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    Two Halves Make A Hole In Your Brain

    | Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling the pharmacy, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like you to check how much my prescriptions are. My name is [name].”

    Me: “You have two prescriptions waiting for you. Each one is $2.50.”

    Customer: “So, how much does each one cost?”

    Me: “$2.50 each.”

    Customer: “So, one is $2.50. How much is the other one?”

    Me: “Each of your two prescriptions is $2.50.”

    Customer: “So, if I give you $5, how much will my change be?”

    Me: “Nothing.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    User Has Exceeded Maximum Cognitive Power

    | Australia | Extra Stupid

    (We have two separate check-out counters on opposite ends of our store. One counter has a self-serve photocopier next to it. I am working on the side with the copier when a middle-aged woman approaches me.)

    Customer: *blank expression* “I need some photocopies.”

    Me: “Sure. The copier is just around the side there.”

    Customer: “But I don’t know how to use it.”

    Me: “All right, no problem. I’ll teach you.”

    (I lead her around to the photocopier. Before I can instruct her, she interrupts me, looking bewildered.)

    Customer: “Oh, no…it’s too complicated for me. I can’t do it. You’ll have to do it for me. I just don’t know how to work these things!”

    Me: “Well, you put what you want to copy face down in the top left corner.”

    (The customer puts it in the middle.)

    Me: “No, the top left.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Left.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    (I move the original to the correct spot and press copy.)

    Me: “Okay, so, was it just one copy? That’ll be 20 cents.”

    (The customer stares at her hand. She is holding a 10 cent piece and a 20 cent piece. She looks at each of them for about ten seconds.)

    Customer: “How much?”

    Me: “20 cents.”

    (The customer turns to stare at the coins in her hand some more. Finally, she decides to pay with the 20 cent coin and leaves. About half an hour later, I am working on the opposite counter by myself when she finds me again.)

    Customer: “I need some more photocopies.”

    Me: “Sure. Well, the copier is just over the other side.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Over there. Where it was before.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Just next to the other counter. Someone over there will be able to help.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “I can’t help you from here as I have to stay on this counter. You’ll have to go over the other side where the copier is if you want photocopies.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    (At this point I am certain her brain has actually come to a complete stand-still and she has ceased to function entirely. I call someone to temporarily watch my counter while I take her to finish her copies.)

    Not Always Right: Windows Phone 7 App

    | Windows Phone 7 | Xcluded

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    Stop And Stair, Part 2

    | Kennebunkport, ME, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Where are your stairs to get back to the street?”

    Me: “Right behind me, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No, I said the stairs to go DOWN!”

    Me: “We only have this set of stairs and our fire exit. These are the stairs that lead down to the street.”

    Customer: “But I came up these. I can’t go down them. Stairs only go one way!”

    Me: “Let me show you to the elevator…”

    Related:
    Stop And Stair

    No Bar And No Bite, Part 2

    | Manchester, UK | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

    (It’s our company policy to not give refunds. It’s stated at all the till points, on receipts, and if a customer asks, we tell them the exact policy. It’s fairly known and it’s also been in effect for years. I’m also studying to be a barrister while working at this store part-time.)

    Customer: “I’d like to get my money back on this.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it’s our policy not to give refunds.”

    Customer: “That’s illegal.”

    Me: “It’s actually well within the law.”

    Customer: “It’s not. I’m a barrister…I should know!”

    Me: “Really? What firm are you with? I’m actually after getting a bit of work experience in law.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve not technically passed the bar yet.”

    Me: “So you’re not a barrister then?”

    Customer: *goes red* “Just give me a gift card then.”

    Related:
    No Bar And No Bite


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