Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Filled With Creamy Justice
    (1,960 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Fresh From The Ocean, Into Your Mouth

    | Iowa City, IA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am a waiter in a sushi bar in Iowa.)

    Customer: “Do you guys catch your own fish?”

    It Blows Hard

    | Bismarck, ND, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am working at the counter of a slushie shop in our mall.)

    Me: “What’s all the hustle about out there?”

    Customer: “Oh, they brought in the coolest thing this morning. It’s a hurricane stimulator!”

    Me: “A stimulator?”

    Customer: “Yes, it stimulates hurricanes! You have to try it out.”

    Me: “I’ll be sure to do that. Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “Oh, I will! That hurricane stimulated me to the max!”

    Why Woodn’t I Think Of That

    | New Jersey, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “I just want a 2x4x20, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t stock 2x4x20′s, but I can sell you a couple 10 foot pieces. That still covers the footage if you can make that work.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Ah! No, kid, it doesn’t work like that! What I will do, though, is take two 10 foot pieces.”

    Me: “Brilliant idea, sir.”

    Not In Ermurica

    , | Minnesota, USA | Bigotry

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company], this is [name]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Do you speak English?”

    Me: “Yes, I do. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Are you in Ermurica?”

    Me: “Yes, I am in America.”

    Caller: “You don’t sound like you’re an Ermurican. You sure you’re not in some Middle Eastern country like Australia?”

    (Note: I am a caucasian male from Minnesota and I speak like one.)

    Me: “No, I am in Minnesota, sir, speaking English. Is there an issue with your cable, or do you have–”

    Caller: “Minnesota?! How is that Ermurican?” *hangs up*

    What Happens In Vegas, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada | Bizarre

    (A male customer in his late twenties, who I recognize as one of our regulars, enters the store flamboyantly. He is usually a very high-energy person, so this is nothing out of the ordinary.)

    Me: “What’s up, [customer]?”

    (He walks up to the counter and slams a huge wad of American money down in front of me.)

    Customer: “Guess how much is there. If you guess right, you can have it.”

    Me: “Uh…$3500?”

    Customer: “Nope! It was $2500! You were close though!”

    (All of the sudden, I smell the distinct scent of weed. I realize he’s totally high.)

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “So, what are you doing with all that money?”

    Customer: “I’m going to Vegas, baby! Also, I need to pick up that fax you got for me.”

    (I retrieve the fax. As I’m doing so, an elderly woman walks into the store. My manager comes out to help her at the other end of the counter.)

    Customer: “Okay, thanks! I have to leave now. I need to get all the way to the airport!”

    Me: “All right, then. Have a good time in Vegas.”

    (He walks out, then comes back in a second later as he’s forgotten his car keys on the counter. As he’s leaving again, he stops in front of the door and turns back to face us.)

    Customer: “Woo! I’m going to get herpes!”

    Related:
    What Happens In Vegas


    Page 971/2,064First...969970971972973...Last