July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

No Upside-Down But My Head Is Still Spinning

| Orlando, FL, USA | Tourists/Travel

(I work at a special effects show, which is experienced in the form of a walking tour. Our park maps don’t even begin to explain this, and our attraction isn’t a staple of the park, so most people have no idea what we are.)

Guest #1: “What is this?”

Me: “We’re a special effects show, experienced in the form of a walking, guided tour.”

Guest #1: “But what is it?”

Me: “It’s a show, like a stage show, only you’re walking through different rooms and it’s happening around you.”

Guest #1: “So, what is it?”

Me: “It’s… it’s a show. You’re walking through the building here, and each room is a different scene you experience. Your tour guide is performing around you.”

Guest #1’s Husband: *approaching* “What’s this?”

Guest #1: “I don’t know!”

(Another guest approaches.)

Guest #2: “Is this a roller coaster?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. We’re a special effects show, only you walk through in the form of a tour.”

Guest #2: “Oh, walking? So does it go upside-down?”

Me: “…no. It’s all walking.”

Guest #2: “So what’s that?”

(The guest points to a nearby themed restaurant, which looks like a mountain on the outside.)

Me: “That’s a restaurant.”

Guest #2: “Does it go upside-down?”

Me: “…No.”

Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 2

| Rosemont, IL, USA | Geography, History, Politics

(I am Swedish, and visiting friends in the US. I see a bag with some peanut butter and chocolate dipped pretzels.)

Me: “Really?”

(I show the bag to my friends.)

Friend #1: “You don’t have that in Europe?”

Me: “Nope, and I’m glad we don’t. You Americans are silly.”

(We laugh a bit together, when suddenly an older man comes up.)

Old Man: “You f****** communist! You think you can come here and demean us!?”

Me: “Excuse me? I was ju—”

Old Man: “Shut up, d*** Russian! Go back to Siberia, and pray to Stalin!”

Friend #1: “Umm… he’s actually Swedish.”

Old Man: “Are you a f****** commie too?”

Friend #2: “None of us are! And frankly, we’ve had quite enough of your bull-s***, so p*** off.”

Old Man: “Whatever, we still won the cold war!”

(We just leave. Later on by the cash register, we see the same old man about to pay for his things. When he spots us, he points his finger towards us and shouts.)

Old Man: “Watch out for the commie b*******!”

Related:
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

Relationships, Like Hair, Can Be Parted

| Glen Rock, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A woman, her husband, and her sister are checking out on my line.)

Customer: “Your hair is FABULOUS!”

Me: “Thanks!”

Customer: “Can I touch it?”

Me: “Uh… sure.”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “21.”

Customer: “Are you married?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “We have sons.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice, but I have a boyfriend.”

Customer’s Sister: “…and they have girlfriends.”

Customer: “I don’t care! Think about the babies they would have! Good hair genes!”

Me: “Here’s your receipt. Have a good day!”

Customer: “GOOD HAIR GENES!”

Prices Are Frozen

| OH, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(I work at an ice-cream stand. A herd of small children come up to the counter. None are older than eight years old.)

Child: “Umm, miss, how much is that?”

Me: “How much is the cone? Or how much is one scoop on the cone?”

Child: “How much is the cone?”

Me: “Well, this cone is technically free. If you get one scoop on the sugar cone, then you only pay for the scoop of ice-cream.”

Child: “Okay, one sec.”

(All the children giggle, then run to a woman nearby. They chat for a bit, and then they run back.)

Child: “How much for the sugar cone?”

(I tell them, and they again run back to the woman standing nearby. They repeat this charade a few more times by asking the exact same questions, until they all finally order. Each one of them orders one scoop of ice-cream on the sugar cone. Their total comes out to about $30.The woman nearby later comes up and cuts in front of six customers.)

Woman: “Can I see a receipt for my order?”

Me: “Sorry, your kids paid in cash, and didn’t want the receipt; I threw it away.”

Woman: “Okay, well my kids told me that you told them that one scoop on a sugar cone was free. They all got one scoop on a sugar cone. WHY DID THAT COST $30?!”

Me: “I told them that the cone was free, but the scoop itself was [price].”

Woman: “That’s not what they told me.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I did tell them that.”

Woman: “Wow. You must be the biggest idiot if you cannot convey the price of ice-cream to children!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am.”

(She stands there glaring at me. The next two customers are a couple of guys, who then come up to the register to pay for their order.)

Guy #1: “Who the h*** hands their kid a 50, and sends them up to an ice-cream stand?”

(The woman hears him, and stares at him with her jaw dropped.)

Guy #2: *mocking the woman* “Where is my receipt?! Why are you so dumb?! Why did I have children?!”

(The woman scoffs loudly, and storms off.)

Me: “That was awkward.”

Guy #2: “That was hilarious! She was such a b**** to you!”

Guy #1: “I don’t think you did anything wrong!”

(He tips me $20, smiles, then walks away with his friend.)

Unattended Children Warning

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