November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Putting His Own Spin On It

| WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Transportation

(I work in a gas station. An older customer comes in, and starts ranting at me. A younger male customer stands behind her, waiting for her to be done.)

Older Customer: “You know most vehicles have their gas nozzle on the driver’s side of the car, right?”

Me: “Well, I can’t really say one way or another but—”

Older Customer: “You should put more pumps on the left side so the MAJORITY of people can use your pumps.”

Me: “I don’t really underst—”

Older Customer: “It’d really be easier if you just made more on the LEFT SIDE, because all the cars have it on that side.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we DO rotate the pumps every six months.”

Customer: “Oh! Well all right then!”

(The older customer walks out cheerfully.)

Younger Customer: “You… rotate them?”

Me: “Yup, pick ‘em up, swivel ‘em around, set ‘em back down.”

Younger Customer: “Well played…”

Extra Reserves Of Stupidity

| Fairfax, VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Transportation

(I’m about to move into a new apartment. The parking situation at this complex is pretty relaxed. It allows guests/non residents to park there during the day, in any spot that isn’t reserved for residents who pay extra for their spots. I go to the leasing office to pick up my keys. I’m about to go up to the counter, when a woman bursts into the office and yells at the receptionist.)

Woman: “Excuse me! I think my car was just stolen!”

Receptionist: “Stolen? Oh my gosh! Where was your car?”

Woman: “I was at my friend’s home for just a few minutes. I come outside, and my car is gone. It’s just gone!”

Receptionist: “Well, do you think you may have parked it in a reserved space? We have a tow truck come in to clear cars in reserved parking spaces.”

Woman: “What? No one told me not to park in such a space! Besides, my friend is out of town so she couldn’t even tell me not to park there. And besides, I was only inside for a few minutes!”

Receptionist: “I really do apologize, ma’am. Let me find out what I can.”

(The receptionist tries her best to calm the woman down, and calls the contracted tow company. She gives them a description of the car.)

Receptionist: “Yes, ma’am, they did tow your car. You had parked it in a reserved space.”

Woman: “This is ridiculous! I have an appointment in 30 minutes; I shouldn’t have to be dealing with this!”

(The receptionist is trying to be as accommodating as possible. I end up taking a seat, realizing I’m not going to be getting any help until this is resolved. The receptionist disappears into the back office to get approval to order a cab, and even have the property offer to pay for it. As soon as she leaves, the woman looks at me.)

Woman: “It’s like we’re living in a police state. It’s totally unbelievable! People are waiting in the bushes for the littlest things. You know, I was just feeding my friend’s cats! No good deed goes unpunished.”

Me: “I’m moving in today, and a few weeks ago when I came here for the first time, I knew better than to park in a space that had ‘RESERVED’ written on it in large letters.”

(The woman shuts up and waits for the girl to come back. She was not necessarily calmer, but she did tone down her ranting!)

Racism Comes In Many Languages

| AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I am standing behind a woman at a supermarket. Of the two cashiers available, one is of Asian descent and speaking in what seems to be Chinese to some customers. The other appears to be of Middle Eastern descent, whose customer is speaking very loudly and slowly.)

Woman: “Do you understand what I’m saying? I want this in a separate bag.”

Cashier: “Certainly, ma’am. I can definitely speak—”

Woman: “—it’s like they don’t even cater for English speakers! Not a proper American in sight!”

(The woman then spots me, a white guy in my late 20s.)

Woman: “You’d know what I mean! Eh?”

Me: “I’m an Australian tourist here visiting friends, et Je crois que vous ‘tes conasse raciste.”

(“I think you’re a racist b****”, in French.)

Woman: “UGH!”

How To Disarm Volatile Customers

| USA | At The Checkout, Military, Money, Top

(I work at a clothing department store. We don’t offer a discount to our military, but we do have deals going on all the time. I overhear a customer speaking as if he has a military background. He eventually comes up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, I couldn’t help but overhear, but what branch are you?”

Military Customer: “Oh, I am in [legitimate military branch]. I did a tour of Iraq for a while.”

Me: “In that case, I can see that you forgot your coupon! That’s not a problem; we’ll take 30% off for you!”

(The next customer behind him starts yelling.)

Next Customer: “I don’t have my 50% coupon!”

(I ignore her, and finished the soldier’s purchases.)

Next Customer: “I deserve my 50% off!”

Me: “Ma’am, our store has never had a coupon that goes over 30%.”

(The next customer begins to yell.)

Next Customer: “You gave that discount to him! Why can’t I get the discount?”

(The military customer calmly walks over, and takes off his left arm. The next customer’s eyes get really large.)

Military Customer: “Don’t worry, the 50% discount only costs an arm and a leg; give or take a bit.”

(The next customer flees without buying anything. Thank you to all of our military, and especially the ones with great humor!)

A Colorful Comeback

| Marietta, GA, USA | Bigotry, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am getting ready to check out a customer. The only other customers present are a large African American family. My customer is a middle aged Caucasian woman. She leans forward, and motions to me as if she wants to tell me a secret.)

Customer: “There are black people behind you.”

Me: “Uh… yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “You have to watch out for them, you know.”

(I step back and stare, not knowing exactly how to respond to this. My quick thinking coworker walks by.)

Coworker: “Their money is the exact same color as your money.”

Customer: “What!… Well… I…”

(She leaves her merchandise on the counter and exits the store in a huff.)