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    So Good It’s Not Even There, Part 2

    | Essex, UK | Technology

    Customer: “I need a printer cable.”

    Me: “Just a regular power cable?”

    Customer: “No, not one of those. One to go from my printer to my laptop.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a USB cable?”

    Customer: “Yeah, a USB cable, that’s it. That is wireless, yeah?”

    Related:
    So Good It’s Not Even There

    The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 4

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    (Back in 1990, my mom worked at a coffee chain. She had never given incorrect change for the year she worked there. On her last day of work, a customer orders a $0.90 drink, and the total comes out to $0.99. He hands her a $1, leaves, and comes back 5 minutes later.)

    Customer: “You b****, you gave me the wrong change!”

    Cashier: “Well–”

    Customer: *yelling* “I want to see the manager!”

    Manager: *walks in* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “This dumba** woman gave me the wrong change! I gave her a $20 and she only gave me 1 cent back!”

    Manager: *looking at cashier* “Give him $19 to make up the difference!”

    Cashier: “But, he paid with a sing–”

    Manager: “I said, give him back his money. God, women are so bad at math.”

    (The cashier hands over the money. At the end of the day, she was fired for being exactly $19 short.)

    Related:
    The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 3
    The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 2
    The Joy Of Sex(ism)

    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I’m making a marshmallow latte at the pick-up end of the counter. The customer watches me as I make the drink.)

    Customer: “Is this my mocha?”

    Me: “It’s your drink, but it’s not a mocha. A mocha is a latte with chocolate. This is a latte with caramel and marshmallow. I can add chocolate if you’d like.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want chocolate. I just want my mocha!”

    Me: “I can’t give you a mocha without chocolate. I think you mean latte. This is a latte.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want a latte! I want a mocha! You understand?”

    Me: “Would you like me to make you a mocha instead of this, then?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t want a latte, and I don’t want chocolate. I just want espresso with steamed milk, caramel, and marshmallow. Just like I ordered!”

    (By this point, the drink has been done for a while, exactly as described.)

    Me: *staring at drink for a second* “Here’s your mocha.”

    Customer: “Finally! Thank you!”

    Related:
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

    Rufus Is Stranger Than Fiction

    | Slidell, LA, USA |

    (I am a customer and overhear this conversation between two teenagers looking at the rodents.)

    Girl: “Oh my gosh! Is that a bald rat?”

    Boy: “You mean a hairless rat? Yeah.”

    Girl: “They really have those?”

    Boy: “Of course.”

    Girl: “Wow! I thought those were only in Kim Possible!”

    The Land Of The Free And Home Of The Portable Umbrella

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am clearing off the tables on the deck of the restaurant because it has just started raining. Most people have moved inside.)

    Customer: “Are you guys kicking us off the deck?”

    Me: “No, sir, you are welcome to stay out here as long as you wish.”

    Customer: “In that case, can you move one of the tables with the umbrellas so they cover my wife?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the tables are bolted down to the deck and I can’t move them.”

    Customer: “The tables…they don’t move? But this is America!”


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