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    We Love To Deep Dish On Bad Customers

    | UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Time

    (It is five minutes to closing at our store when the phone rings. Policy requires that we answer until 11:30 during winter hours. I pick up and my friend and manager stands behind me.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store location]. What can I do for you tonight?”

    Customer: “I need two pan pizzas with sausage and pepperoni.”

    (I put the order in on the computer and look to the clock. It is now three minutes to close.)

    Me: “All right, sir. I’m going to have to put this in for carry-out, as we close in three minutes.”

    Customer: “Uh, no. I want it for delivery.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. We close at 11:30.”

    Customer: “Well the internet says you close at midnight. I want delivery.”

    Me: “Again, I can’t do that. We have cleanup to do, and we close in one minute. We are also on the winter schedule, and close a half hour earlier than summer hours.”

    Customer: “That’s f***ing stupid!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I can’t have you speak to me that way. If you like, you can speak to my manager about it. She’s standing right here, and has heard this entire conversation.”

    (He settles down. It is now after 11:30.)

    Customer: “Can’t you call it carry-out and just bring it to me?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Can I send you a picture of the web page?”

    Me: “You can, but it won’t make a difference. This is policy, sir.”

    Customer: “Fine! F*** you!”

    (He hangs up. I smile and put the phone down.)

    Manager: “He was pleasant.”

    Me: “I love people like that.”

    Manager: “Why?”

    Me: “They give me stories to tell.”

    This Boss Gets More Than Just The Check

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (A young gay couple has become my favorite regulars at the small restaurant where I work. One day as I am talking with them, an older, more conservative-looking man walks past us to the To-Go pickup area. He stops short next to us, and in the same moment, I see one of the young guys look down with a panicked expression at where he is holding his boyfriend’s hand.)

    Older Man: “James! I didn’t know you ate here!”

    James: *uncomfortable* “Oh yeah, um… it’s half way between work and my… boyfriend’s work, so.”

    Older Man: *glances at James’ boyfriend* “Oh.”

    (There is an awkward pause, where we all just stare at each other.)

    Older Man: “I’m sorry, I’m being rude.” *offers his hand to James’ boyfriend* “I’m Mike, James’s boss. Very nice to meet you. We all love James in the office.”

    James’ Boyfriend: “Oh! Nice to meet you too! You know, James is always talking about how much he looks up to you.”

    (James is so visibly relieved that he is near tears. The three makes some more small talk before the older man heads off to pick up his lunch. I end up taking his payment and he quietly asks me to pay for James and his boyfriend’s meal as well.)

    Older Man: “You know… when I was growing up, I was taught that being gay was bad, a sin. But that young man is the brightest kid I’ve ever known, and I can’t see a d*** thing wrong with him…” *pauses* “…or his boyfriend.”

    (He smiles at me and then walks away without another word. To this day, I can’t think about the look on James’s face when I told him that his boss paid for his nearly $100 meal without wanting to cry.)

    Half-Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

    | OR, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule

    (The fun center where I work is having a big countdown celebration on New Year’s Eve, and I’m working the arcade. We serve alcohol to adult patrons. As we get closer to midnight, a man and a woman approach the counter. I game in my spare time, and the man in the pair looks exactly like Gordon Freeman from Half-Life.)

    Me: “How are you folks today?”

    Man: *inebriated* “Oh, look, a Speederman tattoo. Can I get that?” *he should have said Spiderman*

    Woman: “Sure.”

    (She gives me her tickets, and I give him the tattoo. He is ecstatic about it.)

    Man: “Speederman! This is so awesome! I’m gonna put it on!” *starts stripping*

    Me: “Sir!”

    Woman: “What are you doing?”

    Man: “Speederman!”

    (She manages to convince him to put his shirt back on, and I had to turn away so they wouldn’t see me laughing. To this day, I refer to that as the New Year’s Eve when I saw Gordon Freeman stripping for Spiderman.)

    Policy No Evil, Speak No Evil

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (The call centre I work at specializes in roadside assistance. We have a script to follow to ensure that we get the customer the proper service. This call comes in at 9:20, ten minutes before the end of my shift.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling roadside assistance. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “My car won’t open!”

    Me: “Okay, I can certainly help with that. May I have your policy number?”

    Caller: “Why do you need that?”

    Me: “So I can access your policy and confirm coverage.”

    Caller: “Fine! It’s [number].”

    Me: “Thank you. And may I have your first and last name?”

    Caller: “Just send someone!”

    Me: “I’d be happy to, ma’am, but first I need to verify the information in our files.”

    Caller: “I gave you my policy number! You don’t need anything else!”

    (We actually can’t go forward in the program without the customer’s name. I explain that to her and she eventually confirms her name.)

    Me: “I’m showing that you’re in Texas. And what is the year, make, and model of your vehicle, ma’am?”

    Caller: “You don’t need that! Stop asking so many questions! Just unlock my car!”

    Me: “Ma’am, in order to send out service, we have to know what type of vehicle needs to be unlocked. Different vehicles require different equipment.”

    (She argues with me for 5 more minutes. At this point, I am supposed to be off about 20 minutes ago. She finally confirms the vehicle.)

    Me: “What colour is that vehicle?”

    Caller: “God d*** it! Why are you asking so many questions?! I use this service all the time! They never ask me so many questions! Send me service now!”

    Me: *losing patience* “Look, Ms. [name]. We are required to ask these questions on every single call, so when you called us last time, you were most definitely asked all of this. If you want me to send someone to you right now, they’ll never find you because not only will they not know what car to look for, but they’ll be driving around the whole of Texas, since you haven’t told me where you are. Now, if you’ll answer the rest of my questions, I can dispatch someone to your location. Otherwise, I suggest you find a large rock.”

    (After that, she answered every question with no problem, and I found a locksmith who could be there in 15 minutes. The next day, I got an email from another rep saying that the woman had called back in to apologize for how she treated me!)

    A Good Day Is A Bad Offense

    | Pasadena, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (As I am ringing up a customer at my register, I try and make conversation.)

    Me: “How’s your day going?”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “How’s your day going?”

    Customer: “What an absurd thing to ask someone you don’t even know! How dare you!”

    Me: “Okay? I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “I don’t care, don’t ever ask something like that again!”

    Me: “Bye.”

    (I guess she was having a bad day.)

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