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    Keep That Mustache To Yourself

    | Miramar Beach, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am a hostess at a rather upscale restaurant. A couple walks in and the man has a particularly impressive handlebar mustache. I usually chat with guests while I’m seating them.)

    Me: “So, [server] is your server tonight. She’ll be taking great care of you.”

    Customer: “Can [server] give us a good discount?”

    Me: *laughing* “I’m sure if you take it up with her she’ll consider it. You might want to twist that ‘stache in a debonair fashion to convince her.”

    Customer: “I can offer a mustache ride.”

    Me: “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

    Girlfriend: “Thank you.”

    A Warm And Full(filling) Night In

    | Boston, MA, USA | Health & Body

    (A man in his mid-30′s approaches the register. I notice that he looks a little grumpy about something.)

    Me: “Hello!”

    Customer: “Hi.”

    (It is at this point that I notice that he only has two items to ring up: a 20oz bottle of soda and an enema.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m holding an enema, what do you think?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (I ring him up silently. Poor guy, I hope he feels better!)

    Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual, Part 2

    | Columbia, South Carolina, USA |

    Customer: “How do I get these orchids to bloom again, once the current flowers fall of? ”

    Me: “If you have more than one orchid, they will cross-pollinate, or ‘mate’, with each other, and they should bloom again.”

    Customer: “Mate? I should record that on my computer and put it on the internet!”

    (I laugh, thinking he’s kidding. He’s not. He stares at me blankly for a moment before speaking again.)

    Customer: “I’m going to pick out the hottest orchids!”

    Related:
    Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual

    Pssst! Something YAMMY is Coming!

    | IYAMME.com |

    Get your YAM on!
    Psst! Want an exclusive Sneak Peek into the latest and greatest creation from your friends at Not Always Right?

    Visit IYAMME.com and sign-up on our mailing list be the first to express yourself in an exciting new way!

    Get your YAM on!

    Update: We just wanted to thank everyone for the amazing response to YAMMY! If you’re curious about what it’s all about, but need a little bit more information, here it is: YAMMY is a network of five websites where you’ll anonymously share your most memorable daily moments. The first website, IYAMLOL.com, will launch next week (12/15), with one new website launching per week after that. To find out what’s coming next, just sign-up for our mailing list and we’ll email you as each site becomes available.

    When Life Gives You Melons

    | Plattsburgh, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (This conversation takes place as I approach a table where a woman is sitting with a menu across from her.)

    Me: “Hi, how’re you doing?”

    Customer: “We’ll take two water lemons. No, watermelons! No, wait, lemon waters!”

    Me: *struggling not to laugh* “Alright, ma’am, I’ll be right back with two lemon waters.”


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