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    Part Two, The Afterlife

    | Virginia, USA | Books & Reading

    (I’m helping a customer find “The Autobiography of Mark Twain”. As I hand it to her, she remarks on the size of the book.)

    Me: “It’s hard to believe it’s only volume one, isn’t it?”

    Customer: “It is?”

    Me: “Yeah, see? Right under the title.”

    Customer: “Oh, he must not have written the second one yet!”

    Parenting The Parents

    | Minnesota, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a 17 year old girl working at a boy scout camp. It is close to the end of the summer and I’ve gotten very used to encounters like these. The camp has motorized canoes on the river because the boys are generally too weak to row upstream. Some dads tend to abuse the canoes. This particular dad was very obnoxious.)

    Dad: *jumps into canoe*

    Me: “Uh, sir, we actually need to go over safety rules before you guys can start with the canoes, okay?”

    Dad: *blank stare*

    Me: “So…I’ll have to ask you to get out of the canoe.”

    Dad: *blank stare*

    Me: *more sternly* “Sir! I really need you to get out now so we can get started.”

    Dad: “No! You can’t tell me what to do! Do you think I don’t know how to use a canoe?!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure you are very experienced with canoes, but some boys aren’t, so we just want to make sure everyone knows the ground rules.”

    Dad: “Do you know who I am? You can’t talk to me like this! Who do you think you are to talk to me like this? Do you know who I am? I have the power to fire your a**!”

    Coworker: “Whoa, hey, calm down. You don’t need to talk to her like that. She’s just doing her job.”

    Dad: “She works here?! So she like gets…paid and stuff?”

    Me: “Yes, I get paid and stuff.”

    Dad: “But you’re a girl!”

    Me: “Yes, I am a girl.”

    Dad: “At a boy scout camp! This is just wrong! You can’t work here! Who hired you? What sick freak would hire a girl to do a man’s job?!”

    (I begin writing names and numbers on a piece of paper.)

    Me: “Okay, well if you’d like to complain to my supervisor, here’s her number. Otherwise you can talk to the camp director; her name is Elizabeth.”

    Dad: *storms off*

    (Later, I find out that this same dad attempted to pop a wheelie in the canoe and was put on our “do not canoe” list.)

    Don’t Even Bother With New England

    | New Mexico, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I manage a tourist center that welcomes people coming into New Mexico. An obviously American tourist comes into the center.)

    Tourist: *in broken Spanish* “Excuse me! I think you all forgot something.”

    Me: *in English* “Yes, how can I help you?”

    Tourist: *more broken Spanish* “Nobody was checking for
    passports when we crossed the border here.”

    Me: “Passports?”

    Tourist: “We are in Mexico now, after all.”

    Me: “This is New Mexico, sir. You don’t need a passport to–”

    Tourist: “What’s to stop illegal immigrants from coming into the United States if they don’t check our passports coming into New Mexico?”

    Me: “Sir, New Mexico is part of the United States.”

    Tourist: “Now you’re just lying to me.”

    It Doesn’t Go Up The Way You Think It Does

    | California, USA |

    (I work at an amusement park in Southern California. A customer comes up to me while I am cleaning a shop.)

    Customer: “Where can I find a [cartoon character] blow-up doll?”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Customer: “Blow-up doll. I need a [cartoon character] blow-up doll!”

    Me: “I um, we don’t sell those kinds of items–”

    Customer: “You know, you put air in and it goes up!”

    Me: “A balloon?”

    Customer: “A blow-up doll, yes! Where?!”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 4

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “What’s in your liquid drinks?”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, all of our drinks are made of liquid. That’s what makes them drinkable.”

    Customer: “Oh, you know what I mean!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I do not.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll find someone that does!” *leaves*

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid


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