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    What Difference Does It Make

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “What movies do you NOT have?”

    Me: “Sorry, what did you say?”

    Customer: “I said, what movies don’t you have?”

    Me: “Well we have a sign up that advertises the moves that we DO have. If it isn’t on that sign, then we don’t have the movie.”

    Customer: “You really ought to put up a sign that lists the movies that you don’t have.”

    But Cheddar Is Always Beddar

    | Peterborough, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I work in a coffee shop that is now advertising using real cheese instead of processed cheese.)

    Customer: “Can I get a chocolate chip muffin please?”

    Me: “Sure, that will be [price].”

    Customer: “And can I get that without cheese?”

    Me: *confused* “We actually don’t put cheese on our muffins.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, I saw on the commercial that everything now has real cheese on it, so I really don’t want that.”

    Me: “Well, we only put cheese on things like sandwiches. You won’t have cheese on much else. We have just changed to using real cheese instead of processed, so that’s what we’re advertising.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s a relief!”

    Related:
    Dangerously Cheesy

    Be Thankful You Have A Job At All

    | USA | Money

    (I work for a utilities company in collections, meaning I get people who are being shut off, or have been shut off. Our policy is to send several notices, and then shut off an account if no satisfactory arrangements are made. Where we give them a date, we can shut off the account with no one there, provided the meter is outside.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [utility company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m holding a shut off notice here dated for November 10th. When will my services be shut off for non-payment?”

    Me: “As of November 10th, it is subject to termination.”

    Customer: “Oh. Do I have to be there? I’m going on vacation.”

    Me: “No, you don’t need to be there.”

    Customer: “Oh. Can I get a hold on the account? I don’t have any money.”

    Me: “Well, is there a medical condition pertaining to the services?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “How about an infant or an elderly person?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, how about a financial hardship?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, are you unemployed, or was there a loss of income?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, nothing like that! I spent all my money on my vacation!”

    The Lonely And The Lonelier

    | Westmont, NJ, USA |

    (I manage a small video rental chain that is open 365 days a year, including Christmas.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe you’re open on Christmas. Who rents movies on Christmas?”

    Me: “You’re here…”

    Customer: “But I’m renting video games. That’s different!”

    Identifiers Are For Life

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (Customers can come into the store to buy books, or they can create an account with an e-mail address and purchase books online. The account is your email address and whatever password they choose. A customer and his girlfriend come up the service desk.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I can’t access my online account.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help. What is your e-mail address?”

    Customer: “Um…” *stares at the floor*

    Me: “Sir? Your email address?”

    Customer: *quietly says something*

    Me: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat that please?”

    (By now, other customers are waiting for assistance. Suddenly, the customer shouts his email address, loud enough for everyone to hear.)

    Customer: “Im-a-whore@[ISP].com!”


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