(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)
Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”
Me: “Find everything you need today?”
Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”
Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”
Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”
Me: “No, just bilingual.”
Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”

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Customer: “Excuse me, could you help me find a book on grieving? My husband just died.”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. They’re right over here.”
(I lead her over to the death and grieving books.)
Me: “Is there anything else I can help you find today?”
Customer: “Actually yes. I’m also looking for a book on taxidermy.”

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(I am assisting a young woman over the phone; she has just had her wallet stolen.)
Caller: “Can I ask you a question?”
Me: “Of course.”
Caller: “I had $200 in cash in my wallet when it was stolen. If I tell the police how much was in it, will they give it to me?”
Me: “You mean, if you tell them you had $200 in cash stolen, will they just give you $200?”
Caller: “Yes! Will they give it to me?”
Me: “I don’t think it works that way. If they manage to recover your wallet and the money is still inside they would probably return it to you, but I don’t think that happens very often.”
Caller: “Oh.”
*long pause*
Caller: “What if I told them it was $20? Do you think they would give me that much?”

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Customer: “Excuse me, can I buy three tickets?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re sold out.”
Customer: “Isn’t this [town] High School?”
Me: “Yes, but this show is sold out.”
Customer: “How many seats are left?”
Me: “None. We’re sold out. There’s another show tomorrow at–
Customer: “Well, next time you should think about being already sold out before you start selling tickets!”

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(An old woman comes into the store, looking very distressed.)
Customer: “Have you seen my cat?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “He looks like this.” *holds up a badly drawn picture* “I got my grandson to draw me it.”
Me: “I don’t think you’ll find your lost cat with that picture.”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “It’s a dog.”
Customer: “Oh. But can you put this up in your shop window for me though? Just give him some pointy ears.”

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1,677 Thumbs Up!)