October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Getting Inside The Meat Of The Matter

| WI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work the night shift at a popular big box store and have answered a phone call at around 3 am.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What is your return policy on food if I don’t have a receipt?”

Me: “Without a receipt, you can exchange food items for other food items, sir.”

Customer: “Well, I bought meat and it leaked blood all over my fridge!”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that. If you bring in the meat, we can exchange it and make sure the new package is wrapped up so it won’t leak.”

Customer: “Well, how about I take it to the hospital and have it x-rayed to see if you tampered with it, hmm!?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m going to take this meat to the ER, right now, and have them x-ray it because you tampered with it!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you want to take meat to the hospital at 3 am and have it x-rayed, you’re certainly welcome to do so.”

Customer: “That’s right! I am!” *slams phone down*

Coworker: “Did you just say someone was x-raying some meat?”

Me: “I’m going on break.”

Not Quite Marrying A Prints

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Top

(In our copy center, we regularly help brides with their DIY invitation kits. A man comes up to the counter, roughly half an hour before the store closes for the night.)

Customer: “I need these place cards printed, and I want to wait while you do it.”

(My coworker and I review the order, and we realize that the entire job would take several hours to complete exactly to their specifications.)

Coworker: “Unfortunately, sir, this order would take hours to complete. I can get started on it tonight, but we close in 30 minutes, and we’d have to continue working on it tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “What!? But it’s for my wedding!”

Coworker: “Well, when’s your wedding? I’m pretty sure we could work something out.”

Customer: “You don’t understand! It’s tomorrow morning! I need these done now!”

(My coworker and I, both women, stare at the man for several seconds in shock and then continue.)

Coworker: “Okay, well in that case we have two options. We can do [option 1], which but won’t look as nice but will be done faster, or [option 2], which will look more formal, but will take a little longer. Worst case scenario, I’m pretty sure we can have this done in time.”

(The customer is now irate as well as in a panic. The time my coworker had told him the order would be completed was only a couple of hours before his wedding. He starts to launch into a tirade about incompetent employees when my coworker interrupts.)

Coworker: “Sir, if I was your soon-to-be-wife, and I found out that you had waited until just now to have this order printed out, I would be furious. We just gave you two options to get this stuff done so she never has to know you procrastinated so badly. You can choose one of them, or you can try finding someone else to print these for you; and good luck doing that at this time of night.”

Me: “How long have you had to print these, anyway? Weeks? Months?”

(The customer snapped his mouth shut, chose one of the options we’d outlined, and stormed out of the store. When he came back the next morning, he was visibly stressed but showered us with thanks for saving his hide on the order.)

How To Treat Employees

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

Customer: “Can you help me find these treats in the large breed size?”

Me: “Sure!” *goes to shelf and finds treats*

Customer: “Good girl! Who’s a good girl? You’re a good girl!”

How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 4

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I’m trying to get on to the computer, but the mouse cursor is just jumping all over the screen erratically. Can I swap to a different one?”

Me: “Of course, if there’s another one free.”

Customer: “But how do I log off this one if I can’t get the mouse cursor to press the button?”

Me: “I’ll come over and sort it in a second.”

(I walk over. Instantly, I see the problem.)

Customer: “Maybe there’s a loose wire or something?”

Me: “Well, if you turn the mouse back the right way round, it should work.”

How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

Failing To Register

| Bowie, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

(It’s early morning and we have just two people working, one person to take money, the other to get the order. This is how we are trained to work, and we function quickly and efficiently this way. A regular customer has begun complaining about the way we run the bakery every day she comes in, and has tried several times to cut in line. On this day, she cuts in front of another customer I’m serving to complain yet again.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but she is ordering with me right now. It’ll be just a moment.”

Regular: *steps off in a huff* “Why are two people helping one customer? You need to open another register.”

(After the other customer is done, the regular rushes to my register again.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Regular: “Why do you need two people to help one person? It’s bad business!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What would you like today?”

Regular: *gives her order* “You people have become so slow! You used to be good, but recently you’ve been giving really terrible service.”

(I want to explain that this is the slowest month of the year, and the management has cut the amount of staff in half to accommodate for the lack of business and ease up on labor costs, but I don’t want to start an argument.)

Me: *repeats her order* “Would you like anything else today, ma’am?”

Regular: “No. You need to have more registers open, it’s bad business!”

Me: “That’ll be [price]; for here or to go?”

(She gives me the money as she continues to rant about how slow we’ve gotten and then turns away in a huff. Meanwhile, there’s another regular, a city police officer, who is sitting at the table immediately next to my register. She stands up and watches the regular stomp away.)

Officer: “Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

Me: *whispering* “She’s like that every day!”

Officer: “Really?”

(I turn and discover that the first regular has flagged down my manager, and is continuing her rant loudly.)

Me: *still whispering* “Oh, great, now she’s harassing him.”

Officer: *loudly and in the regular’s direction* “There is nothing wrong with how these young ladies run this business! Leave them alone! If you have a problem with them or this establishment, you can go somewhere else!”

(All I could do was stare as the regular leaves with her food as quickly as possible; I haven’t seen her since!)

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