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    No Good Deed Goes Unthreatened

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    (I am working for a non-profit charity. It’s right before Christmas and we’re calling our prior donors to wish them a happy holiday season and to thank them for their support.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name] calling from [organization]. We’re contacting our prior—”

    Donor: “Don’t call this number, lady! Don’t you ever call this number again! I’ll find out where you live, drag you out of bed, and dump cold water on you. You understand? Do not ever call this number, you dumb b****!” *click*

    A Measure Of Intelligence

    , | AB, Canada |

    (A customer has been wandering around our store for 1-2 hours. Finally, they come up to the front.)

    Customer: “I wish you had tiled floors.”

    Coworker: *confused* “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I wish you had tiled floors.”

    Me: “Why’s that?”

    Customer: “So I would be able to tell how big your furniture is.”

    Coworker: “Well, we have a tape measure you can use. Would you like to borrow it?”

    Customer: “Well, I guess that would work…”

    Full Of Hot Gas

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    (This gas station is in an upper class neighborhood, and the people who stop by often complain about the most arbitrary things. I’m filling this customer’s car when this happens.)

    Customer: “Why does it smell like gas out here?”

    Me: “Well, we are at a gas station.”

    Customer: “I know, but it shouldn’t smell like gas!”

    Parenting Isn’t A Cake Walk

    | Hamilton, ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A mother and her son are sampling several kinds of ice cream, trying to decide what kind of ice cream cake they want. Note that all flavors are clearly labelled with their contents.)

    Customer: “Are there nuts in the pralines ‘n’ cream ice cream? My son is allergic to nuts.”

    Me: “Yes, pralines are nuts. You did not tell me he has a nut allergy. How’s your son, is he okay? Should I call an ambulance? Do you need help?”

    Customer: “So, about my cake…I’m still not really sure what flavors I want. How can I order my cake now? My son’s face is getting itchy.”

    Me: “You should probably just go ahead and take him to the hospital. Can I call someone? Do you want to use my phone? How’s your son doing?”

    Customer: “Yes, I should probably go to the hospital, but then, how will I order my cake? I want this cake. What should I do?”

    Me: “Take a card and call us with a phone order later. You should get your son some help!”

    Customer: “But, about my cake…”

    (She finally takes him to the hospital. Luckily, it is close by!)

    Weekend Roundup: Tech Support Classics

    | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups, Technology

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Tech Support Classics! This week, we share five stories that reveal the trials, tribulations, and terrors that technical support employees endure daily.

    1. DE TING, DE TING!!!:
      Problem: Video is blue and blue on “the thing.” You know…DE TING!!!
    2. Accountants And Their Blue Tape:
      That’s right, kids! You too can click “Next” to discover the not-so-savory nether regions of your hard drive!
    3. Quantity Does Not Equal Quality:
      When in doubt, just keep inserting.
    4. Guardian Of The Tubes And Protector Of The Google:
      I CAN HAZ LORD LOLCATS NAO!
    5. His Repair Method Doesn’t Hold Water:
      For this customer, DIY stands for “Drown It Yourself.”
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