Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Bagged Himself A Steal
    (2,225 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: We Are Closed!
    Submit your story today!

    Trending In The Wrong Direction

    | UK |

    (I work at a fairly indie bar. We have a lot of real ales on tap, which we serve in special old-fashioned mugs.)

    Me: “Here you go,sir. One [name of ale].”

    Customer: “This mug has a short straw on the bottom.”

    Me: “That’s okay, I can take it off.” *moving to pull it away*

    Customer: “Nah, you can leave it on. I want to start a new fashion trend!”

    Me: *laughing* “Okay, I’ll leave it for you. That comes to [total].”

    Customer: *hands over money* “Actually, I better take it off. The missis might get jealous I started a new trend and she didn’t!”

    Obviously, He Needs Food For Thought

    | Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work in a large, well-known used bookstore. We offer complimentary coffee and doughnuts to our patrons, but we do not have a cafe or serve any other food. The bookshelves are extremely obvious and numerous. A middle-aged man enters.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a medium hot dog to go.”

    Me: *laughing* “Sorry, sir! We’re fresh out of hot dogs!”

    Customer: *rolling his eyes and heaving a big sigh* “Okay, then what else do you have?”

    Me: “Um, we have coffee and doughnuts.”

    Customer: “That’s it? You don’t have any sandwiches or anything? What kind of a restaurant is this?”

    Me: “We’re a bookstore.”

    Customer: “A bookstore!? But I’m hungry!”

    Me: “Well, like I said, we do have coffee and doughnuts–”

    Customer: “Forget it! I’ll find another restaurant. This is ridiculous!”

    Related:Obviously, She Needs Food For Thought

    Practice Safe Lunch, Use A Condiment

    | Indiana, USA |

    (A very attractive woman approaches me at my office desk.)

    Customer: “Where can I find the condoms…oh, never mind. I see them.”

    (She walks over, grabs a bottle of ketchup, and checks out.)

    Donuts Or Donuts, There Is No Try

    | Manila, Philippines | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Five boxes, dozen donuts each, right now.”

    Me: “Okay, is there any specific–”

    (Suddenly, I hear a woman screaming in the background.)

    Woman: “Donuts! NOW!”

    (The caller gets back on the phone.)

    Caller: “Whatever flavors you have. Five dozen donuts A-S-A-motherf***ing-P!”

    Me: “Um, alright, that’ll be [price]. How much change should our deliveryman bring?”

    Caller: “I will give your delivery guy all the money I have in the house! Just get him here before my wife sits on me and hits me with the freakin’ remote control!”

    Don’t Mind The Behind

    | Miami, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a hostess at a restaurant. Many of the employees wear headsets to communicate with each other. It’s a busy Friday night and I’m walking an English gentleman over to his table.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, why do you have a red light on your backside?”

    (I look around and realize what he’s talking about.)

    Me: “Oh, it’s my headset. The light just indicates that it is on.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (I drop him off at his table and leave laughing. Later, the server for his table comes up to me…)

    Server: “He asked me, ‘Do you have a red bottom too?’”


    Page 992/2,091First...990991992993994...Last