(I’m skinny, tall, and with long hair. My boyfriend is also my coworker. He’s chubby, short, and his head is shaved. While ringing up a woman, my boyfriend passes by me at the end of his shift.)
Woman: “Was that your boyfriend?”
Woman: “My goodness, you deserve much better than that. You look like a model and don’t belong with that awful looking junk!”
Me: “Uh, ma’am, I don’t think that’s for you to decide.”
Woman: “I highly advise you to dump him. My friends and family always say I give the best advice and none of them have ever regretted it.”
Me: “Ma’am, could you drop the subject? I’m trying to ring up your
groceries and there’s a line behind you.”
Woman: “Alright. I’ll have a talk with you some other time.”
(So far, this woman hasn’t come back. Hopefully, she never will.)
(The company I work for is in the business of hosting websites. I receive a call from a customer who is having trouble logging into his control panel.)
Customer: “I can’t login to my website.”
Me: “What’s your domain name?”
Me: “That sounds like an email address to me, not a domain.”
Customer: “That’s my dominion.”
Me: “Your domain name should be something like www.[sitename].com.”
Customer: “Right, it’s [username]@yahoo.com.”
Me: “Sir, that’s not a domain name.”
Customer: “Yes, that’s my dominion!”
Dubya Dubya Dubya Dot Duh
(I am stacking the oranges, which is next to the shelf of avocados. A very well-dressed woman in her 40s comes over and starts feeling the avocados while talking to herself loudly.)
Customer: “Wouldn’t you just hate to be an avocado?”
(The woman continues feeling up the avocados.)
Customer: “Hmm. You know what? That’s actually my biggest fear. Becoming an avocado.”
As part of our ongoing Facebook page launch celebration, we’ll be giving away a total of 10 copies of the official Not Always Right book over the next five weeks.
To enter into our weekly drawing, simply like our Facebook page and you’ll automatically be entered. Two winners will be announced each week on our site, FB, and Twitter.
The winners of this week’s Facebook Page Book Giveaway are Noah and Kati — congratulations! They’ll each receive a free copy of our book via Amazon. Noah and Kati — a Not Always Right staff member will be contacting you soon via Facebook so you can receive your book.
If you didn’t win this time, don’t worry — you still have three more chances. Just like our Facebook page today to enter!
PS – if you liked our page before the announcement of this contest, you’re already qualified — anyone who likes our page will automatically be entered!
(A man calls me asking about his balance. The call starts out normal enough. In order get inform on account we need to get ID.)
Me: “Okay, in order to help you, I need your full name and the last four digits of your social security number.”
Me: “Sir, if you want this information, I need to get your information.”
Customer: “I don’t care! I’m not giving you my info!”
Me: “Why not?”
Customer: “You’re just going to give it to your alien overlords!!!”
Me: “Well, sir, we already have your information here. We just need you to provide it so that we can verify–”
Customer: *screams and hangs up*
Close Encounters Of The Dumb Kind