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    Recipe For Disaster

    | Vancouver, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (A customer comes up to the pharmacy counter. Keep in mind, Sudafed (pseudoephedrine) is controlled in all 50 states as it is used to make methamphetamine.)

    Customer: “I need some Sudafed.”

    Me: “Did you want Sudafed or [store brand]?”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “The active ingredient is the same but sometimes they change the inactive ingredients. It still works the same though. Plus, [store brand] is about 5 bucks cheaper.”

    Customer: “The recipe said I need Sudafed.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: *realizing what she said* “Um, s***. Never mind, I got to go.”

    And Tell Voldemort He’s Next

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Geeks Rule

    (I work in a toy store in a local mall. One day a man comes in and stands awkwardly to one side for a long while. I realize that something is…off about him, mentally. Finally, he approaches me.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Have you seen Bellatrix Lestrange?”

    Me: “We don’t carry any Harry Potter toys, but you might be able to find some Harry Potter stuff at Hot Topic.”

    Customer: *looking completely serious* “No, I’m looking for Bellatrix. I’ve already killed Malfoy and now I’m looking for that b****.”

    One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 4

    | Indiana, USA |

    Me: “Would you like to put in an email address or mailing address to receive coupons?”

    Customer: “Sure, I’ll give you my email address.”

    Customer’s friend: “No! Don’t give her your email address. People can hack you and track you down and find you with those.”

    Customer: “Oh, I guess I can’t do that then.”

    Customer’s friend: “Wait, did you say email or mailing address?”

    Me: “Either one.”

    Customer: “Well, I can go ahead and give you my mailing address then, can’t I?”

    Customer’s friend: “I don’t see why not!”

    Related:
    One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 3
    One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 2
    One Annoyed Paranoid

    Over The Hill And Picking Up Speed

    | Florida, USA |

    (An elderly man walks up to my register with his button down shirt unbuttoned nearly all the way and doesn’t seem to care he’s almost not wearing a shirt. After scanning his groceries, he goes to swipe his card on our new machine.)

    Customer: “Well, what the Jim Bean is this?”

    Me: “Oh, thats our new card machine. You just need to swipe, then sign for it with the pen there.”

    Customer: “What will they try to do next? D*** Chinese wantin’ to take over this country. Them and their Mickey Mouse!”

    Dyed With Fresh Afterbirth

    | Augusta, GA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bridal shop]. This is [my name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was told I could pay for my dress over the phone. I can’t remember the style number but I know the color.”

    Me: “No problem, I should be able to look it up for you. Is this a bridesmaid dress or a bridal gown?”

    Customer: “I’m a bridesmaid. I know the color is placenta.”

    (Thinking I misheard her, I move forward.)

    Me: “What is the bride’s name?”

    (I get her information and pull up the wish list.)

    Me: “Okay, I see that the bride has selected style 1234 in persimmon. Also, we have that you need a size 12.”

    Customer: “Um, I think you have the color wrong. The bride told me it’s placenta.”

    Me: “Well, it may be that she misread our catalog or just mispronounced it when she was talking with you, but she definitely put persimmon in her wish list.”

    Customer: “Are you sure she didn’t pick placenta and somebody put the wrong color in the computer?”

    Me: “I can assure you that we do not carry a color called placenta.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m gonna call her and make sure she knows you put that persnickety color on her file instead of placenta! I’ll call you back.”


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