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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Not Your Only Loose Connection

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Technology

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [company]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “My internet’s not working.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help–”

    Customer: “It’s your f***ing network!”

    Me: “Okay, I can see your frustra–”

    Customer: “[Company] is a piece of s***!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re both people and I’d respect it if you treat me like one.”

    Customer: *sigh* “Fix it.”

    Me: “Your ethernet cord is unplugged.”

    (The customer notices this and plugs in ethernet cord.)

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry.”

    Please, Say No More

    | Houston, TX, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An older man, maybe late 50s with graying hair, approaches my register with a few groceries. Despite his age, he is very absorbed in his cell phone and paying little attention to what is going on around him.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you today, sir?”

    Customer: *giggles* “I’m doing exceptionally naughty things on my phone right now!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s lovely! Do you have any coupons with us today?”

    Customer: *leans in and whispers* “In the colloquial, that means I’m sexting!”

    Related:
    Too Much Information, Part 6
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    Waste Not, Want Not

    | Dayton, OH, USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “I need to return this. We didn’t need it.”

    (The customer sets a 20lb bag of rice on the counter.)

    Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes, I do.”

    Me: “Just so you know, sir, all returned food product will be thrown away. They cannot go back on the shelf or be donated by us.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! What a waste!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s the law. Since some people have poisoned food in the past, we have to throw it away for safety reasons.”

    (He continues complaining about how there are starving people and how we should think about helping people, but at no point tries to stop me and offers to donate it himself.)

    Customer: “I mean, I run a youth group and we just got back from a mission to help people. You guys just go ahead and throw perfectly good food out.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you just returned from a youth mission?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s what the rice is left over from.”

    There’s Safe And Then There’s Safer

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    (Our college is located in one of the top three safest metropolitan areas in the US for a few years running. We’ve just checked-in a team of high school girls for a huge sports tournament.)

    Chaperone: “There’s no way my team can stay here! Our rooms are motel-style. Anything could happen to our girls! How do I know they’ll be safe?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’ve never experienced any thefts or any other crimes at this hotel. This entire town is quite safe, I assure you.”

    Chaperone: “That’s not good enough! How do you know nothing will happen?”

    (I look down at the guest’s reservation to notice their team is from the Bronx.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, this isn’t exactly the Bronx.”

    (The guest’s jaw drops. Not knowing what to say, she walks away and doesn’t complain again during her stay.)

    More Than Just A Brand

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (A tourist approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is the coochie?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Coochie. The store.”

    Me: “Oh! You mean Gucci? It’s just a couple blocks–”

    Customer: “No, no!”

    (She points at Coach bag.)

    Customer: “Coochie!”


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