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    You Got The Wrong(est) Lover

    | Medford, MA, USA | Books & Reading

    (I work at a bookstore. It’s well known at work that my voice resembles my manager’s voice.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [bookstore], this is–”

    Caller: “Hey, you little vixen, when are you coming home? I’ve got a bottle of champagne–”

    Me: “Um, wait, I–”

    Caller: “Ooh, I’m gonna–”

    Me: *turning beet red* “Nancy! Your husband is on the phone!”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    Like Explaining Red To The Blind

    | Westerville, Ohio, USA |

    (A customer calls to place an order for delivery. While entering the credit card information for payment, I need the zip code.)

    Me: “Can I get the ZIP code to the billing address?”

    Caller: “Where on the card is that?”

    Me: “The ZIP code. It’s not on the card.”

    Customer: “What is that? They always ask that, and it’s not on the card.”

    Me: “Um, the ZIP code. It’s…it’s a number the Post Office uses to tell where to deliver mail to.”

    (There’s a silence. I can’t tell if he’s thinking or if he’s just has no idea what’s going on.)

    Me: “I’ll just put [local ZIP code] and see if it works.”

    Customer: “Um, okay, yeah.”

    Me: “Ok, it went through. We’ll see you soon.”

    The Fragility Of My Temper

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout

    (The place I work at sells everything for your home. Note, the store is a warehouse and has cement floors. A customer walks up to shelf check out, begins to check out, and drops one of two glass vases. The vase, of course, shatters into pieces.)

    Customer: *walks up to me with the unbroken vase* “I don’t want this vase anymore. I didn’t realize how fragile they were.”

    Me: “You didn’t realize how fragile these glass vases were?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I don’t want to purchase an item that can break this easily.”

    (The customer begins to walk back to her check out. Halfway, she turns around again to address me.)

    Customer: “Oh, and by the way, can you clean up this mess?”

    Mocha Chocolata Nah Nah

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “Can I have a hot chocolate but with coffee in it?”

    Me: “So, would you like a mocha?”

    Customer: “No, no, no! I said I wanted a hot chocolate with coffee!”

    Me: “Okay.” *makes a mocha, and all is well*

    Just Turn Left At The Series Of Tubes

    , | Hilo, HI, USA | Technology

    (I am sweeping the dining room floor when I am waved over by an elderly couple.)

    Me: “Hi, anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, we are heading around the island tomorrow and want to know if this rain will have stopped by then.”

    Me: “It will probably still be raining here. However, they only get about 8 inches of rain a year on the other side of the island, so chances are it’ll be sunny.”

    Customer: “Can you check the weather tomorrow for me?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t have a newspaper or anything, but I could ask the manager to turn the radio on. They give the weather at the top of every hour.”

    (Note that it is 9:57 PM.)

    Customer: “That will take too long. How about internets?”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have Wi-Fi here, but [coffee shop] does.”

    Customer: *irate* “No! Where are the Internets!?”

    Me: “Like an internet cafe? The only here is downtown, but it’s already closed.”

    Customer: “No! The INTERNETS!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “Fine!” *storms off with his wife in tow*


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