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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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    So Much For Spit & Run

    , | Copenhagen, Denmark | At The Checkout, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (In our store, all cash registers have a button that’ll ring a bell in out lunchroom and back room if a cashier is in danger. I hear the bell ring, and run out to find my boss, who has also run out to check on the cashier.)

    Boss: “What happened?”

    Cashier: “A customer threatened to beat me over short change, even though I gave him the correct change. He just left a second ago!”

    (My boss and I walk out the store and quickly spot the customer in question. He’s not hard to miss, as he’s now cursing at his wife.)

    Me: “Did you threaten my coworker?”

    Customer: “Yeah. So?!”

    Boss: “I’m gonna have to ask you to come back in with us so we can sort this out.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (The customer runs across the road, so my boss and I run after him as quickly as possibly. We finally catch up with him on the park lawn on the other side of the road.)

    Boss: “[My name], grab his bags.”

    (Before I can react, my boss has tackled him from behind using an American football tackle and hammerlocked him before picking him up from the ground.)

    Customer: “When we get to the back room, I’m gonna punch your lights out!”

    Boss: “You’re welcome to try.”

    Customer: *shuts up*

    (We call the cops, and after a few minutes they get here. We explain everything as his wife pleads with the cops.)

    Cop: “We’re gonna let you off with a 300 kroner ticket if you apologize to every—”

    Customer: *spits on cop* “Screw you!”

    Cop: “…and now, you’re going to jail!”

    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 8

    | Alabama, USA | Funny Names

    (A coworker and I are walking around the theater seeing if anything needs to be done. A woman and about 6 children are walking down the hallway. One of the young girls starts running around.)

    Customer: “Bella! Bella! Stop running, Bella! Bella!”

    (She looks at her young son who is behaving well and pats him on the head.)

    Customer: “Good job, Edward.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Coworker: “I wonder what the others are named.”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 7
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 6
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    Forbidden Fruits (& Veggies)

    | Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A middle-aged woman, her mother, and her three year old walk into my sandwich shop.)

    Mother: *to child* “What do you want today?”

    Child: “A samminch!”

    Mother: “Okay, what kind?”

    Child: “A samminch!”

    Mother: “Do you want turkey?”

    Child: “NO!”

    Mother: “Do you want ham?”

    Child: “NO!”

    Mother: “I AIN’T RAISIN’ NO VEGETARIAN!”

    Fractional Intelligence

    | Texas, USA | Math & Science

    Customer: “I need to know the height of this refrigerator.”

    Me: “Sure, it’s 69 3/4 in.”

    Customer: “Is 3/4 more or less than a half?”

    Me: “It’s slightly more.”

    Customer: “No, that can’t be right!”

    How To Make An Employee’s Day

    | New York, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I work at a call center. As I’m working, I overhear my coworker talking another call.)

    Coworker: “Hi, my name is [name]. I’m calling from [organization]…”

    (As usual, I tune her out since it’s just a script and focus on my own call. However, after a few minutes, she hangs up and excitedly speaks to everyone in the room.)

    Coworker: “Guys! She used my name!”

    Manager: “What?”

    Coworker: “She used my name! When she hung up, she said, ‘Have a nice day, [name]‘!”

    (To this day, whenever the room’s getting a little down, someone always tells the story of the customer who used her name!)

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