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    Someone Needs To Tone It Down

    | USA | Bizarre

    (I am a student teacher at a high school. A man I have dubbed “Lord of the Copy Room” is a pretty grumpy guy who has specific ways that “his” copy machines should be used. Unbeknownst to me, this particular machine is only for jobs up to 30 copies.)

    Me: *makes 35 copies*

    Him: “Excuse me! How many copies did you just make?!”

    Me: “Uh, um, a class set, so 35 copies.”

    Him: *taps the machine* “That copier is for 30 copies and below! Don’t you know that?!”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. I’ll use the other one.”

    Him: “It’s all right. I can tell you’re new. Just remember! Copies make the world go round! Don’t you love the smell of toner?!” *scampers off*

    Get Thee To A Nursery

    | USA | Family & Kids

    (An older customer comes to the counter with lingerie and skimpy outfits that are clearly too small for her.)

    Customer: *defensively* “They aren’t for me!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “What do you see in my hair?”

    Me: “Uh, nothing?”

    Customer: “A lot of white! You see? White!”

    (She grabs several white strands of her hair and shows them to me.)

    Me: “Okay?”

    Customer: “It’s not okay…not when I don’t have grandkids. My daughter is 30 and hasn’t even started dating! I hope this will help her along!”

    Incomprehensibly Intemperate

    | Edison, NJ, USA | Language & Words

    (My girlfriend and I are coworkers at a retail store. She is bilingual, but Spanish is her native language. If you yell at her while speaking in English, she won’t understand what you’re saying. It will sound jumbled up to her.)

    Girlfriend: “Okay, sir. That all rings up to $30.42.”

    Customer: *yelling* “What? How the f*** is it that expensive?!”

    Girlfriend: “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

    Customer: “You little b****! You’re trying to cheat me out of my money!”

    Girlfriend: “Sir, can you please not yell? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do, you liar! There’s no way it can cost that much!”

    (At this point, my girlfriend is getting frustrated and calls me over to translate.)

    Girlfriend: “Kaycee, please tell me what he’s saying.”

    Customer: “This b**** is trying to cheat me out of money!”

    Me: “Sir, she cannot understand you because you are yelling at her. If you would simply talk in a normal voice, she will understand you. Also, I’m looking on the screen at your items, and she is not trying to cheat you. Your total comes up to $30.42.”

    Customer: “She understood me before!”

    Me: “That’s because you were not yelling. She does not understand when people yell at her. Furthermore, accusing her of cheating you when she is not will not get you a lower price. You still have to pay the full price.”

    Customer: “F*** that! I’m not paying that price!”

    Me: “So, you had my girlfriend ring all your items up, and now you are refusing to pay for them because you don’t like the price?”

    Customer: “That’s right! See if I ever shop here again!” *storms out of store*

    Take It Or Leave It

    | Canada | Top

    (When I do nails, I am required to ask the customer if they like the nail design after doing the first nail before moving onto the rest. This particular customer says she is satisfied. However, when I’m about to finish the last one, she complains.)

    Customer: “Ugh, this is just so ugly. I can’t believe you’re making me pay for this. I refuse to pay for something so ugly.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I asked you if you were okay with the design after I attached the first. Why didn’t you say that you didn’t like it then?”

    Customer: “Well, I thought I would like it once they were all on, but this is just too hideous!”

    Store owner: *walks over and starts removing the fake nails*

    Customer: “What are you doing?!”

    Store owner: “You said you didn’t like it and that you refuse to pay for it. We can’t let you walk out of the store with something you didn’t pay for.”

    Customer: “I was just joking! I was going to pay for it! I’ll pay for it!”

    Store owner: “No. You said you didn’t like it and that you thought it was hideous. We can’t let you leave the store with something we can’t be proud of.”

    (The store owner was completely serious: she removed every single one of the fake nails I attached before the customer could leave.)

    No Taxation Without Misinterpretation

    | Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout

    (A customer and her adult son come to my register with a case of water. Since some people forget, I explain that it’s the price shown plus five cents per plastic bottle per NY state law.)

    Customer: “There’s no tax on water in New York state!”

    Me: “It’s a tax on the plastic bottles, not the water.”

    Customer: “That’s only for soda.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s all plastic bottles. Since you’re buying 24 bottles, it adds another $1.20.”

    Customer’s son: “I work in a supermarket. There’s no tax.”

    Customer: “Exactly! It’s only on soda because of the corn syrup!”

    Me: “I honestly don’t know what to tell you, except that I’m 100% positive it’s on the plastic. I can’t remove the tax.”

    Customer: “Fine! I won’t buy any, then!”

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