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    Thank You, Please Call Again

    | Deschutes, OR, USA | Extra Stupid

    Caller: “Why don’t you have your phone number listed on your site? I hunted all over the place for it. I finally had to call information to get the number!”

    Me: “With all due respect sir, we do have the number on the site.”

    Caller: “You do not! And I still have the page up on the screen on my computer. I can prove it!”

    Me: “You do? Sir, could you please do me a favor and go look at our page on the screen?”

    Caller: “Well, fine, but I don’t see where that’s going to help any!”

    Me: “Sir, please…if anything, just humor me. Please go look at our page on your computer.”

    Caller: “Well, okay. I am here now. What did you want to show me?!”

    Me: “Look at the beginning of the page. It’s in great big bold letters, right about eye level. Please tell me, what does it say?”

    Caller: “It says, ‘To Contact Us, Please Call 877-77…”

    *pause*

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Your Degree Doesn’t Add Up To Much

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Math & Science, Money

    Me: “Sir, a drink costs £1.85 and you’ve given me £1.70.”

    Customer: “So, that’s not enough?”

    Me: “It’s a good start…”

    Customer: “But I study mathematics!”

    Don’t Prune The Tree Of Knowledge

    | Kaysville, UT, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I work at a university extension where we offer broadcast courses. A gruff guy walks up to the front desk. His speech is a little hard to understand.)

    Man: “So, can you guys teach me how to prune?”

    Coworker: “Print?”

    Man: “No, prune.”

    Me: “Uh, sorry, this is a university.”

    Man: “How can I get you guys to come prune my trees for free?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Always Right, Everywhere

    | London, UK | At The Checkout

    (I am ringing up a customer’s order at a very busy store.)

    Customer: “Those jeans are coming up as £79.99 when they should be £39.99.”

    Me: “Okay, in that case, I will just change them for you. It’s the first day of our sale and it sometimes takes our computers a while to adjust all the prices.”

    Customer: “You should apologize to me. In my country, we would apologize for a mistake like that.”

    Me: “Well, as I said, it is not really an error on my part, just a computer issue. But as you can see, I have changed the price for you.”

    Customer: “I know it’s not your fault but you should say sorry to me. Where I come from, we would apologize for that sort of thing!” *grumbling under breath* “Stupid b****.”

    Me: “What was that? I don’t quite think I caught that last part.”

    Customer: “Oh, nothing! Just talking to myself! And I still think you should apologize. This is ridiculous!” *swears more under her breath*

    Me: “Here’s your order! I am glad we avoided an international incident today. Have a fantastic day!”

    Microsoft Tours Are Megahard

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Technology

    (A customer approaches me on the sales floor.)

    Customer: “Hi…um…where are your Mi-cro-softs?”

    Me: “Sorry, my Microsofts? Microsoft is a company.”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’s on my list here, but I can’t find it in your store.”

    Me: “Actually, they make a lot of stuff.”

    Customer: “Yeah. Show me everything…”

    (I proceed to go through everything Microsoft I can think of, including keyboards, mice, Word, Publisher, Excel, Powerpoint, operating systems, some basic card games, and clip art collections. We go back and forth, and eventually I show her Windows 7 and Office disks. In the end, she left the store without purchasing anything.)

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