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  • His Attitude Speaks Volumes
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    Sweet Midlife Crisis

    , | Fast Food Restaurant | Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular fast food place where cashiers ask for customer’s names so that they can be called when their order is ready. Customers who are members of our loyalty program are called whatever name they registered their card under. A middle aged man approaches.)

    Me: *holding back laughter* “Is this the name you want me to call?”

    Customer: “Yes, of course!”

    (Five minutes pass while his order is being made.)

    Coworker: *over the intercom* “Princess Bubblegum, your order is ready!”

    Silence Is Golden

    | USA |

    Customer: *in writing* “Where are the encyclopedias?”

    Me: *slowly, making sure he can lip read me* “One floor up–”

    (The customer gestures me to write. I assume he can’t lip read. He goes on his way after I write the instructions. Suddenly there’s a crash and he looks towards the sound.)

    Me: “I thought you couldn’t hear!”

    Customer: *in writing* “Stop talking, this is a library!”

    Meanwhile In Oklahoma

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Canada

    (I ring up a customer, who pays with debit. Shortly after I give him the debit machine to go through the prompts.)

    Customer: “Oh, it seems to have cancelled the transaction.”

    Me: “No problem. We’ll just start over.”

    (I swipe his card again and hand him the machine.)

    Customer: “See, here’s where I went wrong.”

    (He shows me the screen. It says ‘Purchase: 8.50$ OK?’ Underneath, the left button is indicated as ‘OK’, and the right as ‘CAN’ for ‘cancel’.)

    Me: “So, did you press OK to approve the transaction?”

    Customer: “I thought CAN meant Canada!”

    Lost In No Translation, Part 3

    | USA | Language & Words

    (I work in a large home improvement store and I’m the only female in the department. A customer pulls up on his motorcycle and parks it on the sidewalk outside the door, then staggers inside, making a beeline to me despite all the other sales people.)

    Customer: *in a loud drunken slur* “Where do you keep your nipples?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Your nipples. Where do you keep your nipples?”

    Me: “I’m not sure I understand what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: *getting louder* “Where do you keep your nipples?! The titties you mash to start your engine!”

    Me: “Oh, the fuel bulbs are kept over here.”

    (The customer purchases them and leaves. The other associates actually gave me applause for the diplomatic interpretation of his drunken demands.)

    Related:
    Lost In No Translation, Part 2
    Lost In No Translation

    Makes Perfect (Non)sense

    | Missouri, USA | Bizarre

    (I work at a mail order pharmacy at the receptionist desk. This call comes into the switchboard.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling pharmacy. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: “I wanna talk to [name].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, there is no one here by that name. Are you a customer of ours?”

    Caller: “I need to speak with [different name] because Barack Obama sent some men to try and kill me!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, are you a patient? Do you need medication from us?”

    Caller: “No, [different name] stole my rent money and Barack Obama is working with OJ Simpson, who’s in prison, and they are sending some men after me to kill me! Obama apologized to me publicly, but he didn’t mean it! Now he’s trying to send OJ Simpson to kill me!”


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