October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Hopefully, That’ll Be The End Of That Customer

| MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

Customer #1: “I hope this is better than last time! My last ham was salty and had too much fat!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. We do have a guarantee on flavor, so if you—”

Customer #1: “Never mind, it was a while ago. I want a 10 pound shank.”

Me: “Okay, let me get one.”

(I pull a ham about that size from the refrigerator, put it on the counter in front of her and unwrap the foil.)

Customer #1: “No! No! That has way too much fat! See right there!”

(I look down at where she is pointing and note it is a normal deposit found in all hams. I decide it’s not worth arguing.)

Me: “Okay, let me get another.”

(I do so, but she’s still not satisfied.)

Customer #1: “No, that’s not any good either! It has too much fat!”

(This repeats several times, as I show her a total of nine other ham shanks, all of which, predictably, have the same small fat deposit. I’m literally running out of hams to show her. Customer #2, a man standing behind her in line, has been quiet but has been getting increasingly agitated.)

Customer #1: “What is with this place! All these hams have fat!”

(Customer #2 finally snaps.)

Customer #2: “Of course it has fat, you moron! It’s a pig’s a** cheek!”

Customer #1: *stunned* “It is?”

Customer #2: “Yes! He’ll tell you!” *points at me*

Me: “Well yes, ham comes from the, uh, hind end of a pig.”

Customer #1: “Oh my God, that’s disgusting! I’m never buying this again!”

(She storms out, and Customer #2 steps up to the counter.)

Customer #2: “Finally. One 12-pound pig a** cheek, please.”

Morpheus, Tarantino, And The Green Lantern Walk Into A Bar

| Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Geeks Rule

(It’s a slow day and there haven’t been many customers come through. Around lunch time two teenagers, a girl and a boy come into the store and start browsing through the boxes of comic books. I overhear snippets of their conversation; the boy seems to have no idea of anything that he is seeing, while the girl does. They stop in front of a large poster commemorating 20 years of Sandman comics. The boy reads from a list one character is holding.)

Boy: “Death… Despair… Morpheus!” *to the girl* “Help me find Morpheus!”

Girl: “Who?”

Boy: “Morpheus! You know big dude from the Matrix series?”

Girl: “I know, but you do realise he won’t be there, right?”

Boy: “His name is on the list. And this is a comic book store, he should be on there!”

Girl: “Dude, really? The poster says that it’s from the Sandman series. Why do you expect a guy from The Matrix to be there? Morpheus was a god of the realm of sleep and dreams, and if you look at the other names on that list they seem pretty god-like. There isn’t a big black dude on that poster and if I were to hazard a guess, he would be Morpheus.” *points to a figure on the poster* “You’re a bit embarrassing.”

(She moves away to look at the collectible figurines from movies and television shows while he continues to puzzle over the poster. He eventually comes over and accidentally knocks some of the toys off of the shelf. She cringes while he’s picking them back up.)

Girl: Oh hey, that’s a Kill Bill action figure!”

Boy: “What’s Kill Bill?”

Girl: “Are you kidding? Kill Bill is probably one of the best films Tarantino has made!”

(They move to leave, when the girl comes over and looks at the box of badges on the counter. The boy grabs her by the elbow and pulls her out of the store.)

Girl: “But.. but… the Lantern Corps insignias were on those! Beware my power, Green Lantern’s LIGHT!”

Chat Up Knock Down

| LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Top

(My boyfriend, who is 5’9″ and 175 lbs. of lean muscle, has come to visit me at work. He’s standing across the counter from me when a customer walks in. Not wanting to be in the way, he moves to stand near our fountain drink. The customer walks up to the counter and gives me a lecherous smirk.)

Customer: “How you doin’ hot stuff? You sure are fine.”

Me: *rolls eyes* “I’m not interested. I have a boyfriend, and he’s—”

Customer: “Yeah, sure. I’ll bet he’s a p****. I’ll show you a real man.”

Me: “I’ll have you know my boyfriend was in the Army and is an MMA fighter, so—”

Customer: “That don’t mean s***! Give me your number and I’ll show you what a real man can do for you.”

(I realize I’m not going to get through to this customer, so I sigh and look over to my boyfriend.)

Me: “Babe, will you please explain to him that I know what a real man is, and what a real man can do?”

(Hearing this, my boyfriend stands up straight, smirks, and cracks his knuckles.)

Boyfriend: “Gladly, baby girl. I was wondering when you were going to let me step in.”

Customer: *pales* “Oh, uh, never mind!” *runs out of the store*

Boyfriend: *laughs* “Good thing he didn’t know I need a knee replacement, huh?”

Reminder: Awesome Customers Themed Story Giveaway

Not Always Right | Announcements, Awesome Customers, Theme Of The Month
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Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

  1. Submit a funny or interesting story about awesome customers.
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PS: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, March 6!

Acting Like A Total Wallaby

| Belgium | Pets & Animals

(My husband and I are visiting an amazing zoo in Belgium that was built on the site of an old estate. In addition to being beautiful, the zoo is relatively open and interactive: you can get up close and personal with many of the animals where safety allows. My husband and I, from the States, are marvelling at the small ditches or rows of bushes where fences and walls would normally be.)

Me: “This is incredible! They don’t have anything like this back home!”

My Husband: “Yeah, but you know why, right? Some idiot would see one of the exhibits and immediately think, ‘Dude, I can totally jump that ditch and play with the animals’. Maybe they just have more sense than that here.”

(Later, I am asking an employee about feeding times and mention what my husband had said.)

Employee: “Oh, no. We have people like that here, too. Mostly children, but they don’t do much harm. The worst is when it’s an adult. We had a fellow who got drunk and jumped into the kangaroo exhibit and began harassing the animals.”

Me: “Jeez, what happened?”

Employee: “Well, our dominant male took offense to him bothering his consort, so he pinned him down and kicked him.”

Me: “Holy cow! What did you do?”

Employee: “We let him.”

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