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  • Pray That It Be Rhetorical

    | UK | Rude & Risque

    (We have a policy of “up-selling” specific products, meaning we offer them to every customers. This particular week, we’re up-selling pineapples. A middle-aged man approaches the till and I process his items.)

    Me: “Thank you. That’ll be £X.XX. Would you like a pineapple? They’re only £1.”

    Customer: “Would you like to rip my trousers off and have your wild way with me?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “We all have questions.” *pays and leaves as if this is normal*

    Option Overload, Part 2

    , | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I would like a number eight. That comes with a fruit punch, right?”

    Me: “It comes with a large drink of your choice.”

    Customer: “The sign shows fruit punch.”

    Me: “Yes, but you can get what you want.”

    Customer: “But the sign shows fruit punch!”

    Related:
    Option Overload

    Redress Address For Mistress Distress

    | Wisconsin, USA | Spouses & Partners, Top

    Customer: “I’m canceling my credit card. You stupid idiots sent a statement to the wrong house!”

    Me: “I do apologize if we sent your statement to the wrong address, but if you’d like, we can correct the address on file so that you can get your statements. What address would you like to receive them at?”

    Customer: “No, you don’t get it. I am CANCELING! This was supposed to be a joint account with my boyfriend, but you f***ing idiots sent the statement to my boyfriend’s house because that was the address he signed up with. It’s your fault that his WIFE found it!”

    Pac-Man Runs On Fruits

    | Tacoma, WA, USA |

    (I work at a game store that sells board games, card games, RPGs, and puzzles. We sometimes get unknowing customers who want video games or handheld electronic games.)

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you have any of those Pac-Man games that you plug into the TV?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry any electronic games here.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I’m just looking for the Pac-Man game. It doesn’t need electricity.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but what you are looking for is indeed electronic. We don’t carry those kinds of games here.”

    Customer: “I still don’t understand what you are saying. It’s just a Pac-Man game!” *walks away*

    Employee Of The Century

    | Little Rock, AR, USA | Top

    (I’m a customer at the checkout stand of a grocery store. I overhear the following conversation between a manager and an employee.)

    Manager: “We’re giving you a raise, from $7.25 to $8.25.”

    Employee: “Since when is what I do suddenly worth a dollar an hour more?!”

    Manager: “Since you’ve been here 3 years, you’ve never taken a sick day, never taken vacation, and never been late. Heck, you haven’t even taken a holiday off!”

    Employee: “Your point? That’s expected of me. Required of me. I don’t know why that’s worth that much more.”

    Manager: “So…you don’t want the money. I don’t understand.”

    Employee: “No. I don’t think it’s right. I’ve been doing the same thing, 40 hours a week, every week.”

    Manager: “What about a promotion? Assistant Manager?”

    Employee: “Why? I’m perfectly happy here where I am at.”

    (The manager stands there, completely shocked and in total disbelief.)

    Employee: “Seriously…” *randomly points at another employee* “…I’d give it to him. ”

    Manager: “Alright.”

    (The manager calls the other employee in, gives him the promotion and the raise. The other employee hasn’t been there 8 months, but of course promptly accepts and is dismissed by the manager.)

    Employee: “May I get back to sweeping now?”

    Manager: “Yeah. Sure, whatever…”

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