UK is OK

| Alabama, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m British, white-skinned, blue/green-eyed, red-haired, Celtic. I’m studying in the U.S. and work at a restaurant part-time. It’s a small-ish town and most people there seem to be quite sweet and any comments on my accent have always been ones of surprise or complimentary.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir and madam, are you ready to order?”

Customer #1: *confused* “I’m sorry, what?”

Me: “Are you ready to order?”

Customer #1: *looks at her husband, confused* “What did she say?”

Customer #2: “Must be a foreigner not bothering to learn English.” *slowly and loudly* “I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?”

Me: *slowly and loudly* “YES, I DO, SIR. I ASKED IF YOU WERE READY TO ORDER.”

Customer #2: “Oh, this is ridiculous! She doesn’t speak a word of English! Tell you what, all these foreigners are coming into America, taking American jobs from real Americans!”

Customer #1: “Let’s find one who can understand us!”

Me: “I can find someone else to take your order from you, if you’d prefer.”

Customer #2: “Oh, she does speak English now!”

Customer #1: “She was screwing with us the whole time! This is unacceptable! We don’t come here to be made fools of!”

Customer #2: “Stupid foreigners coming in stealing our jobs and screwing up the American way of life!”

Me: “If you’re worried about foreigners coming to America and stealing your livelihood and culture, you can take your complaints down to the nearest Native American reserve, where they will be more than happy to sympathise.”

Customer #2: “How dare you?! You think you can come over here and disrespect the American people like that!”

Customer #1: “We want the manager here now! I’ll have you fired and deported back to your own dirty country!”

Me: “I’ll fetch him now for you.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

(Customer #1 & #2 rant excessively at him for employing foreigners who don’t speak English and disrespect Americans.)

Manager: “Well, sorry to burst your bubble there, guys.” *gestures to me* “[My name] here is from the United Kingdom and arguably speaks better English than all of us. And she’s a valued employee so if it comes down to a choice between your custom and her working here, I’m a have to choose her over you two. Now get out of here!”

(At this point, Customer #3, an old man with a thick southern accent, beckons me over.)

Customer #3: “Hey, you, girlie.”

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer #3: “On behalf of the United States Of America, I just wanna apologise for the way those two morons just treated you. I been a citizen here for 78 years, an’ I ain’t never let nobody tell me howta treat people. I served alongside a British guy in a the last war and I never had a problem wi’ him. Far from it.”

Me: “That’s so nice! Thank you!”

Customer #3: “Woulda married him too if people like that wouldn’t make such a fuss about it.”

That Makes Two Of Us

| Las Vegas, NV, USA |

Caller: “Hi, I’m returning a call here?”

Me: “Yes? Are you looking for health insurance?”

Caller: “Well, yes.”

Me: “Great! Do you have the name of who called you? If not, I can just transfer you to an available agent.”

Caller: “Well, that’s the thing. I have a note and it says Linda.”

Me: “Okay, well—”

Caller: “Do you have a Linda? Because my name is Linda, and I’m worried I just wrote my own name down.”

Me: “We have a Linda. I’ll transfer you.”

Caller: “Oh, thank goodness!”

Having A Light Bulb Moment

| AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Me: “Thanks for calling [company name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m calling because my bill is too high!”

Me: “Alright, I can pull up your account and see what could have caused the increase in—”

Customer: “It’s always been too high, and I think it’s this distribution charge.”

Me: “Ah, well that comes from the regulated electricity distributors, the ones that own and maintain the lines in the area. They send that information to us; we don’t have any control over that, unfortunately.”

Customer: “It’s a bulls*** charge! I don’t need no distribution!”

Me: “Well… the charge is for maintaining the electrical lines that transmit the electricity—”

Customer: “Transmitting the electricity?”

Me: “Yeah… you know, sending it out there.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? They don’t have to send it anywhere!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “When I turn on the lights, they just come on. I don’t have to wait for the electricity to get there, it’s already there.”

Me: “That’s not how electricity works, sir.”

Customer: “Of course it is! It turns on right away because the electricity is there. It doesn’t move!”

Me: “Sir… do you have a microwave?”

Customer: “Of course I do.”

Me: “And when you use your microwave, it works immediately, correct?”

Customer: “Right, because the electricity is already in there.”

Me: “So, why do you have to plug it in if the electricity is already there?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “If you unplug your microwave it doesn’t work anymore, right?”

Customer: “Well, yes! What does that have to do with—”

Me: “That’s because the electricity has to travel through the cable to get to the microwave to make it work.”

(He mutters as he’s grasping for something to argue.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: *click*

Closing Down But Lifting Up

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(The company I work for is going out of business, and it is my final day working. I’ve been chatting with a customer about how hard finding a new job is as I ring her up.)

Customer: “Well, thank you. We’re off to Starbucks now.”

Me: “Oh, I love Starbucks.”

Customer: “Really? Would you like me to bring you something?”

Me: “I… what?”

Customer: “Yeah, what would you like? I have a gift card so it’s not a problem.”

Me: “The closest one is fifteen minutes away.”

Customer: “I know. What would you like?”

Me: “Um… a caramel mocha?”

Customer: “Grande or venti?”

Me: “A… grande is good. Thank you.”

Customer: “It’s not a problem. Caramel mocha. I’ll be back with it soon.”

(True to her word, she was back later with the coffee. I’ve not had any luck in the job search yet, but her bringing me a free coffee on my last day really made me smile.)

The Dirty Dozen

| MA, USA | At The Checkout, Top

(I’m standing in line at the ’12 items or less’ self-checkout behind a nice yet flustered older lady. My hands are full of stuff for my lunch—can of soup, loaf of bread, etc. A second woman comes up behind me with an over-flowing carriage; she’s way beyond 12 items.)

Older Woman: *reading from the screen* “Swipe card.”

(The older woman looks around, but misses the card reader in front of her.)

Me: “It’s right in front of you.”

Older Woman: “Where?” *continues to look all around*

Woman Behind Me: “Tsk.”

Me: “Just extend your arm straight ahead…”

(The older woman turns to face me and extends her hand, with credit card in hand, to me. I put my items down and point out the swipe area on the card reader in front of her. She’s finally able to finish her transaction; all this time, the woman behind me has been tapping her toes, shaking her head, etc. The older woman starts to leave with her purse still sitting on the counter.)

Me: “Ma’am, your purse.”

Older Woman: “Oh! Thank you. I wouldn’t have gotten far without that.” *takes her three items and leaves*

Woman Behind Me: “Some people just can’t follow directions.”

Me: “Like 12 items or less’?”

Woman Behind Me: *turns bright red*

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