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    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 6

    | Washington, USA |

    (A customer who doesn’t have an account wishes to cash a check drawn on the bank. However, because it’s a very large check, I am unable to complete the transaction without speaking to the maker of the check.)

    Customer: *angry* “Give me something that says you can’t negotiate this check!”

    Me: “I don’t have any kind of declined transaction form. Here’s your check back.”

    (As I attempt to explain, the customer becomes more and more hostile.)

    Customer: “I’d better speak to the vice president, or I’m calling the police!”

    (I call the police.)

    Me: “Okay, they’re on their way.”

    Customer: *confused* “…who is?”

    Me: “The police.”

    Customer: *scared* “Wait, I didn’t say to call the police!”

    Related:
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 5
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 4
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2
    Be Careful What You Ask For

    Don’t Forget To Stock Up On Salmon Cartridges

    | Hagerstown, MD, USA | Technology

    (A customer is sent back to my department to find ink for her printer.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Do you need black or color?”

    Customer: “I need cayenne.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know which color you mean. We have cyan; that’s a light blue.”

    Customer: “No, I need cayenne. You know, like a peppery red.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t believe we have that color.”

    (The customer bends over to get a closer look at the ink.)

    Customer: “Hmmm, margarine.” *looking at the magenta* “Yellow…I don’t see cayenne.”

    Me: “Are you sure you don’t mean cyan? It kinda sounds like cayenne.”

    Customer: “No, I need red. My printer is out of red. Why wouldn’t you carry red ink?!” *walks out of the store before I can explain further*

    Questionable Questioning

    | England, UK | Language & Words

    (I am in the concessions stand selling nachos.)

    Me: “Do you want jalapeños?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why is jalapeños pronounced like it has an ‘h’ in the beginning?”

    Me: “I believe it’s a Spanish word.”

    Customer: *indignant* “Well, I don’t really care.”

    Size Matters, Part 7

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids

    Small child: “Mommy! I just saw a fish that was as big as Aunt Karen!”

    Mom: “There is NO fish that’s as big as Aunt Karen.”

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 6
    Size Matters, Part 5
    Size Matters, Part 4
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

    Piercing Puerility

    | Connecticut, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “How do I know my nose ring goes all the way through my nose?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t see it, so that must mean that it doesn’t go all the way through my nose.”

    Me: “Your nose ring goes all the way through your nostril.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it.”

    Me: “You’re not supposed to see it.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t go all the way through my nose!”

    Me: “The word ‘pierce’ means that it goes all the way through your nostril. It wouldn’t be pierced if it didn’t go all the way through.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it!”

    Me: “You’re not supposed to see it. Unless you get a hoop, you’re not going to see it.”

    Customer: *leaves*

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