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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    An Accidental Hero

    | WI, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a grocery store. I see two teenage boys come in and grab a few things.)

    Teenager #1: *slightly dazed * “Hey… can I ask you a question?

    Me: “Um… sure?”

    Teenager #1: “Do we look bad?”

    Me: “Bad? How do you mean bad?”

    Teenager #1: “Like, you know, accident-bad?”

    Me: “Well, I did notice you two are a bit scuffed up.”

    Teenager #1: “We flipped our four wheeler when some guy tried to run us off the road.”

    Me: “Oh my gosh! Are you both alright?”

    Teenager #1: “We think so. All we want to do is just get our stuff for tonight and head back home.”

    (Just then, the other teenager promptly keels over. I call my manager and we get an ambulance to store. The EMTs check out both and report that they are both good and that the second one only passed out from the shock that settled in. Once the EMT gets the other teen to come around I used my house account to get them some water and a snack bar to help settle them. I then offer to take them home since I lived near by once they told the EMT where they lived. At first they didn’t want to because the first teen didn’t want to leave his four wheeler, but my manager says that it can be put in the back of my truck; and they seemed to be alright with that. About a week later, I get called to the service desk by the same manager.)

    Me: “Yes?”

    Manager: *smiles some* “You have two people who want to see you.”

    (I look and it’s the two teenagers from that night and they hand me a carnation, a lottery ticket, and thank me for what I did!)

    Won’t Listen Until You’re Code Blue In The Face

    | KS, USA | Health & Body

    (We’ve been extremely busy in the small ER where I work. We’re completely full with people in the waiting room when an ambulance brings in a Code Blue—someone not breathing. The x-ray tech and I are standing in the nurse’s station awaiting instructions, when a patient’s relative comes up.)

    Relative: “What’s going on? Why hasn’t the doctor come in to see my son? We’ve been waiting over an hour!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, we have a Code Blue critical patient in and the doctor is busy.”

    Relative: “Too busy to check on his patients? This is ridiculous! We haven’t even seen a nurse in 20 d*** minutes!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, like I said, everyone’s busy with the Code Blue and nobody is free at the moment.”

    Relative: “This unacceptable! My son is in pain back there, and you don’t give a s***!”

    (At this point, the nursing supervisor and the relative of a different patient walks up.)

    Supervisor: “Ma’am? Can I help you?”

    Relative: “My son is back there in pain and these two aren’t doing a thing about it! Just standing around! And the doctor hasn’t even been in to see him!”

    Supervisor: “Well, ma’am, as these young ladies have told you multiple times, we have Code Blue that needs our attention right now.”

    Relative: “What the f*** does that even mean?”

    Another Patient’s Relative: “It means that someone is DYING, you idiot. Your son’s headache can wait a few minutes!”

    (The first relative looked absolutely ashamed of herself and quickly retreated. The other patient’s relative later went on to buy some candy for all our staff as a thank you for working so hard.)

    UK is OK

    | Alabama, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I’m British, white-skinned, blue/green-eyed, red-haired, Celtic. I’m studying in the U.S. and work at a restaurant part-time. It’s a small-ish town and most people there seem to be quite sweet and any comments on my accent have always been ones of surprise or complimentary.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, sir and madam, are you ready to order?”

    Customer #1: *confused* “I’m sorry, what?”

    Me: “Are you ready to order?”

    Customer #1: *looks at her husband, confused* “What did she say?”

    Customer #2: “Must be a foreigner not bothering to learn English.” *slowly and loudly* “I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?”

    Me: *slowly and loudly* “YES, I DO, SIR. I ASKED IF YOU WERE READY TO ORDER.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, this is ridiculous! She doesn’t speak a word of English! Tell you what, all these foreigners are coming into America, taking American jobs from real Americans!”

    Customer #1: “Let’s find one who can understand us!”

    Me: “I can find someone else to take your order from you, if you’d prefer.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, she does speak English now!”

    Customer #1: “She was screwing with us the whole time! This is unacceptable! We don’t come here to be made fools of!”

    Customer #2: “Stupid foreigners coming in stealing our jobs and screwing up the American way of life!”

    Me: “If you’re worried about foreigners coming to America and stealing your livelihood and culture, you can take your complaints down to the nearest Native American reserve, where they will be more than happy to sympathise.”

    Customer #2: “How dare you?! You think you can come over here and disrespect the American people like that!”

    Customer #1: “We want the manager here now! I’ll have you fired and deported back to your own dirty country!”

    Me: “I’ll fetch him now for you.”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    (Customer #1 & #2 rant excessively at him for employing foreigners who don’t speak English and disrespect Americans.)

    Manager: “Well, sorry to burst your bubble there, guys.” *gestures to me* “[My name] here is from the United Kingdom and arguably speaks better English than all of us. And she’s a valued employee so if it comes down to a choice between your custom and her working here, I’m a have to choose her over you two. Now get out of here!”

    (At this point, Customer #3, an old man with a thick southern accent, beckons me over.)

    Customer #3: “Hey, you, girlie.”

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer #3: “On behalf of the United States Of America, I just wanna apologise for the way those two morons just treated you. I been a citizen here for 78 years, an’ I ain’t never let nobody tell me howta treat people. I served alongside a British guy in a the last war and I never had a problem wi’ him. Far from it.”

    Me: “That’s so nice! Thank you!”

    Customer #3: “Woulda married him too if people like that wouldn’t make such a fuss about it.”

    That Makes Two Of Us

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Uncategorized

    Caller: “Hi, I’m returning a call here?”

    Me: “Yes? Are you looking for health insurance?”

    Caller: “Well, yes.”

    Me: “Great! Do you have the name of who called you? If not, I can just transfer you to an available agent.”

    Caller: “Well, that’s the thing. I have a note and it says Linda.”

    Me: “Okay, well—”

    Caller: “Do you have a Linda? Because my name is Linda, and I’m worried I just wrote my own name down.”

    Me: “We have a Linda. I’ll transfer you.”

    Caller: “Oh, thank goodness!”

    Having A Light Bulb Moment

    | AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Me: “Thanks for calling [company name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m calling because my bill is too high!”

    Me: “Alright, I can pull up your account and see what could have caused the increase in—”

    Customer: “It’s always been too high, and I think it’s this distribution charge.”

    Me: “Ah, well that comes from the regulated electricity distributors, the ones that own and maintain the lines in the area. They send that information to us; we don’t have any control over that, unfortunately.”

    Customer: “It’s a bulls*** charge! I don’t need no distribution!”

    Me: “Well… the charge is for maintaining the electrical lines that transmit the electricity—”

    Customer: “Transmitting the electricity?”

    Me: “Yeah… you know, sending it out there.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? They don’t have to send it anywhere!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “When I turn on the lights, they just come on. I don’t have to wait for the electricity to get there, it’s already there.”

    Me: “That’s not how electricity works, sir.”

    Customer: “Of course it is! It turns on right away because the electricity is there. It doesn’t move!”

    Me: “Sir… do you have a microwave?”

    Customer: “Of course I do.”

    Me: “And when you use your microwave, it works immediately, correct?”

    Customer: “Right, because the electricity is already in there.”

    Me: “So, why do you have to plug it in if the electricity is already there?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “If you unplug your microwave it doesn’t work anymore, right?”

    Customer: “Well, yes! What does that have to do with—”

    Me: “That’s because the electricity has to travel through the cable to get to the microwave to make it work.”

    (He mutters as he’s grasping for something to argue.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: *click*

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