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    A Taxing Interview

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Top

    (I’m supposed to be doing interviews for a new babysitter within the hour. I quickly run out to the local supermarket to pick up a few supplies, such as biscuits and coffee for the interviewees. There is a very long line. It’s my turn to be rung up, when another customer approaches me.)

    Other Customer: “Hi, sorry, but can I just skip the queue in front of you? I’ve got a very important meeting soon.”

    Me: “Sorry, but I’m in a bit of a rush myself you see, I—”

    Other Customer: “Now you listen here you ungrateful b****! You are not in as much of a rush as me! I have a very important meeting soon! Do you know what that means? It means I have the opportunity to get a job, unlike you, you lazy b****! You probably just live off of benefits; wasting tax-payer’s money, buying s*** that you don’t even deserve! I have a job opportunity that you will never have!”

    Employee: “Excuse me, miss; I’m going to have to ask you to leave right now!”

    Other Customer: “I will not leave! Kick her out; she’s the one wasting our taxes!”

    (Security escorts her out.)

    Me: “Thank you! What a b****!”

    Employee: “Tell me about it! Are you okay?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m fine thanks!”

    (I return home half an hour later, just 10 minutes before my first interviewee is due. Lo and behold, it turns out to be the rude customer from the shop. It turns out that the important meeting she had was with me. Not surprisingly, she didn’t get the job.)

    Customer Service Stripped Bare

    | Clifton, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I have a line of three customers on my register. Customer #1 is a good looking man in his early twenties. Customers #2 and #3 are elderly women.)

    Me: “Your total is $15.87.”

    Customer #1: “Do you take credit card?”

    Me: “Yes, just push the top button and slide your card through.”

    (Customer #1 pushes the button and slides his card, but does it the wrong way. I am bagging his items, so I don’t see this until he has tried three times.)

    Me: “Strip down, facing me.”

    (Customer #1 blushes, and I immediately realize what I’ve just said. I’m about to apologize to the elderly ladies for being risqué when…)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, honey, show us what you’ve got!”

    I’m Luggin’ It

    funny-pictures-new-mcdonalds-ad-zxj

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6

    | CT, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My parents have both just upgraded to smart phones for the first time in their lives. They seem to be doing well, despite their usual inability to use technology. Two days after getting the phone, my parents call me.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Dad: “Hello, Jess! It’s Dad. There’s something wrong with my phone; I can’t hear incoming sound.”

    Me: “Do you see the little switch on the side? Make sure it is not showing orange and then press the up button for the volume.”

    Dad: “What? I can’t hear you!”

    (I repeat my instructions. We try several things before my parents give up.)

    Mom: “Hey, it’s not working. Should we go back to Best Buy?”

    Me: “I’ll be out in a few days, if you can wait I’ll take a look at it.”

    (I frantically look online for errors in software and hard wear being reported online, but little shows up. I’m seriously intrigued. My parents decide they’ll take it to the store and have it looked at. The next day my dad comes out to visit me.)

    Dad: “So I went to the store yesterday. I guess the plastic screen protector was blocking the speaker.”

    Me: “…you used it like that?”

    Dad: “I thought it would be extra protection!”

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    Her Behavior Is Out Of Order

    | USA | Food & Drink

    (We take all our orders verbally, sometimes faster than we can actually make the sandwiches. Most people just continue down the line after ordering, but some people insist on watching their sandwich get put into the oven. This can cause confusion for them when they don’t realize that we’re taking their order before we’re done with the sandwich before theirs.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a large turkey.”

    Coworker: “White or wheat bread?”

    Customer: “White bread.”

    (At this point, my coworker finishes the sandwich before hers and places it in the oven. It happens to be a small turkey on wheat.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God. How hard can it possibly be?! I asked for a large turkey, and that’s not even white bread! Are you even listening?!”

    Coworker: “I certainly am, ma’am. You wanted a large turkey on white bread. The customer before you happened to want a small turkey on wheat bread. That sandwich is his.”

    (I hold up the large turkey on white bread.)

    Coworker: “This sandwich is yours. I am now putting your sandwich into the oven, after the customer before you.”

    (The customer happened to be accompanied by her daughter, who actually burst into laughter. The woman said nothing through the rest of the line.)

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