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    Don’t Even Bother With New England

    | New Mexico, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I manage a tourist center that welcomes people coming into New Mexico. An obviously American tourist comes into the center.)

    Tourist: *in broken Spanish* “Excuse me! I think you all forgot something.”

    Me: *in English* “Yes, how can I help you?”

    Tourist: *more broken Spanish* “Nobody was checking for
    passports when we crossed the border here.”

    Me: “Passports?”

    Tourist: “We are in Mexico now, after all.”

    Me: “This is New Mexico, sir. You don’t need a passport to–”

    Tourist: “What’s to stop illegal immigrants from coming into the United States if they don’t check our passports coming into New Mexico?”

    Me: “Sir, New Mexico is part of the United States.”

    Tourist: “Now you’re just lying to me.”

    It Doesn’t Go Up The Way You Think It Does

    | California, USA |

    (I work at an amusement park in Southern California. A customer comes up to me while I am cleaning a shop.)

    Customer: “Where can I find a [cartoon character] blow-up doll?”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Customer: “Blow-up doll. I need a [cartoon character] blow-up doll!”

    Me: “I um, we don’t sell those kinds of items–”

    Customer: “You know, you put air in and it goes up!”

    Me: “A balloon?”

    Customer: “A blow-up doll, yes! Where?!”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 4

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “What’s in your liquid drinks?”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, all of our drinks are made of liquid. That’s what makes them drinkable.”

    Customer: “Oh, you know what I mean!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I do not.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll find someone that does!” *leaves*

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    An Immoral Pleasure Seeker

    | UK | Family & Kids

    (I work in a toy shop where we sell giant Bratz dolls. A customer comes over with one and asked whether or not it would be suitable for her two year old daughter.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I wouldn’t recommend this doll for any child under the age of 6.”

    Customer: “Why is this doll recommended for 6 years and over? My daughter’s two but she really wants one.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t really recommend that you buy the doll for a younger child, but I suppose if you remove the earrings then there wouldn’t be any small parts.”

    Customer: *looks the doll over* “Is it just because she’s dressed like a hooker?”

    Wait ‘Til You Hear ‘Bout Our Latest Pro-mo

    | Orange County, CA, USA |

    (Two obviously gay men are ordering concessions. I successfully upsell their purchase to a large popcorn.)

    Customer: *jokingly* “Wow you’re quite a salesman!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, he can sell stink to a hobo!”

    Customer: *laughs*

    Customer’s partner: *completely mortified*

    Customer, to his partner: “No, no, he said HOBO!”


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