October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!


| Ardmore, OK, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(I am working the self checkouts. A family has just voided an item off their ticket and I come over to see what’s up. They consist of a mother, a father, and a 6- or 7-year-old boy. They are of Hispanic descent and seem to speak primarily Spanish.)

Me: “Hi, is anything wrong?”

Mother: “This movie is ringing up for $16-something, but we got it out of the $5 bin.”

Little Boy: “Wait, no we didn’t! We got it off the shelf!”

(The mother hits the little boy admonishingly, says something in Spanish, and then hurries off. The father, however, lingers behind.)

Father: “I’m so sorry!” *leaves*

From Hair Raising To Heart Warming

| UK | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Top

(I am standing behind the till, serving customers. I wear a wig; I had Alopecia when I was 16 and haven’t had any hair for three years. A male customer goes past the till, heading for the children’s section, and sees me.)

Customer: “Oh my god, your hair looks amazing! How did you get it like that?!”

Me: “It’s a wig, actually! I lost my hair when I was younger.”

(The customer looks very shocked, but then suddenly gives me a thumbs up.)

Customer: “Darling, you look smashing.”

Me: “Thank you, you just made my day!”

(The customer who took the time to give my self esteem a boost?! I honestly hope he wins the lottery one day!)

Plot Twist Of The Truth

| Mexico City, Mexico | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Top

(I work at a library that opens Monday through Saturday. It is the Tuesday after a long weekend following the celebration of Mexico’s Independence Day. When I walk in, my assistant looks to be almost in tears while talking to a customer on the phone. I decide to take the call from there.)

Me: “Good morning. This is the manager. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, nothing with, really. Since you are all a bunch of lazy a**holes. Shame on you.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t understand, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, I called on Sunday because I needed some very important information and no one picked up the phone. No one, you lazy b****!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but, you see, we close Sundays. Any other day we are happy to help with any information.”

Customer: “Yeah? Well, explain this to me. I called yesterday and your s****y secretary didn’t even pick up the phone.”

Me: “Well, because of the long weekend, we were closed this particular Monday.”

Customer: “What the f***? You close when I need information? Are you deliberately doing this to upset me? This country doesn’t need people like you, you know?!”

Me: “You mean, people that celebrate its independence? That’s the reason we closed. Banks close this particular day too, you know?”

Customer: “What?! You mean banks were closed too?! Is this some kind of evil plan you’re all plotting against me?!”

(At this point, I decide I’ve had enough of her screaming.)

Me: “YES WE ARE! And now you know, you should never stop looking over your shoulder because we are after YOU.”

(We never heard from that customer again.)

The Drive To Do Good

| Dublin, Ireland | Awesome Workers, Theme Of The Month, Top, Transportation

(I have a bunch of friends over for a concert, and we all stay at the same place in South County Dublin, about 20 minutes from the City Centre. It is almost midnight by the time we get to the bus stop. Dublin Bus provides a free shuttle service to the concert, but by that time all the free shuttle buses are gone. Just then, an out of service bus arrives.)

Bus Driver: “Hm, there’s a lot of you left here. Tell you what: we’ll just pretend I’m a shuttle.”

Me: “Sorry, when’s the next Nightlink?

Bus Driver: “That just left; the next one’s at 02:00 h. You might have to get a cab.”

(I try to call Enquiries for a cab company, but can’t because my phone is out of battery. My friends are all from abroad and therefore don’t have Irish Enquiry numbers on their phones. The bus driver overhears our increasingly worried conversation and gives me his phone. At this stage we’re almost at Trinity College, where the shuttle terminates.)

Me: “Thanks, are you going on to Donnybrook Garage?”

Bus Driver: “Yeah, don’t worry. You can stay on.”

(I try to get a cab, but am told by the cab company that they can’t send out a seven-seater to the bus garage but we should just flag one down—pretty much an impossibility.)

Me: *to my friends* “S***, we’ll have to flag one down… or two, rather.”

(At this stage, the only people left on the bus are me, my friends and one guy on the back bench. We’re all getting seriously worried about getting home.)

Bus Driver: “Right, so where are you all going?”

Me: “Deansgrange!”

Guy on the back bench: “Dun Laoghaire!”

(Both these suburbs are off the same main road, about three miles apart.)

Bus Driver: “Shag it, I’ll drop you all home!”

(The driver dropped us, and presumably the guy from Dun Laoghaire, all the way to our respective street corners, thus staying on about half an hour after his shift ended and going out of his way about 10 miles there and back. All we had to repay him for his awesomeness was one of our homemade message board badges commemorating the concert meet-up and half a Duty Free bag of gummi bears, and he accepted them with a smile. That’s why I love this country.)

Off The Clock And Into The Fired

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Top

(It’s my day off, and I’m shopping at the store where I work when this happens.)

Customer: “You!” *runs up to me*

Me: “Uh, yes?”

Customer: “That’s not how you respond to a paying customer. You’re supposed to say, ‘How may I help you today, ma’am’, and smile!”

Me: “Um, actually right now I’m a paying customer too.”

Customer: “You still work here don’t, you? So, you have to help me or I will get you fired!”

Me: “I’m not working right now. That means—”

Customer: “I don’t care what it means!”

Me: “It means that I cannot help you, will not help you, and it also means I get to walk away.”

(A few minutes pass. Then the customer returns with my manager.)

Customer: *points at me* “Her! She refused to help me. Fire her!”

Manager: “Ma’am, she’s not working today. She’s here as a customer, and if that was you I heard yelling at her, that means I can kick you out of the store for harassing other customers. Please finish your shopping and leave.”

Customer: “But she still works here so she has to help me! I am the customer! I am right!”

Manager: “Geez.” *hands me her manager card* “Use this on your stuff to get my discount. I have to deal with this.”

Me: “Remember boss, the customer is always right!”

Manager: “Oh, shut up.”

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