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    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 3

    | British Columbia, Canada |

    (We have kiosks in our location that provide a number of services. We also have an online service that provides some different options than we are able to provide in the store. A woman in her 30s is on the kiosk closest to me trying to order something that we don’t do in the store.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to order [product], but I can’t find it on this kiosk.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that item is only available online.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s only available through the computer.”

    Customer: *blank look*

    Me: “You have to go onto a computer and go to the website to order that item, because it’s not available to order in the store.”

    Customer: “What computer?”

    Me: “You have to get onto the internet and order that product from our website.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re saying! What’s a website?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

    All Karma’d Out

    | Australia | Holidays

    Customer: “Do you have any boxed Christmas cards?”

    Me: “Yes, we have two shelves over there. Have you seen those?”

    Customer: “Yes, but do you have any that don’t donate to charity?”

    Me: “I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll go shopping somewhere else!”

    Like A Snake Eating Its Own Email

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Technology

    (A customer has ordered an SSL certificate to enable https on their website.)

    Me: “You should receive a confirmation email with a link.”

    Customer: “Is this the email?”

    (The customer sends me a copy of the email, including the link he needs.)

    Me: “Yes. If you follow the instructions in the email, your certificate will be installed automatically.”

    Customer: “I didn’t receive the email. Resend, please!”

    Above And Beyond The Call

    , | Norway |

    (I talk to customers that call us for information about their debt. An old man, probably around 80 years old, calls.)

    Me: “[Company name], you are speaking to [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi. I just took some of my wife’s pills by mistake. Is that dangerous?”

    Me: “Sir, I work at a debt collection agency. I can’t give you a good answer to that.”

    Caller: “What? Why not? I need help with this. Who can I call if you can’t help me?”

    Me: “You should problably call your doctor or an ambulance, if you need one.”

    Caller: “All right, what is my doctor’s name and number?”

    (I search for local doctors by looking at his area code. We have caller ID.)

    Me: “Try [number].”

    Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

    Don’t Forget ASL, Too

    , | New York, NY, USA |

    (I’ve been exchanging emails with a woman all day. She tells me I should be expecting her call later in the afternoon. I give her my name and direct number so she won’t have to go through the receptionist switchboard.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number.” *click*

    (A few seconds later, the phone rings again from the same number.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

    Caller: “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe she gave me the wrong number!”

    Me: “Oh, well who are you trying to reach?”

    Caller: “I’m trying to call [my company], but I keep getting you instead!”

    Me: “Oh, this is [my company]. Are you looking for someone else?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for [my name]. I thought this was the right number.”

    Me: “Ah, that’s me! I’m [name]! How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Well, why didn’t you say that? You kept making me think I had the wrong number!”

    Me: “I answered the phone with ‘Hello, this is [name]‘. I’m sorry if you were confused, but what can I help you with?”

    Caller: “That is SO unprofessional! Why didn’t you answer the phone with [company name]?! How is anyone supposed to know they got the right number?”

    Me: “Um, because you’re looking for [name] and I said my name was [name], and you called my direct number?”

    Caller: “You should still always answer the phone with the company name, no matter what! I was about to hang up on you again and just call [competition]. At least they let you know who you’re calling when they pick up the phone!”

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