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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    She Puts The Bra In Bravado

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work in a lingerie store. I am standing at the front greeting customers when a woman in a full business suit walks in.)

    Me: “Welcome, how can I help you today?”

    (She unbuttons her shirt to the waist in order to reveal a ratty bra that is at least five years old.)

    Woman: “Yeah, where can I find this bra?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t think we carry that style anymore, but I can send you back to the fitting room where they can help you find a nice alternative.”

    Woman: *still with her shirt unbuttoned* “Sure, sounds great.”

    Me: “Okay, can I get your name and size?”

    Woman: “Oh, I can’t remember my size. Just check the back of my bra for me, would you?

    (She then begins to take off the rest of her shirt in the front of the store.)

    Me: “Let’s just send you back to the fitting room right now…”

    Fresh Until Proven Spoiled

    | Sydney, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (A customer comes to the return desk the day after Christmas.)

    Customer: “This ham smells off. Smell it. I want a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry that it was off, sir. I’ll refund you now.”

    Customer: “Aren’t you going to smell it?”

    Me: “Um…it’s okay. I believe you.”

    Customer: “It smells terrible!”

    Me: “I’m sure it does, sir, but it’s not necessary for me to smell it. I’ll just give you the refund.”

    Customer: “How do you know I’m not lying if you won’t smell it?”

    Me: “Sir, I am not going to smell your ham.”

    Customer: “SMELL MY HAM!”

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Job Description

    , | Arlington, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (I am a cashier at a costume store. A young boy and his mother come up to pay. The mother is busy texting. The boy has a police officer costume in his hand.)

    Boy: “Mommy, now I can really play sodomy!”

    Mom: *not paying attention* “That’s nice, sweetie.”

    Me: *confused* “Playing sodomy?”

    Boy: “Sodomy, like when you pretend to be the police.”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Books & Reading

    Customer: “I’ve read all of the Twilight books. I love them! Has Stephenie Meyer done anything else?”

    Me: “Yes, she wrote another book called The Host.

    Customer: “Great! I didn’t see any other books where the Twilight series is, though.”

    Me: “This one is actually shelved in science fiction. I’ll show you.”

    Customer: “Science fiction?! Why?”

    Me: “Well, she didn’t write it for the young adult section. Plus, given the subject matter I guess that’s what made the most sense.”

    Customer: “What’s wrong with the subject matter?”

    Me: “Nothing. It’s about an alien, so–”

    Customer: “Wait, an alien?! So…there are no vampires?”

    Me: “No, not in this one.”

    Customer: “Forget it. I only read vampire books these days. Aliens are just too unrealistic.”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Teach A Customer To Wrap And She Can Wrap For Life

    | New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading

    (The bookstore I work in offers complimentary gift wrapping for customers. It’s a steady night at the bookstore and a woman approaches my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    Customer: “I need to get something gift wrapped.”

    Me: “Sure, do you have the receipt for it?”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t buy it here. I bought this from another store.”

    (She takes out box of perfume.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t wrap something you bought from another store. You’re going to have to buy your own gift wrapping paper and wrap it yourself.”

    (Ten minutes later, the woman returns to my register with wrapping paper in hand.)

    Customer: “Okay. Now can you TEACH me how to wrap it?”


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