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    Got Love In The Bank

    | UK | Health & Body, Top

    (I’m answering the phone at the bank I work at. Note that 999 is the emergency number in England.)

    Me: “Hello, it’s Katy at [bank]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “My husband’s having a heart attack.”

    Me: “You need to call 999.”

    Customer: “I’d like to take his name off the bank account.”

    Me: “Call 999.”

    Customer: “No, I want him to die. So, can you just take his name off?

    Me: “No, call 999!”

    Customer: “Take his name off!”

    Me: “Not unless he comes to the bank and signs it. Right now, you need to call 999.”

    Customer: “We’ll be right there.”

    Me: “No! Call 999!”

    (Two minutes later, a woman comes in and speaks to my coworker.)

    Customer: “I think my husband’s dead.”

    Coworker: “Erm…have you called an ambulance?”

    Customer: “No, because your employee Katy said to come here and not call 999!”

    Me:“No, I didn’t! I’ve got the call recorded and I specifically told you to call 999! Where is your husband?”

    Customer: “In the car.”

    (I go outside and see an unconscious man in a car. I call an ambulance and they take him to the hospital. Several weeks later, the man comes in to sign a form. It states that he doesn’t want to share a bank account with his now ex-wife.)

    Related:
    She’s Nuts About Her Husband
    Through Joy And Sorrow, Sickness And Health Insurance

    Sleepless Sleep Aids

    | South West England, UK | Extra Stupid

    (A woman comes to the counter.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I see you’ve got [sleep aid]. Does it come in a non-drowsy version?”

    The Silver (Bra) Lining

    | Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am a female nurse in a clinic and I share my shift with a rather handsome male nurse. On this particular day, a middle-aged regular patient comes in.)

    Patient: “Hi, I’m here for my breast examination.”

    Me: “Great, just follow me inside the examination room for your test.”

    Patient: “Are you going to perform the test?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

    Patient: “Oh, I was hoping that the other nurse would do it.”

    Me: “Well, I could ask him if you want me to.”

    Patient: “Yeah, do that. Tell him I’m looking forward to it!”

    Me: “Uh, okay! But I really think that you’ll be more comfortable if–”

    Patient: “Let him touch me!”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5

    | Evansville, IN, USA | Books & Reading, Top

    (I am checking out at a local book store and the clerk recognizes my book, Howl’s Moving Castle, and decides to make conversation. There’s another customer behind me in line. She’s in her mid-40s.)

    Clerk: “Oh, I loved this movie, but I didn’t realize it was a book!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites! The book is so much better than the movie. It gives a whole new perspective on everything!”

    Clerk: “Then I’ll be sure to check it–”

    Customer behind me: *eyes full of excitement* “Are you talking about Twilight?”

    Clerk and me, together: “NO.”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Misery Demands Company

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (I work at a food stand that only sells a few things. It’s early on a weekday and few people want to buy what I sell before dinnertime. There is a latin music show going on in the open-air theater across from me, and since I’ve already cleaned everything that can be cleaned and I am rather bored, I’m dancing to the music a bit. An old man walks up to my counter.)

    Me: *stops dancing* “Hi, what can I get you sir?”

    Customer: “You look like you’re having fun, young lady.”

    Me: “It’s pretty slow today, so we try to keep ourselves entertained. What would you like today?”

    Customer: “You’re not allowed to have fun when you work at a place like this. I would know. I worked at a place like this once.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Can I get you anything?”

    Customer: “No, just don’t have too much fun!”


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