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    It’ll Click Eventually

    | England, UK | Technology

    Me: “Welcome to the IT service desk. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to click on the power button, but for some reason it’s not working.”

    Me: “The power button?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you know, the one on the bottom right of the screen, with the green light? I’d have thought the help desk would know what a power button is.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you don’t actually click on the power button. It’s a physical object and needs to be pressed with your finger.”

    Customer: *slight pause* “I don’t get it. I’ll go back and try again…”

    Missing The Y In DIY

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I work at the returns desk of a big-box home-improvement store. A customer is bringing back a pesticide/weed killer sprayer.)

    Me: “Hello, did you have a problem with the sprayer?”

    Customer: “Yes! It won’t work. It keeps clogging up. This is the second sprayer I’ve brought in, and I haven’t even finished my deck!”

    Me: “What type of spray are you using in the sprayer?”

    Customer: “I’m using the deck stain listed on the receipt there.”

    Me: “There’s your problem: this sprayer won’t work for deck stain.”

    Customer: “What?! What do you mean?! That’s not what I was told! I was told this would work just fine!”

    Me: “Who told you that it was okay to use a pesticide sprayer for deck stain?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know his name, but he looks…um…he works here, okay?”

    (I start the returns process on the register I’m at.)

    Customer: “So, what would you recommend to stain my deck?”

    Me: “I’d go right over to aisle 5 and look at the paint sprayers.”

    Customer: “But those are so expensive! I can’t afford one of those.”

    Me: “Well, you could always buy a brush and do it the old-fashioned way.”

    Customer: “But that’s work!”

    Business -101

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (Note: I work for a cosmetology products distributor, so our clients are primarily professionals and beauty salon & supply owners. I’m talking to a rather ditzy stylist on the phone.)

    Customer: “So, yeah…like, I need to know how to retail [brand name product].”

    Me: “Well, I can send you a contract to become a retailers so you can purchase them from us.”

    Customer: “But I already bought them from you! I just need to know how to sell them.”

    Me: “Uh…most people put product on a shelf with a price on it.”

    Customer: *cheerful* “Ooohhh, okay! Thanks, that’s all I needed!”

    The Neck-ed Truth

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Customer: “Can you help me out? This top doesn’t have the same neck as the one on the mannequin, and I like the look of that one better.”

    (We go to look at the mannequin.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the same top.”

    Customer: “No! It’s not! The neck doesn’t go up as high on this shirt as it does on the mannequin.”

    (I start thinking that she’s talking about how the neck is wider in the shoulders. The neck looks a little higher on the mannequin than it does on the hanger.)

    Me: “No, ma’am. This is the same shirt. It just looks like a lower neckline on the hanger.”

    (At this point the customer reaches out and touches the mannequin’s neck as she speaks.)

    Customer: “No! It’s not! You can’t honestly tell me that the neck of that shirt is the same as this one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s the mannequin’s neck, not part of the shirt.”

    Takes One To H2O One

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA |

    (I’m sitting at my kiosk drinking from a water bottle.)

    Woman: “You’re not supposed to drink on the job!”

    (Thinking she’s just giving me a hard time, I just laugh.)

    Woman: “I know that’s not water. I know all the tricks!”

    Me: *speechless*

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