November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Age Comes Before Rage

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

(My girlfriend and I are waiting in line. Our baby is getting more and more agitated. It’s almost our turn when a middle-aged customer comes running up behind me, and starts glaring at me.)

Middle-Aged Customer: “Move your stuff! I have less than you; I should go first!”

Me: “Uh… no.”

(The cashier reaches for the first of our items.)

Middle-Aged Customer: “No! Don’t take his stuff! I should go first! I’m older than he is, and I have less stuff!”

(The cashier is just as flabbergasted as we are. My son starts screaming bloody murder.)

Middle-Aged Customer: “You should shut your son up! Let me go first!”

(My girlfriend hands our son to me and steps up to the woman.)

Girlfriend: “Shut the f*** up!”

(She turns to the cashier.)

Girlfriend: “Honey, can you please start ringing up our items?”

(She turns back to the woman.)

Girlfriend: “You need to grow up and learn some d*** manners. You’ve got a cart and a half full, and our stuff was already on the belt when you decided to charge up and demand that we move; that’s not how it works in the real f****** world! And how dare you tell me to shut my baby up! He’s teething, and tired, and we would have already been out of here if you hadn’t decided to hold us up. Now tell me what the f*** makes you so much more important than us?!”

Middle-Aged Customer: “I… I… I’m older than you two brats.”

Girlfriend: “So, you’ve had more time to learn manners.”

Middle-Aged Customer: “I have less stuff.”

(My girlfriend glances back and forth to our stuff, which is almost done being bagged, and only takes up about half our cart, and her two carts.)

Girlfriend: “Yeah, to a blind man.”

Middle-Aged Customer: “I’ve got food in the car.”

Girlfriend: “Then I guess you should have eaten before deciding to come shopping.”

(The middle-aged customer slinks off to another lane. My girlfriend pays for our groceries, and gives the cashier a huge smile.)

Girlfriend: “I had to deal with that all the time when I worked cash; sorry you had to see that.”

(She grabs our son, and walks towards the door. The cashier and I exchange looks.)

Me: “You should see her when she’s angry.”

The Bigger The Sign, The Harder They Fail

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid

(I’m a customer looking at a fragile jewelry display. There is a huge sign in bright colours, bigger than the display itself, saying ‘Please do not touch! We’ll be happy to come and assist you!’. I call the sales assistant over. There is another customer right next to me, looking at the same display.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like to have a look at that necklace please?”

Sales Assistant: “Oh, my God! You read the sign; I think you’re actually the first person to read it all week!”

Me: “Well, it is kind of obvious!”

Sales Assistant: “You’d think so, right?”

(We walk back to the counter. From behind us, we hear a crash. We both turn around to see the other customer with a necklace in her hand, and the entire display on the floor. She looks at us like a frightened animal, and turns bright red. She puts the necklace down, and sheepishly runs out the door. I look at the sales assistant; she looks at me, and face-palms.)

Pay Off Your Insurance Or Go Into Rears

| Leicester, England, UK | Health & Body

(I work in a call center for travel insurance. Once a medical condition is declared, we go through a series of questions about that condition.)

Me: “As a result of your diabetes, have you suffered any retinal damage?”

Customer: “That’s a bit personal, don’t you think?”

Me: “Not really, it’s one of the standard questions for your condition.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not sure I’m comfortable discussing something so personal with you, especially with you being a woman.”

Me: “Um… I wouldn’t say it was too personal.”

Customer: “Can you repeat the question?”

Me: “As a result of your diabetes, have you suffered any retinal damage?”

Customer: “Oh, retinal! I thought you said rectal!”

Buy A 50N1 Next Time

| TX, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I am listening in on a call with an agent about programming a remote to the elderly customers TV.)

Agent: “I’ll be happy to help you with that, sir. What brand of TV do you have?”

Customer: “It’s a V1210 TV.”

Agent: “Pardon?”

Customer: “It’s a V1210 TV.”

(The agent looks at me in total confusion.)

Me: “Does he mean Vizio?”

Agent: “Sir, are you it isn’t Vizio?”

Customer: “Oh, yes! Vizio! I probably should’ve put my glasses on before I checked.”

Fancy Titles Are All Just Hot Air

| Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

(A customer comes up to my empty register. I have to put away some keys, so I am delayed slightly.)

Me: “Sorry about the delay, sir.”

Customer: “Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to call me sir. Why do people call me sir?”

Me: “I don’t know. I guess it’s a sign of respect.”

Customer: “Maybe, but it’s very American.”

Me: “I suppose so, but what else would I call you?”

(The customer ponders this for a while.)

Customer: “What about, ‘old fart’?”

Me: *laughing* “I don’t think I’d have a job if I called people that!”

Customer: “I wouldn’t mind!”