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    Their Parenting Is Nothing To Rave About

    | Baytown, TX, USA | Family & Kids

    (A customer that I served earlier this particular day walks in with small child of about one year. The child starts screaming and the mom puts the child down to run around unattended.)

    Customer: “I need to return these shoes.”

    Me: “Okay, was there anything wrong with them?”

    Customer: “No, I just thought I had more money than I really did.”

    Me: “Oh okay, that’s fine.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need that money so I can go to raves!”

    Til Delivery Do Us Part

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am! It’s [my name] from [store name]! I wanted to let you know your order came in—”

    Customer: “Oh! Yes, would you ship it—oh, hold on.”

    (There’s long pause.)

    Customer: “Actually, will you call me back in a couple days? I’m just sitting here waiting for my husband to die.”

    Me: *taken aback* “Oh, my…I am so sorry your husband is ill, ma’am—”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Don’t forget to call me, okay? Bye!” *click*

    All The News That’s Fated To Print

    | New York, USA |

    (Note: this takes place on a Friday afternoon.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I know you’re probably not supposed to do this, but can I have Sunday’s paper?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Sunday’s paper. I’d like the coupons.”

    Me: “We actually don’t have any leftover—”

    Customer: “Leftover? No, no. I mean this coming Sunday.”

    Me: *confused* “But it’s Friday.”

    Customer: “I know, but I want to get a head start!”

    The Lesser Of Two Musical Evils

    | Norwich, Norfolk, UK | Politics

    Customer: “Can you help me? It’s my daughter’s birthday and she said she wanted a CD by some band. I can’t remember the name. I have it written down here.”

    (She produces a piece of paper. On it is written the name of a popular German rock band. Note that most of this band’s songs are in German, so most of the writing on their CDs is too.)

    Me: “Oh, good choice. They’re a great band. We have several of their CDs right over here.”

    Customer: “Hold on. All this writing is in another language!”

    Me: “Yes, madam, it’s German.”

    Customer: “*horrified* “Oh, God! Not this again! This is that Nazi band she’s been listening to! I thought we’d got her out of that phase!”

    Me: “Madam, I can assure you this band is not a Nazi band.”

    Customer: “But they’re German!”

    Me: “Madam, I happen to be a fan of this particular band myself. I can assure you they are not Nazis. One of their songs is even about how they are politically left-wing.”

    Customer: *aghast* “Socialists?!”

    Compliments To The Bride

    | London, England, UK |

    (I’m serving a customer and she catches sight of my engagement ring.)

    Customer: “Oh my God, you’re married?”

    Me: “Engaged, actually.”

    Customer: “Wow, but you’re so ugly!”

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