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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Feeder Mice Not Included

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

    Me: “[Company] tech support, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’ve got a problem. Your program is telling me to get a pet snake. I don’t want one.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “It’s giving me a message telling me I need a snake to run it.”

    Me: “Read the message to me please.”

    Caller: “Error: Python required to run script.”

    No, Not That Kind Of Flash Pass

    | Edinburgh, UK | School, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working during a night shift. A girl enters the lobby in her pajamas.)

    Student: “Um, hi. I’ve locked myself out of my room.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. As you know, the access fee is £5.”

    Student: “Yes, I know, but I don’t have any money with me. Everything is in my room.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t let you back in until we get £5 from you, but I can take it from your deposit if you like.”

    Student: “No, no! You can’t do that. My mum will kill me!”

    Me: “It’s either that, or you give me £5 cash right now. There is no alternative.”

    (The girl awkwardly pauses.)

    Student: “Are you sure?”

    (The girl gives him a cheeky look before taking off her top completely, exposing her naked front. I stare in shock, before quickly regaining my composure.)

    Me: “Well, those are very nice. Now, that’ll be £5 please.”

    Of Empty Threats And Even Emptier Stores

    | Boston, MA, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (I work at a large bookstore which is in the process of liquidation sales. One of the rules of this sale is that we don’t take any returns. There are huge signs all over the store that say, “Going out of business.”)

    Customer: “I want to return this book, but I don’t have the receipt.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but we are no longer accepting returns since the store is closing.”

    Customer: “What? You’ve always let me return books.”

    Me: “I know, but we are closing now, so there are no returns.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I’m taking my business elsewhere.”

    Me: “That’s fine. We’re closing.”

    Customer: “I mean it. I’ll never shop here again.”

    Me: “Yes, I know. We’ll be closed.”

    Customer: “I spend a lot of money here, and now I’m going to go buy my books online or something.”

    Me: “Yes, you probably should. This store will be gone.”

    Customer: “I’m leaving here and I’m never coming back. Do you hear me? Never!” *storms out*

    Weight Control Not Included

    | Brandon, FL, USA | At The Checkout

    (A customer comes up to the register with a bag of items to return.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today? Do have a return?”

    Customer: “No, not a return. I want to exchange these items.”

    Me: “What was wrong with the items?”

    Customer: “I bought these at a different location eight months ago and they don’t fit anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I can’t exchange these as the items have been worn and you have had them for quite a while. What is wrong that’s made you want to exchange them now?”

    Customer: “Either they shrunk or I got bigger, so they don’t fit anymore. I want to exchange them for a different size now.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry miss, but I can’t do an exchange for you. I will be more than happy to give a fitting and tell you what your new size is.”

    Customer: “Ugh! You are useless!” *storms off*

    Try Our New Three Slice Pizza

    , | Syracuse, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am talking to a woman on the phone who is ordering a pizza.)

    Customer: “How many slices come in a large pizza?”

    Me: “The large comes with 12 slices.”

    Customer: “Ok, I will take a large pizza, but can you cut it into 8 slices instead? I couldn’t possibly eat 12 slices.”


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