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    Two Points Make A Line, But Three People Don’t

    | Helsingborg, Sweden |

    (I’m at the front desk and there’s a line of three people. A middle-aged school teacher walks up to the counter.)

    Patron: “I have a question.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in the line and wait your turn.”

    Patron: *looks at the line* “Young man, I would hardly call that a line.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Patron: “Three people don’t make a line. You really should be more clear about your line policies.”

    Me: “Line policies?”

    Patron: “Three people isn’t enough to call it a line!”

    Me: “You would have to ask the people standing in line about that.”

    But President Osama Said

    | Costa Rica |

    Customer #1: “So, Obama Bin Laden was found dead in a house in Iraq, or something.”

    Customer #2: “But, I heard it was Al Qaeda who was found dead.”

    Customer #1: “Who told you that?”

    Customer #2: “I don’t know. I heard it on Facebook, or something.”

    Customer #1: “You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet!”

    Give Me An Ear Or I’ll Give You An Earful

    | Northern California, USA | Bizarre

    (A woman rushes into the store with her two sons. She’s very huffy and already looks impatient.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for ears. Do you sell any? Like a grey ear?”

    Me: “Um, do you mean like a costume ear?”

    Customer: “No, no, no…an ear, like a grey model ear. You don’t have one of those? You’re probably going to tell me that I’m going to have to make it myself. Ugh, I always have to make things myself.”

    Me: “Well, I don’t think we sell ears specifically. We do sell sculpting clay though. You could make it with sculpting clay, if that’s not too much troub–”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t sell ears here! That’s one of the more basic items!”

    This Apple Fell Far From Its Tree

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am working at an elementary school for gifted children. We have a horseshoe shaped parking lot where parents picked up their kids. At the end of the day it’s my job to stand at the exit of the one way and direct people 10 feet to my right to the correct entrance. A woman coming to pick up her child tries to enter the wrong way. I step in front of her car. She steps on the gas and gets close enough to hit my bright orange flag that says “stop”.)

    Woman: “What the h*** are you doing? I need to pick up my daughter! Why aren’t you letting me pick up my daughter?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is a one way. You need to back out and go the correct way.”

    Woman: “You’re kidnapping my daughter! I’m going to call the police! Let me in to see my daughter!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, we are not keeping you from your daughter. All you need to do is back up and drive a few feet to the entrance. You are trying to go the wrong way down a one way.”

    Woman: “Well, how am I supposed to know which way is the right way?”

    Me: “Ma’am, even if I weren’t here to tell you, there’s a sign right behind me that says ‘Do Not Enter’.”

    Woman: “Well, I shouldn’t be expected to read street signs!”

    Obviously, She Needs Food For Thought

    | North Brunswick, NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (A truck flips over down the street and takes out a power line, knocking out the power to our restaurant. We are all getting ready to start cleaning up and calling it an early day until a customer walks in. Note that all the lights are off.)

    Customer: “I tried calling to place an order and you guys didn’t answer the phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Our power is out, so our phones don’t work.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s okay. Can I just order a chicken lori dinner?”

    Me: “Well, I’m afraid that’s not possible at the moment. We have no electricity in the kitchen and there aren’t any windows back there. Plus, our ovens and grilles have electric starters.”

    Customer: “You guys are open though, correct?”

    Me: “Only for a little while longer while we clean up.”

    Customer: “Well, then, can you at least make me a pizza?”

    Me: “I don’t think you really understand. We lost power. We can’t cook anything right now.”

    Customer: “Ugh, what kind of pizza place is this? Can I at least have one of the slices on the counter?”

    Me: “Sure, we can do that.”

    (I pick her slices out and start putting them in a box.)

    Customer: “You aren’t even going to heat them up or anything?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I honestly don’t know how much clearer I can make this. The power is out. Anything that uses electricity is currently not working. Our stoves cannot be started.”

    Customer: “Fine! Forget it. I’m never coming back here again. You people are useless!”


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