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    Real Numbers, Imaginary Common Sense

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout

    (Our store recently installed numerical locks on our doors due to vandalism. They are a minor annoyance, but usually not a huge issue.)

    Customer: “Can I get the code to your restroom?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, it’s 81818.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, what was the number?”

    Me: “It’s 81818.”

    Customer: “I’ll never remember that. I need to hear it in real numbers. Can you tell me the code using real numbers please?”

    Me: *confused* “It’s eight-one-eight eighteen.”

    Customer: “No, that’s still not a real number. I need it in real numbers.”

    Me: “Why don’t I just write it down for you?”

    Customer: “No, it’s eighty-one thousand, eight-hundred and eighteen. Was that so hard?!”

    Tis The Season To Be Tired (Of Customers)

    , | San Mateo, CA, USA | Holidays

    (During the Christmas season, we managers at my store often work 12+ hour days. This day is one of them, and I have been there since 7:30 in the morning; it is now 8 pm. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Wow, you sure look tired. When did you start?”

    Me: “7:30–”

    Customer: “That’s the problem with today’s generation. Can’t work a full day without looking like they are falling asleep!”

    Me: “AM, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *walks off with a blank stare on his face*

    One Good Takeout Deserves Another

    | New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

    (A few years ago, around noon on Christmas day, several dozen Chinese people walked in to our Kosher deli style restaurant, apparently in a group. One walked up to the front desk.)

    Man: *softly* “Is it okay if we’re here?”

    Hostess: “Yes, we serve everyone, but are you sure you’re in the right place?”

    Man: “This is [restaurant], right?”

    Hostess: “Yes sir, it is.”

    Man: “Well, we figured since you Jews are all coming to our restaurants tonight, we’d return the favor.”

    Hostess: *slightly shocked* “Thanks. Right this way…we’ll seat you!”

    (…and they’ve been back every year since!)

    Intelligence May Vary

    | Lancaster, PA, USA |

    Customer: “How much are the belly-button rings?”

    Me: “The prices vary depending on the style. I’d have to check if you’re interested in a specific one.”

    (The girl walks over to her mom in an aisle within earshot.)

    Mom: “How much are they?”

    Customer: “She said they vary.”

    Mom: “What is that supposed to mean? That I can’t afford them?!”

    Waiting For Opportuniteas

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I am making a lot of drinks. I place a drink on the counter and shout “green iced tea” so the owner of the drink can pick it up. A woman sitting with her husband at one of the tables, without any drinks, speaks up.)

    Customer: “Is that a free iced tea?”

    Me: “Green.”

    Customer: “No, is that a free iced tea?”

    Me: *enunciating* “Green.”

    Customer: “Oh, sorry, I thought you said free, like someone had left it. I was like ‘I’ll take it!” *laughs*

    Me: “What was your drink?”

    Customer: “Oh, we didn’t order drinks. We were just sitting here…”


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