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    Totally Scentsless, Part 2

    | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    Me: “Hi, can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, ya’ll got some smell good?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Smell good! Smeeeeeell good!”

    Me: “No, ma’am–”

    (The customer holds a bottle of perfume up and shakes it in my face.)

    Customer: “This! Smell good!”

    More Invasive Than You’d Like

    | Huddersfield, UK | Health & Body

    (I work at an optician’s office. We provide a service for customers who are diabetic where they can have a retinal screening.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Patient: *loudly* “I’m here for a diabetic rectal screening!”

    (There is an uncomfortable pause while the patient digests what he has just boomed out to the whole shop in a very loud voice.)

    Me: “Er…”

    Patient: “I think I got that wrong.”

    Me: “Slightly, sir.”

    Getting Your Fax Straight

    , | South Carolina, USA |

    Customer: “I was in an accident last week and the other guy was at fault. His insurance company has totaled my car out and wants my original title. Can you fax it for me?”

    (I think I misheard them, since they won’t receive the original title if I fax it. So, I ask them to clarify.)

    Me: “So, they need a copy of it and you need me to fax it?”

    Customer: “No, fax the original. That’s what they need.”

    Me: “Sorry, but faxing will not result in you having the original.”

    Customer: “No, just fax it. They need the original.”

    (I try several times more to explain that they won’t get an original through fax, without success. Finally, the customer gives up.)

    Customer: “I don’t see what you don’t understand! All you need to do is fax it and they’ll get the original!” *leaves the office grumbling*

    At Lease Be Courteous

    | USA | Money

    (I work in a call center that helps people with pricing and availability on apartment homes. We ask a few questions that may affect the price.)

    Me: “So, do you know how long of a lease you would like to sign?”

    Caller: “‘Lease’? I’m not signing no d*** lease! I just want to move.”

    Me: “Well, you are required to sign a lease if you want an apartment.”

    Caller: “I’ve never heard of these ‘leases’! You just want more money!” *hangs up*

    Less Social, More Security

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am on working the register during a busy day and the line is building up fast. I have finished ringing up a customer and am gathering some information.)

    Me: “And can I have your zip code, please?”

    Customer: “Sure, it’s [zip code].”

    Me: “All right, and a phone number?”

    (The customer rattles off a number that sounds exactly like a social security number.)

    Me: “Um, sir, that sounds like it would be your social security number.”

    Customer: “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You tricked me into giving you my social security number!”

    Me: *speechless*

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