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    Feel-up On Aisle 5

    | South Paris, ME, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am dusting and organizing a shelf when someone comes up and punches me in the back really hard, twice. So hard, in fact, that the wind is knocked out of me. I turn around and there’s a man I’ve never seen before.)

    Customer: “Oops…sorry! Thought you were someone else!” *walks off*

    (My coworker runs over to me to see what’s going on.)

    Coworker: “Did he just hit you? What was that about?”

    Me: “Yeah…he said he thought I was someone else.”

    Coworker: “Why don’t you go sit out back for a minute and maybe have some water? I’m going to go tell [manager] what happened!”

    (I go out back for a minute or two. Suddenly, I hear people yelling and come back in. I see the manager chasing the man who had hit me out of the store and yelling that he was calling the police.)

    Me: “What is going on?”

    Coworker: “Well, I was on my way to speak to [manager] when a customer stopped me. That guy came up behind me and squeezed my left boob! Then he said, ‘Oops…sorry! Thought you were someone else!’ and walked off. I ran up to [manager] and then [coworker #2] came running up and said the same guy had just grabbed him in the crotch and had said the same thing!”

    Me: “Wow! I guess I got off easy!”

    Deposit Your Checks And Emotions Here

    | Madison, WI, USA | Rude & Risque

    Me: “You have [amount] available on your debit card.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, make the past not happen.”

    Me: “I wish I could!”

    Customer: “Yeah, especially ’cause I just broke up with my girlfriend.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

    Customer: “After three years!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s tough. Well, keep your chin up.”

    Customer: “Yeah, she called me while she was having sex with some other guy.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 4

    | Sacramento, CA, USA |

    (On our self serve copiers, the customer must press a button on the screen indicating whether or not they’re finished copying. If they press “YES” they receive a receipt to take to the cashier.)

    Customer: “I’ve never used these before!”

    Me: “Not to worry, it’s really easy.”

    (I proceed to give her the run down, including telling her not to press the “YES” button until she’s done with all of her copying for this visit. The customer proceeds to make one copy and press “YES”.)

    Customer: “What? I don’t want a receipt yet!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you just told it you were done making copies. Next time, press the ‘NO’ button if you still have more to make.”

    (The customer proceeds to make another copy and presses “YES”.)

    Customer: “Stupid machines!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you aren’t done, you should press ‘NO’.”

    Customer: “I know! I know! I know! I know what I’m doing! I’ve just never used this machine before!”

    (I finally gave up trying and went back to my work. She eventually came up to my register with over a dozen copy receipts, complaining how stupid the machines were.)

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 3
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

    Doubling Down On Dumb

    | Rexburg, ID, USA |

    Customer: “I would like a double scoop of chocolate.”

    Me: “So you want both scoops chocolate? Or one scoop of chocolate and one of something else?”

    Customer: “Oh, I get two scoops?”

    Me: “In a double scoop? Yes.”

    Customer: “I’m so excited!”

    Facebook Page Book Giveaway

    | Facebook |

    To celebrate the launch of our new Facebook page, we’ll be giving away a total of 10 copies of the official Not Always Right book over the next five weeks.

    To enter into our weekly drawing, simply like our Facebook page and you’ll automatically be entered. Two winners will be announced each Monday on our site, FB, and Twitter.

    The winners of this week’s Facebook Page Book Giveaway are Doug and Tina — congratulations! They’ll each receive a free copy of our book via Amazon. Doug, Tina — a Not Always Right staff member will be contacting you soon via Facebook so you can receive your book.

    If you didn’t win this time, don’t worry — you still have four more chances. Just like our Facebook page today to enter!

    PS – if you liked our page before the announcement of this contest, you’re already qualified — anyone who likes our page will automatically be entered!


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