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    No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof, Part 2

    , | California, USA | Family & Kids, School

    (I work at a call center for a university. We call prospective students and tell them about our school. This call was meant for a young lady but was taken by her father.)

    Me: “I’m calling from [university] to talk to [girl] about her interest in attending our university.”

    Father: “University? Like school, papers, homework, and stuff?!”

    Me: “Yes, that stuff usually occurs in a university.”

    Father: “My daughter ain’t goin’ there!”

    Me: “All right, have a nice day, sir.”

    Related:
    No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof

    Team Cougar

    | Michigan, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am working at the checkout when a mother in her 60s and daughter in her 40s walk up to checkout. There is a rack of magazines next to my register, including one with pictures from the upcoming Twilight movie.)

    Daughter: “That Taylor Lautner is hot! Don’t you think so?”

    Mother: “Oh, yeah, he’s much hotter than that Rob Pattinson guy.”

    (I must have given them weird looks because the daughter now looks at me and begins to speak loudly and defensively.)

    Daughter, to me: “What?! He’s legal!”

    I Can Be Anything I Want

    , | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

    (I assume she’s dressing up herself in a party for adults.)

    Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

    Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s 6.”

    Numerical Nincompoops

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Top

    Me: “Good morning! You’re through to [name]. Can I take your plan number, please?”

    Customer: “I don’t have a plan number. What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s on your statement and begins with the number ’14′, then a dash.”

    Customer: “I’m looking at my statement and there isn’t one.”

    Me: “It’s about half way down on the right hand side and begins with ’14′ dash.”

    Customer: “There isn’t one. I can see where it says plan type, but that’s it.”

    Me: “Okay, it says the plan type on the left. The plan number is just to the right of it, starting with ’14′ and a dash.”

    Customer: “There isn’t one. There is no number beginning with ’14′. Are you calling me a liar?”

    Me: “No, I’m not calling you a liar, but if it is a statement you are looking at, then I promise it’s on the right side, half way down. It starts with ’14′.”

    Customer: “There bloody well isn’t! The only number on here starts ’1′, ’4′, and a dash. Can’t you take that?”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll take that instead!”

    Weighs On Your Conscience And Your Scale

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    (Since it’s my first day, I’m shadowing another employee at the cash register, putting in every order she takes from the customer. An hour in, a woman in her 40s and her husband come in. Note our sugar-free items are advertised as “guilt-free.” )

    Coworker: “Good afternoon and welcome to [coffee shop]! What can we make for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes I’d like a guilt-free sugar cookie latte and [frozen coffee] with guilt-free vanilla syrup.”

    Coworker: *repeating order for my benefit* “So, that’s a sugar-free sugar cookie latte and frozen coffee with sugar free vanilla?”

    Customer: *frowning* “No, a guilt-free latte and a guilt-free frozen coffee!”

    Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, a sugar-free latte and frozen coffee. Will that be all?

    Customer: “No! No! No! It’s GUILT-FREE! Turn around and read your menu board! GUILT. FREE.”

    (At this point I’m scared and just tell the coworker to use the term so she’ll go away.)

    Coworker: “Sorry, that’s a guilt-free latte and a frozen coffee with guilt-free vanilla syrup, yes?”

    Customer: “YES! Finally!”

    (I ring her up and charge her card. Her husband comes to the counter to place his own order.)

    Customer’s husband: “I just want a hot chocolate, young lady.”

    Customer, to her husband: “You’re fat! Get it GUILT-free!” *smacks him with her purse*


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