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  • My Roommate Is My Pet Hate
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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Has No Idea What’s In Store For Them

    | Washington, DC, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Is this a store?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “A store where you can buy things?”

    Me: “Um… yes?”

    Customer: “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes!” *hangs up*

    A Not-So-Pretty Swell Day

    , | USA | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (During the lunch rush I am making fries. Since I am pregnant and the salt makes my hands swell, I take off my wedding ring.)

    Me: “Here are your fries, sir! Hot out of the fryer.”

    Customer: “Thanks girl, you’re pretty sweet. I’d ask you out if you weren’t so fat.”

    Me: “Thank you for the compliment, but I am not fat. I’m pregnant.”

    Customer: “What?! You aren’t pregnant. You’re just being prude.”

    Me: “I highly doubt my husband would agree with you.”

    (I take the ring out of my pocket briefly to show him.)

    Customer: “If you’re married, why don’t you wear your ring? You looking around for a new man? Because I might be available after you lose weight.”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m currently not wearing my ring because the salt makes my hands swell up and it cuts off circulation.”

    Customer: “Don’t be stupid! Salt only makes girls swollen when they’re pregnant!”

    (I nod at him slowly and he frowns, realizing what just happened.)

    Customer: “Well… you’re not that pretty anyway!”

    A Higher Voice Is Not A Higher Power

    | IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I overhear my coworker’s portion of a call.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [account name]. My name is [name]. May I have your name and membership number, please?”

    (Looking at his screen, I can tell the account information he’s given pulls up a woman’s account.)

    Coworker: “Thank you, sir. Now, I see that this account is under a woman’s name. Are you calling for a wife or family member?”

    (While he does this, he’s checking the account to see if anyone besides the account holder has permission to speak.)

    Coworker: “Okay, well, I’m very sorry to say this sir, but you are not authorized to speak on this account. Your wife would need to contact us.”

    (A moment or two passes.)

    Coworker: “Sir, placing me on hold for a few seconds, and then trying to speak in a higher voice will not fool me into thinking you are your wife. Especially as you already told me that she is out of town, in a meeting, and cannot call us herself.”

    Help’s Kitchen

    | TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at the continental breakfast bar at a chain hotel. My job is to make sure the food is constantly filled and the tables are wiped down. A little boy, maybe three or four years old, is sitting with his parents. The boy is screaming, throwing food, and in general causing a racket. While wiping down tables, I hear their exchange.)

    Boy: “I don’t want to go!”

    (Despite his mother trying to reassure him, he continues to scream.)

    Father: “You know what? Fine. We’ll leave you here. Come on, honey.”

    (The father makes a big show of gathering his wife’s purse and their nearby bags. The boy looks extremely satisfied. I chime in.)

    Me: “Oh, no! Don’t do that!”

    Boy: “…Why?”

    Me: “That’s what my parents did to me! The hotel wouldn’t let me stay in my room, so they put me to work serving breakfast!”

    Boy: “They wouldn’t do that!”

    Me: “Well, I was too little to make food, so they had me crawl under the fridge and clean it because it was so dusty.”

    (I cast a glance toward the kitchens.)

    Me: “You could probably fit under there.”

    (Any skepticism on the boy’s face is long gone. He bursts into tears and apologizes to his parents. His mother calms him down. As the family leaves, the father mouths ‘thank you’ at me. I made a child cry, but I got a positive review online from the family!)

    Weekly Roundup: Call Center Chronicles

    | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Call Center Chronicles! They may seem faceless, but call center employees are constantly faced with anger, stupidity, and difficult customers on a daily basis!

    1. Nothin’ Like Some Tough Lovin’ (3,951 thumbs up)
      A caller finds out the “childish” cause of some adult card charges, and dishes out some adult justice!
    2. He Wants The Google (2,586 thumbs up)
      A tech-illiterate customer finds out the expensive, multi-billion dollar difference between *using* Google and *buying* Google.
    3. That’s Assuming If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood (5,986 thumbs up)
      If you ask this call center employee a stupid question, you’ll get a bunch of woodchucks!
    4. The Commute Must Be Out Of This World (2,778 thumbs up)
      A surveyer makes a very, very, very long-distance call… to the planet Qinjax.
    5. Even Paranoid Racist Nutjobs Have Bad Days (4,203 thumbs up)
      A racist caller finds out that bigotry is no challenge for diversity!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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