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    Of Empty Threats And Even Emptier Stores

    | Boston, MA, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (I work at a large bookstore which is in the process of liquidation sales. One of the rules of this sale is that we don’t take any returns. There are huge signs all over the store that say, “Going out of business.”)

    Customer: “I want to return this book, but I don’t have the receipt.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but we are no longer accepting returns since the store is closing.”

    Customer: “What? You’ve always let me return books.”

    Me: “I know, but we are closing now, so there are no returns.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I’m taking my business elsewhere.”

    Me: “That’s fine. We’re closing.”

    Customer: “I mean it. I’ll never shop here again.”

    Me: “Yes, I know. We’ll be closed.”

    Customer: “I spend a lot of money here, and now I’m going to go buy my books online or something.”

    Me: “Yes, you probably should. This store will be gone.”

    Customer: “I’m leaving here and I’m never coming back. Do you hear me? Never!” *storms out*

    Weight Control Not Included

    | Brandon, FL, USA | At The Checkout

    (A customer comes up to the register with a bag of items to return.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today? Do have a return?”

    Customer: “No, not a return. I want to exchange these items.”

    Me: “What was wrong with the items?”

    Customer: “I bought these at a different location eight months ago and they don’t fit anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I can’t exchange these as the items have been worn and you have had them for quite a while. What is wrong that’s made you want to exchange them now?”

    Customer: “Either they shrunk or I got bigger, so they don’t fit anymore. I want to exchange them for a different size now.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry miss, but I can’t do an exchange for you. I will be more than happy to give a fitting and tell you what your new size is.”

    Customer: “Ugh! You are useless!” *storms off*

    Try Our New Three Slice Pizza

    , | Syracuse, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am talking to a woman on the phone who is ordering a pizza.)

    Customer: “How many slices come in a large pizza?”

    Me: “The large comes with 12 slices.”

    Customer: “Ok, I will take a large pizza, but can you cut it into 8 slices instead? I couldn’t possibly eat 12 slices.”

    Directions, Compliance Not Included

    | Jackson, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work at a hotel. We often get calls asking for directions.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. This is [name], how can I help you?”

    Man: “Yeah, I’m in downtown, just leaving [restaurant]. How do I get there? I need to check in.”

    (I start giving him directions. After a while, he should be on a certain road and very close by.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, so you should be right down the road. If you just keep going straight–”

    Man: “You’re not here. There’s nothing here.”

    Me: “Okay, what businesses do you see?”

    Man: “None, it’s all houses.”

    Me: “There shouldn’t be any houses. Did you turn left at the last corner?”

    Man: “No, I didn’t do any of your turns.”

    Me: “Um, you didn’t turn where I said to? What did you do?”

    Man: “You didn’t sound like you knew what you’re talking about, so when you told me to turn one way, I turned another. Now I’m around a bunch of houses!”

    Me: “Can you tell me what road you’re on? Or if there are any businesses at all?”

    Man: “There are no street signs or businesses!”

    Me: “Sir, we have street signs on all roads. If you just go to a corner and tell me–”

    Man: “There are no street signs at all. Now just get me back!”

    Me: “Sir, I have no idea where you are and if you can’t give me an idea, I can’t get you back here.”

    Man: “There are no street signs. How do I get back?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I have no idea.”

    (That was a few hours before my shift ended. I never saw him and still sometimes wonder if he made it in since I didn’t know his name to check.)

    Fruit Is But One Food Group

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in a standard gas station: there are few healthy things and lots of unhealthy things. As it is summer, we sell a lot of ice cream products. A family of three approaches me register and the father places ice cream bars on the counter.)

    Father: “Just these please.”

    Me: “All right, was there anything else you needed?”

    Mother: “No, thanks.”

    Boy: “Mommy! Can I have this?”

    (The boy, about four, proceeds to show her a container of sliced fruit that we have.)

    Mother: “Nuh-uh, put that back. You’re not getting that.”

    Boy: “But Mommy! It’s delicious! I’ll eat it!”

    Mother: “Put that back now! You have to eat your ice cream bar first!”

    (The boy continues to beg for the cup of fruit until he’s forced to leave the store with his ice cream bar.)


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