November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

I Spell Trouble

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Health & Body, Language & Words

(I am making a cleaning appointment for a patient who has an unusual name.)

Me: “I’m sorry, could you spell that for me?”

Patient: “It’s ‘D’ as in dog, ‘A’ as in August, ‘I’ as in igloo, ‘J’ as in junkie…”

(I have to have my coworker finish the call. I can’t breathe because I can’t stop laughing.)

Gramps Grumps

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Old man: “MEAN!”

Me: “Oh no, that’s no good.”

Old man: “Yeah, it scares off all the pretty ladies.”

Me: “Well, you don’t want to scare them off; that’s no good.”

Old man: “I’m 80; I can’t do anything else with them. I might as well scare them away; makes it easier for me that way!”

Kicking Off Over A Kicking Off

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Wild & Unruly

(I am cashing out a couple who is buying a laptop and some anti-virus software. We have a deal; if you purchase a computer, your anti-virus will be free for six months or $20 for one year. One of the store managers is coaching me.)

Me: “So, would you like six months of free anti-virus or one year for $20?”

Customer: “The guy back there told us it was $17!”

Manager: “No, it is actually $20.”

Customer: “SO HE LIED?!”

Manager: “Seems like he did.”


Manager: “Go ahead.”

(The customer, her husband, and I are all taken aback.)

Customer: “…Really?”

Manager: “Actually, let me go get him.”

(My manager leaves my register, and heads to our computer department. The customer’s wife is now laughing while the husband starts to sweat.)

Customer: “Is he coming back? I was just joking! I still want the one year. I’m sorry! I was just joking!”

(The couple quickly pays and leaves before the manager comes back to my register.)

The Cat Is Out Of The Bag

| USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(A customer is buying furniture to be delivered and assembled by our tech.)

Customer: “I have cats, so whoever you send over must not be allergic.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

Customer: “Make sure he’s a vegetarian, too.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “He has to have brown hair, and an earring, but no tattoos. He needs to be good at sports.”

Me: “I don’t think we can do all that.”

Customer: “He needs to know a language other than English.”

Me: “You’re just kidding, right?”

Customer: “Yes. Just stick with the no cat allergy request.”

Me: “Alright then.”

Give Pizza A Chance

| Merseyside, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A customer calls for a pizza delivery.)

Customer: “I want a large pizza with all the toppings.”

Me: “We’ve got over 30 different kind of toppings; which would you like?”

Customer: “All of them; I’m starving.”

Me: “A pizza with 30 toppings isn’t going to taste very nice.”

Customer: “I don’t care; I’m starving. I want all the toppings.”

Me: “One of the toppings is sliced banana; do you want that one?”

Customer: “Ugh! Banana? No, not on a pizza. Okay, leave that off.”

Me: “Do you like olives?”

Customer: “Er, no. None of them.”

Me: “Anchovies?”

Customer: “What are they?”

Me: “Small strips of dried, salted fish.”

Customer: “Ugh, no!”

(We repeat this for 25 more items.)

Me: “So, that’s a ham and mushroom on a thin crust, with you in 30 minutes.”

Customer: “Er, yeah. Thanks.”