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    The Freudian Drive-thru

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (This is an ice cream shop with a drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, two burgers with bacon.”

    Me: “Sir, we actually don’t have burgers…just ice cream.”

    (Upon hearing this, the customer looks up to see the burger chain next door.)

    Customer: “How did I end up in this line?!”

    Keep That Mustache To Yourself

    | Miramar Beach, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am a hostess at a rather upscale restaurant. A couple walks in and the man has a particularly impressive handlebar mustache. I usually chat with guests while I’m seating them.)

    Me: “So, [server] is your server tonight. She’ll be taking great care of you.”

    Customer: “Can [server] give us a good discount?”

    Me: *laughing* “I’m sure if you take it up with her she’ll consider it. You might want to twist that ‘stache in a debonair fashion to convince her.”

    Customer: “I can offer a mustache ride.”

    Me: “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

    Girlfriend: “Thank you.”

    A Warm And Full(filling) Night In

    | Boston, MA, USA | Health & Body

    (A man in his mid-30′s approaches the register. I notice that he looks a little grumpy about something.)

    Me: “Hello!”

    Customer: “Hi.”

    (It is at this point that I notice that he only has two items to ring up: a 20oz bottle of soda and an enema.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m holding an enema, what do you think?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (I ring him up silently. Poor guy, I hope he feels better!)

    Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual, Part 2

    | Columbia, South Carolina, USA |

    Customer: “How do I get these orchids to bloom again, once the current flowers fall of? ”

    Me: “If you have more than one orchid, they will cross-pollinate, or ‘mate’, with each other, and they should bloom again.”

    Customer: “Mate? I should record that on my computer and put it on the internet!”

    (I laugh, thinking he’s kidding. He’s not. He stares at me blankly for a moment before speaking again.)

    Customer: “I’m going to pick out the hottest orchids!”

    Related:
    Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual

    Pssst! Something YAMMY is Coming!

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