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    The Fries Are Tastier On The Other Side

    | Ottawa, Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I work at a food court restaurant that primarily serves fries. On quiet days like today, we do all our cooking to order. A group of three French women have just come up to our counter and are trying to decide what to order. They each get an order of fries and gravy and leave to sit and eat. Suddenly, the first customer comes back to the counter.)

    Customer #1: “I want new fries.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry. Was there something wrong with your food?”

    Customer #1: “Their fries taste better.”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Customer #1: “I tried my fries, then I tried their fries. Theirs are better, so I want new ones!”

    (All three women’s fries were from the same batch, cooked and prepared exactly the same way.)

    Weeding Out The Crazies

    | Chicago, Illinois, USA |

    (I work in a store that sells lotions, body scrubs, etc. One of our best sellers is our line of hemp products.)

    Customer: “So, what’s this stuff over here?”

    Me: “This is all of our hemp products. A lot of customers who don’t like heavily-scented lotions tend to like this stuff a lot. It’s a fantastic moisturizer.”

    Customer: *quietly* “It’s not real hemp though, is it?”

    Me: “No, it is. All of our products contain natural ingredients.”

    Customer: “Oh, No! I want absolutely NOTHING to do with this stuff!” *walks away*

    On Our Side For Once

    | New York, NY, USA | Crazy Requests

    (A customer left her shopping cart in front of my register. Another customer is walking up before I can move it. This is a huge pet peeve of mine.)

    Customer: “Did they leave that there so I would trip?”

    Me: “No, she left it because she was lazy.”

    Customer: *completely seriously* “You’re so nice!”

    Me: “Thank you?”

    Customer: “You’re just as nice as everyone else who works here. Do they only hire nice people here?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, they try to only hire nice people here.”

    Customer: “Well, you tell your manager to start hiring some rude people!”

    Me: “Excuse me, Sir?”

    Customer: “Yes! Hire some rude people! Keep us on our toes!”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll let someone know.”

    Intellectual Stimulation: Not Self Perpetuating

    | Edinburgh, UK |

    (I work in a market research call center. I carry out all kinds of surveys on behalf of various organizations. On this particular day, we are calling final year undergraduate university students to ask them for some feedback on their university course. Bear in mind this person has spent the past 3 years studying at university.)

    Me: “On a scale of 1-10, 10 being very and 1 not at all, how intellectually stimulating would you say your course was?”

    Student: “What does intellectually stimulating mean?”

    Equal Opportunity Confusion

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Bigotry

    (I am a female employee at a popular home improvement retailer, where I get a lot of sexist comments. A male customer nearby looks confused.)

    Me: “Sir, is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “I’m going to say yes, because I don’t discriminate.”

    Me: *speechless*


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