Featured Story:
  • Making False Bald Statements
    (1,393 thumbs up)
  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    A Higher Voice Is Not A Higher Power

    | IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I overhear my coworker’s portion of a call.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [account name]. My name is [name]. May I have your name and membership number, please?”

    (Looking at his screen, I can tell the account information he’s given pulls up a woman’s account.)

    Coworker: “Thank you, sir. Now, I see that this account is under a woman’s name. Are you calling for a wife or family member?”

    (While he does this, he’s checking the account to see if anyone besides the account holder has permission to speak.)

    Coworker: “Okay, well, I’m very sorry to say this sir, but you are not authorized to speak on this account. Your wife would need to contact us.”

    (A moment or two passes.)

    Coworker: “Sir, placing me on hold for a few seconds, and then trying to speak in a higher voice will not fool me into thinking you are your wife. Especially as you already told me that she is out of town, in a meeting, and cannot call us herself.”

    Help’s Kitchen

    | TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at the continental breakfast bar at a chain hotel. My job is to make sure the food is constantly filled and the tables are wiped down. A little boy, maybe three or four years old, is sitting with his parents. The boy is screaming, throwing food, and in general causing a racket. While wiping down tables, I hear their exchange.)

    Boy: “I don’t want to go!”

    (Despite his mother trying to reassure him, he continues to scream.)

    Father: “You know what? Fine. We’ll leave you here. Come on, honey.”

    (The father makes a big show of gathering his wife’s purse and their nearby bags. The boy looks extremely satisfied. I chime in.)

    Me: “Oh, no! Don’t do that!”

    Boy: “…Why?”

    Me: “That’s what my parents did to me! The hotel wouldn’t let me stay in my room, so they put me to work serving breakfast!”

    Boy: “They wouldn’t do that!”

    Me: “Well, I was too little to make food, so they had me crawl under the fridge and clean it because it was so dusty.”

    (I cast a glance toward the kitchens.)

    Me: “You could probably fit under there.”

    (Any skepticism on the boy’s face is long gone. He bursts into tears and apologizes to his parents. His mother calms him down. As the family leaves, the father mouths ‘thank you’ at me. I made a child cry, but I got a positive review online from the family!)

    Weekly Roundup: Call Center Chronicles

    | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Call Center Chronicles! They may seem faceless, but call center employees are constantly faced with anger, stupidity, and difficult customers on a daily basis!

    1. Nothin’ Like Some Tough Lovin’ (3,951 thumbs up)
      A caller finds out the “childish” cause of some adult card charges, and dishes out some adult justice!
    2. He Wants The Google (2,586 thumbs up)
      A tech-illiterate customer finds out the expensive, multi-billion dollar difference between *using* Google and *buying* Google.
    3. That’s Assuming If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood (5,986 thumbs up)
      If you ask this call center employee a stupid question, you’ll get a bunch of woodchucks!
    4. The Commute Must Be Out Of This World (2,778 thumbs up)
      A surveyer makes a very, very, very long-distance call… to the planet Qinjax.
    5. Even Paranoid Racist Nutjobs Have Bad Days (4,203 thumbs up)
      A racist caller finds out that bigotry is no challenge for diversity!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    The Absence Of The Lambs

    | Dunedin, New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have any mutton pies?”

    Me: “No, sorry we don’t.”

    Customer: “I’ll have one of your mutton pies, thanks.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have any mutton pies.”

    Customer: “Are your mutton pies done in the Scotch style?”

    Me: “No… because we don’t have any.”

    Customer: “Can I grab two of the mutton pies, then?”

    Me: “No, because we haven’t got any. I don’t even think we have any lamb pies either, for that matter.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a lamb pie, then?”

    Me: “I’ll check if we have any, but I don’t think we do. Hey Shaun! We got any lamb?”

    Shaun: “No! Don’t have any!”

    Me: “Steve, we got any—”

    Steve: “NO!”

    Me: “Seems we don’t have any lamb, sorry.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Shaun and Steve: *at the same time* “YES!”

    Customer: “Oh, well… can I grab a couple of mutton pies, then?”

    Me: “No. Because we don’t have any. And we don’t have any lamb either. No lamb or mutton pies.”

    Customer: “What do you have then?”

    Me: “Well we have mince.”

    Customer: “I’ll take a venison pie, thanks.”

    Me: “Here’s your pie. Have a nice day.”

    (After the customer leaves, the next customer, who has been there through the entire conversation, steps up.)

    Next Customer: “What an idiot, aye?”

    Me: “Well, it takes all sorts. So, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Can I grab a lamb pie, thanks?”

    It All Ends Swimmingly

    | USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (I teach swim lessons to kids, aged 4-12. Many of the children have lisps or other slight speech impediments, and this particular child is very rambunctious and is pushing himself off the wall of the pool and moving quickly through the water.)

    Child: “I pee’d you!”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Child: “I PEE’D YOU!”

    Me: *fearing the worst* “What do you mean by you ‘pee’d’ me?”

    Child: “Look, I’ll do it again!”

    (He pushes off the wall and moves quickly through the water again.)

    Me: “Oh, you mean you torpedoed me!”

    Child: “Yeah! What did you think I meant?”

    Page 968/2,567First...966967968969970...Last