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The Most Depressing Game Ever

, , , , | Working | November 17, 2023

Coworker #1: “Three hundred, jeez.”

Coworker #2: “Only fifty-five. That’s not too bad.”

Me: “What are you guys doing?”

Coworker #3: “We’re looking up how much our prescriptions cost per month without insurance. Some of this is scary. My aunt is diabetic, and she has to pay nearly five hundred for her medication, even with insurance.”

Me: “Now I have to know what mine would cost…Two hundred and fifty-eight dollars is my most expensive one.”

Coworker #2: “[Another Coworker] is in the lead. His meds are eight hundred without insurance.”

Various exclamations of shock and dismay are heard, and then I have a thought.

Me: “I wonder what my wife’s would be… HOLY S***!”

Coworker #3: “Your wife has a lot of health issues, right? I’m almost afraid to ask.”

Me: “Two thousand, six hundred, and eighty-nine dollars. For one of her meds.”

There is a brief, stunned silence.

Coworker #1: “Yeah, she wins.”

Me: “I don’t want to play this game anymore…”

The Breast Way To Enjoy Your Vacation

, , , , , , , | Right | November 17, 2023

I am a waiter in a restaurant in a town in Spain that gets a few tourists. Our restaurant is in a small alleyway (medieval town = lots of thin alleyways!) with al-fresco dining running its length.

I am checking on one of our outdoor tables when one of the diners flags me down. She is American. I am usually assigned the tourists since I am half British and my English is fluent.

Customer: “You need to do something about that disgusting display!”

Me: “What display, ma’am?”

Customer: “That woman has her breasts out for all to see!”

She points to one of our outdoor diners at the end of an alley, talking to her group of friends quietly and casually. She is also breastfeeding her child.

Me: “Ah, I see. I understand that’s not a common sight in the US, but here, it’s quite normal to—”

Customer: “I don’t care! I have my teenage boys with me and it’s offensive to expose them to… to that!

Now that she mentions it, her two sons (I’m guessing around fourteen to fifteen) do seem to be enjoying the view.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s not prohibited to breastfeed outside in our establishment.”

Customer: “I’ve never been so offended!”

I try to deflect her outrage.

Me: “Have you and your family been to the beach yet?”

Customer: “No, we just got here! Why is that relevant?”

Me: “I’m just thinking that if a woman breastfeeding is enough for you to worry about your sons, then you might be in for a surprise when you hit the Spanish beaches. Topless women are the norm there.”

Customer:What?! What kind of ungodly country is this?!”

Me: “One that’s 90% Catholic, ma’am. Would you like to see the dessert menu?”

I didn’t mean to be so sassy, but it did at least make her think!


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Few Things Are As Gross As Teachers On Power Trips

, , , , , , , , , , | Learning | November 17, 2023

For the most part, I got along with my teachers growing up. My ninth-grade (freshman) English teacher, however, absolutely hated my guts.

I was in school sports, on both the wrestling and football teams, and I was on the school chess team, so I had to take a lot of days off for events. This specific teacher looked up the days I would be away and doubled the homework due after those days, knowing I wouldn’t be able to finish it all. (Yes, I know that was a lot of clubs. I was an overachiever in high school. I kind of regret it now; it cost me a lot in lost time and stress.)

She didn’t check the homework every single day, but she always did after those long away periods!

Worse, she would give me low grades — seventies and eighties — on my papers that had very few notations or marks, but I would talk with other children and see that their papers were heavily marked up but would be scored in the nineties.

After one particularly low grade — sixty-four — on an assignment that I had busted my a** off for and knew I had performed particularly well on, I asked her about it.

Teacher: “You’re only using about half of your total capacity, but these other students are doing 100% of their total capacity. I have higher expectations for you than for them.”

Me: “So, you mean that if my paper is better than, say, [Classmate]’s paper… you’re going to give me fewer points because you think I’m smarter than him?”

Teacher: *Smiling and nodding* “Yes! Exactly!”

What. A. B****.

If that wasn’t bad enough, she gave us an opportunity for extra credit: we had to go to a local college’s rendition of a play called “Eye Piece” and write a 2,500-word paper on it, tie it to what we discussed in class over the play, and turn in the ticket and playbill.

It was due on Monday. The play ran late Friday through Sunday, so there was no way to do it and turn it in ahead of time. But I was going to miss Monday for a competition — a huge competition that our school only got into because we placed highly in our circuit during the year.

I asked her if I could turn it in on Tuesday, and I got confirmation that I could multiple times — over and over, every day, the whole week in the run-up to the event.

