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    How About Bringing That Brain Out Of Retirement

    | IL, USA |

    Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for [coworker].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but she retired last month.”

    Caller: “Oh…can you have her call me back?”

    Me: “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear before. She retired and is no longer employed here. Can you tell me what you are calling about so I can direct you to someone else?”

    Caller: “No, no, that’s fine. I’ll just call for her again later.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but she won’t be here later. She retired. She’s gone.”

    Caller: “It’s okay. I’ll just call for her later.”

    Me: “Sir, you don’t understand. Other members of our group have taken over her responsibilities, so if you can tell me what it is you needed to talk to her about, I can direct you to someone who can help you.”

    Caller: “So, can I call back next week?”

    All Roads Lead To Wrong

    | Worcester, MA, USA | Geography

    Customer: “How long until we get to Virginia?”

    Me: “You’re headed north to Boston, ma’am. Virginia is in the opposite direction.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “You’re headed to Boston, ma’am. You need to turn around.”

    Customer: “I knew we got on the wrong way back in New York!”

    Clothes By Any Other Name

    , | Tacoma, WA, USA |

    (I’m folding shirts at the front of the store when an older man approaches me looking flustered.)

    Me: “Hello. How can I help—”

    Customer: “Where do you keep your Levi’s?”

    Me: “Excuse me? This is a [brand name store].”

    Customer: “Yes. Of course it is. I’m not an idiot. I just want to know where your Levi jeans are!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we only carry our [store name] jeans because we are a [brand name store]. We don’t carry Levi’s.”

    Customer: *looking confused and a little angry* “That’s nonsense! Where can I get some then?”

    Me: “Well, large chain stores sometimes carry them. You can try Fred Meyer, Target, or Costco.”

    Customer: “Outrageous! I came here to this store specifically to get Levi’s!” *storms off*

    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind, Part 3

    | Texas, USA |

    (Note: I work for a credit card company.)

    Customer: “Nobody ever said anything about late fees, but I have one on my statement! How dare you charge me a late fee? Nobody told me there would be a fee if my payment didn’t get there on time!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, late fees are discussed in your cardmember agreement that came with your card.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on! Nobody actually reads those!”

    Related:
    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind, part 2
    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

    We Need To Know How Long Your Word Is Good For

    | Glen Burnie, MD, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a call center where people can pay off speeding tickets over the phone with their credit card.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, can I have the expiration date?”

    Caller: “Of what? Me?!”

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