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    The Lonely Star State

    | Spartanburg, SC, USA | Geography

    (I’m in the middle of explaining insurance coverages to a customer when I get to her roadside service information.)

    Me: “…and you also have on here a 24/7 nationwide roadside service that will take care of your towing and any locksmith charges.”

    Customer: “What is that?”

    Me: “What part, ma’am?”

    Customer: “24/7?”

    Me: “Oh, that means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

    Customer: “Oh, and what does nationwide mean?”

    Me: “That means all over the US, in any state.”

    Customer: “Does that include Texas?”

    Me: “Yes, Texas is part of the United States.”

    The Adults Are Naughty, The Kids Are Nice

    | Nobelsville, IN, USA | Holidays

    (Over the holidays, I work as a Santa that little kids can take pictures with. One particularly large family cames through with just one little girl. She comes to me and we take a picture. While the rest of the family is looking at the previews for the picture, I’m talking to the child.)

    Me: “And what would you like for Christmas this year?”

    Girl: *goes through a few things*

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Girl: “Crabs.”

    (I pause for a moment and look up at the family with widened eyes.)

    Me: “Did I hear her right?”

    Family member: “What did she say?”

    Girl: “I want crabs.”

    (The entire family bursts out laughing at this point. One of the family members holds off laughing just long enough to describe to me a toy crab that the girl’s been asking for.)

    Me: “Oh, whew! I didn’t know what to think!”

    You Have O Sense

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Technology

    Me: “I see the problem. You entered a zero in a field where you were supposed to enter an O, for ‘Other.’”

    Caller: “The letter zero?”

    Me: “No, the letter O. You have to enter the letter O in that field, not zero.”

    Caller: “The number zero or the letter zero?”

    Me: “The letter O.”

    Caller: “Okay, the letter zero…”

    I’m Tire’d Of These Calls

    | St. John's, NL, Canada |

    Me: “Sports department, [name] speaking.”

    Caller: “Can you transfer me to the jewelry department?”

    Me: “Uh, we don’t have a jewelry department.”

    Caller: “Yes, you do. Just put me through.”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure we don’t, ma’am. Let me ask.”

    (I’m fairly new, so I go to customer service and ask.)

    Me: “Yeah, sorry, ma’am. We definitely do not have a jewelry department.”

    Caller: “WHAT?! Wal-Mart doesn’t have a jewelry department anymore?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t Wal-Mart. This is Canadian Tire.”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Don’t Call About Not Calling

    | Scotland, UK | Bizarre

    (I am manning the phone line on a particularly busy night.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I got this letter from you which says I don’t need to contact you again unless I have any questions.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (The pause goes on for an uncomfortably long time while I wait for the customer to continue. Eventually, I crack.)

    Me: “Was there anything you’d like to go over?”

    Customer: “No, that’s okay.”

    (Another uncomfortably long silence.)

    Me: “Then, thanks very much for calling.”

    Customer: “No problem. Bye!” *hangs up*

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