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    An Immoral Pleasure Seeker

    | UK | Family & Kids

    (I work in a toy shop where we sell giant Bratz dolls. A customer comes over with one and asked whether or not it would be suitable for her two year old daughter.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I wouldn’t recommend this doll for any child under the age of 6.”

    Customer: “Why is this doll recommended for 6 years and over? My daughter’s two but she really wants one.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t really recommend that you buy the doll for a younger child, but I suppose if you remove the earrings then there wouldn’t be any small parts.”

    Customer: *looks the doll over* “Is it just because she’s dressed like a hooker?”

    Wait ‘Til You Hear ‘Bout Our Latest Pro-mo

    | Orange County, CA, USA |

    (Two obviously gay men are ordering concessions. I successfully upsell their purchase to a large popcorn.)

    Customer: *jokingly* “Wow you’re quite a salesman!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, he can sell stink to a hobo!”

    Customer: *laughs*

    Customer’s partner: *completely mortified*

    Customer, to his partner: “No, no, he said HOBO!”

    (Not The) Scent Of A Woman

    | Newton, NJ, USA |

    (A female customer is looking at the perfume display.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, it says that this smaller bottle of [brand] perfume is the same price as this larger bottle of [brand] perfume. But they are the same product.”

    Me: “Actually, this larger one is men’s cologne and this smaller one is women’s perfume.”

    Customer: “No, no, they’re both for women. You’re looking at the wrong one.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, if you look right here, this larger one says ‘por homme’ on it. That means ‘for men’.”

    Customer: “No, they’re both for women. See how this one is light blue? That means for girls.”

    Me: *giving up* “My mistake, ma’am.”

    (On the bright side, the next time she came in, she smelled like a man.)

    Whiney Wine

    | Wiltshire, UK |

    (I work in a supermarket with a reputation for having an upper middle class customer base. It is a very, very busy Saturday and I’m trying to run people through as quickly as possible. Note I’m underage and can’t sell alcohol without the permission of a supervisor.)

    Me: “I’ll just page someone of age to ring the wine through. Is it okay for me to do everything else first?”

    Customer: “Whatever, just get on with it.”

    (I start ringing everything else through, watching out for my supervisors. All of them are busy dealing with other customers and situations.)

    Customer: “Do the wine now.”

    Me: “Madam, I can scan it, but I can’t allow you to pay for it until it’s been run through by my supervisor.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not? Just run it through!”

    Me: “I’m 17, madam. It’s against the law for me to buy or sell alcohol and I don’t have the option to bypass the supervisor authorization even if I wanted to.”

    Customer: “So you don’t want to?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You don’t want to get someone to do it, do you?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand–”

    (Before I know it, the woman has turned around and stormed up to another employee, who isn’t from the section and is also underage.)

    Customer: “There you are! I’ve been waiting forever for someone to do this alcohol because that girl won’t do it! Now, get over here and do it!”

    Coworker: “Madam, I’m not from this section. I’m just collecting trolleys. I can’t process your alcohol.”

    (The customer storms around the checkouts hunting for someone else, as I sit mortified at my till. Eventually, she finds one of the supervisors. After a barrage of anger, her alcohol is processed.)

    Knowing Is Half The Battle

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a server in my restaurant. The Sunday lunch crowd is usually the elderly. An older gentleman and his wife are seated, and I take their drink order.)

    Me: “Would you like anything else to drink besides water?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a drink.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind?”

    (He doesn’t respond and looks at me for a while.)

    Me: “We have canned soda: Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Mt. Dew, Sunkist, iced tea, hot tea, coffee–”

    Customer: “Yes, I want a can.”

    Me: “Um, I…” *smile* “Which one?”

    (He stares at me for a good while, like I should know better. Finally, his wife chimes in.)

    Wife: “He’d like a Coke, please.”


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