(A customer has asked me to spell the name of the city, Indianapolis.)

Me: “I-n-d..”

Customer: “I-m-b…”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, that was I-n-d…”

Customer: “I-n-b…”

Me: “That’s d, like dog.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “Okay… you got that?”

Customer: “I got it.”

Me: “…i-a-n…”

Customer: “…i-a-m…”

Me: “That was an n, like Nancy.”

Customer: “I have I-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n.”

Me: “Let’s start at the beginning.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “I-n-d…”

Customer: “I-n-d?”

Me: “Yes. …i-a-n…”

Customer: “All right, now I have I-n-d-i-a-m-i-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n – is that how you spell Minneapolis?”

Me: “No. It is not.”

Customer: “Must be all them funny Indian letters. Okay, I’ll send this to you. Goodbye.”

Customer: “You don’t have anything healthy on the menu!”

Me: “Well, the salmon is–”

Customer: “Yuck! No one eats salmon! You people have no healthy options on this menu!”

Me: “The steak is extremely lean and grilled. You can have it with the vegetables, or the salad with no dressing.”

Customer: “Yuck! I hate steak! And I am not having vegetables!”

Me: “The tuna steak is–”

Customer: “Yuck!”

Me: “Or you could try the–”

Customer: “There is nothing healthy on this menu! Give me a bowl of chips. With gravy. And cheese.”

(A man comes up to the register with a full shopping cart.)

Me: “Paper or plastic?”

Customer: “I’d like double bagged paper, and I’d like you to make each bag as heavy as possible.”

Me: “Okay.”

(After I manage to get all of his groceries into three very heavy bags and bring them out to his car.)

Customer: “In case you’re wondering, I just had a fight with my wife and it’s my turn to pick up the groceries.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “It’s also her turn to unload the car.”

Customer: “I’d like to get full coverage insurance on this vehicle.”

Me: “Well, your car is over 15 years old, so I don’t think that will be possible. We simply don’t have a company willing to write it.”

Customer: “But, what am I supposed to do if I want full coverage?”

Me: “I guess get a newer car?”

Customer: “If I wreck that car I’m screwed! I’m not that good of a driver to start with!”

Related:
Pre(Car)ious Insurance

Me: “[Doctor's] office, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, there! I was wondering if I could get an appointment for today?”

Me: “Most likely. What type of animal do you have?”

Customer: *noticeable pause* “I have a dog. I just need the shots to go overseas.”

Me: “How exciting! When are you traveling?”

Customer: “Tomorrow. I tried to get an appointment at the other doctor, but he couldn’t fit me in.”

Me: “Well, just for a vaccination, I think we can manage that around four p.m. today. Do you happen to know what shots your dog needs?”

Customer: “My dog?”

Me: “Yes…to go abroad.”

Customer: “Why would I give shots to my dog? He’s staying here. I need shots for my wife and me.”

Me: “Sir, this is a veterinarian’s office. We treat animals here.”

Customer: “But my flight’s tomorrow! Can’t you make an exception?”

Me: “Sir, that would be highly illegal. And we only carry shots designed for dogs. We don’t have the type you’d need.”

Customer: “Fine! I’m going to report you to the state!” *click*

(The phone rings a moment later.)

Me: “[Doctor's] office, how can I help you today?”

Same Customer: “Um…my wife wants to know if you have dog boarding.”