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    The Mad Hatter

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (A customer sees me unpacking about 100 hats while he’s looking at the 150 or more already on display.)

    Customer: “You got any 7 1/4’s in there?”

    Me: “I don’t know yet. I’m just unpacking them and I won’t know the price until I do some research.”

    Customer: “But do you have any 7 1/4’s?”

    Me: “I don’t know yet.”

    Customer: “Look and see if you have any 7 1/4’s.”

    (Note that I’ve got over 100 hats I’m trying to unpack and stack so they won’t fall over.)

    Me: “I’ll have them all unpacked and sorted in size order in a few minutes. Just bear with me.”

    Customer: “I just want 7 1/4’s.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll be finished in a few minutes and let you know what I’ve got in that size.”

    Customer: “How many do you have?”

    Me: “I don’t know yet; I don’t have them unpacked.”

    (He wanders around the store for about a minute and comes back.)

    Customer: “Have you found the 7 1/4’s?”

    Me: “Not yet; give me a few minutes.”

    Customer: “I gave you a few minutes and you’re not done yet.”

    Me: “I’m going as fast as I can. I’ll let you know when I’m finished.”

    (I finally get them all sorted and only have about five 7 1/4’s.)

    Me: “I’m finished, and these are the 7 1/4’s.”

    (He tries one on and he doesn’t need a 7 1/4; he needs a 7. I find him a few in his size, and after he tries on one, he walks away.)

    Me: *stopping him* “I have a few more in his size.”

    Customer: *continues to walk away* “Oh, I don’t want to buy one. I just wanted to see what I looked like in a hat!”

    Idiot’s Combo

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I work in a hospital cafeteria as a cashier. We have different combos for our grill for stuff like burger and fries, or sandwich and soup. The examples are merely suggestions, and don’t vary in price depending on your combination. Two middle-aged women come up with their items.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you all doing today?”

    (Customers #1 and #2 don’t say anything.)

    Me: “Okay, I see you have 2 grilled cheese, a soup, fries, and 2 drinks.”

    (I hit the combo button twice to keep them moving.)

    Customer #1: “Hey! What did you do there?”

    Me: “…I put in your orders?”

    Customer #1: “You put two combos, but I don’t have two combos!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you have two grill items and two side items.”

    Customer #1: “I know what I have! I don’t have the soup, so it’s not a combo! You’re trying to make me pay more!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s actually cheaper if you—”

    Customer #1: “It says right there,” *she reads slowly* “Sandwiches… and… soup… combo. It’s not a combo and you put it in as a combo!”

    Customer #2: “Yeah! I saw you do it right here!”

    Me: “Alright, I’m sorry about that.”

    (I change it, making the total go from about $6 to $8.)

    Customer #1: “That’s better!”

    (We exchange money, and they both leave, when a doctor comes up next.)

    Doctor: “Could you imagine if we made combos for healthcare? They’d go broke from taking care of a cold!”

    Fighting Hate Is Everyone’s Job

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Top

    (There are three customers outside on the patio: three men, one with long hair. The other two customers are friends and start volleying increasingly homophobic insults at him. I, as the hostess am closest and move to intervene.)

    Me: “Gentlemen, please return to your meal. Abuse of the other patrons will not be tolerated and I do not want to have you thrown out.”

    Customer #1: “What the h*** are you talking about, are you dumb? That guy’s a fucking f**. Look at his f***ing hair!”

    Me: “You cannot discern another person’s sexuality from a hairstyle, sir, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave. I already told you that I cannot allow you to insult the other patrons. I do not want to retrieve security.”

    Customer #2: “Screw that, b****! We’re not going anywhere. I’m in the middle of eating.”

    (Surprisingly, a police man still in uniform walks up to us.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, police man! This dumb f***ing c*** wants to throw us out instead of that d*** gay over there. Can you f***ing believe that?”

    Policeman: “What I believe is that I should be very grateful to have a wonderful boyfriend who waited for me even though I was late and two idiots were heckling him. I believe that this young lady is quite commendable for standing up to those two idiots. I also believe you two want to pay for you lunches and leave.”

    (There’s a bit of a stand off before the two get up and simply leave two twenty dollar bills. I turn to the remaining customer.)

    Me: “I’m very, very sorry, sir. I’ll tell your waiter that lunch for you and your partner is free.”

    Customer #3: “No need, miss.”

    (He pulls a ten dollar bill out of his wallet.)

    Customer #3: “Hostesses don’t get tipped, do they?”

    Me: “That’s really not necessary, sir. It’s all just part of my job. I was happy to help.”

    Policeman: “And for that miss, I think it is necessary.”

    (He sits down across from his boyfriend and also hands me a ten. One of the men returned to complain to my manager ten minutes later and was summarily banned from the restaurant when the policeman and his partner explained what happened. I went to their wedding eight months later.)

    Do You Accept Reality Checks

    | MO, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (My boyfriend’s sister owns her own jewelry shop. I’m helping her with one of the city’s ladies nights and at the time, and am standing to the side of one of her displays. I am 5’11” and light-skinned.)

    Customer: “Wow, you have done so well with this shop! Have you had any help tonight?”

    Friend: “Yes, my sister and my brother’s girlfriend.”

    Customer: “I haven’t seen anyone around.”

    (I step next to her and chime in.)

    Me: “Hello, having a—”

    (The woman then grabs me and yells.)

    Customer: “Oh, god! You’re real.”

    (She then proceeds to touch my face while mumbling.)

    Customer: “She can’t be real… no… nooooooo!” *walks away*

    Tipping On Tiptoes

    , | ME, USA | Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    Regular: *pulls out two dollars and looks around* “You know, I’ve never seen a tip jar. Where is it?”

    Me: “We aren’t supposed to have one. It would be taxed out of our paychecks.”

    Regular: “But [coffee shop next door] has one! And what if you guys do a good job and I want to tip you?”

    Me: “Then we still aren’t supposed to accept it.”

    Regular: “Well, that sucks!” *drops the dollars on the counter* “Oh no! I accidentally dropped my money and now I’m leaving because I totally forgot it bye!” *runs out the door*

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