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    The Literal, The Literary, And The Aviary

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (A teenage customer walks in. She looks around for a while, but it seems she can’t find what she’s looking for.)

    Me: “Do you need any help, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the book that teaches you how to kill birds.”

    Me: “We have a few hunting books in non-fiction if that’s what your looking for.”

    Customer: “No. This book is fiction. It’s called How To Kill A Bird or something.”

    Me: “Are you talking about To Kill a Mockingbird?”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s it! Could you tell me where that is?”

    Color Me Stupid

    | St Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Note: I am fairly new at the liquor store, so I’m still learning about all the wines, beers, and liqueurs.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Nuvo Pink?”

    Me: “Umm, I’m not sure. What is that?”

    Customer: “It’s a liqueur.”

    Me: “Okay, well, it would be over here.”

    (I take the customer over to the the shelves and start looking for it.)

    Me: “If we don’t have it, perhaps we have something similar. What flavor is it?”

    Customer: “Pink.”

    Me: “No, what flavor?”

    Customer: “The flavor is pink!”

    Seeing Oneself In Others

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    (A regular comes in and hangs out for a while. Clearly, he doesn’t really want to go back to work.)

    Customer: “It’s boring there. I don’t want to go back.”

    (He sees a mannequin dressed in camo.)

    Customer: “Can I take him with me? He’d blend right in.” *chuckles*

    Me: “Um…he’s a tad heavy and falls apart a lot.”

    Customer: “Perfect. He’s just like me!”

    Sorry, We’re Fresh Out Of DeLoreans

    | Saskatchewan, Canada |

    Customer: “I would like to book a car for the 21st.”

    Me: “Okay, so August 21st?”

    Customer: “No, July 21st. We are in July.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s July 24th today.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *pauses* “…I’ll call you back.”

    When In Rome (Or Canada)…

    | British Columbia, Canada | Canada, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a tourist shop where we get Americans on a regular basis.)

    Me: “Would you like to pay by credit card?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you know where I can find a Bank of America?”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but there isn’t any around here.”

    Customer: “So you guys don’t have Bank of America.”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, this is Canada.”

    Related:
    When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…
    When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)…


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