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    The Less-Errant Of Two Evils

    | The Netherlands | Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I’m a cashier at a supermarket and am checking out a customer. All cigarette packages have a warning on them.)

    Customer: “I’d like [brand] cigarettes please.”

    (I grab a package.)

    Customer: “Oh no, not that one. I don’t like the text on it.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean the, ‘Smoking is deadly’ text?

    Customer: “Yes, get me one with a different text.”

    (I grab another package.)

    Me: “Okay… how about, ‘Smoking leads to a slow painful death’?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t like that one either.”

    Me: “Is, ‘Smoking increases the chance to get lung cancer’ fine, then?”

    Customer: “Ah yes, that one is good!”

    Not In The Right Frame Of Mind

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (Our picture framing shop sells sheets of glass pre-cut to various sizes. An older customer comes up to the counter with an 11×14 inch piece.)

    Customer: “Which side is 11, and which side is 14?”

    Branding Is All Smoke & Mirrors

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

    (The Australian government has recently made it law that all cigarette packages must be plain with no branding or colouring. A lot of people are angry over this and are taking it out on the cashiers.)

    Customer #1: “…and can I get a pack of [brand cigarettes]?”

    Employee: “Sure!”

    (The employee fetches them and leaves them on the counter while she finishes ringing up the customer’s other items.)

    Customer #1: “Hey! I said that I wanted [brand]. What’s this s***?!”

    Employee: “That is [brand]; it’s just a different package.”

    Customer #1: “Don’t you lie to me, you b****!”

    (He then grabs them from the counter and hurls them at her, but they bounce off her and land on the ground. She calmly bends down to pick them up.)

    Me: *to Customer #1* “Hey! What the h***, man?”

    Employee: *turns to me* “It’s okay.” *turns to Customer #1* “Sir, can I show you something?”

    (She gestures for the customer to look at the cigarettes.)

    Employee: “This writing right here says [brand] Optimums, see? And this number right here says 25. So, this is [brand] Optimums 25s, which is what you asked for. Have a nice evening.”

    (He storms out, and the next customer steps up. He’s been fiddling with his basket and looking impatient while the employee was dealing with the first customer.)

    Customer #2: *quietly* “You’re doing a very good job dealing with jerks like that. I’ve never seen such patience and poise in a young woman such as yourself; they are very admirable qualities to have.”

    Employee: *near tears* “Thank you.”

    Customer #2: “Don’t let vicious people get you down. You’re just trying to do your job.”

    (The manager, who had just returned from dealing with Customer #1 outside, overheard this gave Customer #2 his groceries for free for being a decent person!)

    Causing Infractions

    | Iowa, USA | Math & Science, Top

    (I work in a grocery store meat department. I’m helping a customer who is wanting items packaged specifically, like six steaks in two packages of three. She has been talking to me with a very condescending tone like I’m stupid. I am a science major in college.)

    Customer: “Can I get two packages of four rib eyes?”

    (I wrap the steaks in two packages and give them to her.)

    Customer: “You can add, subtract, and multiply, but can you divide?”

    Me: “I can divide, differentiate, integrate, and do logarithms, just to name some of what I can do.”

    (Her face goes pale and her tone completely changes the rest of the time I have to deal with her. She leaves in a hurry.)

    Someone’s Been Pumpkin At The Gym

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Bigotry

    (I work in a grocery store, and we’ve just gotten some very large pumpkins for the fall season. I am a female.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, is there a man working here who could help me out?”

    Me: “Um, he’s somewhere around here. What did you need?”

    Customer: “Well, I really want that big pumpkin, but it’s so heavy and I can’t lift it.”

    Me: “Oh, I can get it for you!”

    (The customer puts her hand on my arm to stop me as my male manager walks by.)

    Customer: “You, can you help me with this pumpkin?”

    Manager: “Are you kidding me?! She’s much stronger than I am!”

    (I get the pumpkin into her cart with ease, and she doesn’t say a word to me.)

    Me: “There you go, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

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