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    Let’s Hope This Apple Fell Far From The Tree

    | Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a secretary at a local academy.)

    Me: “[School name], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m interested in signing my kid up for classes. He’s 16. So, when are they held?”

    Me: “We have classes everyday, except for Tuesdays at 6:30 pm.”

    Customer: “No, that’s too much information for me to process. Is there someone else I can talk to?”

    Me: “Um, well, you could call another secretary.”

    Customer: “I don’t think I want to bring my child to a class that starts in the dark. That’s just too much information!”

    Me: “Well, we have a website, but it will say the same thing–”

    Customer: “Can I call someone else? You gave me too much complicated information and I can’t absorb it all!”

    Ketchup Me Right Or Don’t Ketchup Me At All

    , | Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

    (I am a manager at a popular fast food restaurant and currently serving customers in the drive thru. I have a headset on to hear what customers are saying at the speaker.)

    Coworker: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I just came through here and got small fries, and I got NO ketchup! I want new fries WITH ketchup!”

    Coworker: “Okay, sorry about that ma’am. Just pull to the second window and our manager will help you.”
    (I prepare the new fries and put them in a bag, and make sure to grab a handful of ketchup packets to accompany them as she comes up to my window.)

    Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am! Here you are. The fries just came up!”

    Customer: “How can you give someone fries with no ketchup!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am! Have a good day!”

    (Thinking that would be the end of ketchupgate, I resume my other regular duties. Ten minutes later, the same woman, now irate, storms into the lobby and up to the counter with her food bag in hand.)

    Me: “Hi there, ma’am, is there anything I can help you with?”

    (She overturns her empty bag and several unopened ketchup packets spill onto the counter.)

    Customer: “You gave me nine ketchup packets for one small fries?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You gave me NINE KETCHUP PACKETS for ONE small fries! Are you trying to be smart?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, didn’t you return to the drive thru for the sole reason of getting ketchup?”

    Customer: “But NINE ketchup packets?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I suppose I just wasn’t aware of how much ketchup you wanted.”

    Customer: “I demand to speak with your manager!”

    (I look at my uniform and then the surrounding crew members’ uniforms. My uniform is quite clearly different from all others.)

    Me: “I am the only manager on duty, ma’am.”

    Customer: “YOU’RE the manager?!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And you gave me NINE packets of ketchup?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well what do you have to say for yourself?”

    Me: “I suppose I am pleased to know that I was able to go above and beyond your expectations for ketchup sustenance.”

    Customer: *storms off muttering incoherently*

    The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth

    | Sacramento, CA, USA |

    (I work at a well-known electronics store. I am standing by the entrance welcoming people and handing out ads. A woman comes rushing in.)

    Customer: “I need help! Where are your geeks?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “You can go over to the counter, just next to customer service. Someone there can help you.”

    (About 20 minutes later, I see the woman heading to the exit.)

    Me: “Did you get your problem straightened out?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. Thank you so much! I was in need of your geekiness and now everything is okay!”

    Fishing For Savings

    | Utah, USA |

    (I work in the admissions office of a large university, sitting near the residency window. People frequently come in to dispute being ruled a non-resident for tuition purposes, which results in higher tuition.)

    Student: “I was ruled a non-resident and I’m a resident?”

    Me: “Well, just let me see your ID and I’ll pull up your file and we can take a look.”

    (I pull up the file on my computer.)

    Me: “It says on your application that you’ve only been here six months and you still have an out-of-state driver’s license. To be classified as a resident, you need to have lived in-state for at least 12 months and have a Utah driver’s license.”

    Student: “That’s crap! I have a Utah fishing license. Doesn’t that count for anything?!”

    A Little More Empathy, A Little Less Entropy

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    (I have just finished making a coffee order and I call out the number the customer was given. No one comes to pick up the order, so I call the number two or three times before the customer finally comes up to the counter to pick up her order. After a few seconds, she returns.)

    Customer: “This coffee is cold!”

    Me: “It’s been sitting here for a few minutes. I called it out a couple times but no one came to pick it up.”

    Customer: “Well, this is cold! Perhaps you should only have competent people make coffees!”

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