Closed Store, Open Kindness

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money

(We close in five minutes and since it has been a slow night, my coworker and I have turned off the lights in the cases and wrapped the pastries. A customer walks in and my coworker turns on the lights in the cases.)

Customer: “Are you closed?”

Me: “No, sir. We close in just a few minutes.”

Customer: “Oh! I’m so sorry. I just need to pick up some coffee beans and dessert. I’ll be fast!”

Me: “Don’t worry, you’re okay.”

(I get his coffee beans while my coworker cuts him a slice of cake. She goes to the back to wash the knife while I ring him up.)

Me: “Your total is [total.]”

Customer: “Here you go.” *hands me his credit card* “I am so sorry; I thought you closed at 9:00.”

Me: “It’s no problem, really.”

(He looks into the tip jar, which is empty because we have already split the tips.)

Customer: “Oh, your tip jar is empty. Well here, you two can split this.” *drops money into jar*

Me: “Thank you, have a good night!”

Customer: “You too!”

(I expected a dollar in the tip jar, but it was a $10 bill!)

Screaming For Ice Cream For Other Reasons

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

(It is Dickens Faire this weekend, so we have a constant line for ice cream for a good 6 hours straight on Saturday. By Sunday, we only have 4 flavors left; the unavailable ones are covered with lids. A middle-aged couple comes in and looks at the ice cream.

Me: “Hi! The only ice cream we have left are the open ones.”

Husband: “Oh, okay. So just the ones that aren’t covered?”

Me: “Yes, sir. We had a huge rush of people yesterday and sold out of all but those 4 flavors.”

Husband: “Hmmm… I’d like Buttered Pecan on a cone, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have any left. We only have the ones that don’t have the lids on them.”

Husband: “Oh… well, how about Coffee?”

Me: “Sorry, sir. We sold out of coffee as well. The only four flavors we have left are Strawberry, Caramel, Strawberry Cheesecake, and Vanilla.”

Husband: “Hmmm… well, I’ll take Mint Chocolate Chip then. In a cone.”

Me: “We don’t have any of that left.”

Husband: “Well what do you have left then?!”

Wife: “She’s told you at least three times already. Only the ones that you can actually see the ice cream in are the ones they have.”

Husband: “But I wanted Buttered Pecan.”

Wife: “Well, too bad. Pick something else!” *to me* “I’ll have the Strawberry Cheesecake in a cup please dear.”

Husband: “I want… Cookies and Cream in a cone.”

Wife: “That’s it. No ice cream for you!”

The Deal Of His Life

| NJ, USA | Awesome Customers, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am being served in a gas station, when a drunk customer approaches the clerk.)

Drunk Customer: “Do you sell beer?”

Clerk: “Of course, sir. Right over there.”

(The clerk starts to ring my up my purchases, but the drunk customer shoves them aside and drops a pair of six-packs on the counter.)

Clerk: “I, uh—”

(I nod for him to go ahead. Just then, the door opens behind me and four uniformed police officers come in. There are three police cars parked out front, and one of the cops is quite loudly talking into a radio.)

Drunk Customer: “Hey! You overcharged me. I saw you. Dirty Jew!”

Clerk: “I… um… I’m Irish Catholic.”

Cop: “Sir, do we need to—”

Clerk: “No, no, just let him—”

Drunk Customer: *turns around and faces me* “Yo, little lady! Don’t say a word of what you’re about to see. Got it?” *to clerk* “Y’know the guy who worked here before you? They threw him in jail for dealing heroin.”

Clerk: “Yes, um, I remember that.”

Drunk Man: “So, sell me some f***ing heroin!”

Clerk: “I, uh…” *he takes cover behind the counter*

Cop: “Okay, buddy, we need to-”

(The drunk customer pulls a gun from his pants. It’s small, orange-tipped, and says ‘SUPER FUN CAP GUN’ on the side. However, the cops can’t see it, and they draw their guns.)

Me: *to the cops* “It’s a toy! It’s a cap gun!”

(Hearing this, one cop quickly holsters his gun and tackles the man.)

Drunk Customer: *as he’s dragged away by the cops* “Yo, b****! I told you not to tell! We had a deal, we had a deal!”

(Fast forward some time, and note that both the drunk customer and I have some pretty unique and visible tattoos. I’m at a cafe.)

Waiter: “Excuse me, miss, but I have to ask, I think I recognize your tattoos.”

Me: *noticing his* “Gas station, four cops, cap gun?”

Waiter: “I never got to thank you for intervening on my behalf. I should have been shot that day.”

(We chat for a while. After the conversation, he tells me my meal’s on the house. Unfortunately for him, I’ve gotten the same thing I always do, so I leave the amount, plus a decent tip, anyway. As I’m leaving, he notices what I’ve done.)

Waiter: “Yo, b****! I told you not to pay! We had a deal!” *notices shocked patrons* “Uh, hope you enjoyed your coffee.”

Barking Mad

| NYC, NY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Top

(An unshaven dirty-looking man carrying a large sack comes running into the main pet room.)

Man: *shouting* “It’s almost Christmas, motherf***ers! And you know what that means!”

Manager: “Uh, Jesus?”

Man: “It’s time for presents, b****!”

Manager: “Can I, uh…”

Man: “I regret that I have but one bag of bones for the puppies! I regret that I have but one bag of tuna for the kittens! I regret that I have but one life to give to these animals!”

(He drops the bag and runs out.)

Manager: “Well, the bag is full of bones and tuna, but I don’t think I can accept food like this. Please wait just a minute; I have to call my boss.”

Manager: *phone* “Yeah, hi. A crazy man just ran in with a bag of… yeah… and then he said that he regrets… oh, really? Every year? Okay, thanks.”

(He hangs up, tidies up the food, and carries it into the back room.)

Manager: “Apparently that was [local celebrity’s] nephew, and he does that every year.”

Rock Band Makes Real Musicians Fret

| Puyallup, WA, USA | Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem

(I’m working a game booth at a fair. The prize for the day is electric guitars, sans cables and amp.)

Young Boy: *comes up to the booth and looks at the prizes* “So, what are these for?”

Me: “What?”

Young Boy: “The guitars. Are they for a game or something?”

Me: “Oh! No, they’re just regular guitars.”

Young Boy: “Oh…” *walks away*

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