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    Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual, Part 2

    | Columbia, South Carolina, USA |

    Customer: “How do I get these orchids to bloom again, once the current flowers fall of? ”

    Me: “If you have more than one orchid, they will cross-pollinate, or ‘mate’, with each other, and they should bloom again.”

    Customer: “Mate? I should record that on my computer and put it on the internet!”

    (I laugh, thinking he’s kidding. He’s not. He stares at me blankly for a moment before speaking again.)

    Customer: “I’m going to pick out the hottest orchids!”

    Related:
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    | IYAMME.com |

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    When Life Gives You Melons

    | Plattsburgh, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (This conversation takes place as I approach a table where a woman is sitting with a menu across from her.)

    Me: “Hi, how’re you doing?”

    Customer: “We’ll take two water lemons. No, watermelons! No, wait, lemon waters!”

    Me: *struggling not to laugh* “Alright, ma’am, I’ll be right back with two lemon waters.”

    Never Send A Man To Do A Woman’s Job

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work for a company that hosts kids’ parties. One party is coming in just as another is leaving, and in the chaos, a gay couple and their daughter are getting overlooked. At the time, I am the only female on duty.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sirs?”

    Customer: “We just bought a ball, but we don’t know how to blow it up.”

    (I take the family to the pump and show their daughter how to use it. Her dads thank me profusely and one of them makes sure to comment.)

    Customer: “That’s proof, Charlotte. If you want something done right, you have to ask a woman.”

    Obviously, They Prefer Fartissimo

    , | Huntington Beach, CA, USA | School

    (In music, “pianissimo” means “very quiet”. It is abbreviated as “PP” on sheet music and scores. Currently, I am teaching a student who always pounds the keys, no matter what dynamic level is indicated.)

    Student: “Oh no! This has PP!”

    Me: “Yep, it’s a quiet piece.”

    Student: “I hate PP! It’s too hard to do. I can’t do PP!”

    Me: “Sounds like a personal problem to me, buddy…”


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