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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Wingardium Laziosa

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “I can’t find the Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter. Could you order them for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, they don’t make Cliff’s Notes for Harry Potter.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. They have Cliff’s Notes for everything. Why don’t you look it up?”

    Me: “Actually, they don’t have Cliff’s Notes for everything, especially not for children’s books.”

    Customer: “They aren’t children’s books.”

    Me: “They’re shelved in the children’s section.”

    Customer: “Adults read them too. You don’t have them so I’d like to order them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but they don’t exist.”

    Customer: “That’s a lie. There’s a computer right in front of you. Look up Cliff’s Notes and find them!”

    (I look up Cliff’s Notes and show the customer the extensive list. After a few minutes of frustrated searching, she gives up.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to know what they’re about, but I don’t want to read them.”

    Me: “May I suggest the movies, in that case?”

    Customer: “I’m not stupid! I’ve seen the movies! I just don’t want to read the books!”

    Deferred Gratification 101

    | Georgia, USA | School

    (I work in a campus post office for students only. Package slips are put in the boxes and an e-mail is sent to the student’s school e-mail address when they receive a package.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Student: “Hi, do I have a package?”

    Me: “Did you have a package slip in your box? I need that.”

    Student: “No, I didn’t get one.”

    (I go to the back and check anyway because one of the workers often forgets to put the slips in the boxes during her shift.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t see any package with your name.”

    Student: “Could you check again?”

    Me: “There were only 6 packages, and I’m sure none of them were for you. Did you get an email saying your package had arrived?”

    Student: “No.”

    Me: “Did the tracking number say it had been delivered?”

    Student: “Oh, no, the tracking number didn’t have any information on it.”

    (I go online to double check her tracking number.)

    Me: “It says here that you ordered the package only three hours ago.”

    Student: “Yeah, so it’s not here yet?”

    Me: “No. It says here that it’s coming from out of the country. It could take up to a month for it to arrive depending on how long it takes to get through customs, but it usually takes two or three weeks.”

    Student: “Oh…well, okay. I’ll come back to check tomorrow then!”

    Words Jail Me

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (I work at a coffee shop in a botanical garden. I am serving a couple that has difficulty speaking English.)

    Customer #1: “Also, can we have a kidnap?”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer #2: “Can we have a kidnap?”

    Me: “You…want me to kidnap you?”

    Customer #1: “No! No! I want…a kidnap!”

    Customer #2: “You know, kidnap!”

    (She forms a square with her fingers.)

    Me: “Oh, do you want a napkin?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, kidnap!”

    Harry Potter And The Deathly Embarrassments

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Top

    (I am the assistant manager at a movie theater. There is a showing of the latest Harry Potter movie that is completely sold out. A pair of teenage girls approaches me to ask for some help. A woman is refusing to let them sit down in the theater, and the movie is starting in about 5 minutes. I go with them and find that their seats are the last two in the theater. The woman in question has three kids, all who look to be younger than 12.)

    Me: “Excuse me, miss, but could you let these two girls sit down? The movie will be starting soon and–”

    Woman: “No. My kids can’t sit by strangers. They might get kidnapped or raped.”

    Me: “I understand that you care about your children very much, but these two girls need to sit here.”

    Woman: *raising voice* “I just told you, my kids can’t sit by strangers! What don’t you get about that?”

    Me: “Ma’am–”

    Woman: “I mean, look at them! That one’s wearing a rapist symbol on her shirt!”

    (She points to one of the girls, who is wearing a shirt with her astrological sign on it.)

    Me: “Ma’am, if you’re going to make a scene, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

    (The woman continues to raise her voice at me and insist that these girls cannot sit down here. The movie is already going to be delayed at this point, and the two girls are looking visibly upset. I go ahead and call for security. At this point, the woman realizes that she’s been beaten, so she makes one last stand.)

    Woman: *standing up, at the top of her lungs* “Help! These girls are touching my kids!”

    (Security comes and holds her in their office for the rest of the movie. Her kids got to stay for the movie. Afterwards, I run into her again.)

    Woman: “I’m going to call the police on you! You let those girls touch my kids!”

    Child: *in tears* “Mom, you’re so embarrassing!”

    Plan A And Plan B

    | Yorktown, VA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m a cashier working the night shift. It’s about 9:30 pm when a couple comes to my register.)

    Me: “Hey, how are you guys tonight?”

    Woman: “We’re just fine, thanks.”

    (I start ringing up their things.)

    Man: “We’re also gonna need–”

    Man and woman: *glance at each other* “A pregnancy test.”

    Man: “Also, the two pack deal on [cigarettes].”

    (Thinking I’ve misheard the last part, I go get the test, ring it through, and finish ringing up their groceries.)

    Woman: “Oh, you forgot the [cigarettes].”

    Me: “Right. The cigarettes. Well, here you go.”


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