Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Making A Difference

    | Ontario, Canada | Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    (We have a big display of used books just outside our doors that we sell to raise money for a local charity. Paperbacks are $1 and hardcovers are $3, but we sometimes let them give less money if the books aren’t in great condition. An older lady comes to the counter with a brand new-looking hardcover that I had originally thought she bought at the bookstore in the mall.)

    Me: “That’s just from [the used books outside the mall]?”

    Customer: “Ya.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3, please.”

    (The customer puts a single loonie on the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry. It’s $3.”

    Customer: “WHAT!? But I got some paperbacks the other day and they were only $1!”

    Me: “That’s because the paperbacks are $1, but the hardcovers are $3.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous! I don’t want it, then!”

    Me: “Well, I can take it for the $1 because it’s just a donation, but they’re supposed to the $3.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “The money for the books goes to a charity, so since it’s just a donation, I can give it to you for a dollar. But, just so you know, the hardcovers are $3.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! $3 for a book!” *leaves the loonie on the counter and takes her book*

    (About 20 minutes later, a teenage girl and her boyfriend come into the store with a hardcover book.)

    Me: “That’ll be $3, please.”

    (The teenage girl hands me a $5 bill. I open the donation jar to get her change.)

    Teenage Girl: “Oh, it’s a donation?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Teenage Girl: “Well, you can just take the whole $5, then.”

    Me: “Thank you very much!”

    Teenage Girl: “No problem!”

    (Funny, the differences between some people!)

    Please Set Your Phone To Jiggle

    | Sandy Springs, GA, USA |

    (I’m cleaning one of the theaters after a show. The lights haven’t come up yet, so I have a flashlight with me. An old lady approaches me.)

    Old Lady: “Excuse me, sir. Could I use your flashlight? I lost my cellphone.”

    (I shine the light over to where she is sitting, but find nothing. Another woman, who is also assisting the old lady, comes up.)

    Assistant: “Is everything okay?”

    Old Lady: “I lost my cellphone.”

    Assistant: “Uh-oh. Did you turn it off, or is it on vibrate?”

    Old Lady: “It’s on vibrate.”

    Assistant: “Well, here let me see if I can call it. What’s your number?”

    (The old lady gives her number and the assistant dials it. I hear the phone ring, but keep looking around and am unable to locate it.)

    Old Lady: “Oh, wait. I found it!” *reaches into her shirt and pulls cellphone out from her cleavage*

    The Gay Jean Debate

    | Michigan, USA | Top

    Customer: “Why do these jeans say ‘straight leg’ on the tag?”

    Me: “Oh, we carry three different types of jeans. So, we mark each pair to—”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “That’s not right. Tell me the real reason!”

    Me: “Because they’re straight legged jeans.”

    Customer: “NO!”

    Me: “Well…ma’am, why do you think they’re marked like that?”

    Customer: “Well, how should I know? That’s why I asked you, but you won’t tell me!”

    Me: “They say that because the jean legs are straight all the way down, see?”

    Customer: *angry* “The jeans aren’t gay friendly?!”

    Me: “Uh…no, they are. They’re totally gay friendly.”

    Customer: *brightens* “Oh, okay!”

    (And she bought them!)

    A Clear And Self-Centered Danger

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (A couple approaches the information desk while I’m manning it. They are probably in their mid-60s.)

    Me:  ”Can I help you find something?”

    Customer:  ”Yes, where are your paperbacks by Clancy?”

    Me:  ”They’re right over here in fiction; follow me.”

    (They tag along behind me as I lead them the 10 steps over to the fiction wall.)

    Me:  ”He’s this whole shelf, and part of the next one.  Was there anything else you were looking for today?”

    Customer:  ”Other stuff like him. You know, like Woods, Connelly, and Lescroart.”

    Me:  ”Well, they’re all here in fiction too. It’s alphabetical by author, so you can work your way down from here.  Woods is right at the end by the window.”

    Customer:  *peevish* “Why can’t you people just put all the stuff I like together?!”

    (At this point his wife, who has been silent the whole time, chimes in.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Because the world STILL doesn’t revolve around you, dear.” *to me* “His mother has a lot to answer for!”

    Single-Handedly Stupid

    | California, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “How are you doing? Did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “No, I was looking for left-handed writing instruments, but apparently, you don’t have them. I guess I’ll have to take my business somewhere else. I feel bad for my son, though. He has been suffering.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe that all pencils and pens work for both right-handed and left-handed people.”

    Customer: “Then, why is he suffering? He says his hand hurts every time he writes! You don’t understand!”

    Me: “I am left-handed. I have been using the same pencils and pens as everyone else, and never had a problem.”

    Customer: “I don’t like your tone! You are so disrespectful and unsympathetic! I want to speak to your manager!”

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