Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Relatively Misspeaking

    | London, UK |

    Me: “Your next of kin is listed as your ‘cousin’s sister’?”

    Student: “Yes.”

    Me: “You do realize your cousin’s sister is still your cousin right?”

    Student: “No, it’s my cousin’s sister.”

    Me: “That’s still your cousin.”

    Student: “No, it’s my first cousin’s sister!”

    Waste Not, Bag Not

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (In Canada, we charge five cents for each plastic bag used, which goes to environmental fees or charities. Every store except Walmart has charged for bags for 3-4 years now.)

    Customer: “You guys charge for bags?! You’re kidding me!”

    Me: “Yup, we do.”

    Customer: “It’s ridiculous!”

    Customer’s Daughter: “But mom, we’re not going to need bags anyway.”

    Customer: “I know, but it’s just so greedy! I’m not going to shop at all these stores anymore if you guys keep charging for bags!”

    Social Notworking

    , | Arizona, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, School

    Me: “Good morning! ASU Information.”

    Caller: “Umm, yeah, hi. Where am I?”

    Me: “You have reached the ASU information desk. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “No. I mean, like, where am I?”

    Me: “Could you be more specific please?”

    Caller: “Dude, I don’t know where I am. Can you find me?”

    Me: “Are there people near you?”

    Caller: “Um, yeah.”

    Me: “Do any of them know where you are?”

    Caller: “How do I find that out?”

    Me: “Walk up to one of them, smile, and ask them if they know where you are.”

    Caller: “Okay, thanks!” *fumbling around, muffled talking, phone beeping* “You are so awesome; it worked! Thanks!”

    Necessity Is The Daughter Of Incomprehension

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids

    (A mom and daughter come up to my checkout. As I ring up the items, the mom notices the novelty pens by the register.)

    Customer: “How cute! Do you want one, honey?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “I don’t need one.”

    Customer: “That’s not what I asked. Do you want one? How often does your mom say that?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “I don’t need one.”

    Customer: “Look, they light up! Which color do you want?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “Doesn’t matter. I don’t need a pen.”

    Customer: “Choose a color or I’ll choose for you!”

    Customer’s Daughter: “Mom, you’re wasting money!”

    Customer: *to me* “We’ll take the blue one.”

    Episode 94: The Poser Menace

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Geeks Rule

    (I work at a video rental store and near our check out we have the boxed set of Star Wars on Blu-ray.)

    Customer: “Oh my God, Star Wars on Blu-ray! I love this movie so much!  I like how in the new ones, they put in the new Anakin Skywalker in the scene with the Jabberwockys on Earth!”

    Me: “…you mean Ewoks on Endor?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, that’s what they’re called…”

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