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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Try Not To Catch A Code

    | Claremont, NH, USA | Technology

    Me: “Hi, this is [computer repair]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, I think there’s a problem with my computer. I was online and lots of windows starting popping up. Then, it locked up and I couldn’t do anything.”

    Me: “That sounds like it has a virus. Just don’t touch it. Bring it in, and we’ll take a look at it, okay?”

    Customer: “Oh no! I’ll be down shortly.”

    (About thirty minutes later, a woman comes in with a disgusted and terrified look on her face. She is carrying her computer in a black trash bag.)

    Customer: *hands me bag with outstretched hands* “Here, take it!”

    Me: “Why is it in a black trash bag?”

    Customer: “I didn’t want to catch the virus!”

    My Daddy Pays For Necessities

    | Blacksburg, VA, USA | At The Checkout

    (Two girls are walking up to my register with a large quantity of beer.)

    Girl #1: “I know it sucks, but you have to remember that we have to live in the real world now.”

    Girl #2: “I know. I think I might hate the real world.”

    (I check their IDs and tell them the total. The girl paying hands me her college charge card.)

    Me: “You do realize that in the real world, your parents don’t buy your alcohol, right?”

    C Is For Coffee, Cigarettes, And Cluelessness

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, what’s that sign over your coffee brewer thing?”

    Me: “The one that says Proposition 65?”

    Customer: *squinting* “Yeah. It says something about cancer?”

    Me: “We’re required to let you know that our coffee and coffee products contain chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer and reproductive harm. You really don’t need to worry about it; you’d have to consume a lot of coffee before it took any effect.”

    Customer: “That has to be illegal! I’m never coming here again until you take the cancer out of your coffee!” *storms out of the store*

    (Later on, when I finish my shift and go outside, I see the same customer. She’s drinking a blended iced coffee from our competition across the street and smoking a cigarette while complaining to someone on the phone about how our store puts cancer in our drinks.)

    Heartlessness Is In the Heart Of The Beholder

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Pets & Animals

    (A customer walks in with two young dogs.)

    Me: “Hello. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, these two dogs belonged to my mother, who recently passed away. Her dying wish was to have them buried with her.”

    Me: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “I would like them euthanized, so I can have them cremated and put into her casket with her.”

    Me: “How old are they? Do they have any health issues?”

    Customer: “They are two years old. They are healthy, but you need to put them down, now! I need them to be buried with my mother, so they can join her in heaven!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we will not euthanize two perfectly healthy dogs.”

    Customer: *while walking out* “Fine! You people are heartless!”

    Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners

    | California, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (I am a cashier at a locally owned grocery store that is frequented by families. A dad comes in with two sons. The younger one puts a drink in the front of their order.)

    Kid: “Don’t put this in a bag.”

    Dad: “Hey! You could at least say ‘please’!”

    Kid: “Dad, you don’t say ‘please’ to clerks, only to people! I learned it in my lesson yesterday!”


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