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    Business -101

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (Note: I work for a cosmetology products distributor, so our clients are primarily professionals and beauty salon & supply owners. I’m talking to a rather ditzy stylist on the phone.)

    Customer: “So, yeah…like, I need to know how to retail [brand name product].”

    Me: “Well, I can send you a contract to become a retailers so you can purchase them from us.”

    Customer: “But I already bought them from you! I just need to know how to sell them.”

    Me: “Uh…most people put product on a shelf with a price on it.”

    Customer: *cheerful* “Ooohhh, okay! Thanks, that’s all I needed!”

    The Neck-ed Truth

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Customer: “Can you help me out? This top doesn’t have the same neck as the one on the mannequin, and I like the look of that one better.”

    (We go to look at the mannequin.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the same top.”

    Customer: “No! It’s not! The neck doesn’t go up as high on this shirt as it does on the mannequin.”

    (I start thinking that she’s talking about how the neck is wider in the shoulders. The neck looks a little higher on the mannequin than it does on the hanger.)

    Me: “No, ma’am. This is the same shirt. It just looks like a lower neckline on the hanger.”

    (At this point the customer reaches out and touches the mannequin’s neck as she speaks.)

    Customer: “No! It’s not! You can’t honestly tell me that the neck of that shirt is the same as this one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s the mannequin’s neck, not part of the shirt.”

    Takes One To H2O One

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA |

    (I’m sitting at my kiosk drinking from a water bottle.)

    Woman: “You’re not supposed to drink on the job!”

    (Thinking she’s just giving me a hard time, I just laugh.)

    Woman: “I know that’s not water. I know all the tricks!”

    Me: *speechless*

    From Wrong To Wronger

    | Mason, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Underaged

    (I’m working a game when an older man approaches me with his kid. Please note that I am 15 years old.)

    Guest: “Hey, so it’s my son’s 15th birthday and I really need your help to give him his birthday spankings.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Guest: “No, really, I need your help to give him his birthday spankings. I’ll hold him, you spank him!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not going to do that. That’s guest assault!”

    Guest: “Oh, c’mon! No it’s not! Look, will you marry me? Will you have my kids?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m 15 too!”

    Guest: “Oh.” *takes off at a very fast pace*

    You’ve Rubbed Me The Wrong Way

    | Aurora, Colorado, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (A customer is ordering on drive-thru.)

    Me: “Anything else I can get for you today?”

    Customer: “Five thousand dollars?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just a cashier, not a genie. Will that be all?”

    Customer: *defeated sigh* “Yes…”

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