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    Of Closed Minds And Opened Doors

    | Richfield, MN, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am walking a customer out to her car so I can help her load the mulch she has purchased. She tries unsuccessfully to use her key fob to open the trunk.)

    Customer: “It’s not working! Oh my god, what am I going to do? I can’t get into my car!” *starts tearing up*

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s okay! Just use the key to open the door.”

    Customer: “It won’t open the door! It only starts the car. What are you, stupid?”

    (We go through this a couple more times before she caves in.)

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll try it your way!”

    (As expected, the door opens with key.)

    Customer: *condescending* “Well, how am I supposed to know that the key opens the door?!”

    We Prefer Our Privates Private

    | Edmonton, Canada | Health & Body

    (At my store we sell Saxx, a type of men’s boxer briefs that contains a “holder” for added support and comfort for men. These sell for around $25- $30. A customer is buying 2 pairs.)

    Me: “So, the Saxx will be final sale because they are an undergarment. Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “But why are they final sale? What if I decide I don’t like them?”

    Me: “Well, typically people don’t want to purchase products that have already been worn, especially underwear.”

    Customer: “But these are men’s underwear!”

    Me: “That doesn’t make a difference. For hygienic reasons, we can’t resell these. So, they’re a final sale.”

    Customer: “Fine! But I don’t see what the problem is. Men don’t care about that; only women do!”

    A Runaway Train Of Thought, Part 2

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    (An elderly couple enters the store and starts checking out our collection of animals.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Man: “Yes, we would like a pet…maybe a cat, or a dog…”

    Woman: “…or a rabbit, or a turtle.”

    Man: “Yes. One of those…”

    Woman: “…or all of them.”

    Man: “Oh yeah, that’s possible too…”

    Woman: “…and a hamster. Don’t forget the hamster!”

    Man: “And a few birds…”

    Woman: “…or cake. I’d like cake…”

    Man: “…with a cup of coffee. ”

    Woman: “Yeah. That’s across the street. I see!”

    Man: *to me* “Okay, thank you sir. goodbye!”

    Me: *amused and confused* “Enjoy your cake…goodbye!”

    A Runaway Train Of Thought

    Flaws And Effect

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (We used to have a candy topping for a certain holiday drink. It was discontinued because people found it unpleasant. One customer went as far as to claim that a barista “must have dropped fried rice from their lunch into the drink”. There had been a minor incident over it, and the customer was outraged. This takes place the following year in the drive-thru.)

    Coworker: “Hi, here’s your latte! Have a nice night.”

    Customer: “Where’s the candied ginger from last year? I only ordered this because I wanted the ginger. I’m not going to enjoy my drink as much now!”

    Coworker: “Well, we don’t use it any more because people didn’t like it. Someone even insisted there was rice in their drink! Isn’t that kind of funny?”

    Customer: “Oh yes…I remember. Uh…that was me, actually.” *drives away sheepishly*

    As Long As It’s A Tofu Hat

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    (I am a zookeeper, and am taking care of five lions which are new arrivals. We’ve set up a natural habitat for them and they are ready to be introduced to their new home. I press the button that raises the gate between their cage and the habitat, and they begin to examine their new surroundings. As I do this, I get tapped on the shoulder by a visitor.)

    Visitor: “New arrivals?”

    Me: “Yes, just got here this morning.”

    Visitor: “What do they eat?”

    Me: “Well, meat, of course.”

    Visitor: *nods* “I thought so. Then, I am just in time. We need to protect these poor animals!”

    (The visitor hands me a poster about being a vegetarian. I look at it, and then look back at her.)

    Me: “So these lions should NOT eat meat?”

    Visitor: “No, of course not! There are enough healthy alternatives, as listed on this poster!”

    Me: “I don’t think the lions would agree with that. However, they do eat vegetarians; cows and so on, you know. Nature.”

    Visitor: “Oh, no!” *turns to the lions* “I’ll bring tofu tomorrow, you’ll like it!”

    (As she leaves, a female coworker who has overheard the conversation chimes in.)

    Coworker: “If she can do that, I’ll eat my hat!”

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