Not Just The Computer Making A Loud Noise

| Mooresville, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(A very angry customer walks into our office.)

Me: “Hi! What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “My computer’s broken! Fix it!”

Me: “I see you didn’t bring it in with you today. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work!”

Me: “How is it not working? Can you turn it on, or does nothing happen when you hit the power button? Does it power up, but it might just be slow from a virus?”

Customer: “You should know this! My monitor doesn’t work! I bought a new monitor, but it doesn’t work! Oh, and my computer is making a loud noise!”

Me: “I’m thinking it sounds like there may be one of three things wrong with your computer. If you could bring it in, I’ll take a look at it.”

(From this point on, she screams at me every time she speaks to me.)

Customer: “YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY COMPUTER! TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG!”

Me: “Ma’am, I honestly don’t know what’s wrong until you bring it in and let me look at it. Until then, I’m not going to be able to give you the answers you need.”

Customer: “TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I think the most likely case is that your motherboard has failed. If that’s true, you’ll need to buy a new computer. It also sounds like your power supply may have failed or you might need a new video card. If either of those two are the case, they’re fixable problems.”

Customer: “TELL ME HOW MUCH A VIDEO CARD COSTS!”

Me: “How old is your computer?”

Customer: “IT’S AN ACER!”

Me: “Ma’am, first things first. I’m going to have to ask you to keep this conversation at a reasonable volume. Secondly, you yelling at me the brand of your computer when I ask for the age doesn’t help me. If you could just bring it in to me—”

Customer: “YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT! I’M NEVER DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU AGAIN!”

(The woman storms out of the office. I yell back before the door closes.)

Me: “You never did business with us in the first place!”

Not A Sound Reason For Calling

| Spokane, WA, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Hello! You’ve reached [company] tech support. What can I help you with today?”

Caller: “Yeah, my phone doesn’t make any sounds. It vibrates when someone calls, but it doesn’t ring or anything.”

Me: “Hmm… that is kind of strange. I know this is going to sound really obvious, and I apologize for that, but have you tried pressing the volume buttons on the side of the phone?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’ve done that but it doesn’t do anything. Here, I’ll show you…”

(I hear the sound of his phone beeping.)

Caller: “SON OF A B****!”

Acting Like A Has-Bean

| Yonkers, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

Customer: “Excuse me, how much is one coffee bean?”

Me: “One bean?”

Customer: “Yes, just one.”

Me: “Can I ask why you want a single bean?”

Customer: “Just tell me the price!”

Me: “Uh… well, they’re [price] per pound, so you could try to weigh one bean and work it out from there.”

Customer: “Perfect!”

(She weighs one bean. The scale comes up ‘0lb, 0oz’.)

Me: “Well, I guess if you just want one bean you can take it, although you won’t get much coffee from it.”

Customer: “That won’t be a problem.”

(She grabs the entire stack of bulk bags, and begins placing a single bean in each one, weighing it, and then printing out a price tag.)

Me: “Wha… hey! You can’t—”

(My manager suddenly appears.)

Manager: “Shush, let her finish.”

(It takes the customer nearly half an hour to load up as much coffee as she wants. She proceeds to an automatic checkout, but after scanning her second free bean, the machine stops.)

Automatic Checkout: “If you have combined two of the same item, please combine them.”

Customer: “D*** it!”

Manager: “Oh, I’m sorry. These machines can be kind of picky. I’ll get that for you.”

(He stacks the entire mound of bagged coffee beans onto a scale, weighs it, and then presents her with the now massively inflated price.)

Customer: “I… hey! I’m not paying that much! Put them back.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, I’m not permitted to return food to the shelves once it’s been handled.”

(They argue, and finally the shopper gives up and pays for the beans—and the bags. After the customer leaves, my manager returns.)

Me: “She paid!? We were all expecting her to throw them on the ground and run out!”

(I was actually correct! When I left the store, I noticed dozens of bulk bags strewn around the parking lot!)

April 2013 Top Story Roundup

Not Always Right | Roundups

April 2013 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for the month of April!

  1. Man’s Best Friend From Beginning To End (4,402 thumbs up)
  2. Instrumental In The Decision (4,124 thumbs up)
  3. A Taxing Interview (3,754 thumbs up)
  4. Moving Pictures From A Moving Story (3,310 thumbs up)
  5. Acting Like A Cookie Monster (3,164 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

How To Devalue Your Crown Jewels

| UK | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

Me: “Are you looking for something in particular, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, do you sell those Chlamydia beads?”

Me: “Uh… do you mean the Chamillia beads?”

Customer: “Yes, why, what did I call them?”

Me: “You don’t want to know what you called them.”

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