November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Trash Talking Your Service

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work for a trash service. The customer I’m speaking with had an account several years ago that was cancelled due to non-payment. It still has a balance.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We cannot reactivate your account unless there is a zero balance.”

Customer: “Well I only put out my trash once a month! I will only pay for once a month pickup! I will not pay that amount!”

Me: “But once a month pickup is not a service we offer in any area.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I only put out my trash once a month! You are just trying to get more money out of me!”

Me: “Okay, so let me get this straight: you want to pay for a service that doesn’t exist, only because you say it does?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Discounted Hell To Pay

| SLC, Utah, USA | Money, Musical Mayhem, Religion, Top

(I work for a company that sells musical equipment. I am taking a call from an older gentleman who tells me that he is a priest. He has been very nice for the duration of the call, and we are almost finished placing his order.)

Priest: “Now, could you give me 15% off on this? You would be doing the Lord’s work if you could get me 15% off my order!”

Me: “Well, I don’t think I have a 15% off coupon, right now. I’ll check and see.”

(I put him on hold, and check my available coupons. There is only a 10% coupon. I return to the customer with this.)

Me: “So, I couldn’t get you 15% off. I do have a 10% coupon, though!”

Priest: “Child, do you what to go to Hell?!”

(I am taken aback.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Priest: “Hell, Child. If you don’t give me 15% off my order, your soul will rot in Hell for all eternity!”

Me: “I’m a red-head, sir; I don’t have to worry about that. Now, is there anything else I can add to your order today?”

Placebo Me, Part 7

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(A mother and her six-year-old child approach the concession at around 7:00 PM.)

Child: “I want a coke!”

Mother: “No, sweetie, you can’t have caffeine. Would you like some root beer instead?”

Child: “Okay!”

Me: “Oh, actually, this brand of root beer does have caffeine.”

Mother: “Shush! Work with me here.”

Me: “Um… okay?”

(I proceed to make the drink. The child wanders a short distance away, looking at a poster.)

Me: “So, why do you not want him to know it has caffeine?”

Mother: “Well, it’s all psychological, like a placebo. I don’t want him up all night!”

Placebo Me, Part 6
Placebo Me, Part 5
Placebo Me, Part 4
Placebo Me, Part 3
Placebo Me, Part 2
Placebo Me

She Has A Phone To Pick With You

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

(I am helping a lady pick a bracelet for herself. She has kept her phone on my table.)

Customer: “Yes, this one will do nicely.”

Me: “Great! So you will be buying this one?”

Customer: “Yup. You have some nice collections here. Thanks for all your help.”

(She picks up her phone, puts it in her pocket, and I proceed to check her out. Suddenly, she starts looking for something.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you missing something?”

Customer: “Yes, my phone! I had kept it right on this table here.”

Me: “Oh, I think you kept that in your pocket a few minutes ago.”

Customer: “No! I would have remembered if I did. You stole it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you are mistaken. I was with you the entire time. Why don’t you check your pocket?”

Customer: “No way! So you can steal something else? I know you sort of people. You appear all nice outside, while you steal from paying customers like me! I will report you to the police!”

Me: “How about I call your phone from my phone, so you can find it?”

(We try my suggestion, and sure enough her phone rings from her pocket.)

Customer: “Uhm… I…”

(She goes red in the face and disappears. She returns a couple of days later with a gift card for me. She apologizes for her behavior, and for my trouble, and goes away. To that lady, if she happens to read this: we all make mistakes, but it is rare that we accept our mistakes. Thank you for doing so, and making my day!)

Very Wrong About Being Right

| IA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(An irate caller is complaining about a billing problem that has been previously resolved by our billing specialists. He has received $50 in credits, but they will not apply until the next invoice is printed. At this time, we cannot edit already-printed invoices. The customer has been made aware of this twice per my co-workers’ notes. He does not want to wait.)

Me: “Sir, you have been given the credits, but as you have been advised—”

Caller: “I don’t care what I was told! Not by you, or your workers, or your managers or whoever! You are going to apply the f****** credits! The customer is always right!”

b>Me: “I understand that you’re upset about our crediting system, but please refrain from using profanity.”

Caller: “F*** you! The customer is always right!”

Me: “If you continue to use profanity, I will have to end the call.” Caller: “The customer is always right!”

Me: “Sir, we have no way—”


Me: “No.”

(There is a significant pause.)

Caller: “I want your supervisor.”

Me: “I can do that for you, but they will tell you the same thing.”

Caller: “I want your supervisor!”

(I get one of my supervisors, and transfer the customer over. The caller screams “THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!” at him for 15 minutes, and then hangs up.)