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    Not If You’re Tim Burton

    | Queens, NY, USA |

    (It is 3 weeks before Halloween. A customer walks into the gym and points at some of our decorations we’ve .)

    Member: *rudely* “What is all this for?”

    Me: “They’re our Halloween decorations.”

    Member: “Oh, okay. Because I was going to say, it’s a little early for Christmas decorations.”

    (The Christmas decorations he was referring to? Cobwebs and jack-o-lantern lights.)

    Two Halves Make A Hole In Your Brain, Part 2

    | Clyde, OH, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a half decaf, half caffeinated skim milk latte, medium size.”

    (I make the latte with her staring at me the entire time, apparently making sure I’m making it right.)

    Me: “Here’s your half caf grande nonfat latte.”

    Customer: “You said half caf? You made the other half decaf, right?”

    Me: “Well, yes. If one half is caffeinated, then the other half has to be decaf, right?”

    Customer: “You don’t need to be smart!”

    (She walks away ticked off and complaining to her friend saying she better not be awake all night because I’m unable to make her drink correctly.)

    Two Halves Make A Hole In Your Brain

    Food In, Baby Out

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work for a small local cafe. It’s late in the evening and I am busy with tables and to-go orders. A customer calls to put in an order.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [cafe]. What can I get for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I need one chicken gyro and a cream soda to go.”

    Me: “Anything else for you this evening?”

    Caller: “No, but I am in a hurry. Could you just bring it out to the car for me? I just went into labor and cannot get out of the car.”

    Me: “Um…is there anyone else with you?”

    Caller: “Only my two year old.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll bring it out to you when you arrive.”

    (It actually takes an extra 30 minutes for her to drive up and pick up her order. Surprisingly, when she arrives, she sits in the car for another 20 minutes and eats her meal all while she’s in labor with a 2 year old in the back seat.)

    Alphabetical Disorder

    | New Orleans, LA, USA |

    (I work in the electronics department of a big box store. Customers continue to believe we have a computer system we can check to see if a certain CD or movie is in stock. Sadly, we don’t. This occurs not long after the release of a popular CD. A teenaged girl and her friend approach my counter.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you look up if you have the Carter 4 CD?”

    Me: “We actually don’t have a system like that, but if we have any they’ll be down there.” *points to music aisle*

    Customer: “You don’t know if you have any?”

    Me: “Well, we don’t stock the CD’s, a vendor does for us, so we actually don’t know everything that’s here.”

    (I explain this at least once a day, for the record.)

    Friend: “Thank you, we’ll look.”

    Customer: “But where do I look?”

    Me: “They’re all in alphabetical order by the artists name, so just look under the L’s.”

    Customer: *sighs* “Where are the L’s?”

    Me: “Um…after the K’s?”

    (The friend drags her off and mumbles something that sounds like “stop being stupid.”)

    Stop And Stair, Part 3

    | Boone, NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    Customer: “What’s up there?” *pointing at the stairs*

    Me: “Those stairs take you to the second floor and the breakfast area.”

    Customer: “So, like, if we walk up those stairs, we’ll be on the second floor?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s generally what happens when you go up stairs.”

    Customer: “That’s so cool! They’ve got stairs and an elevator!”

    Stop And Stair, Part 2
    Stop And Stair

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