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    Ralph Waldo Emerson Would Be Proud

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre

    Patron: “Do you have any books about division?”

    Me: “Sure, we have lots of books about arithmetic. One of them is bound to have what you’re looking for.”

    Patron: “Good. The radio frequencies around my house interfere with my calculator, so I have to learn math again.”

    Me: “Let me just show you those books.”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Lover

    | Medford, MA, USA | Books & Reading

    (I work at a bookstore. It’s well known at work that my voice resembles my manager’s voice.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [bookstore], this is–”

    Caller: “Hey, you little vixen, when are you coming home? I’ve got a bottle of champagne–”

    Me: “Um, wait, I–”

    Caller: “Ooh, I’m gonna–”

    Me: *turning beet red* “Nancy! Your husband is on the phone!”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    Like Explaining Red To The Blind

    | Westerville, Ohio, USA |

    (A customer calls to place an order for delivery. While entering the credit card information for payment, I need the zip code.)

    Me: “Can I get the ZIP code to the billing address?”

    Caller: “Where on the card is that?”

    Me: “The ZIP code. It’s not on the card.”

    Customer: “What is that? They always ask that, and it’s not on the card.”

    Me: “Um, the ZIP code. It’s…it’s a number the Post Office uses to tell where to deliver mail to.”

    (There’s a silence. I can’t tell if he’s thinking or if he’s just has no idea what’s going on.)

    Me: “I’ll just put [local ZIP code] and see if it works.”

    Customer: “Um, okay, yeah.”

    Me: “Ok, it went through. We’ll see you soon.”

    The Fragility Of My Temper

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout

    (The place I work at sells everything for your home. Note, the store is a warehouse and has cement floors. A customer walks up to shelf check out, begins to check out, and drops one of two glass vases. The vase, of course, shatters into pieces.)

    Customer: *walks up to me with the unbroken vase* “I don’t want this vase anymore. I didn’t realize how fragile they were.”

    Me: “You didn’t realize how fragile these glass vases were?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I don’t want to purchase an item that can break this easily.”

    (The customer begins to walk back to her check out. Halfway, she turns around again to address me.)

    Customer: “Oh, and by the way, can you clean up this mess?”


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