’ll see it says partly skimmed.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe they don’t have regular 2% milk here. What kind of grocery store is this?!”

    Totally Scentsless

    , | Orlando, FL, USA |

    (I work in a store that sells lotions, soaps, and candles with different scents. Recently, one of the companies we carry had a new line of lotion that was named after fruits: strawberry, apple, and banana scented lotion. To promote the new line, we have a few jars of each scent on a table at the front with a tongue depressor in each jar so that customers could easily scoop out a little lotion to try. I’m stocking a shelf when an angry customer walks up.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m very angry with the product in this store. Are you trying to kill someone?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “That yogurt you have up front is not even cold, and it tastes horrible.”

    Me: “Yogurt? We don’t sell yogurt.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do. It’s on the little table up front with a spoon to taste it. The banana tastes like garbage and the strawberry doesn’t have any taste.”

    Me: “Sir, those are lotions, not yogurt.”

    (The customer gets a little flustered after realizing their mistake.)

    Customer: “You should really label it as lotion. It’s confusing!”

    Me: “It is labeled. See?”

    (I show the customer the huge sign on the table that says “lotion” as well as each individual fragrance saying “lotion” on the jar.)

    Customer: *leaves, mumbling*

    Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

    | Dewitt, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working an average rush hour at a large grocery store when I approach the end of an elderly woman’s order.)

    Me: “Okay, this will be $46.48.”

    Customer: *starts hitting card reader with signature pen* “Your machine isn’t working!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you need to swipe your card before you can sign.”

    Customer: *continues to hit card reader with pen* “Your g**d*** machine isn’t working!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please stop hitting the machine. You need to swipe you card.”

    Customer: *throws pen at me* “Your machine’s broken!”

    Me: “It isn’t broken. You just haven’t swiped your card yet.”

    Customer: “Your machine’s broken! See?!”

    (When she flips the card reader around, it is indeed broken—by her, of course.)

    Related:
    Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

    Forever Seeing Conspiracies

    | Arvada, CO, USA | Bizarre

    (I work at the customer service desk of a grocery store. A small old woman approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Hi, there! What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I need some stamps.”

    Me: “Would you like a book of 20 or a different amount?”

    Customer: “A book.”

    (I pull out the book of stamps and lay them in front of her as I ring in the order.)

    Customer: “Are those the forever stamps?”

    Me: “All we carry are the forever stamps.”

    Customer: “This design was created to support Al Qaeda!”

    (I look at the stamps, and what do I see? An American flag with Lady Liberty’s face on them.)

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