Customer: “So how long will it take to receive my new debit card?”

Me: “Five to seven days.”

Customer: “How will I make sure no one uses my card?”

Me: “Although there is no 100% fool proof way, you can start by writing ‘SEE ID’ on the back of the card so merchants can cross reference it with your ID for each transaction.”

Customer: “Oh! I can’t do that, I do a lot of transactions online and they won’t be able to see my ID.”

*long, awkward pause*

Customer: “Never mind, just pretend I didn’t just say that.”

(I receive a call from an upset customer who is waiting for her mobile phone to be delivered.)

Customer: “My daughter’s birthday was in February! Since then, we’ve been waiting for this mobile phone!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, I will forward this immediately to my colleagues and–”

Customer: “I don’t know whether you’re a mother, but if you are you can understand the pain! How it feels if your own child is always waiting for her mobile phone!”

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. May I have your first and last name, please?”

Caller: “You people sent me a broken phone! I just got this phone from you people Friday and have charged it all f****** weekend and when I take it off the charger, it just dies! I want my money back and you better give me a new phone!”

Me: “Well ma’am, it would be my pleasure to assist you in trying to troubleshoot–”

Caller: “I don’t want no damn troubleshooting! I want a new phone! Now!”

Me: “I’ll be more than happy to get you a new phone but I first need some numbers from inside your phone to process the request. Can you please remove the back of the phone and remove the battery for me?”

Caller: “D*** straight you’ll get me a new phone!” *noise of fiddling with the battery cover* “You people try to rip good folk off and squeeze every dime you leeching-” *pause* “Oh. My. God.”

Me: “Ma’am, you never placed the battery into the phone when you opened the box, did you?”

Caller: “Is that what the little black square thing is? Oh shucks, I’ll take care of it now. Bye!”

(A customer arrives at the drive-thru window.)

Customer: “I’m so sorry, I’m not sure what it is I want, but I know it’s flat and it has caramel and whip cream and it’s a cappuccino.”

Me: “I think I know what you want. It’s blended and frozen, like a milkshake but with coffee.”

Customer: “Maybe, I’m just not sure. I always get my granddaughter to order it for me because she speaks the coffee language.”

(This goes on until I convince her to just come to the window and describe it to me in person. One of my fellow baristas helps her to realize that she does, in fact, want what I think she wants).

Customer: “Yeah, one of those crappuccinos. That’s it…”

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to swap the hard drive from this old laptop into my new one.”

Me: “Okay, not a problem.”

(I ring her up and start work on switching the hard drives. I notice on the old laptop there is a band-aid over the webcam. After finishing work on it, the lady grabs the band-aid from the old computer and puts it over the web cam on the new one.)

Customer: “I put that there so they can’t watch me.”

Related:
Candid Camera, Candid Answer