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    Tis The Season To Be Tired (Of Customers)

    , | San Mateo, CA, USA | Holidays

    (During the Christmas season, we managers at my store often work 12+ hour days. This day is one of them, and I have been there since 7:30 in the morning; it is now 8 pm. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Wow, you sure look tired. When did you start?”

    Me: “7:30–”

    Customer: “That’s the problem with today’s generation. Can’t work a full day without looking like they are falling asleep!”

    Me: “AM, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *walks off with a blank stare on his face*

    One Good Takeout Deserves Another

    | New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

    (A few years ago, around noon on Christmas day, several dozen Chinese people walked in to our Kosher deli style restaurant, apparently in a group. One walked up to the front desk.)

    Man: *softly* “Is it okay if we’re here?”

    Hostess: “Yes, we serve everyone, but are you sure you’re in the right place?”

    Man: “This is [restaurant], right?”

    Hostess: “Yes sir, it is.”

    Man: “Well, we figured since you Jews are all coming to our restaurants tonight, we’d return the favor.”

    Hostess: *slightly shocked* “Thanks. Right this way…we’ll seat you!”

    (…and they’ve been back every year since!)

    Intelligence May Vary

    | Lancaster, PA, USA |

    Customer: “How much are the belly-button rings?”

    Me: “The prices vary depending on the style. I’d have to check if you’re interested in a specific one.”

    (The girl walks over to her mom in an aisle within earshot.)

    Mom: “How much are they?”

    Customer: “She said they vary.”

    Mom: “What is that supposed to mean? That I can’t afford them?!”

    Waiting For Opportuniteas

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I am making a lot of drinks. I place a drink on the counter and shout “green iced tea” so the owner of the drink can pick it up. A woman sitting with her husband at one of the tables, without any drinks, speaks up.)

    Customer: “Is that a free iced tea?”

    Me: “Green.”

    Customer: “No, is that a free iced tea?”

    Me: *enunciating* “Green.”

    Customer: “Oh, sorry, I thought you said free, like someone had left it. I was like ‘I’ll take it!” *laughs*

    Me: “What was your drink?”

    Customer: “Oh, we didn’t order drinks. We were just sitting here…”

    Perhaps It’s The Space Between Their Ears

    | Australia |

    (A customer rushes in flustered.)

    Me: “Can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need something, but I’m not sure what.”

    Me: “Uh, okay. Is it an appliance, like a kettle or toaster, or are you after a TV or vacuum cleaner?”

    Customer: *getting agitated* “No! I need something, you know to clean between my floor and ceiling!”

    Me: confused “So…to clean the room?”

    Customer: “You people are all the same, trying to sell me something every time I’m in here!” *storms out*


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