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    Big Power Is Watching You

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Technology

    (Some electric utility residents in Arizona have the option to sign up for pre-paid electricity, which places a user display terminal in their home. Commonly referred to as “the box,” most customers place the box somewhere in their kitchen or dining room.)

    Me: “Good morning, this is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi! I really hope you can. My box isn’t working. I keep pushing the buttons, but the display isn’t showing me anything, and I’m worried I’m going to run out of power.”

    Me: “Alright, I’d be happy to look into that for you. First, we’ll need to go through a few quick steps. Could you please verify that the display unit is plugged in?”

    Customer: “Yes, it is.”

    Me: “Okay! Could you check for me and ensure that the battery is also inserted into the back of the display unit?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s there.”

    Me: “Okay, great! Do you currently have your display unit plugged into one of your kitchen outlets?”

    Customer: *very long pause* “Yes…why? Can you see me?!”

    Me: “Um, no…not at all, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Then how come you knew I was standing in the kitchen, huh?! Explain THAT!”

    Me: “Well, many of our customers like to plug their display units into their kitchen or dining room outlets, so I just took a lucky guess.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *pauses* “So, you CAN’T see me, right?”

    Me: “Not at all, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, good!”

    Weekly Roundup: The Parent Is Not Always Right

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Family & Kids, Roundups

    The Parent Is Not Always Right: This week, we feature five stories of people who aren’t just bad customers, but bad parents too!

    1. Bad Parents Bug Us:
      A mother and her two “angels” go on an insect-killing spree at a zoo.
    2. Fruit Is But One Food Group:
      There’s nothing sweet about this parent’s approach to nutrition!
    3. Talking S*** Behind Someone’s Back 101:
      A mother teaches her daughter the joys of smack-talk.
    4. Rounding Down To The Nearest Child:
      Signs you have too many kids: you don’t know how many you have!
    5. Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Role Models Gone:
      Nanny nanny boo-boo, mommy acts like a doo-doo!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Feeling Man-strual

    | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada |

    (I am working the prescription counter when a big, burly 6-foot or so tall man comes to the counter. Note: I am a female.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Um, I think…” *trails off*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir…could you say that again?”

    Customer: *leans in close* “I think I got my first period.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “I’m bleeding down there, and I’m really hurting in my stomach.”

    Me: “Sir, men don’t get those. You need to go to the hospital.”

    Customer: “I knew you girls would be insensitive! I’m leaving!”

    (I didn’t see him again. I still hope he got to a hospital!)

    You’re Just Shorting Yourself

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money, Top

    (On this day, we are selling cups of tall coffee for a quarter to celebrate our 25th anniversary in Canada.)

    Customer #1: “One short dark coffee.”

    Me: “Oh, today is your lucky day! A tall coffee is a quarter, so let me get you a bigger cup of coffee for less money!”

    Customer #1: “I want a short.”

    Me: “Well, a short is 8 oz at $1.74 after tax, but a tall is 12 oz at $0.28 after tax—today only.”

    Customer #1: “Don’t cheat me! I don’t want more coffee!”

    Me: “But it costs less…maybe I could charge you for a tall and just fill it half way?”

    Customer #1: “Stop your trickery and give me what I want. You are trying to rip me off!”

    Me: “Okay. One short coffee…that’s $1.74.”

    Customer #1: “Thank you. Was that so freaking hard?!”

    (The customer walks away, and the next customer approaches.)

    Customer #2: “So, let me get this straight: I can get like four coffees for the price of a short?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, that’s a great deal! I’ll get four!”

    (Hearing this, Customer #1 turns back to the counter, enraged.)

    Customer #1: “You’re giving him FOUR?! You’re playing favorites, you b****!”

    Me: *shocked*

    Customer #2: “How much do you hate your job right now?”

    E Pluribus Dumbum

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Language & Words

    (We have a regular customer who always brings in his latest metal detector find for me to see, knowing that I’m a fan of antiques and history.)

    Customer: “See this ring my metal detector found this morning?”

    Me: *looks at the ring* “It looks like an old military officer’s ring. See the rank insignia on one side, the army seal on the other, and ‘E pluribus unum’ around where there used to be a gem/stone?”

    Customer: “‘In God we trust.’”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “‘E pluribus unum’ means ‘In God we trust.’”

    Me: “Actually, it is Latin for ‘Out of many, one.’ It’s the nation’s motto, meaning we are many states and people, but one country.”

    Customer: *suddenly angry* “NO! It means ‘In God we trust’, like on money! WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?!” *storms out*

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