My client purchased a domain and asked that I set up emails for her and her staff.

Client: “You created the wrong email addresses.”

Me: “Oh? I am looking at the email you sent. I created the emails with the exact handles you requested.”

Client: “I need the emails to be [Client] at [Shortened Domain] dot com, not [Client] at [Really Long Domain Name That She Owns] dot com.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s not the domain that you purchased.”

Client: “This has nothing to do with my domain. My domain is correct. The emails are wrong.”

Me: “You cannot make any email address you want. It doesn’t work like that. You need to own the domain you are using for the email addresses.”

Client: *Now enraged* “WHY WOULD YOU EVEN AGREE TO CREATE EMAILS WITH SUCH A LONG DOMAIN? This is unacceptable!”

Me: “…”

The place where I worked messed up and issued our performance bonus twice in one year. They said that they’d claw it back by reducing our next three paychecks to cover the extra money they gave us — since, by law, they couldn’t make us directly pay them back.

Instead, everyone who got the performance bonus simply quit so that we didn’t have reduced paychecks and went to work somewhere else.

Since the people who got the performance bonuses were their highest-performing employees, once word got out what happened, their competitors were very eager to hire us away. Our original company was left only with the absolute lowest performers who didn’t even qualify for the lowest level of bonus.

They’re still in business, but their quality dropped dramatically and noticeably after that event, and they no longer cover as much market share as they had before.

I am serving customers at our fast food place.

Customer: “One medium [meal combo] with an ice cream, please.”

I type in the order but then go check on the status of our ice cream/milkshake machine. It’s cliché, but it’s always breaking down. As luck would have it…

Me: *To my manager* “[Manager], the ice cream machine is…”

Manager: “No… don’t say it.”

Me: “…it’s…”

Manager: “Don’t tell me it’s broken again!“

Me: “Okay… I won’t tell you.”

I return to the customers.

Me: “I’m sorry, but—”

Suddenly, I am interrupted by some shouting from my manager at the back.

Manager: “Stupid… f******… ice cream… machine!”

Me: “Yeah, so I’m afraid ice creams and shakes are off the table.”

Manager: *Somehow even louder* “Why… you… never… work?!”

Me: “Can I offer you a free upgrade to a large for the inconvenience?

Now, pretty much all we can hear, along with some clanging noises as my manager hits the machine, is my manager shouting.

Manager: “My cheating—” *Clang!* “—useless ex-husband—” *Clang!* “—is more reliable—” *Clang!* “—than you!“

Customer: *Smiling nervously* “Just… change the ice cream to a donut. That’s fine!” 

Our manager took a “leave of absence” after that.

It’s the second day of high school class after Christmas break. My son is in detention, and I am in the vice principal’s office to discuss it.

Me: “Why does my son have to serve detention?”

Vice Principal: “He has an unexcused absence.”

Me: “And when was that?”

Vice Principal: “He missed the first day back from break.”

Me: “He was at Denver’s Stapleton Airport. It was shut down because of heavy snow. His flight the day before was canceled. He didn’t get a flight out until yesterday afternoon, too late to come to class.”

Vice Principal: “That makes it an unexcused absence.”

Me: “It was not his fault.”

Vice Principal: “You should have called to say the flight was canceled.”

Me: “Was anyone in the building that day?”

Vice Principal: “No.”

Me: “Then who was I going to call?”

Vice Principal: “No matter; the detention still stands.”

Me: “My son has asthma. If he missed a day because he was sick, would he have detention if I couldn’t call in advance?”

Vice Principal: “No. That’s excused.”

Me: “Well, if that happens again in Denver, he will be sick that day.”

I hate to lie, but both my son and I knew this was not fair to him.

The place where I worked had a policy in the hiring documents where any software you wrote would belong to the company regardless of whether you did it at work or home.

While signing my hiring documents, I politely asked:

Me: “So, if I recreationally cracked video games at home, would it be your responsibility to deal with the copyright infringement, since you own the crack?”

Less than a week later, all employees had to sign a new contract specifying that malware, cracks, and other illegal software were excluded from the ownership clause.