November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3

| Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I work on the ride with the highest height requirement in the park. I am the ‘grouper’—basically I assign the guests to where they sit for the ride, and I am the final say on whether children are tall enough.)

Me: “Hi buddy, could you come stand on this yellow square for me? Nice and tall like a soldier.”

(The child is clearly too short.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, but he is too short to ride.”

Mother: “Please let him ride! All of his other friends have ridden this.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he is too short to ride.”

Mother: “Please, I promise he’s not scared; he won’t cry on the ride.”

Me: “Ma’am, the height stick doesn’t measure courage; it measures height. Your son is too short; I’m sorry.”

Mother: “But he wants to go so badly; he’s been asking all day.”

Me: “Ma’am, your son could come flying out because he’s too short.”

Mother: “OH MY GOD, REALLY?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The height requirement is a safety issue. That’s why we take it so seriously.”

Mother: “Oh, I just thought you were mean!”

Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
Taking Stupidity To New Heights

Don’t Ask What He Puts In His Granola

| SC, USA | Funny Names

(A customer comes in, and looks confused for several minutes.)

Me: “Sir, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Where is the yogurt?”

Me: “All of our dairy products are in the cooler.”

Customer: “No, yogurt. You know, yogurt that you put under your arms.”

Me: “…you mean deodorant?”

Customer: “Yes, yogurt!”

Me: “…aisle four.”

He Is Not A-Mew-sed

| USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(We have only been open for 20 minutes, when I get a call to the front to show a cat to a customer.)

Customer: “Hello, can I hold this kitty?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I take out the cat from her cage; she’s a really friendly grey tabby.)

Customer: “Oh, thank you so much! I can talk to cats, you know! He was meowing at me; he said that I should take him home.”

(The customer looks the cat directly in her eyes.)

Customer: “Meow!”

Me: “Haha, that’s cool. Actually, that cat is female. She’s got all her shots and stuff, so if you want her, you just need to go fill out her paperwork.”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?”

(The customer then growls at me like an animal.)

Customer: “HE. IS. A. MAN. CAT!

(He puts her back into her cage, and goes off to fill out paperwork on her.)

Coworker: “It’s gonna be a looooong day.”

Food For Thor-t

| Tampa, FL, USA | Food & Drink, History, School, Top

(My awesome Viking History professor often has Middle Ages-reenactors who attend his class just to listen to him teach. On one occasion, he and five students decide to go to the ‘Steak and Ale’, a restaurant, in armor and long medieval gowns. The server is quite surprised at how they are dressed, and isn’t quite sure how to deal with them.)

Server: “Uh… what would you like to eat?”

(One of the guys in full plate armor takes his armored fist, and slams it down onto the table and shouts.)

Armored Guy: “MEAT!”

(The server jumps.)

Server: *nervously* “H-how do you want it?”

(The armored guy slams his fist down on the table again, and shouts.)

Armored Guy: “COOKED!”

(According to my professor, they somehow avoided getting thrown out of the restaurant!)

The Power To Be Nice

| Houston, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(Houston has just gone through Hurricane Ike. Power is out in many areas, but some areas have gotten their power back much sooner than others. We can see a popular burrito place has power, and cooking smoke is coming from its roof. The smell is heavenly, so we go in to order a bunch of burritos for us and our friends. After giving my order of several burritos to the cashier, I add something.)

Me: “Thank you for being open today.”

(The cashier looks at me for a moment.)

Cashier: “Could you just wait a moment?”

(He then brings the owner up to me.)

Cashier: “Repeat what you just said.”

Me: *puzzled* “Thank you for being open today.”

Owner: “I just got shouted at by some woman for not having ice for ice tea—after a major hurricane! These workers came in, even though most of them would rather be with their own families, to help us use these supplies before they spoil.”

(He then taps the cashier.)

Owner: “Their order is free.”