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    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 5

    | West Orange, NJ, USA | Food & Drink

    (This takes place a few months before I leave for college. A lot of the kids working at the store are leaving for college soon, too. One of my coworkers has written “Tips for college kids” on the tip jar. A young mother walks in with her kids on a slow afternoon. After she reads the tip jar, this exchange happens.)

    Customer: “Tips for college kids…I have a good tip. Stay away from tequila.”

    Me: “Why’s that, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I went through a lot of margaritas my freshman year. Now I can’t even look at tequila without feeling sick. Just stay away from it!”

    Me: “Don’t worry ma’am. I’ll stick to vodka.”

    (And yes, she did leave a nice tip!)

    Related:
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 4
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2
    Be Careful What You Ask For

    Old Habits Die Hard

    | Tennessee, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [sandwich shop]. Is this for here or to go?”

    Customer: “It’s to go. What do you have that is good?”

    Me: “Well, it’s all good. Do want hot or cold food?”

    Customer: “I guess cold. Do you sell things other than sandwiches?”

    Me: “Yes, we have salads, too.”

    Customer: “Great, I am so tired of sandwiches! That is all I have eaten all week.”

    Me: “What would you like?”

    Customer: “I guess I will take a regular size roast beef sandwich.”

    The Notified And The (Not)ified

    | California, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    Caller: “I have a reservation! I know I have one!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I don’t appear to have one under your name. Is there another name it could be under?”

    Caller: “NO! I have a reservation!”

    Me: “May I ask how you booked your reservation?”

    Caller: “I don’t know, but I have one!”

    Me: “Okay, did you book it online? Call the hotel or choice? did you come to the hotel and book it?”

    Caller: “No, I didn’t do any of those things but I know I have a reservation.”

    Me: “Could anyone else have made the reservation for you? Perhaps a travel agency?”

    Caller: “No, but I have a reservation! I know I do.”

    Me: “Do you have a confirmation number I could look it up with?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you didn’t book a reservation, and no one booked it for you, I don’t think you could possibly have a reservation. But, I would love to make you a reservation. In fact, I can make it right now. I’ll just need to get some information from you.”

    Caller: “No, I do not give out my information. I have a reservation!” *hangs up*

    Obama Can’t Fix Stupid

    | Yonkers, NY, USA |

    (A couple is arguing with me; I’m a cashier at the city clerk’s office.)

    Man: “Why was my marriage license denied?”

    Me: *looking over the application* “Sir, you had 60 days after the license was issued for you to get married. The license is only valid for 60 days. It’s been over 3 months.”

    Woman: “But we got married here when we filled out the license.”

    Me: “You didn’t have the clerk or a magistrate officiate a ceremony or fill out the rest of the form, so you were not married. If you want to get another valid license and have someone marry you here, I can get you another form.”

    Man: “Fine…”

    (I go to get blank application and shows the couple where to put what information, where to sign, etc.)

    Me: “and we’ll need a check for $40.”

    Man: “But we already paid that! I’m not paying that again!”

    Me: “Sorry, but it says on the top of the application that the $40 fee is non-refundable, even if you miss the 60 day window. If you want another license you need to pay the fee again.”

    Woman: “This is stupid! We already got married here!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, yo–”

    Man: “WE AIN’T PAYIN’ AGAIN!”

    (The couple storms out. As they leave, I hear the man grumbling.)

    Man: “F**kin’ government. I thought that Obama was gonna fix this s**t!”

    Undetermined Outcome

    | Texas, USA |

    Caller: ‎”Hi, I don’t think my phone is ringing as many times as it’s supposed to.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I can test call it if you’d like and we’ll see how many times it rings.”

    (I test call the customer. It rings once and he answers.)

    Customer: “Yeah, it only rang once that time. It’s supposed to ring four times.”

    Me: “Sir, it only rang once because you answered it after the first ring.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know, but it’s still supposed to ring four times!”


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