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    Fishing For Savings

    | Utah, USA |

    (I work in the admissions office of a large university, sitting near the residency window. People frequently come in to dispute being ruled a non-resident for tuition purposes, which results in higher tuition.)

    Student: “I was ruled a non-resident and I’m a resident?”

    Me: “Well, just let me see your ID and I’ll pull up your file and we can take a look.”

    (I pull up the file on my computer.)

    Me: “It says on your application that you’ve only been here six months and you still have an out-of-state driver’s license. To be classified as a resident, you need to have lived in-state for at least 12 months and have a Utah driver’s license.”

    Student: “That’s crap! I have a Utah fishing license. Doesn’t that count for anything?!”

    A Little More Empathy, A Little Less Entropy

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    (I have just finished making a coffee order and I call out the number the customer was given. No one comes to pick up the order, so I call the number two or three times before the customer finally comes up to the counter to pick up her order. After a few seconds, she returns.)

    Customer: “This coffee is cold!”

    Me: “It’s been sitting here for a few minutes. I called it out a couple times but no one came to pick it up.”

    Customer: “Well, this is cold! Perhaps you should only have competent people make coffees!”

    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away, Part 3

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Technology

    (A customer brings in a phone that is still covered in the snow she just dropped it in.)

    Me: “I am sorry, but we do not service liquid damaged phones.”

    Customer: “How is that liquid damaged?”

    Me: “Well, you brought it in covered in snow.”

    Customer: “Snow is not water.”

    Me: “It’s frozen water. See how the counter is getting wet?”

    Customer: “Well, now it is! You need to replace my phone since you let it get wet!”

    Related:
    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away, Part 2
    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away

    America’s Favorite Pastime

    | Bloomington, IN, USA | School

    (I’m a leasing agent for a local management company. A large percentage of our leasees are college students. I am showing a home to 5 students. On the second floor, there are two bathrooms back to back.)

    Me: “Here’s the 2nd bathroom.”

    Student: “Can we knock the wall down between the two bathrooms?”

    Me: “Um, no. I can tell you now that the owner will not do that.”

    Student: “Aww, come on. You should at least ask!”

    Me: “Why do you want to knock down the wall anyway?”

    Student: “So we can do GROUP POOP!”

    Rare, Medium, And Free

    | Covington, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    (This occurs on a very slow day. I’m the only person working the cafeteria and register.)

    Customer: “I finally found a decent meal down here!”

    (She proceeds to show me her tray. It consists of various food items and drinks, one if which is a burnt pork chop. I ring her up anyway, as the customers serve themselves.)

    Customer: *looking at the receipt* “You charged me $1.90 for that pork chop?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s the price of the pork chops.”

    Customer: “But it’s burnt.”

    Me: “If you don’t want that one, you can pick another.”

    Customer: “No, I wanted it burnt. I like my pork chops cooked really well. Can’t you give it to me for free?”

    Me: “You want a free pork chop because it’s burnt, but you wanted it burnt?”

    Customer: “I told you, I like my pork chops burnt!”

    Me: “Yeah, I can’t not charge you for the food if you’re still going to eat it.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! This cafeteria is just trying to rip us all off!”


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