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    So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    Little girl: “My mom seems unemployed, but I think she’s some kind of secret agent.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Little girl: “I found handcuffs in her drawer behind the makeup. I can never find her gun or anything else, though.”

    Just The Fax, Please

    | Baltimore, MD, USA |

    Client: “What do I put where it says “Client Name” and “Address”? Is that my information?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Client: “Okay, and where it says “Fax/Email/Overnight”, what’s that?”

    Me: “That is how you would like us to send your documents.”

    Client: “But what do I mark if I want you to fax them?”

    Pudding The P In Peculiar

    | Portland, OR, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Would you like a bag for your items?”

    Customer: “I want pudding.”

    (We’re a party store famous for giving out free popcorn, so I offer him popcorn instead.)

    Me: “I don’t have any pudding, but I can give you some free popcorn.”

    Customer: “Not good enough.”

    Me: “They both start with ‘P’.”

    Customer: “Nope!” *walks away with items in hand*

    It’ll Click Eventually

    | England, UK | Technology

    Me: “Welcome to the IT service desk. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to click on the power button, but for some reason it’s not working.”

    Me: “The power button?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you know, the one on the bottom right of the screen, with the green light? I’d have thought the help desk would know what a power button is.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you don’t actually click on the power button. It’s a physical object and needs to be pressed with your finger.”

    Customer: *slight pause* “I don’t get it. I’ll go back and try again…”

    Missing The Y In DIY

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I work at the returns desk of a big-box home-improvement store. A customer is bringing back a pesticide/weed killer sprayer.)

    Me: “Hello, did you have a problem with the sprayer?”

    Customer: “Yes! It won’t work. It keeps clogging up. This is the second sprayer I’ve brought in, and I haven’t even finished my deck!”

    Me: “What type of spray are you using in the sprayer?”

    Customer: “I’m using the deck stain listed on the receipt there.”

    Me: “There’s your problem: this sprayer won’t work for deck stain.”

    Customer: “What?! What do you mean?! That’s not what I was told! I was told this would work just fine!”

    Me: “Who told you that it was okay to use a pesticide sprayer for deck stain?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know his name, but he looks…um…he works here, okay?”

    (I start the returns process on the register I’m at.)

    Customer: “So, what would you recommend to stain my deck?”

    Me: “I’d go right over to aisle 5 and look at the paint sprayers.”

    Customer: “But those are so expensive! I can’t afford one of those.”

    Me: “Well, you could always buy a brush and do it the old-fashioned way.”

    Customer: “But that’s work!”

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