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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    A Slippery Slimy Slope

    | Detroit, MI, USA |

    (I cashier at a food booth for a festival every year. One year, a customer comes up to order with a large stuffed animal of a blue clown fish sticking out of his jean pocket. He pulls the fish out of his pocket and points it at me.)

    Customer: “Would you like to kiss my fish?”

    Me: “Uh, no. Thank you.”

    Customer: “Alright.”

    (At the moment, my little sister is sitting next to me doing some work. He then points to my sister, who isn’t paying attention.)

    Customer: “Does she want to kiss my fish?”

    Me: “Uh, no, she definitely doesn’t.”

    Customer: “Haha, okay.”

    (He takes his food and leaves.)

    In Case Of Emergency, Use Brain

    , | Hanover, Germany | Extra Stupid

    (I’m working in the insurance field service. One of many things I have to deal with is containing damages on the telephone.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: “My house is burning!”

    Me: *confused* “Your house is burning?”

    Customer: “My house is burning! What should I do?”

    Me: “Have you called the fire department?”

    Customer: “No, I thought the insurance wanted to see the damage before–” *disconnects*

    Having Funion With Food

    , | York County, ME, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Any veggies on your sandwich?”

    Customer: *mumbles*

    (I think I hear “onions” and reach for them.)

    Customer: “No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! No onions, no onions, no, no, NO!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, no onions then. What did you say?”

    Customer: *repeats veggie order*

    (I get to ringing her up and she begins to apologize.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry if I startled you.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s okay.”

    Customer: “It’s just…I don’t like onions.”

    Me: “It’s really okay.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. You would have had to remake my sandwich. I hate onions! They make me want to vomit! Vomit everywhere!”

    You Need The Male Order Catalogue

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    (I work at a retail store as a tech person. We also work the sales floor. A lady walks in and and I go over to help her.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you look for anything?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a husband.”

    Me: “What does he look like?”

    Customer: “No, I’m looking for a husband!”

    Live Wires Are Stupid Magnets

    | Wilmington, NC, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Excuse me, I have these wires that are red, black, and white, coming out of my drywall in my garage. I touched them and they did not appear live. I need to do something with them so I can patch the wall.”

    Me: “Okay, we can get some caps for you and some electrical tape. Just cap each one individually and wrap them individually with the tape and
    you can tuck them back into the wall without any issues.”

    Customer: “Should I test them to see if they are live? Should I touch them to my tongue?”

    Me: “No!”


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