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    A Screw (Or Two) Loose

    | Chester, UK |

    (A customer calls our shop phone. Usually the customers just call to check stock.)

    Me: “Hello, [store], how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “You owe me two screws!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I’ve just been in your shop and bought a box of screws. When I got home, there were two missing!”

    Me: “Sir, are you telling me you have opened and counted out an entire box of screws?”

    Customer: “Of course I did! There two missing! So, get somebody out to me now with the two screws that you owe me!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we can’t do that. Even if we could, we wouldn’t, because if you look on the side of the box it clearly states “Approximately 200 Screws”.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Deficiency Leads To Stupidity

    | Florida, USA | Food & Drink

    (In my store, we sell mainly natural real fruit smoothies, but we do have additions like vitamins, antioxidants, and whey protein. All of our additions are listed on our menu. A lady who looks to be in her mid 40s approaches my counter.)

    Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: *reading addition section* “What is protein?”

    Me: *thinking she unfamiliar with “whey”* “Well, it’s protein made from dairy that’s been processed into a powder. Ours is vanilla flavored, so it goes well with all of our fruits.”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah, but what is protein?”

    Me: *confused* “Protein? You mean the like the stuff you normally get from eating meat or eggs?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’ve never heard of it before. What is it?”

    You’re A Fine One To Talk

    | New Zealand | Bizarre

    (A customer comes in to pay for her gas.)

    Me: “Hello! Is it just the fuel today?”

    Customer: “Just tell me where to swipe my EFTPOS card.”

    Me: *points* “Just there, ma’am.”

    Customer: *swipes card and enters PIN number*

    Me: “Uh…that’s the wrong pin number. Sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, maybe if you weren’t yabbering away like an air-headed lunatic I could have concentrated and got it right!”

    Me: “I’m sorry! If you wouldn’t mind just re-entering your pin, please?”

    (Suddenly, the customer turns around to the other customers behind her and throws her hands in the air.)

    Customer: “And she’s still talking! GAWD, woman!”

    So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    Little girl: “My mom seems unemployed, but I think she’s some kind of secret agent.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Little girl: “I found handcuffs in her drawer behind the makeup. I can never find her gun or anything else, though.”

    Just The Fax, Please

    | Baltimore, MD, USA |

    Client: “What do I put where it says “Client Name” and “Address”? Is that my information?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Client: “Okay, and where it says “Fax/Email/Overnight”, what’s that?”

    Me: “That is how you would like us to send your documents.”

    Client: “But what do I mark if I want you to fax them?”

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