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    Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

    | Dewitt, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working an average rush hour at a large grocery store when I approach the end of an elderly woman’s order.)

    Me: “Okay, this will be $46.48.”

    Customer: *starts hitting card reader with signature pen* “Your machine isn’t working!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you need to swipe your card before you can sign.”

    Customer: *continues to hit card reader with pen* “Your g**d*** machine isn’t working!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please stop hitting the machine. You need to swipe you card.”

    Customer: *throws pen at me* “Your machine’s broken!”

    Me: “It isn’t broken. You just haven’t swiped your card yet.”

    Customer: “Your machine’s broken! See?!”

    (When she flips the card reader around, it is indeed broken—by her, of course.)

    Related:
    Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

    Forever Seeing Conspiracies

    | Arvada, CO, USA | Bizarre

    (I work at the customer service desk of a grocery store. A small old woman approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Hi, there! What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I need some stamps.”

    Me: “Would you like a book of 20 or a different amount?”

    Customer: “A book.”

    (I pull out the book of stamps and lay them in front of her as I ring in the order.)

    Customer: “Are those the forever stamps?”

    Me: “All we carry are the forever stamps.”

    Customer: “This design was created to support Al Qaeda!”

    (I look at the stamps, and what do I see? An American flag with Lady Liberty’s face on them.)

    Celebrate Good Hearing, Come On

    , | Evans, GA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m using the headset for the drive through.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for choosing [restaurant]. Would you like to have one of our celebration specials today?”

    Customer: “No. So, do you all still have that celebration special?”

    Me: “Yes. Yes, we do…”

    It’s The Small Victories

    | Montreal, Canada | Bizarre

    (I’ve been working for a quite a while, so my voice is scratchy. Near the end of my shift, an old man comes to the counter.)

    Customer: “Hm. You’re losing your voice there, eh?”

    Me: “Haha. A little bit, I suppose.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s the end of the world for a woman.”

    Me: “Ha ha…” *confused as to where he’s going with this*

    Customer: “HAHAHA, YOU CAN’T YELL AT ME!” *does a victory dance*

    Don’t Mess With The Candyland Gang

    | Northamptonshire, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Top

    (It’s 7 AM Christmas Eve, and our shop has only just opened. I am one of two checkout staff. There are three customers in shop, one of whom is acting edgy and therefore attracts my attention.)

    Me: *to my supervisor* “I think that guy put something in his pocket.”

    (My supervisor keeps an eye on man and sees him pocket a packet of sausages, so she calls security calls security. Half a dozen tall, bulky guys storm over to the checkouts. However, as it is Christmas Eve, they are all dressed up. Supervisor B, who is dressed up as an ice queen, complete with cape and crown, prevents the customer from leaving.)

    Supervisor: “Excuse me, sir, are you sure you’ve paid for everything?”

    Customer: “Um…”

    (He looks up in fear at my supervisor, who is flanked by an angel, a snowman, a Christmas pudding, a Santa, and a guy in a tutu and fairy wings.)

    Customer: “Oh, um, yeah, here’s some other stuff.” *empties pockets* “Sorry, excuse me.”

    (He tries to side step to walk around us, but stumbles into a 6-foot snowman complete with top hat.)

    Customer: “Excuse me…excuse me…excuse me!” *scurries out the door*

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