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    One Foto In The Grave

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am working the photo center of a thrill ride, where people can look at and buy the photo taken of them in their ride car. An older couple comes up and orders their picture.)

    Older lady: “I don’t need a bag. My kids and grandkids are right over there.” *points to a corner of the store*

    Me: “Sure thing. Here’s your printed picture. How does it look?”

    Older lady: *taking the photo* “That’s great! They’re gonna love it when we’re dead!” *walks off*

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9

    | Odessa, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have that new Twilight movie Breaking Dawn?”

    (Note: as the customer asks this question, I am stocking a life-sized display case of Edward and Bella and have an armful of Breaking Dawn DVDs. The store is also filled with piles of Breaking Dawn pre-orders, Breaking Dawn promo merchandise, and several Breaking Dawn dozen posters advertising the movie’s DVD release. The customer looks right down at the Breaking Dawn DVD in my hand and, before I can answer him, he continues.)

    Customer: *sighs* “Oh, well. Guess not.” *turns around and leaves without another word*

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Takes One To Joe One

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I’m a cashier at a coffee chain. Our location is popular so the line is usually long. I overhear the following conversation between two customers.)

    Customer #1: “Why is the line in this place always so long?! I’ll never understand it!”

    Customer #2: “Well, sir, do you like coffee?”

    Customer #1: “Of course! Why else would I be here?”

    Customer #2: “Well, could it be possible that there are other people who like coffee as well?”

    Customer #1: “Oh. Right.”

    If Hugs Could Kill

    | Drexel Hill, PA, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “Hey, how you doing?”

    Customer: “Not too good. My favorite aunt is dying and I have to go to the hospital.”

    Me: “That’s too bad. I’m sorry to hear that.”

    Customer: “Thanks. I’m gonna go there and hug her and kiss her to death.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “You know what I mean.”

    Putting A Lid On That Temper

    | Texas, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

    Customer: “Hey, you. Um…you got any corn dogs?”

    Me: “I’m sorry we don’t.”

    Customer: “Okay, do you have any pistachio ice cream?”

    (We’re standing right at the ice cream bar and have all the selections on display.)

    Me: “No, sir, we don’t. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Son of a b****! Well, do you at least have a large chocolate shake?! You have that, right?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Let me make that for you.”

    (I head to do this while my coworker takes the rest of his order, which is a triple dip ice cream in a cup. I come back to ring him up and notice that he’s not happy.)

    Me: “All right, that will be [price].”

    Customer: “I wanted that to go!” *points at the ice cream in the cup*

    Me: “Yes, sir, it’s in a cup. You can take it to go.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me that you’d drive with that in your car without a lid?! How stupid are you?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I would. I can get you a lid if you want.”

    Customer: “Well what did you think I meant by to go?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (I get him a lid and force the ice cream to fit.)

    Customer: “Well, I hope you learned something from this!” *storms off*

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