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    This Channel Will Self-Destruct In 10 Commercials

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Technology

    (This customer has a problem with his remote control. I help him reprogram it and everything is working just fine now.)

    Me: “Well, sir, it looks like we got everything working. If you do ever have a problem with your remote control, we do have instructions on how to program them on our website.”

    Customer: “Thank you. I am a little worried about breaking this thing though.”

    Me: “Don’t worry, through normal use, you shouldn’t have a problem.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: *jokingly* “Just don’t hit the self destruct button and you’ll be fine.”

    (There is a long moment of silence.)

    Customer: “Um, I can’t find the self destruct button.”

    It Gives Your Hair That Fiery Look

    | Ocala, FL, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “Do you have butane?”

    Me: “Butane?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Butane, like the gas?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s for your skin and hair.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I doubt that’s safe. Butane is a type of lighter fluid. I am almost positive it is not beneficial for your hair or skin.”

    Customer: “I use it all the time. I swallow it and it works. Butane.”

    (Puzzled, I look at the woman for a few…and then it hits me.)

    Me: “Do you mean biotin?”

    Customer: “Yes, butane!”

    Zombies Like Shamu Too

    | Florida, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (I work for a call center for a popular marine life theme park in Florida.)

    Caller: “I need to cancel the pass for one of my members. He’s deceased.”

    (I look into the account and realize that a few months prior, she had another pass for the same guy cancelled as well, due to him also being deceased. Since the first cancelled pass, this individual had been to the park four separate times.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but I am unable to cancel this pass. For verification purposes, you would need to fax the appropriate paperwork or go to guest relations at the park.”

    Caller: *defeated* “Fine, how about I just pay it off in full?”

    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer

    | Brisbane, Australia | Rude & Risque

    (A middle-aged man approaches my register with a carton of beer, which he struggles to lift onto the counter.)

    Customer: “I must be getting old. I can’t even get it up anymore!”

    (There’s a long awkward silence as he realizes what he said.)

    Customer: “Oh…I’m so sorry!”

    She’s A No Nonsense Kinda Girl

    | Columbus, IN, USA |

    (I work in a big box retailer in the toy department. A customer approaches me when I’m stocking in the Barbie aisle to ask a question.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a specific Barbie and I was wondering if you had it in.”

    Me: “Okay, which one?”

    Customer: “Do you have Fascist Barbie?”

    Me:Fascist Barbie?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s Fascist Barbie.”

    Me: *confused* “Uh, no, we don’t have a Fascist Barbie doll.”

    Customer: “Really? I can’t find that anywhere! I don’t really know the name of it. It’s like fascist. Fashion-something Barbie.”

    Me: “Oh, Fashionista Barbie?”

    Customer: *suddenly happy* “Yes! That’s it!”

    Me: “Yeah, we have those. They’re right over here.”

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