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    Weekend Roundup: Customers To The Rescue!

    | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Customers To The Rescue! This week, we share five stories that show customers aren’t all bad–in fact, some are downright heroic!

    1. He Fought The Law, And The Law Won:
      Don’t pretend to be a lawyer…especially if Ally McBeal is standing behind you.
    2. Fighting Fire With Fire:
      What’s better than a knight in shining armor? Try eight of them.
    3. We Need One Of These In Every Store:
      An abusive customer learns how getting picked on feels, UFC-fighter style.
    4. Retail Defender, AntiCheapskate Edition:
      A foul-mouthed cheapskate gets exactly what he paid for.
    5. We Need One OF These In Every Store, Part 3:
      An impatient customer learns that pulling the racism card can be a big mistake.

    Now Accepting Immigrants From Femmerica

    | Marion, IA, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I’m sweeping when an older gentleman comes up. Note that I’m female.)

    Customer: “It’s good to see you doing that.”

    Me: “Oh…um…thank you.”

    Customer: “So many of you young ladies these days are d*** fem’nists.”

    Me: “Actually, sir, I am a feminist. It’s just a little dirty, so I need to clean up.”

    Customer: “You d*** fem’nists! Taking jobs from real ‘Mericans who need jobs.”

    Me: “Sir, I was born in this country. I’m a third-generation American. Being a feminist makes me no less American than you. I just support women’s rights.”

    Customer: “That ain’t ‘Merican! Women ain’t ‘Merican!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Super Fries Me

    | Hawaii, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working as a register for a fast food restaurant.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like an extra large fries.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we have discontinued the extra large fries, sir.”

    Customer: “Just dump the fries into an extra large cup and give it to me!”

    Me: “Um, let me go check with my manager if that’s all right.”

    (While he waits, the customer behaves oddly and starts doing a jig in front of the counter. My manager says to give the customer what he wants.)

    Me: “My manager has agreed to serve you the fries in an extra large cup.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (I ring him up for an extra large soda, and then hand him the cup of fries with the lid on. He pays and inspects the cup.)

    Customer: “I also need you to put soda and ice cream in here. These fries are too dry!”

    Manager: *hesitantly* “Okay…”

    (My manager takes the cup, pours soda and dispenses some ice cream onto the fries, and hands him a fork and spoon as well. The customer walks over to a table and begins eating.)

    Customer: “This tastes funny! I want a full refund!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, I cannot do that—”

    (Suddenly, the customer throws the fork and spoon at us and spills some of his cup onto the counter trying to get it on me. He then goes outside and throws the cup into the window, splattering its contents everywhere, before storming off.)

    Weeding Out The Dumb Ones

    | South Dakota, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (We are a fair trade store and, as such, sell items such as incense and incense burners. We are sometimes mistaken for a “head shop”. We also rent kayaks in the summer.)

    Customer: *looking over his shoulder a few times* “Where is your ‘special merchandise?’”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “You know…” *winks* “…your ‘back room stuff.’”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have anything in a back room. All of our stock is out on the floor.”

    Customer: *pointing to the kayak storage room* “Then, what’s in there?”

    Me: “That’s our kayak room.”

    Customer: *knowing look* “Oh…your ‘kayak room’. Can I see your ‘kayak room?’”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (He walks back, opens the door, walks in. I can hear him moving things around for a few minutes before he returns with a confused look on his face.)

    Customer: “There’s kayaks in there!”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “Where’s the weed?”

    Me: “Bye, now!”

    Something Smells Fishy, Part 2

    | Canton, MI, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I’m working in the pet department, cleaning out the dead fish in the tanks. A small girl, probably about 5 or 6, approaches me.)

    Girl: “Are you taking care of the fish?”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Girl: *noticing the dead fish* “There’s a dead fish in there!”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m taking care of the dead fish.”

    Girl: “What are you doing with the dead fish?!”

    Me: “No, I’m—”

    Girl: “STOP KILLING ALL THE FISHES!”

    (Thankfully, the mother comes and grabs her, apologizes profusely, and quickly walks away.)

    Related:
    Something Smells Fishy

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