Needs To Chill Out

| Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

(Our company takes calls from all over the world from customers wanting help with household appliance queries.)

Me: “Welcome to the customer care centre. How may I help today?”

(An American customer starts screaming.)

Customer: “STOP WATCHING ME! BIG BROTHER IS INSIDE MY FRIDGE!”

Me: “Why do you think that, ma’am?”

Customer: “There’s this little blinking light and manic beeping coming from inside my fridge! Listen!”

(I hear a clunking noise, and the customer’s voice gets very faint. A few moments pass; the customer puts the phone to her ear again.)

Customer: “Did you hear that? I know someone is spying on me!!”

Me: “What just happened, ma’am?”

Customer: “I put ya’ll in the fridge so you could hear the noise, and see who’s spying on me!”

Me: “Well, apart from being a little chilly I didn’t hear anything. How often does the beeping occur?”

Customer: “When I have the door open! I can see the blinking light and the beeping is driving me nuts!”

Me: “Ma’am? The fridge does this to alert you to the fact that the door has been open for too long. It is so the food is kept fresh. I promise you, there is no one watching you.”

Customer: “Yes! There is someone! What are you going to do about it?”

Me: “May I ask how much you purchased your fridge for?”

Customer: “Around $1500. Why?”

Me: “Ma’am, you don’t need to worry. There is no one inside your fridge watching you. We only supply the ones with robots inside for the military, and those fridges would set you back $5000! I promise you that if you shut your fridge door firmly when it starts to beep, you won’t have any more trouble.”

(The customer breathes a sigh of relief.)

Customer: “Whew! I thought I was going nuts! Thanks hon!”

Her Slap Is Worse Than Her Bite

| Waterford, Ireland | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(An elderly woman approaches me.)

Customer: “Miss, can you please do me a favour?”

Me: “Sure thing. How can I help?”

Customer: “I need you to look after my dog.”

(I am slightly alarmed, as we are in the fresh meat section.)

Me: “Is your dog in the shop?”

Customer: “Of course not! Who brings a dog to a shop?!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry but I can’t mind your dog. As you can see I’m actually working in the store at the moment, so I can’t leave.”

Customer: “Are you refusing to help me?!”

Me: “No, miss. I’m afraid I simply can’t leave in the middle of a shift to mind a stranger’s dog.”

(She proceeds to slap me HARD in the face.)

Customer: “Why won’t you help me?!”

(She slaps me on the other cheek, and storms away. I turn to find a queue of customers at customer service, and a coworker looking on in horror.)

Me: “I need hazard pay for this job.”

Other Customer: “Holy s***, how did you not slap her back?”

Me: “Years of practice.”

Difficult Drive-Through

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Getting Into Double-Double Trouble

| Brampton, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Canada, Food & Drink, Top

(I witness a medium-sized customer, wearing a business suit, ordering coffee.)

Customer: “I thought I told you to make a double-double with milk, not this swill with cream!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll remake it for you.”

Customer: “D*** f****** right you will. Morons like you shouldn’t even have a job.”

Me: “Hey! The lady made a mistake and she’s remaking it for you. Calm the h*** down.”

Customer: “Screw you buddy. She didn’t make it right—”

Me: “That doesn’t give you the right to be a complete a**. Shut up and take your drink.”

Customer: “And just what are you going to do about it?”

(I fully stand up. I am a heavy-set, 6’2″ guy. I grab him by the tie and yank him to towards me. I speak very calmly.)

Me: “I just lost my job. I’m in a bad mood. I want my tea so I can read in peace and try to cheer myself up. If you want to really know what I can do, keep talking. I’ll fold you into a pretzel.”

(The customer turns deathly white. He reels around and runs out the door. I make my way up to the register.)

Me: “Steeped tea. Double-double with milk. Double cupped please.”

Cashier: “No problem.”

(A customer in line behind me speaks up.)

Customer #2: “I’ll have the same, and I’ll pay for both.”

Me: “You don’t need to do that, sir.”

Customer #2: “You defended that woman, even after dealing with some pretty horrible news. Don’t worry about it.”

Me: “Well… if you insist.”

(Customer #2 pays for my tea and sits down with me, asking about what I did for a living. Turns out, his store is looking for a new computer-tech, and he offers me the job right there. Lesson learned? Don’t underestimate the power of sticking up for people.)

Planning To Walk A Mile In Another Man’s Shoes

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I’m a cashier at a sports store. A customer comes up with just a few items, one being a small shoebox. I open the box and there are two dirty old kid’s shoes inside.)

Customer: “Oh, my son has them on; he’s somewhere else in the store.”

Me: “I just need to see the shoes before I ring them up, and make sure they are right.”

Customer: “Oh, uh…”

(He calls his son—who is standing ducked behind the candy aisle—over.)

Customer: “Here!”

(He cheerfully points at his son.)

Me: “I have to see them up-close.”

(He picks his son up and holds his feet out.)

Customer: “See?”

Me: “Can I get one of those?”

Customer: “Sure?”

(He’s not smiling as much now, and pops one of the shoes off.I check the shoe. It’s the same brand, same size, but different style number.)

Me: “Oh, you’ve got the wrong shoe. Are these the ones you want? I can call for the right box.”

(He puts on a big show of arm movements and smacking his forehead.)

Customer: “Aww buddy! We got the wrong shoes! We got the wrong shoes, buddy. We’ll be right back.”

(He takes back the box. I wait for a while, holding his other items. I call the shoe department to tell them about the man, and find out the box was for a much cheaper pair of kid’s shoes. I let my manager know, and she heads off after him. When the man returns, I am alone.)

Customer: “Here we go!”

(I check the box: same brand and style number. I nod, smile, and ring them up. My manager walks up, not smiling at all, and holds out another box.)

Manager: “You wanted this too, right?”

(He looks rather wide-eyed and quiet. He suddenly smiles and takes the box, nodding.)

Customer: “Yeah, right! I lost this, thank you! I was going to ask for it. Haha.”

(I ring up the box and the man leaves with his son. My manager says she followed my tip and found him putting on some adult shoes himself, determined to get a free pair. She just brought up the box for the shoes he was going to steal.)

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