Earmark That Sound Advice

| UK | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m doing a sales pitch to my customers, a husband and wife, and they’re really getting interested. We’re going round all the products. There is good banter going on, jokes etc. However, out of nowhere, an old lady barges between them and grabs my ear.)

Old Lady: “I have been asking you where the toilets are!”

Me: “Please let go of my ear!”

Old Lady: “It’s rude to disrespect your elders! Where are the toilets?!”

Husband: *knocks the old lady’s hand away from my ear*

Old Lady: *to the man* “You assaulted me!”

Husband: “You have no case, and I didn’t hear you asking this young lady about the loos. My wife and I have been talking to her for at least ten minutes.”

Old Lady: “Of course I have a case! You hit me! She saw it!” *points to me*

Husband: “She has a better case against you for assault.”

Old Lady: “No she does not!”

(The husband calmly pulls out a business card and hands it to me.)

Husband: *to me* “I’ll gladly take her to court for you for free.”

(Reading the card I see his name, followed by ‘Head of Legal Advice for [company]’.)

Me: “Thank you!” *to the old lady* “The loos are down that way on the left; follow the signs.”

(I am rubbing ear as the old lady walks off, sulking. I turn to the couple.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about that.”

Husband: “No need. Anyway, keep the card, just in case!”

Reminder: Bad Behavior Themed Story Giveaway

Not Always Right | Announcements, Theme Of The Month
Want to win a Not Always Right t-shirt?
Enter Not Always Right’s January Themed Story Giveaway:
Bad Behavior!

Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

  1. Submit a funny or interesting story about customers behaving badly.
  2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
  3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Right shop!

PS: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, February 6!

Setting Mother Straight

| USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

(I’m working the cash register when a mom comes through with a teenage daughter in a private school uniform. I’m pretty flamboyantly gay.)

Me: “Hello today, ladies. Did you find everything you need?”

Mom: “Just shut up and finish this f**.”

(I’m used to this kind of abuse, so I continue ringing her up. I notice the daughter roll her eyes at her mother, but doesn’t comment.)

Me: “And if you could just sign that receipt right there, ma’am.”

Mom: *snatches receipt* “You should be ashamed of yourself! Acting that way in front of my daughter! Homosexuals are ruining this country! Look at those two over there making out in the middle of the store!”

(Her rant continues as she points to a young couple walking through the store holding hands. She then goes on to attack the ‘biker chick’ with the tattoo in the next line. I can see her daughter getting angrier, and finally she snaps.)

Daughter: “Can you please just stop? This guy’s been pretty d*** helpful and probably has better taste in men than you! And those two are freakin’ adorable so leave them alone. You want to hear something really good? I have a boyfriend. We’ve had sex. Oh, and I got a tattoo.”

(She proceeds to rip up the back of her shirt to reveal a tattoo on her lower back before turning back around to face her mother.)

Daughter: “And you can’t say anything because I’m an adult just like every other person in this store. So you can take your prejudiced opinions and shove them up your a**. If you want me, I’ll be at Dad’s!” *storms out*

Fond Of The Name Change

| Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(Our cafe makes a number of desserts. Most can be made by any of the staff. However, a few need to be made specifically by the chef. Typically, if business is not too fast, those of us taking the orders will simply call the order out to the chef for the entire cafe to hear.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a fondle.”

Me: “Excuse me!?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ve got some friends waiting, so hurry up.”

Me: “Of course, sir. Could, you… er… please repeat your order for me so I can put it through?”

Customer: “A fondle! You know the one for five people! Geez, you haven’t been working here long, have you?”

Me: “A fon… oh, the chocolate fondue?”

Customer: “The fondle, yes! Hurry it up!”

Me: “It won’t be long, sir. I’ll call you when it’s done.”

(The customer, grumbling, goes and sits down at a table with various other people.)

Me: *to the chef* “One chocolate fondle, please!”

Chef: “One… what?”

Me: “The last customer asked for a fondle. So, one of your absolute best fondles for him please!”

Chef: “Well, of course! One extra-large fondle coming up!”

(Most of the customer’s friends start chuckling. The customer himself does not seem to notice anything awry. The chef, amused, makes the fondue and brings it out to the customer himself.)

Chef: *to the customer* “Here you are, sir. A big satisfying fondle, just as you requested!”

(From that point on, we nearly always call fondue orders out to the chef this way. He is proud to be able to claim that he gives hundreds of men and women ‘fondles’ every day, with full approval from his wife.)

Why Working Retail Isn’t A-pee-ling

| California, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(It’s the holiday time and our store is very busy. There must be 40 people in the store, plus their children. One of the seasonal help comes up to me looking afraid.)

Coworker: “So, um… there was this women, and she um, she took her son over to a corner and well… she um had him pee in a bottle.”

Me: “As long as he didn’t pee on the merchandise, then I don’t care.”

Coworker: “What should we do? I mean, who does that?”

Me: *shrugs* “I don’t know!”

(I investigate, and sure enough there is pee all over the floor. We clean it up best we can, but people roll their strollers and walk right through it. This is not the first time kids have peed in our store, but at least it wasn’t a full diaper left under a rounder!)

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