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    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I’ve just finished ringing out the customer’s items. He hands me a gift card for another store. It’s the same color as our rewards card, so I think he just isn’t paying attention and has them confused.)

    Me: “Sir, this is a [store] gift card. We can’t take this.”

    Customer: “No, you can. Take the gift card.”

    Me: “No, I can’t. This is for [other store]. You’re at [hardware store] right now.”

    Customer: “No, take the gift card. I want to pay with that.”

    (This goes on for a few more minutes, with the customer insisting I take the gift card for the other store. I even run the card through the scanner just in case.)

    Customer: “Wait, that is a [store] gift card, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And I’m at [hardware store], aren’t I?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *takes gift card* “So, what do I owe you?”

    Me: “$30.00.”

    (He hands me a $20 and stares expectantly.)

    Me: “And then it’s still $10, sir.”

    Customer: “You’ve got the $20.”

    Me: “Right, and $30 minus $20 is still $10.”

    Customer: “But you’re holding the $20.”

    Me: “Yes, but your total is more than $20.”

    Customer: “I gave you a $20.”

    (This goes on for a few more minutes, too. Finally…)

    Customer: “Wait, did you say it’s $30?”

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

    Does This Mean I Need A Water Stone

    | Connecticut, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am helping a man at the fish department when this happens.)

    Customer: “So, goldfish evolve into koi when they outgrow their tank…”

    (I look at him waiting for him to say he’s joking, but he’s completely serious.)

    Me: “It’s a fish, sir, not a pokémon.”

    To Whom This May (Not) Concern

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    Me: “Medium size latte for Sarah!”

    (A customer approaches and looks at the drink.)

    Customer: “Oh, sorry, I didn’t order a latte.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that, Sarah.”

    Customer: “I’m not Sarah.”

    Me: “You’re not Sarah and you didn’t order a latte?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but this isn’t your coffee…”

    Fake It ‘Til You Make It

    | Hackney, London, UK |

    Customer: “Hey, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Where is the pasta?”

    Me: “I’ll show you…it’s this way.”

    (He follows me to the correct aisle. As we approach, I see another girl in the aisle.)

    Customer: “S***, that’s my ex! Quick, pretend you’re my new girl!”

    Me: *surprised* “Wha—”

    (The customer grabs me, puts his arm round me, and practically drags me over to the girl.)

    Customer: *to ex* “Yea, I got a new girl. I’m over you.”

    Ex: “Um, okay? Great.” *walks away shaking her head*

    Customer: *to me* “So, since you’re my girl, do I get to use your staff discount now?”

    Now We Know Why She Needs Decaf

    | Greensboro, NC, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a national coffee chain, and am answering the drive through.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [café]. What would you like today?

    Customer: “I want a skinny latte!”

    Me: “Okay, just to clarify, skinny means nonfat and sugar-free. What sugar-free syrup would you like?”

    Customer: *huffing* “No syrup! I just want a skinny latte!”

    Me: “Um, okay, so just a nonfat latte, then. What else can I get for you?”

    Customer: “No, no, no! I just want a skinny latte, nonfat and sugar-free!”

    Me: “Okay, a skinny latte, then. What size would you like?”

    Customer: “Tall! You got that? And make it decaf! A DECAF TALL SKINNY LATTE! Gaaahhh!”

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