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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    A Smoking Debate

    | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Underaged

    (We card everyone who looks under 40 for cigarettes and alcohol. A customer comes up, who looks to be about mid-20s.)

    Me: “Hi ma’am! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need a pack of [brand].”

    (I grab the cigarettes, and keep them next to me on the counter.)

    Me: “Alright, I need to see your ID, please.”

    Customer: “What the f***?! Just give me the d*** cigarettes. I’m over 18.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t sell you them without seeing your ID.”

    Customer: “Just give me the cigarettes. I’m in a hurry.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I can lose my job or worse if I don’t ID you. Please… we can get through this much quicker if you give me your ID.”

    Customer: “F*** you, you b****! I want my cigarettes! I come in here all the time and have never been carded before! I demand to speak your manager!”

    (I call my manager up to the front. He’s not much older than I am, and Hispanic.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “This stupid b****, who probably isn’t even old enough to sell cigarettes, won’t give me mine!”

    Manager: *to me* “What does she mean?”

    Me: “I asked for her ID since she looks under 40, and she refused. So, I tried to tell her—”

    Customer: “You lying b****! You never asked for my ID!”

    Me: “I asked for it several times, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I want my cigarettes for free!”

    Manager: “I can’t do that ma’am, and I’m almost positive she asked for your ID.”

    Customer: “F*** you, you f***ing immigrant! I come in here all the time!”

    (She continues like this for a while. My manager and I are both completely stunned.)

    Manager: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “You can’t make me!”

    (She starts screaming and shaking the register. Panicked, I call the police. While waiting for them she starts to go around the store knocking things off shelves. As soon as the sirens are in the distance, she runs out of the store. Thankfully after my manager and I deal with the police report, he gave paid vacation time.)

    Hit A Wall With This Caller

    | WA, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cellphone company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My cell phone isn’t powering on.”

    Me: “Well, let’s see what’s going on with that.”

    (After troubleshooting the problem turns out to be a warranty issue. Unfortunately, the customer’s warranty has run out.)

    Customer: “Well, is there anything I can do? Don’t I have insurance on my phone?”

    Me: “Yes you do, but the insurance only covers physical damage or a lost or stolen phone.”

    (Suddenly, I hear a load crash over the phone.)

    Me: “What was that?!”

    Customer: “There I was, just minding my own business, when suddenly my wall tried to attack me! My phone, knowing it was about to die, heroically jumped in front of me taking the full force of the wall’s assault. Sadly, it has now broken in half.”

    Me: “Well! Let me get you over to our insurance department while you prepare a Viking funeral for our brave hero!”

    Customer: “Do I actually need to burn it?”

    Me: “No, but it will drive the insurance people crazy!”

    A Gruel-ing Customer

    | MD, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer walks up. I’ve been working the registers for awhile.)

    Customer: “I never got my soup.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind of soup?”

    Customer: “The vegetable—he called for it!”

    (I recognize the customer from just a few minutes ago. I pull up her order on the register just to confirm if she had paid for it, which she did not.)

    Me: “All right, would you like to pay for it separately or—”

    Customer: “I already paid.”

    Me: “Well, actually ma’am, I rang you up, and you never said you had soup so I didn’t ring you up for it.”

    Customer: “I did; I said I got the combo!”

    Me: “Well, my apologies; did you want to pay for it on the—”

    Customer: “I don’t have any cash; I only have my card. I can’t pay for it!”

    (I pause because that doesn’t make any sense. However, I decide to let her have the soup for free.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, don’t—”

    Customer: “Just keep it. I can’t pay for it!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, if you hadn’t interrupted me, I was about to say ‘Don’t worry about it, you can have it for free.'”

    Customer: “Oh… okay.”

    (She takes it and hurries away. She didn’t even say thank you.)

    A Good Idea On Paper

    | State College, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

    (I have the opening shift at a well-known steak chain. It’s a weekday and typically pretty slow to start off. I get my first table: an older man and his grandson. I leave to get their drink orders, and come back to see the boy wearing origami boots on his fingers made out of $1 bills.)

    Me: “That’s some pretty fly kicks you got there. Did you make them yourself?”

    Boy: “My pap just made them for me! We’re learning about origami in art class, and he showed me how to make shoes so I can impress my teacher.”

    Man: “Don’t expect her to just hand out dollar bills so you can show everyone.” *chuckles*

    Boy: “Pap, show me another!”

    Man: “That’s the only one I know.”

    Me: “That’s a pretty neat trick! I need to learn how to do that when I give people their change. Hey, I know how to make a paper frog; want me to show you? It hops and everything. We used to race note card frogs in middle school.”

    (The boy gets wide-eyed and nods his head yes.)

    Man: “A frog you say? Let’s see it!”

    (The man pulls out another dollar from his wallet. I fashion it into a frog. It hops just enough to make the boy get really excited.)

    Boy: “No way! How did you do that?”

    (They are still my only table at this point, so I take the time to sit down, and teach the boy how to do that, who thinks it’s the coolest thing. They finish up their meals, pay their check, and leave the restaurant. I notice they tip me very well on their card. However, when I get back to clean up their table, there are 10 little boots sitting by the man’s plate made from various dollar bills along with a note.)

    Note: “We thought you needed some fly kicks, so here’s one for each finger.”

    (I unravel the bills to discover an additional $36. It was a great start to my shift!)

    Paging Insecurity

    | Oakland County, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in this pharmacy store late at night. As I walk up to the counter, a male customer is loudly complaining to a male cashier about ‘the gays.’ Being a lesbian, I’m gathering up the courage to say something when the following happens.)

    Male Customer: “The gays keep trying to turn everyone!”

    Male Cashier: “It must be rough.”

    Male Customer: “How do you mean?”

    Male Cashier: “I have a handful of gay friends, and no matter how much time I’ve spent with them, I’ve never wanted to have sex with other dudes. I’m just saying it must be rough to have such a tenuous hold on your sexuality that you’re always worried about being turned by the slightest contact. I feel for you.”

    (It takes a moment, but the male customer realizes what the male cashier is saying.)

    Male Customer: “…Hey, f*** you, buddy!”

    Male Cashier: “You want to f*** me? Oh god, it’s happening now! There must be a gay in the store! Run!”

    Customer: *screaming* “Go to h***!”

    (The customer then runs out of the store. As I put my stuff up on the counter, the manager runs up from one of the aisles.)

    Manager: “What the h*** was that?”

    Cashier: “Oh, I’m probably just getting a customer complaint in the morning. Totally worth it… I’ll explain later.” *to me* “Sorry about all that. How are you tonight?”

    Me: “If I was straight, I would totally be giving you my number right now.”

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