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    Shocking Mystery Solved

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work in the call center of a public library. Occasionally, we get strange callers just because it is free and we are required to talk to them.)

    Caller: “You need to help me! The Mormons are giving electric shocks to my genitals through my windows!”

    Me: “Um, this is a library, I’m not sure what—”

    Caller: “You have to help me! I called the police but they won’t help me. They say I’m crazy. It’s the Mormons! They keep shocking my genitals!”

    Me: “Well, uh, let me put you on hold for a second.”

    (I put her on hold and call out the situation to the other librarians in the call center. One of them happens to be Mormon.)

    Me: “I have a caller who claims Mormons are shocking her genitals through her windows.”

    Mormon coworker: “We are.”

    No, It’s Because The Owner Is Stupid

    | London, UK | Pets & Animals

    (A man brings his dog into our supermarket.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but there are no dogs allowed inside unless it is a service dog.”

    Customer: *with straight face* “It’s because my dog is black, isn’t it? I could sue you!”

    No Obamacare For You

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Bigotry

    (Although I was born in California and have lived here my entire life, my dad is from Australia, and I have picked up some of his speaking mannerisms. In consequence, when I say “Yeah”, it sounds like “Yeh”.)

    Customer: “Can I slide my card through, miss?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s ready!”

    Customer: “Actually, sorry, I don’t support illegal immigrants.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You talk funny! You’re an illegal immigrant!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, I was born here. I just have my accent from a parent who was not an illegal immigrant.”

    Customer: “No! You aren’t allowed to be here! I’ll be notifying the president about this!” *stomps out without her merchandise*

    Vegetable Innuendos

    | Chico, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I’m at the farmer’s market selling cucumbers when two little old ladies come up.)

    Little Old Lady #1: “Those are some nice cucumbers.”

    Little Old Lady #2, to #1: “I’ve got a nice bug cucumber back at home for you.”

    Little Old Lady #1, to me: “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

    Weekend Roundup: Don’t Mess With Employees

    , , , | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Don’t Mess With Employees! This week, we feature five stories that teach misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees.

    1. In Real Hot Sauce Now:
      A young teenage employee decides her dignity is worth more than £3.71 and dealing with a cowardly manager.
    2. A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’:
      A customer tries to rough up an employee, but ends up getting roughed up by the manager instead.
    3. Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists:
      Teenage robber, meet Doug. Doug is our new pharmacy tech. Doug is also built like a fridge.
    4. Who’s Got The Power Now:
      Tech support is happy to support your technology. Supporting your potty mouth, not so much.
    5. Your Prank Got Spanked:
      A prank caller picks the wrong, well-armed store to call.
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