Her Shipping Method Is Full Of Holes

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to ship this textbook.”

Me: “I can help you with that, ma’am. I would suggest, however, purchasing a mailer or box to ship it in. This box is not made for shipments.”

Customer: “What! Why can’t I use this?!”

Me: “Because it’s a Krispy Kreme donut box.”

Thinks He Is Customer Number One

| Detroit, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(A customer comes in. While he is a regular, no one on staff cares for him, because he always acts like he should get special treatment.)

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. How are you today?”

Customer: “Fine, Here’s your movies.”

(He throws them on the counter, and they scatter everywhere. I start picking them up.)

Me: “These movies didn’t come from here. In fact they aren’t even from another one of the stores in our chain, but a completely different one.”

Customer: “What do you mean? So I can’t return them here?”

Me: “No, you’ll have to take them back to [Competitor].”

Customer: “I don’t see why! Don’t you know how much money I spend here?”

Me: “Actually, I do know you’re in here quite often, but I still can’t take movies from [Competitor].”

(He argues with me for a while, and I try to calmly explain why I cannot take his movies. He continues to be belligerent, and knocks over other things that we have sitting on the counter.)

Me: “Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “Fine! I’m leaving and taking my business elsewhere!”

(As I watch him leave the store, instead of heading toward his car, he goes around to the part of the building facing the road and proceeds to urinate all over the windows. The entire store has huge windows, so after all the ruckus he caused, my staff and our customers in the store all see this. Everyone is in shock over this display. I start calling the police.)

Me: “Yes, I would like to make a report on a man who exposed himself and urinated on our building… Why, yes, I do happen to have his name and his address…”

Putting The Pain In Pain Au Chocolat

| Portland, ME, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

(I’m 21 years old, but look considerably younger. I have just spent the day with my professor collecting ticks for a research internship, as well as driving quite a bit to find proper fitting gear for the next time we go out.)

Me: “…and I’d like a chocolate pastry.”

Cashier: “Okay! That’s the last one; they’re fantastic!”

(The customer behind me suddenly starts shouting.)

Customer: “NO! I wanted one of those; what makes you so special you get to have one? I’m your elder; you should give it to me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I was here first, and I’ve had a long, stressful day. I would like to get it, as it is the first thing I will have eaten since 7:30 this morning.”

Customer: “What could you have done that was so stressful? You’ve clearly been laying out in the sun; you’re sun burnt for crying out loud! I’ll have you know that I have had an extremely stressful day, and as your elder, I would like this pastry.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, she was here first. Unless she wants to give it to you, I am going to let her have it.”

Customer: “Well, she should give it to me. I mean, how hard is it to lay out in the sun all day?”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, I have been outside working in the field all day, capturing small mammals and collecting deer ticks from them, and releasing them. I have dealt with angry squirrels, as well as a very frightened cardinal. I then had to drive about 300 miles today to find proper fitting gear. While I may look younger, I am 21 years old. I would like that pastry, as it is now 5:00 pm, and I have not eaten anything since this morning, and I need to continue driving home after this. If I may ask, what was so stressful about your day that could possibly compare to that?”

Customer: “I BROKE A NAIL! Do you understand how much that hurts?”

(The customer storms away to get a manager, who, having heard the whole thing, laughs in her face.)

Retail Problems

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Smiling On The Outside

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