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  • Cash Back (And Forth)

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Money, Top

    (I am a cashier at a drugstore. A man is buying about $60 worth of merchandise.)

    Customer: “Can I pay $40 in cash and put the rest on my debit card?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I take his money and give him his new total. He swipes his card and the machine asks him if he wants cash back.)

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I DO want cash back!”

    (He gets $20 in cash back. I look at the $40 in my hand and slowly hand one of his 20′s back to him.)

    Customer: *has a moment of clarity* “Hm, that didn’t make much sense, did it?”

    Me: “No, sir, not really.”

    (He leaves with his head down in shame, clutching a $20 bill.)

    They Grow Up So Fast, Part 2

    | California, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am working one night in the children’s department. An older man approaches me about buying clothes for his son. Normally, the children’s department only carries clothes for infants, toddlers, and elementary school aged kids.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’m looking for some clothes for my son. Is there anything you would recommend?”

    Me: “The skate and surf wear brands are very popular. Would you like to have a look?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I show him around and let him shop for a few minutes. He later approaches me.)

    Customer: “I’m not sure if these clothes will fit my son. Is it okay if we return them in case they don’t fit?”

    Me: “Of course. Just making sure, how old is your son?”

    Customer: “18.”

    Me: “18 months?”

    Customer: “No, 18 years.”

    Me: “Sir, this area is primarily for infants and toddlers. You’ll want to look in the young men’s department.”

    Customer: “Are you sure, miss?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I’m positive.”

    Related:
    They Grow Up So Fast

    A Horse Can Lead Itself To Water

    | East Coast, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (My father is a dentist, and he is known among his dentist friends for having insane patients. This one really takes the cake, though.)

    Dental Office: “Good morning, this is Dr. [name]‘s office. How may I help
    you?”

    Patient: “Yes, it’s [name]. I’d like to cancel my appointment for today.”

    Dental Office: “I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why you’re canceling?”

    Patient: “I have this awful toothache!”

    Ma Earth Thanks You Anyway

    | Baltimore, MD, USA |

    (When I ring out customers with small items or few things, I ask if they want a plastic bag in the interest of not wasting one on something small.)

    Me: “And did you want a bag for your pen, sir?”

    Customer: “No, thanks. I just want the receipt. Save the tree.”

    Me: *looks questioningly* “Sir, the bag is plastic. It doesn’t come from trees.”

    Customer: “Whatever. Something about dolphins and the Amazon…” *walks out*

    Not A Shred Of Intelligence

    , | Orange County, NY, USA | School, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s finals week and a student approaches our help desk.)

    Student: “Your copy machine isn’t working. My papers wont come out.”

    Me: “It’s probably jammed. I’ll have my coworker fix that for you.”

    (My coworker follows the student to the copy machines. After a few minutes, the student runs by me in tears. My coworker comes back a few moments later.)

    Me: “What happened?!”

    Coworker: “She used the shredder instead of the copy machine.”

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