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    Hard To Stomach, Tough, And Last Resort

    | Franklin Park, PA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a mountain pig.”

    Me: “I…uh…what? Sorry?”

    Customer: “It was called a mountain pig.”

    Me: “Uh, we…um, we don’t have anything called a mountain pig. Can you explain that to me?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what it is! She said she wanted it.” *turns to friend* “What was it she wanted?”

    Friend: “It was, oh, a uh, mountain pig. Yeah that was it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what she meant by that.”

    Friend: “It’s a mild coffee. Don’t you have that?!”

    Me: “Oh, a Pike Place?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that was it! A small one of those, please.”

    Me: “Alright, and anything for you, miss?”

    Friend: “Yeah, I’ll have two tall mountain pigs!”

    Oh, Bother

    | Illinois, USA |

    (I am working the checkout on a very busy evening. Even though it is busy, I try to make small talk with the customers as we wait for their transactions to process. One lady comes up wearing a Winnie the Pooh jacket. As a Pooh fan myself, I compliment her on her jacket.)

    Me: “I just love your jacket!”

    Customer: “Thanks! I just wish they had Pooh.”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Customer: “When I bought this one, they were out of stock on Pooh.”

    Me: “That one does have Pooh.”

    Customer: *looks down at her jacket* “Well, darn. I forgot which one I was wearing!”

    Nothing To Be Alarmed About

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (This happens while I’m working security for my college. I am a volunteer assisting with the fire drills during morning classes. I run into one of the faculty members while checking the 4th floor of a building to make sure it has been evacuated.)

    Faculty: *mouths something at me from the end of the hall*

    (Note that the alarms are blaring and it is impossible to hear anything unless it is yelled.)

    Me: *speaking at the top of my voice* “ Ma’am, you need to evacuate the building!”

    Faculty: *takes a couple steps closer to me, still obviously trying to say something, but very quietly*

    Me: “I’m sorry? I can’t hear you with the fire alarms going off!”

    (The faculty member continues trying to speak to me from across the hall until I finally walk right next to her and let her talk right into my ear.)

    Faculty: “Do those alarms mean that we have to leave?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Harry Potter And The Delusions Of Grandeur

    | BC, Canada |

    (I am working at the information desk where I look up titles for customers that can’t find what they’re looking for. An older woman approaches me with a request.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, my son likes these movies. Oh, I forget what they’re called. It has three series written by an English lady. The boy has a mental disorder and he’s acting out.”

    (I start giving her options of BBC documentaries, shows, etc.)

    Me: “Do you remember any of the actors? Anything about what they were wearing, what they looked like, etc.?”

    Customer: “The main boy has round glasses.”

    Me: “Do you mean Harry Potter?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: *laughing* “What made you think he had a mental disorder?”

    Customer: “He was at a big state hospital!”

    Definitely Not On The DIY Channel

    | Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids

    (I work at a kids clothing store and a customer comes in with his wife. He is holding his newborn baby.)

    Customer: “Look what we made!”

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