October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Stiff Upper Lip Vs The American Quip

| UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

(I work in a small independent music shop in the UK. Although our shelf space is limited, we have a pretty good reputation, because of the musical knowledge of our staff and our ability to source and order some really obscure CDs.)

Customer: “Do you have [certain CD] in stock?”

Me: “I’m afraid that we don’t have it at the moment.”

(I quickly checking our database, I find that we’ve never had any requests for it until today.)

Me: “I can source it for you. Would you like to place an order?”

Customer: “I need it today. I’m going back to the States tomorrow.”

Me: “I’m sorry; the suppliers of this disc usually take a couple of days to get things to us.”

Customer: *looking hugely put out* “Well, can you send it to San Francisco?”

Me: “Yes, that should be fine.”

Customer: “I guess you’ll drop the shipping costs, seeing how you didn’t have it in stock when I asked.”

Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t policy in this shop. We don’t pretend to be able to keep in stock any CD our customers might ask for, after all. But if you—”

Customer: “Oh, yes, I know what this is. This is Britain muddling through, isn’t it? Just sixty years ago, you won the war; now you can’t even keep a CD in stock.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we’re only a very small shop, and there’s a lot of CDs—”

Customer: “Oh, yes, my friend said you’d try to make excuses, and she’s a Professor, you know. But look!” *holding up three CDs she’d like to buy* “I’m keeping you in business! Britain, muddling through!”

Miss Management (Not Mrs)

| AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

(A couple comes up to my checkout with a large amount of sporting goods.)

Me: “Wow, looks like someone’s getting all their holiday shopping taken care of. Your total is [over $200].”

Customer: “Ugh, no, it isn’t. My husband here is a manager with your company, so we get the employee discount.”

Me: “Okay…” *leans over to the paging system* “Manager to register two, please.”

Customer: *surprised* “Why did you just call a manager?”

Me: “Because you said you and your husband were getting the employee discount.”

Customer: “Oh, what, and you don’t believe me? You think my husband can’t be a manager because we’re [race], is that it?!”

Me: “Huh? What are you talking about?”

Customer: “I’m talking about you calling the manager on us because you’re a f***ing racist. I’ll have you know we drive a BMW and have a lot more money than anyone here, especially a minimum wage nobody like you!”

(She goes on verbally attacking me, insulting my appearance, and just sounding generally crazy. Her husband is quietly standing behind her looking very nervous, but puts a restraining hand on her when she threatens to come behind the counter and teach me a lesson. At some point, the manager I paged approaches the counter.)

Manager: “Hey, how come you called?”

Customer: “Are you the manager? I have a complaint! Your employee here is a racist and should be fired for discrimination!”

Manager: “What happened?”

Customer: “Little-Miss-Hair-In-Her-Face over here called a manager when I told her my husband was getting the employee discount. We shop here all the time and we’ve never been treated with such disrespect.”

Manager: “Okay. Well, we can give you a discount once we get this cleared up.”

Customer: *shoots a smug nasty look at me*

Manager: “So, since you shop here all the time and work for our company, of course you know that in order to get checked out with an employee discount a store manager has to enter his number and authorization code. Now, I just need his employee number and you’re set.”

Customer: “…What?”

Manager: “The employee identification number, we all have one in our system. He does have one, right?”

Customer: “When I said he worked here, I was just kidding. But she called a manager because she’s a racist!”

Manager: “No, you weren’t kidding. You were trying to scam her. She called me because she was following the procedure to prevent people like you from getting away with it. I’m voiding your transaction. Please leave.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah? We’ll go to the news! Once everyone hears how racist this place is your store will be shut down!”

(The customer’s husband, who has been frozen in silence up until this point, suddenly speaks up.)

Husband: “No, you absolutely will not. You’ve already embarrassed us enough and dragged me into your bull****. Don’t even think about dragging me onto TV! I like this store. Now how am I supposed to show my face here? It’s bad enough to have a crazy, meana** girlfriend who lies like she breathes, but every time I take you out I’m lucky if the cops don’t get called. Now get in my crappy Volvo everyone can see from the window. I’m taking you home!”

(Just as the customer’s ‘husband’ said, he was not only not an employee, but he wasn’t even married to her. He came back to the store a few days later and apologized for her behavior, and told us he had dumped her that evening. Because he was so nice about it my manager told him he wasn’t banned, and when the guy tried to purchase some of the items he’d been trying to pick up the last time my manager gave him a small discount.)

Hug And A Smile Make It All Worth While

| Dallas, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(I am standing in line to check out at a local convenience store. The employees are very busy with what appears to be a massive restocking job. One employee has taken a 30 second break to get a drink when a child who can’t be older than 7 speaks up to her.)

Child: “You’re not smiling. You have to smile! Everyone has to smile!”

Employee: “Aw, I’m sorry, I’m just busy.” *smiles a little for the child*

Child: “You know what you deserve?”

Employee: “No, what’s that?”

Child: “A hug!”

(The child hugs the employee.)

Employee: “Aw, thank you!”

(The entire place seemed to brighten up after this and the kid’s parents couldn’t stop grinning either. It brightened all our days!)

Can’t Make The Lie Stick

| Gainesville, FL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

Customer: “Is this book on sale?”

Me: “No, sir. It doesn’t have a discount sticker, so it’s not on any of our sales.”

Customer: “But I found it on a display where every other book had a sticker!”

Me: “Which display? If you show me, I’ll look at the sign and see if we made a mistake.”

Customer: “Um. I don’t know. Over there somewhere. But don’t you think it’s misleading if every other book has a sticker except this one?”

Me: “Again, if you show me the display, I’ll figure out if you can get a discount.”

(The customer finally leads me to the display, looking defeated. Turns out he was making that face because he knew he was lying. The display contained 25 titles: 8 of them had a discount sticker of some kind. I’m bad at math, but even I know 8 out of 25 and 24 out of 25 isn’t the same thing. And no, he did not get a discount.)

A Coincidence Beyond Numbers

| UT, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Thank you for calling technical support, this is [my name]. May I get your company’s phone number or ticket number, please?”

Customer: “My company’s number is [number].”

(This number pulls up her company, but it’s an inactive account. I then look it up by the company’s name, and find the active account under a completely different phone number.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, it actually looks as though we have the account under this phone number.” *gives her the new number*

Customer: “That’s the number I gave you!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that; I thought you had given me [first phone number].”

Customer: “No, no! I gave you [second number], not that other one. You typed it in wrong!”

Me: “Oh, okay. So I just happened to mistype the phone number into a completely different number, which also happened to pull up your company, just by chance?”

Customer: “YES!”

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