Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others
    (2,717 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer, Part 3

    , | Washington, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work at a store that sells area rugs. We take a fair amount of phone calls from people who have questions regarding area rugs.)

    Me: “[Store], this is [name].”

    Caller: “Hello? I have a question. Can you help me?”

    Me: “Of course, what is your question?”

    Caller: “I can’t get it to stay up!”

    Me: “Oh…um…okay. What do you mean?”

    Customer: “My area rug! It’s old and I love it, but recently I can’t get it to stay up. The…what are they called? Fibers? They are all crushed and won’t stay up!”

    Me: “Oh, I see.”

    Customer: “I’ve been vacuuming it non-stop on all the different settings. It’s not as stiff and thick as it used to be. No matter how hard I suck, it just won’t stay up!”

    Me: *trying to stay composed* “Alright, well that does tend to happen with age. Rugs tend to get pile-crushing after long periods of heavy traffic.”

    Customer: “So, you’re telling me I can’t get it up because it’s old?!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is exactly what I’m telling you.”

    (I manage to keep it together for the rest of the conversation. However, my manager, who can hear the entire exchange, is cracking-up next to me the entire time. The innuendo was much thicker than her rug!)

    Related:
    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer, Part 2
    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer

    Forget You, And Forget Me Too

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a gym and recreational facility that requires a membership.)

    Customer: “Hi, I have a question about my membership payment.”

    Me: “Okay, are you on the annual or quarterly payment system.”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “On the bills you get from us, is it for $350 or $1400?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Okay, if you can give me your name and phone number, I can make sure our billing person looks up your payment and then contacts you.”

    Customer: “I don’t know my phone number…”

    You Better Belize It

    | Belize | Criminal/Illegal

    (I live in Belize. A lot of tourists think they can get away with anything in my country. One day, a foreigner walks into the store.)

    Customer: “Can I get some Diazepam?”

    Me: “Do you have a prescription?”

    Customer: *tries to look bewildered* “Do I need one?”

    Me: “Yes, especially since it’s a controlled substance.”

    Customer: “It is?” *scoffs* “Well I didn’t know that. Some Xanax, then.”

    Me: “That is a controlled substance too. Valium, Xanax, alprazolam, lorazepam, diazepam…they’re all controlled.”

    Customer: “Well, then!” *hurriedly walks out of the store*

    Nanny Nanny Boo Boo, The Golden Years

    | Maine, USA | Bizarre

    (An older gentleman is standing at the register looking directly at me.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Older customer: “Do I look like I need help? No! Oh, boo hoo, I’m a poor little boy who needs help!” *blows his tongue at me and leaves*

    Me: “What just happened to me?”

    The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Back Pain

    | California, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work at the fitting rooms of a retail store. Two women are trying on bathing suits. They each have had obvious plastic surgery and enormous racks.)

    Customer #1: *dumps a pile of bikinis on my desk* “None of these fit! It’s ridiculous that your store doesn’t carry anything to fit me.”

    Customer #2: “Don’t waste your breath…she wouldn’t understand. Look at how tiny her boobs are!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer #1: “Honey, let me give you my brother’s card. He can give you MUCH better boobs.”

    Customer #2: “He did mine too! Look how bouncy they are!” *jiggles chest*

    Me: “I’m…okay with C-cups, thanks.”

    Customer #1: “Call him if you change your mind! Life is better with huge boobs!”

    Page 971/2,165First...969970971972973...Last