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    Watch Out For The Pansysaurus

    | Florida, USA | Extra Stupid

    (Our park has a dinosaur-themed section. I am helping a family with directions in a nearby area.)

    Customer: “What is there to do in [dino-area]?”

    Me: “Well, there are carnival games, a playground for the kids, and there’s the dinosaur ride.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a bumpy jeep ride through the dark with dinosaurs attacking you—”

    Customer: *in horror*Real dinosaurs?”

    Customer’s sister: “Think about what you just said, girl. Dinosaurs are extinct!”

    (The original customer is looking at me for confirmation, still horrified.)

    Me: “No, we don’t have any real dinosaurs.” *joking* “We tried to get some but it didn’t work out. The ones in the ride are robotic.”

    Customer: “But do they, like, climb into the cars and attack you?”

    Me: *dumbfounded*

    (The sister and the rest of the family are doubled over laughing.)

    Me: “No! You’re perfectly safe in the car.”

    Customer: “I don’t think I want to try that ride!”

    On The Rocks, Easy On The Fun

    | Reno, NV, USA | Food & Drink

    (A guy sits down at the bar and asks for a virgin bloody mary.)

    Me: “One virgin mary, right away.”

    (I turn around to make the drink.)

    Customer: “But no fruit.”

    (I turn back around to confirm the order.)

    Me: “One virgin bloody mary, no fruit.”

    Customer: *nods*

    (I turn around again to go and make the drink.)

    Customer: “And not spicy.”

    Me: “So, you would like a glass of tomato juice?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. A glass of tomato juice.”

    Woman Waits For No Time

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (As the only opening manager of a large department store, I am in a rush when I have two no shows and one late arrival. While I’m in the office trying to call some workers in, I notice a customer waiting in line at the returns counter. I hang up the phone and run over to where she’s standing.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, it’s been a hectic morning.”

    Customer: “You’d better be. I’ve been waiting here for over half an hour!”

    Me: *puzzled* “I’m sorry, I don’t think that’s possible.”

    Customer: “Yes, it is. I’ve been waiting here!”

    Me: “It’s only 8:07 am. We opened at 8:00 am.”

    Customer: “Over ten minutes, then!”

    No Servitude For Attitude

    | New York, USA |

    (I am working at the cutting table at a fabric store when a woman charges up to the table, bypassing others waiting in line.)

    Customer: “You need to cut this fabric for me right now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a line and I am helping other customers.”

    Customer: “How dare you talk back to me! You are here to serve me. You work for me! You are my servant and you need to listen to what I say!”

    Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, I work for [craft store], not you. Now, please wait in line and I will help you when your turn comes.”

    (The woman proceeds to throw her fabric on my head and knock down three display bolts. My manager calls the police and she is escorted out of the store, still ranting.)

    Customer: *while being escorted out by the police* “You’re all my servants!”

    Maybe If You Watch It At 88 MPH

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Technology

    (I’m on the phone with an irate customer who feels like she has been cheated by my company after purchasing a PVR (aka a DVR, or digital video recorder). Apparently, she misunderstood the previous rep who sold it to her. We have been arguing for quite some time.)

    Customer: “I can’t get my money back? Why not? I was told that this PVR unit would let me watch shows that normally come on at 9pm whenever I wanted.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t refund the item as it is past 30 days since you purchased it. Furthermore, there is no technology available that functions as you describe.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! What’s the point of buying this PVR if I can’t watch shows earlier?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the unit is called a PVR. It’s a personal video recorder, and it allows you to record programs to watch at a later time. It is not a time machine.”

    Customer: *click*

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