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    Satisfaction Level: Impossible

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

    (I am the manager on duty on a Sunday afternoon when I receive a phone call from an upset lady.)

    Caller: “I need to complain about my car I had there on Friday night before you closed. They didn’t fix my car!”

    Me: “Did they say why not?”

    Caller: “They made up something about not having a part, but I know it was because they were lazy and didn’t want to fix it!”

    Me: “Well, that’s a bit unusual. My guys get paid on commission and want to do every job possible so they can make more money.”

    Caller: “No! They were just being lazy! I had to take my car to the dealership on Monday and they were able to fix it right away!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the dealership carries all of those parts. That’s where we get our parts from if we can’t get them from any other source. If it was late on a Friday night, the dealership was probably already closed.”

    Caller: “Bull****! I am VERY upset about your poor service! I thought you were the manager! I want to know what you are going to do for me about this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry we weren’t able to help you to your satisfaction, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund because we didn’t charge you anything. I’d offer to fix the car at a discount, but you say it’s already been fixed. What is it you would like for me to do for you, ma’am?”

    Caller: “Well, you know what you’re supposed to do in these cases!”

    Me: “Well, normally I’d offer a discount or a refund, but neither of those would help you. Is there anything else I can offer you? I am sorry for your inconvenience.”

    Caller: “I don’t want your stupid apology! I can’t believe you are refusing to help me!”

    Me: “I’m not refusing, Ma’am. I just don’t know what it is you want.”

    Caller: “You know what I want!! I want you to do what you’re supposed to!”

    Me: “And what is that?”

    Caller: “You know what you’re supposed to do! I’m going to call your corporate office and have you fired!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what it is you want, I don’t know what to do for you.”

    Caller: “Don’t give me that! I’m going to have you fired!” *hangs up*

    The Customer Is Always Right, Even When It’s Left

    | Melbourne, Australia | Geography

    (I am an usher ripping tickets at the podium and directing customers to their cinema.)

    Me: “You’re in cinema number four. It’s up the stairs to your left.”

    Patron: “Which way?”

    Me: “Left, and then go up the stairs.”

    Patron: “Which way’s left?”

    Me: “That way.” *points*

    Patron: “Great, thanks!”

    It’s A Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid World

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Technology

    (I work in one of Australia’s most popular consumer electronics companies. One day, I have an older lady of about 70 years come in to return a digital radio.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Can I point you in the right direction?”

    Customer: “No, I’m here to return this radio. The world has gone stupid!”

    Me: “How do you mean?”

    Customer: “I turn the thing on and it says ‘scan channels’! I don’t get any sound!”

    Me: “Did you press the scan button?”

    Customer: “No. Why would I do something stupid like that?”

    Me: “It’s how you get the channels, ma’am. You scan the stations and then just press the ‘next’ button to find what you’re after.”

    Customer: “The world has gone stupid! I’m an educated lady! Why does everything have to be so difficult?”

    Me: “Did you read the manual, ma’am?”

    Customer: “It’s a f***ing radio! I shouldn’t have to read any manuals.”

    (I show the customer exactly what is needed to be done.)

    Customer: “I’m an educated old lady! I shouldn’t have to learn anything new! The world has gone stupid! You’re all a bunch of morons! The world is supposed to be getting easier!”

    Me: “And how is pressing two buttons so difficult, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, how do I tune it then?”

    Me: “As I just showed you ma’am, you press this button.” *points to “scan”* “Then, this button.” *points to “next”* “Keep pressing it until you find the station you want. It’s simple.”

    Customer: “The world is stupid! Things are meant to be getting easier, not harder!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what would you like me to do about it?”

    Customer: “I want a digital radio that works like the old style transistor.”

    Me: “We don’t have those, sorry.”

    Customer: “You do! I saw them there when I bought this piece of garbage.”

    Me: “These ones? These are analogue, not digital.”

    Customer: “How is that my problem?”

    Me: “You can’t pick up the digital channels with these.”

    Customer: “And?”

    Me: “You bought this one because you wanted the digital channels, yes?”

    Customer: “I would have thought that obvious!”

    Me: “Analogue won’t pick up digital. It also isn’t as clear.”

    Customer: “The world has gone stupid! An educated woman like me shouldn’t have to learn anything new!”

    Next customer in line: “Have you ever thought you’re the stupid one lady? Its two f***ing buttons! I’m older than you and I can use one!”

    (She continues to mutter about the world and its stupidity while leaving the store after insisting on a refund.)

    Haagen-Dogs

    | USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a grocery store and know that store manager, who is my neighbor.)

    Me: “Hi, did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, you guys actually have my favorite ice cream!”

    Me: “Well, that’s good.”

    (I pick up the box of the ice cream and notice a dog on it. Then I notice the name “Purina”.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you know this is ice cream for dogs?”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. It was in a freezer! I can’t believe [store owner's name] knows someone so stupid!”

    Me: “I can’t believe it either.”

    Soap And Awe

    | Oklahoma, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    (The customer was having trouble accessing his e-mail. I am walking through the steps.)

    Me: “Now, if you could just type in the address bar—”

    Caller: “Oh, you’ll have to give me a minute. I’ve only got one arm. I was in the war.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s okay. Take your time. I actually had a cousin that just got back from Afghanistan. He had lost both of his legs. I couldn’t imagine.”

    Caller: “Actually, I didn’t lose my arm in the war. I lost it in the shower.”

    Me: *in shock*

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