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    Too Much Of A Good Thing?

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    Please Keep All Cybernetics Inside The Ride At All Times

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as an attendant for a theme park roller coaster. We have had an incident where a guest’s $10,000, custom-made prosthetic leg fell off while he was riding the coaster and landed in the moat below. Thanks to that, the park changed their policy to not allow anyone to bring a prosthetic limb onto any ride; now they must be stored in lockers with other personal belongings.)

    Me: “How many in your party, sir?”

    Guest: “Two.”

    Me: “Row three, please. Right this way.”

    Guest: “Hold on.”

    (He bends over, unsnaps something, pulls his leg out of his jeans, straightens up and hands it to me.)

    Me: “Uh…”

    Guest: “Could you hold onto this while I ride?”

    Me: *unable to take my eyes off the prosthetic being offered* “I, uh… I’m sorry, sir. You’ll have to store that in the lockers out front.”

    Guest: “You mean I have to go through the whole line again?”

    Me: *visibly shivering* “You, um, I mean, I can give you a pass to let you back into the leg -I mean- front of the line.”

    Guest: “Well, that sure is a pain.”

    (He starts hobbling around to put his leg back on, when new guests start coming down the queue. At the front of the line is a little boy, maybe 6 or 7 years old, and his mother.)

    Little Boy: *wide-eyed and pointing at the one-legged man* “Look, mommy! That man’s a robot!”

    Mother: “You’re making that man feel bad. You apologize to him!”

    Little Boy: *suddenly terrified* “Is he gonna shoot me with his lasers?”

    Guest: *in a silly computer-like voice* “DON’T WORRY, YOUNG HUMAN PERSON. I ONLY SHOOT BAD GUYS WITH MY LASERS. BEEP BOOP.”

    Little Boy: “Whoooooaaaaaa!”

    Omfoolery Imes Wo

    | WV, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a BL.”

    Me: “You mean a BLT?”

    Customer: “No, a BL. I don’t like T.”

    Me: *laughs* “Okay, anything else?”

    Customer: “Yes, a glass of iced tea.”

    Me: *joking* “I thought you didn’t like T.”

    Customer: “Oh, right. Well, then… get me a glass of iced ea.”

    He Has His Wires Crossed

    | Lismore, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Welcome to [company], this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want instructions to wire up my phone socket to the mains to boost the signal.”

    (Our phone lines use a 12 V signal while main power is 240v V Connecting the two would be a very bad idea.)

    Me: *shocked* “Are you a trained electrician?”

    Customer: “No. Why would I want to be one?”

    Me: “You do know that the phone systems uses a 12 V system while the mains is 240 V?”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Only authorized and trained people can work on a phone line. You are neither.”

    Customer: *sighs*That is why I am wanting the instructions to wire the phone socket to the mains!”

    Me: “Sir, if by some miracle you do not kill yourself wiring the two together you would be personally responsible for the cost of replacing a multimillion dollar telephone exchange that you would blow up by doing that wiring. Do you understand?”

    (A moment of silence as the customer thinks this through.)

    Customer: “I don’t like your attitude. Transfer me to someone more sympathetic to my needs.”

    Me: “How about I transfer you to faults. They know about wiring, and we both know you will be there sooner or later.”

    Customer: “They can tell me how to wire it up?”

    Me: “I will get them to tell you themselves.”

    (I put the customer on hold while I contact Faults department.)

    Faults: “Hello this is [name] in Faults.”

    Me: “I am so sorry to give this to you, but I have a customer demanding how to wire the phone socket into the mains.”

    Faults: “What?”

    Me: “I have explained to him if he did not manage to kill himself wiring it up, then he would be liable for the replacement cost of the exchange but he insists on being transferred to someone more sympathetic.”

    Faults: “It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?”

    Reaching The Tipping Point

    | Princeton, NJ, USA | Awesome Customers, Money

    (It’s our delivery day at the store, and most of the employees are unloading onto the shelves. The store is very busy with customers. I’m stocking shelves when an older gentleman walks into my aisle.)

    Me: “Good evening. Can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “Oh, no thank you, I’m doing alright. I appreciate you asking, though.”

    (I go back to stacking when the customer comes down to my end of the aisle.)

    Customer: “Thank you very much!”

    (As he says this, he reaches for my hand, and I think that I’m holding what it was he was looking for. When I look down, however, I see he’s placed a five dollar bill in my hand instead.)

    Me: “Oh, uh…”

    Customer: *with a smile* “Every little bit helps!”

    (Before I can say anything, he walks away. A little while later, I get called up to the registers. While there, I see the same gentleman has just finished his purchase. A coworker of mine walks up to join me.)

    Coworker: “Hey, see that guy over there? I was in the aisles just now and he came up to shake my hand and thank me for helping him. In his hand was five bucks!”

    Me: “Wow, that’s really nice!”

    Coworker: “The thing is, I helped him last time he was here, but I didn’t do anything this time. I wonder if he’s been going up to all of us like that.”

    Me: “Sounds like it.”

    (Just then, we notice two carts full of shopping bags sitting alone, near where the gentleman had been standing a moment ago.)

    Coworker: “I think those must be his carts.”

    Me: “That’ll take him a couple trips. Why don’t we take these out to him?”

    (My coworker and I wheel the carts out to the parking lot, where we see the customer loading his car on the far side. We bring them over to him.)

    Customer: “Oh, thank you! I don’t normally shop like this, but I had a lot of stuff to get this time. I can take care of it from here.”

    Me: “All right, sir. You have a good night!”

    (Later on, we checked with some of the other employees; as we suspected, he had gone around and tipped all the employees!)

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