App-ology

| Houston, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

Customer: *to friend* “I wish there were some kind of app that could tell you where stuff is in a specific store.”

Me: “What was it you were looking for?”

Customer’s Friend: “Oh! Soda?”

Me: “Soda’s on aisle 10.”

Customer’s Friend: “Ha, I guess she’s the app!”

Me: “Just call me Siri!”

Customer: *suddenly very sour* “Well, I could, but that would be stupid.”

Me: “Heh, yeah, I guess.”

(I proceeded to go on about my business, and put the exchange out of my mind. A couple weeks later, the same customer comes back.)

Customer: “Hey, last time I was here, you helped me out and I was kind of rude to you. I just wanted to let you know I didn’t even realize it until my friend told me I was being a jacka**, and I’m sorry.”

(I thanked him and told him he was forgiven. If only all rude customers had friends like that!)

Not Exactly A Bright Spark

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(Through my high school years I had worked as a contractor. When I go to college I help pay my way through by being a maintenance worker in the dormitories. It is my very first week of work, and I receive a work order that the power is out in the wall opposite the entry door. I arrive at the apartment and the resident lets me in before returning to her room. I proceed to check every outlet in the room and find they are all working perfectly.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, which wall was it that has no power? There seems to be a mix up in the description I received.”

Tenant: “Oh, it’s this one right here.”

(The tenant points to the wall that was described and tested first.)

Me: “Well, what kind of problems are you having with it? I tested it and the outlet on this wall seems to be working just fine.”

Tenant: “No, the outlet is not working. There is no power. See, look!”

(She flips the switch to the lamp that is plugged in up and down a few times.)

Tenant: “There’s no power!”

(I bend down to check under the lamp shade and see a clearly blackened bulb. Upon unscrewing it, it makes the distinctive rattle.)

Me: “Well, here is your problem: the bulb is dead.”

Tenant: “What do you mean it’s dead?!”

Me: “Well, the bulb is burnt out. I can get you a new one; it’s no problem.”

Tenant: “Well, how can you even tell?!”

Losing English Patience

| OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words, Math & Science, School

(I work at a sandwich shop across the street from a high school. I serve a lot of teachers who come over here for lunch.)

Me: “You want a turkey on white with tomato? That’s [price].”

Customer #1: “Oh, and can I have a bottle of water?”

Me: “‘Course!”

Customer #1: *scoffs* “I can’t believe you just said that. As an English teacher, I think I should tell you that saying that isn’t proper English.”

Me: *not sure what to say* “Um… sorry?”

Customer #1: “There you go again! Those are fragments, not complete sentences! All the other teachers who come in here would be ashamed.”

(The customer behind her speaks up.)

Customer #2: “Yeah, well, I’m a math teacher, and trust me, we don’t care.”

Eating With The Tongs Of Honesty

| Kent, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top

(I work in a department store in the kitchenware and electrical department. The shop is famous for its open returns policy; i.e. a customer can pretty much return anything. As I’m in charge of returns, so this is usually a big headache.)

Customer: “Hi, I need this to bring these items in. It’s a bit of long story.”

Me: “Uh sure, is there a fault with them?”

Customer: “Oh no, it’s just that I ordered a pair of cooking tongs from your website, and my receipt just says one. I only get the amount for one debited from my account.”

Me: “Okay?”

Customer: “Well, I only wanted one, but I had six sent to me and I called your helpline and they said post it in, but I wanted to bring it in to make sure it gets here.”

Me: “Just so I’ve got this right: you only paid for one, receipted for one, you got six, and you’re bringing the other five back here?”

Customer: “Yup! Do you need to check my order or something?”

Me: “No! Sorry if I seem confused; this just never happens. I’ll take those and we’ll just add them. Thank you for your honesty, and here, have these tokens or some free coffee and cake from one of our cafe bars!”

Customer: “Oh, no! Don’t give me those for being honest; have nice day!”

(I told my line manager what happened. She said it wasn’t uncommon for the wrong amount of items to be sent, but we never usually get honest customers coming back!)

Arabian Plights

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Top

(I have a rather unusual name that leads people into thinking I’m from overseas. Not helping matters is that I have a slight accent because my mother is from New Zealand.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Fine, thanks.”

(She looks at me and reads my name tag.)

Customer: *slowly, while giving me the thumbs up* “I am very good, a-okay.”

Me: *confused* “Well, okay then.”

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “I live in [nearby neighbourhood].”

Customer: “Where. Were. You. Born?”

Me: “I was born in Australia, ma’am. I’ve lived here my whole life.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! That is not an Australian name; that’s a foreigner name!”

Me: “It is a bit unusual, isn’t it? My parents found it in a baby book. Customers have told me it means ‘brunette’ in Arabic.”

Customer: “Ah hah! That’s where you’re from. That’s why you have that ridiculous voice! First you blow up our soldiers, and now you’re working in our stores!”

(She suddenly snatches a bag of biscuits from the counter and throws it at me. I’m too surprised to do anything, but thankfully my manager sees the whole thing and comes over.)

Manager: *to me* “Go take a nice, long break, and let me finish up here.”

Customer: “Yeah, get lost, girlie! This nice Australian man is going to help me.”

Manager: *smiles* “Ma’am, I was born in Iran and immigrated to Australia when I was three.”

(The customer proceeded to scream in anger and threw something at my manager. She was thrown out of the store!)

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