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    Be Discrete On The Receipt

    , | Kansas, USA | Bizarre

    (I am ringing up a customer. Note that the receipts automatically print on credit transactions.)

    Me: “Would you like your receipt?”

    Customer: “No! How dare you! You better not give me receipt! I will be so pissed!”

    Me: “Oh, um, okay then!”

    (I finish ringing her up and the receipt prints automatically.)

    Customer: “Why did you print that?! I told you I didn’t want it! Do I need to slap you?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. They print automatically when you use a credit card. You don’t have to take it or anything.”

    Customer: “I hate you young kids who think you know everything! You print receipts like it’s nothing!”

    Me: *not knowing what to say* “Well, have a great evening.”

    Customer: “How could I?! You printed the receipt!”

    Unbearably Bad Ideas, Part 2

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I am at the zoo with my little cousin to see the pandas that have recently arrived.)

    Visitor: “Aw, look at it! It’s just so cute! They’re not dangerous, are they?”

    Worker: “Um, well, they’re bears…they’re just as dangerous as other bears.

    Visitor: “But if I were to walk in to the enclosure, it wouldn’t hurt me. I could touch it, couldn’t I?”

    Worker: “Well, no. It’s a bear.”

    Visitor: “Oh, but the female! She must be very gentle. I could touch the female panda.”

    Worker: “Actually, she’s pretty feisty. I wouldn’t go near her, either!”

    Visitor: “Aw, I really thought they were cute and lovely, like big teddy bears! I’m so disillusioned now…”

    Related:
    Unbearably Bad Ideas

    So Much Pun

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words, Top

    (I’m zoning the laundry aisle at a popular retail store. An elderly couple walks down the aisle. The husband makes a pun of every name brand he walks by.)

    Customer: “CHEER up, dear. We’re in a new ERA now. We’re ALL together, and have everything to GAIN. So SNUGGLE up, but be careful. There’s a TIDE coming in, so SURF’s up!”

    (Best. Old dude. Ever.)

    Flayed Nerves

    | California, USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a cookbook by a famous chef. He’s on TV. His name is Bobby Fray.”

    Me: “Oh, sure…you mean Bobby Flay. Let me—”

    Customer: “No, no, NO! I said Bobby FRAY. That’s F-R-A-Y. Fray!”

    Me: “Okay, just follow me over to the cookbooks. We’ll take a look and see if we can find what you’re looking for.”

    (She follows me to the cookbooks. I pull one of Bobby Flay’s books off the shelf and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Is this the author you were looking for?”

    Customer: “Yes! See, Bobby Fray—”

    (Upon reading “Flay,” she screams in frustration and throws the book on the floor at my feet and storms out.)

    Me: *speechless*

    Big Power Is Watching You

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Technology

    (Some electric utility residents in Arizona have the option to sign up for pre-paid electricity, which places a user display terminal in their home. Commonly referred to as “the box,” most customers place the box somewhere in their kitchen or dining room.)

    Me: “Good morning, this is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi! I really hope you can. My box isn’t working. I keep pushing the buttons, but the display isn’t showing me anything, and I’m worried I’m going to run out of power.”

    Me: “Alright, I’d be happy to look into that for you. First, we’ll need to go through a few quick steps. Could you please verify that the display unit is plugged in?”

    Customer: “Yes, it is.”

    Me: “Okay! Could you check for me and ensure that the battery is also inserted into the back of the display unit?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s there.”

    Me: “Okay, great! Do you currently have your display unit plugged into one of your kitchen outlets?”

    Customer: *very long pause* “Yes…why? Can you see me?!”

    Me: “Um, no…not at all, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Then how come you knew I was standing in the kitchen, huh?! Explain THAT!”

    Me: “Well, many of our customers like to plug their display units into their kitchen or dining room outlets, so I just took a lucky guess.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *pauses* “So, you CAN’T see me, right?”

    Me: “Not at all, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, good!”

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