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    Sometimes, More Really Is More

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Money

    (A customer comes in asking for a quote.)

    Customer: “Hi, how much will it cost for 600 single-sided flyers?”

    Me: “That’d be [price].”

    Customer: “Okay, and how much for 600 single-sided flyers plus 100 double-sided ones?”

    Me: “That’d be [higher price].”

    Customer: “What?! How’d you come up with [higher price]?!”

    Me: “You have more copies than [lower price], so it costs more.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you understand! I want 600 of these AND 100 of these!”

    Me: “It’s still [higher price]. You’re adding more printing to your order. That’s going to make the price higher.”

    Customer: “No! Never mind. I’ll come back later and ask someone else!”

    Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (Our store credit card has recently changed banks it affiliates with, so everyone with our store credit card was given notice on every bill for a few months before they received their new cards.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I got a new credit card in the mail.” *tosses his card on the counter*

    Me: “Yes, we changed banks. If you had a balance on your previous card, it will just have transferred over to this one.”

    Customer: “But it has a company name on it and we don’t own this company anymore.”

    Me: “Oh, so you want to change the information that’s on the card?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, you tell me.”

    Me: “Um, well, I don’t know. I can’t really tell you what to do with your card–”

    Customer: “But we don’t own this business anymore!”

    Me: “So, do you want to call the credit card company and get them to change it to a personal account?”

    Customer: “I don’t know! Why aren’t you telling me what to do?!”

    Me: “I’m not really sure what you want me to tell you.”

    Coworker: *stepping in after overhearing* “You have to go home and think about what you want. Then when you make up your mind, call the 1-800 number on the back of the card and tell them what you want to do with your card.”

    Customer: “Okay!” *leaves happy*

    Related:
    Asile Always Need Directions

    Thar She ISOs

    | Hollywood, FL, USAUSA | Criminal/Illegal

    Customer: “You guys buy games, right?”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Customer: “Any games, right?”

    Me: “Unless we have several of them in stock, or they’re in very poor condition, yes.”

    Customer: “So, you’ll take any games as long as there’s no scratches and you don’t have a bunch of them, right?”

    Me: “Correct.”

    Customer: “Okay, good! I’ve got 20 games here that I wanna sell.”

    (The man opens the shoebox he’s been carrying and starts to unload a number of discs onto the counter.)

    Me: “Uh, sir…I can’t take these games.”

    Customer: “Why not? You just said you could!”

    Me: “Because they’re illegally copied games.”

    Customer: “But you said you’d take them!”

    Me: “Not if they’re DVD-Rs with the names written in Sharpie!”

    Choose Your Own Misadventures

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Bizarre

    (A woman walks up to the register with four pages out of four different books: a Grisham, a Kinsella, a King and a Straub.)

    Me: “Did you find these pages loose?”

    Customer: “No, I ripped them out. I want to buy them for 10 cents per page. Is that okay?”

    Me: *shocked* “Um, no!”

    Customer: *turns and leaves the store*

    Two For Poo With A View

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Health & Body

    (I work in the box office of a live theater. An elderly woman and her granddaughter approach me.)

    Customer: “I want to see [show] tonight. I need you to find me good tickets!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, for the amount of seats you’re looking for, we only have several aisle seats in the balcony available. You’ll all have aisles but won’t be able to sit next to each other.”

    Customer’s Granddaughter: “Those seats are good! We should snatch them up!”

    Customer: “If they were good seats, they’d have been sold by now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. If I’m to understand you, any seats that I offer you will be unacceptable because they’re available the day of the show?”

    Customer: “Exactly!”

    Customer’s Granddaughter: *to grandmother* “I smell sewage. Did you just poo?”

    Customer: *with an indignant face* “Possibly…”

    (The customer buys the tickets I offer her, but not before going in circles and stinking up the lobby for several minutes.)

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