I busted my f****** a** off writing that paper after the play so that it wouldn’t interfere with my event. Come Tuesday, she wouldn’t accept it.

Teacher: “That would be unfair to the students who got their assignments in on time. I don’t remember ever telling you that I’d accept it today. You should’ve dropped it off yesterday after your event.”

(At least the play was very good. I recommend watching it if they ever put on a production of it near you.)

I finally got my revenge during the final exam. It was a 105-question exam scored out of 100; the final five questions, for an extra point each, were “freebies”. “What did you learn in this class?” “What was your favorite part of the class?” “How do you plan to apply what you learned in this class to your life?” And so on.

I gave her both barrels. I said, “Because you never left comments on how to improve on my papers, I didn’t learn anything.” I said, “My favorite part of this class is that it’s over.” I said, “I plan to use what I learned in this class to better recognize bosses and other superiors when I finally start working.”

I gave many examples of the things she’d done, the mean things she’d said to me, and the names she’d occasionally called me (she often referred to me as “The Jock” as though it was an insult), and used them to support my positions in my little essays, as I proved that she was the most terrible teacher I had ever had and that she was hurting not just me, but the other students in the class with her terrible teaching style. 

I spent all the time I had left after finishing the rest of the test pouring my pain into those bonus questions.

I finished the test and went to wait in the study hall for a bit before my next final.

The teacher confronted me in that study hall with snot running down her face and demanded that I see her at the principal’s office.

There, she told her side of the story first, crying, screaming, and choking with tears. I apparently had hurt her feelings very badly and was a very ungrateful student. I mostly tuned her out as I prepared my defense.

The principal then asked for my side of the story, and I explained. I even was able to read sections from the answers I had given. The principal listened attentively to my venting about all of the s*** and abuse I’d gone through that year. (It had been a lot, much of which I am not mentioning here.)

The principal sighed and turned to the teacher.

Principal: “How many points were these questions worth?”

Me: “Five bonus points!”

Principal: “So, don’t give him any bonus points if you feel so put out by it.”

I still made the highest score in the class on the final, so I had that going for me.

I heard later that, after that performance, the next school year, the teacher had to have all of her assignments signed off by the department chair, and she had to begin accepting assignments by email.

A few years later, she chose another student to abuse like she had abused me, and this time, she got fired for it because they were actually watching her. Prior to my dramatic complaint, the administration hadn’t known she was a problematic teacher.

I had myself a little celebration on her firing-versery the next year, even though I had moved on to college by then. I made my whole dorm cinnamon rolls and refused to explain why.

There’ll Be No Screaming For This Ice Cream

, , , , , | Right | November 17, 2023

My sister and I are traveling through the country, and we are passing through an old town. I stop at a small shop to buy some packaged water. I am in my teens but look younger. A very old man is sitting at the shop counter, and once I have bought everything, he takes out an ice cream and hands it to me.

Me: “What’s that for?”

Store Owner: “It’s hot. Have an ice cream.”

Seeing as I am about to take the bottles with me, he picks the bottles up himself and walks with me to the car so that I can have my ice cream.

Once he sees that I have a younger sister, he rushes back to the shop to bring out another ice cream for her!

Me: *Handing over some money* “Here, take this for it. I insist.”

He doesn’t take it and just smiles.

Store Owner: “No. You remind me of my granddaughters. Have some ice cream and go have a great life!”

Every time I have an ice cream, I think of that kind old man!

Better To Find That Out Now, I Guess

, , , , , | Working | November 17, 2023

A few years ago, I was unemployed and searching for jobs. I sent a bunch of applications and was really hoping to find work soon. One day, my phone rang while I was at home.

Me: “Hello?”

Woman: “Oh, hi. I am speaking to [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, that’s me.”

Woman: “Good afternoon. This is [Woman] calling from [Company]. You recently applied for the Administrative Assistant position, and I am just calling today to ask you a few questions. Is this a good time to talk?”

Me: “Of course, go ahead.”

Woman: “Okay. Before we start, I need to make you aware that I am not very politically correct. There are certain types of people I do not approve of, but unfortunately, due to the company’s position on this subject, I am forced to keep working with them. Is this going to be a problem?”

I take a moment to digest what she has just told me.

Me: “I think I’m going to pass. Thank you.” *Click*

While I appreciate that the woman was upfront about her prejudice — I still wonder what type of people she was talking about — it immediately gave me a bad impression of her and the company. I feel that I dodged a bullet working for that place.