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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet

    | London, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (I work in an awkwardly-sized shop where the chocolate counter is at one end of the shop, with the till at the other. This tends to result in customers waiting needlessly at the chocolate counter. This occurs during on a particularly busy time.)

    Me: “Sorry about the wait, sir. Would you just like to follow me to the till and I’ll just put your transaction though?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting bloody ages! This happens every year! You shop assistants are useless!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. It’s just the shop is awkwardly shaped, so it’s difficult to keep track of people waiting—”

    Customer: *hands over his card* “I’m a business man, and it’s not the shop. It’s you! You’re just useless!”

    Me: “Once again, I apologise for the wait. It’s difficult to keep tabs on everyone—”

    Customer: “If you would do your job properly, it wouldn’t happen! Every bloody year, it’s the same!”

    Me: “Sir—”

    Customer: “If you make one more excuse, I’ll leave without buying anything!”

    (Note: I’ve already put his purchase though and I’m just trying to hand him his card and receipts.)

    Me: “Okay, I—”

    Customer: “That’s it! I’ve had enough! I’m leaving!”

    (The customer angrily storms out of shop. Five minutes later, he returns, albeit much calmer.)

    Customer: *sheepish* “I…er…left my card.”

    Me: “Don’t forget your chocolates, sir! Have a lovely day!”

    By Doing Nothing, The Customer Solves Itself

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Technology

    (I work at a call center for an online auction site.  The first thing we need to ask when we answer the phone is for their user name.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. May I have your user name, please?”

    Caller: “It’s [user name].”

    Me: “Thanks. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “I forgot my user name.”

    Me: “You mean the user name you just provided me with?”

    (There’s an awkward pause while the caller processes what I’ve said.)

    Caller: “Oh…never mind!” *click*

    Related:
    By Doing Nothing, The Problem Solves Itself

    Dripping With Contradictions

    | Brisbane, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Is there any coffee in a latte?”

    Me: “Yeah, there is. We put two shots of coffee in a tall latte.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. How about the cappuccino? Does that have coffee?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, there are two shots in the cappuccino as well.”

    Customer: “So, are you SURE there is coffee in a cappuccino? Because I really need coffee!”

    Me: “I can assure you there is coffee in it. I can even give you extra shots of coffee.”

    Customer: “So, there is coffee in it?”

    Me: “Yes, there is coffee in a cappuccino.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want coffee! What kind of place is this?!”

    Me: “A…coffee shop?”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

    Me: *completely confused*

    A Senior Moment To Go, Please

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Money

    (I am working in a sub shop when two elderly ladies approach. One orders for both of them.)

    Customer: “I want a tuna sub.”

    Me: “Okay, is that a footlong?”

    (I’m assuming they are getting a footlong to split, but I have to ask to be sure.)

    Customer: “No, it’s for here.”

    Me: “Okay, but is that a footlong or a 6 inch?”

    Customer: *looks at me confused* “What?”

    Me: “Is your sub a footlong or a 6 inch?”

    Customer: “No, it’s a footlong.”

    (I go down the line making the rest of her sandwich for her without any other problems. When we get to the register, they get two bags of chips and two coffees. Then, they ask for the senior discount, which I give them.)

    Me: “That will be $9.31 today.”

    Customer: “That’s not right.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I thought the sub was $5.”

    Me: “Actually, with your senior discount it only costs $4.50, but you also have the chips and the coffees, which brings your total to $9.31.”

    Customer: “But the sub’s supposed to be $5.”

    Me: “Yes, and it is $5. However, you also got the chips, which are $0.89 a piece and the coffees, which are about $1.29 a piece. Then, theres tax.”

    Customer: “But I thought that the sub was $5.”

    (This goes on for about five more minutes, with me explaining everything she’s got and how her total is $9.31. After about five more minutes, she finally gets it.)

    Customer: “Oh, the coffee and the chips cost about $1 each, so it’s $9.31!”

    Who Needs Learnin’ When You Can Be Sun Burnin’, Part 2

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am helping a mother and her teenage son go through his summer reading list to find a book that will meet his requirement. I usually do this by working with the kid to find one that they’re genuinely interested in reading, but in this case, the mother keeps interrupting.)

    Customer: “My god, look at how long all these books are!”

    Me: *to the son* “You said you like mysteries, right? And Then There Were None is on your son’s reading list. I think you’d like it.”

    Customer: *looking at the book* “It’s almost four hundred pages! How do you expect him to finish that thing?”

    Me: “Well, he does have the whole summer.”

    Customer: “Absolutely not! How can they expect him to read that much? It’s insane!”

    Customer’s Son: *reading the back cover* “Mom, this actually sounds really good. There are ten people on an island and they start dying one by one.”

    Customer: “Honey, you shouldn’t have to read that much. You’ll waste your whole summer! We want a book that’s under a hundred pages.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but none of these books are going to be under a hundred pages. I think the shortest one is about two hundred.”

    Customer: “This is so ridiculous. How can they do this to him? Let’s pick a book from that rack over there. Those look much more manageable.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that display is required reading for the local elementary school.”

    Customer: “I don’t care what it is. We’re picking from there.”

    Me: “None of those are on the reading list. Your son is going into tenth grade.”

    Customer: “Well, these look like the books I would want to read. If I ever wanted to read, that is.”

    Customer’s Son: “I think we should just get the one he recommended. It sounds awesome!”

    Customer: “Forget it. You know what? We’re gonna drive by the school so I can complain to the principal. It’s ridiculous for them to expect you to read during the summer! That’s crazy!”

    Related:
    Who Needs Learnin’ When You Can Be Sun Burnin’

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