Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Lukewarm Science

    | Indiana, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A customer orders a large mocha, but only lukewarm. After receiving it, she takes a sip, grimaces, and sighs.)

    Customer: “I really miss hot coffee.”

    Me: “I can heat it up more if you like.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, it has to be lukewarm. I’m trying to lose weight. I read that calories are a unit of heat!”

    Burger Budgeting 101

    , | USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m eating a hamburger. I see the man next to me carefully picking a slab of cheese out of his burger, wrapping it in a paper napkin, and eating the rest of the burger. It puzzles me, so I ask him about it.)

    Me: *point at napkin* “Excuse me, but why did you do that?”

    Man: “Oh, every time I eat a burger, I set one ingredient aside. At the end of the week, I have a free burger!”

    The Skulls Are Thicker, Too

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    (We have a TV in our hotel’s breakfast lounge. A guest is having trouble turning it on with the remote.)

    Guest: “Can you turn on the TV please? I can’t find the right button.”

    Me: “Of course!” *turns on the TV*

    Guest: “Oh, I didn’t know you had to press that button. Our remotes are different in Sudbury, you see.”

    Me: “Sudbury has different remotes?”

    Guest: *completely serious* “Yes, they’re quite thicker!”

    Not As Easy As A-B-C

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Musical Mayhem

    Customer: “Excuse me, I have a question about this tin radio.”

    Me: “Sure! What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Well, it says it plays the ABC song, but it doesn’t.”

    Me: “Oh, you just have to turn this knob and it plays until it winds down.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but it doesn’t play the ABC Song! It plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!

    Me: “Well, they’re the same melody. See?” *sings the first line of both songs*

    Customer: “No, listen!”

    (She winds up the radio enough for it to play the whole song; there are a few embellishments towards the end.)

    Customer: “See?! That’s not how the ABC song goes!”

    Customer’s Husband: “Maybe they just play it differently.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not the way I sing it!”

    Mammary Fallacy

    | High Falls, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “What desserts do you have?”

    Me: *lists bunch of other desserts* “…and Turtle Cheesecake.”

    Customer: “Is that made with turtle’s milk? Because I’ve heard of goat’s milk cheesecake.”

    Me: “No, sir, it has caramel, chocolate, and nuts, like the candy ‘turtles’. Turtles don’t produce milk.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

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