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    My Day’s About To Get Hairy

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working the box office on a particularly slow night. Part of my duty is to answer the phone and deal with customer inquiries. We are a theater that shows rather alternative movies.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [theater].”

    Customer: “Oh, what a lovely young voice. Tell me, what is [movie] about?”

    Me: “It’s about a victim of pedophilia and how she exacts revenge on her abuser. The next showing is at–”

    Customer: “That’s nice. You have such a beautiful voice.”

    Me: “Um, thanks.”

    Customer: “Tell me. Do you like cats? I love cats. I have several. I just moved here and I can’t find any good vets.”

    Me: “Yes. I like them.”

    Customer: “We sound perfect for each other. I’ll see you tonight when I buy tickets from you…in person. You’ll recognize my voice. I’ll also be covered in cat fur. Good night!” *hangs up*

    America: Land Of The Delusional

    | Boston, MA, USA | Bigotry

    (I am an Asian American girl without any accent. I’m working the information desk in a busy, urban hospital setting. An older, kindly woman approaches my desk.)

    Woman: *in a perfect Irish brogue* “I just wanted to ask you a question.”

    Me: “Sure. What can I help you with?”

    Woman: “Are you American?”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Woman: *smiles kindly* “No, you’re not.” *walks away*

    An Empty Compliment Deserves An Empty Stomach

    | Brisbane, Australia | Food & Drink

    (I am working one day I am serving a man in his late 60′s.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, hello! I like your hair!”

    Me: *taken aback* “Oh, thank you!”

    Customer: *beaming* “Just kidding!”

    Of Objects And Objectivity

    , | London, UK |

    Customer: “Do you sell MP3s?”

    Me: “MP3 players, sir?”

    Customer: “No, no, no. I want to buy MP3s.”

    Me: “You can buy MP3s from our website’s digital store. It’s really easy. However, we don’t sell MP3s in store, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “So, you don’t sell MP3s in store? Why?”

    Me: “You can’t hold an MP3, sir.”

    The Lights Are Out But Somebody’s Home

    | Hartford, Connecticut, USA | Extra Stupid

    (This is in the middle of a storm that knocked out the power of over a million people.)

    Me: “[Company] plumbing and heating. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my hot water heater is broken.”

    Me: “Okay, is it gas, oil, or electric?”

    Customer: “Electric.”

    Me: “All right. Because of the storm, I won’t be able to get there until tomorrow morning.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? I don’t have any lights and now I won’t get any hot water, either?”

    Me:“I’m sorry. What do you mean you don’t have any lights?”

    Customer: “My power’s out. Now you expect me to go without hot water too?”

    Me: “If your water heater is electric, it isn’t broken. It won’t work if your power’s out.”

    Customer: “So, fix it!”

    Me: “I’m a plumber, not electrician.”

    Customer: “So, give me another type of heater!”

    Me: “Do you have a natural gas line or oil tank I could connect it to?”

    Customer: “No, I have electric.”

    Me: “If you don’t have oil or gas, what am I supposed to hook the new heater up to?”

    Customer: “I don’t know! You’re the plumber. You figure it out!”


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