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    NAR Android App: Free Version Now Available!

    | Android | Xcluded

    Introducing Not Always Right’s Official Android App: Free Version!

    We’ve listened to your comments loud and clear, and we’re happy to announce that the official Not Always Right Official Android App is now available in a free, ad-supported version!

    With the same important features as the paid version, this is a great alternative for those of you on a tight budget. PS — if you prefer an ad-free experience, get the paid version of the app here.

    You Drive Me Crazy, Part 2

    | Southern Utah, USA |

    (I work on a resort where we rent golf carts out to our guests. I rent a cart out to a guest and her sons. She gets into the cart and I begin explaining how to use it.)

    Me: “This is the gas pedal, here. If you push this knob all the way to the left, it will go into drive.”

    Guest: “Okay. Like this?”

    (She then proceeds to hit the gas pedal and drives up over the curb while screaming.)

    Guest’s son: “I think we’ll walk.”

    Related:
    You Drive Me Crazy

    You’re Just Spin-Cycling Your Wheels

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a gas station with a carwash. A customer comes in and pushes his way to the front of the line. He is holding a shirt that is dripping wet.)

    Customer: “Your car wash sucks!”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I just bought a car wash and it didn’t clean anything! There is still a giant stain on it.”

    Me: “There is a giant stain on your car, sir?”

    Customer: “I don’t drive a car! I drive a truck, and the stain is on my shirt, you idiot!”

    (He holds up his shirt to show me a nice brown stain in the middle of his white shirt. I look at him confused for a few seconds until I look outside and see two men pulling clothes out from the back of a bright blue truck.)

    Me: “Sir, did you try and wash your clothes in our car wash?”

    Customer: “No, I am just standing here with a wet shirt for fun. I want a refund. It didn’t clean my shirt!”

    Me: “Sorry, this isn’t a laundromat, sir. I’m sorry. There is nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “I bought a luxury car wash and it didn’t clean s***! I want my f***ing money back!”

    Me: “We only give refunds on vehicles that haven’t been cleaned, sir.”

    (The customer yells a few choice words, threatens to call the head office, and leaves. To date, I have not heard from the head office.)

    The Case Of The Missing Pi

    | New Hampshire, USA |

    (While the children are playing in our play rooms, I set up the room where they eat and open presents. I put a piece of pizza on each plate so that the kids can start eating as soon as they come in, as they are only allowed a certain amount of time.)

    Mother: “I ordered five boxes of pizza, but there are only four there.”

    Me: “That’s because I already used one box of pizza when I put a piece on each plate.”

    Mother: “Well, what happened to it? I want another box of pizza.”

    Me: “I put the empty box in the trash can, but I assure you that there were five full boxes to begin with.”

    Mother: “No! I want another box of pizza for free! I can’t believe you would try to trick me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m absolutely not trying to trick you. If you want, we can certainly order you another pizza, but unfortunately it won’t get here for another 30 minutes.”

    Mother: “This is absurd! I want to talk to your manager!”

    (Our manager then tries to explain to the mother that she did, in fact, get five pizzas, but she won’t believe him. A couple weeks later, we receive an electronic survey from her, where she again accused us of “stealing her pizza”.)

    The Literal, The Literary, And The Aviary

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (A teenage customer walks in. She looks around for a while, but it seems she can’t find what she’s looking for.)

    Me: “Do you need any help, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the book that teaches you how to kill birds.”

    Me: “We have a few hunting books in non-fiction if that’s what your looking for.”

    Customer: “No. This book is fiction. It’s called How To Kill A Bird or something.”

    Me: “Are you talking about To Kill a Mockingbird?”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s it! Could you tell me where that is?”


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