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    Good Honest Coffee

    | Canada | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    Regular: “Is [coworker] here?”

    Me: “No, is there something I can do for you?”

    Regular: “Oh, I was just here yesterday and I was chatting with [coworker], and didn’t pay for my espresso. I’d like to pay for it now.”

    (I look at him in shock.)

    Regular: “Why are you looking at me like that?”

    Me: “Because most people aren’t that honest.”

    Regular: “Well, they should be; what’s so difficult about it?”

    Me: “Nothing, but it’s unusual. Would you like your usual along with it?”

    Regular: “Yes, please, but make sure you charge me for yesterday’s as well.”

    (The girl I am working with and I are just awestruck. It puts us in a good mood for the rest of the day.)

    Acting Pendantic

    | CA, USA | Family & Kids

    Customer: “Which of your pendants are for little boys?”

    Me: “A lot of our pendants would be great for a boy! Typically, the girls usually like the smaller, round ones. The boys usually like the larger, square ones.”

    (The customer glares at me.)

    Customer: “Well, I think that my boy would like this one.”

    (The customer points to a small, round pendant.)

    Me: “That’s great! These pendants are—”

    Customer: “I think he could wear any of these.”

    Me: “So do I. All of the designs are fairly unisex; it just depends on his preference.”

    Customer: “I think that girls should be able to wear the square ones.”

    Me: “They absolutely can, my aunt actually wears the one—”

    Customer: “I don’t think you should tell people what gender can’t wear which.”

    Me: “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear, but I do believe all of our pendants are suitable for both girls and boys. If I recall, you did ask which ones were for boys.”

    Customer: “I’m pretty sure that you’re being sexist! What if my boy likes this one?”

    (She points to a very specific round pendant of a lady. My eyes widen, as I only fear a bad situation going worse.)

    Me: “Uh… I suppose you’re right. I’m sorry; I would not recommend that for a young child.”

    Customer: “And why not!?”

    Me: “…because that symbol means ‘fertility’.”

    He’s Talking A Load Of Bull(ion)

    | Rochester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m picking up a few things near the cash register. A customer walks up to the cashier with a bottle of Goldschlager. He looks like your typical party frat-boy. I overhear his attempt to impress the attractive cashier.)

    Customer: “Dude, I love this stuff. It’s so good.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, my mom’s a fan too.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s really awesome. The gold flakes in it cut your throat and your stomach to get the alcohol in you faster, and get you drunk faster.”

    (It is now obvious that the cashier is unenthused.)

    Cashier: “Is that so?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s totally why I drink it. It gets you drunk way faster.”

    (I can see that the cashier is getting annoyed with the customer’s ‘bro’ attitude, so I speak up.)

    Me: “Actually, that’s just an urban legend. Gold is known for its soft malleable properties, so it’s not sharp enough to cut you like that.”

    (The customer looks a little flustered.)

    Customer: “Well, that’s what I heard!”

    Me: “Well it’s wrong. Not to mention, I’m sure the FDA would not approve of the sale of a drink that actually could tear the lining of the stomach and throat to accelerate intoxication. The gold is just a novelty effect.”

    (The guy mumbles something, pays for his liquor, and leaves; he is clearly embarrassed. I finish my selection, and go to the cashier to pay.)

    Cashier: “Look at you go! Thanks so much for that. I get so tired of idiots thinking I’m impressed with how much they can drink.”

    Me: “No problem!”

    Not Painting A Pretty Picture Of Himself

    | BC, Canada | Bigotry, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (Note: I am female.)

    Me: “Hi there! Is there anything I can give you a hand with?”

    Customer: “Yes, can I speak with your boss?”

    (He points to my coworker, who is a middle-aged gentleman. He has worked here longer than me, but he is not my boss. My coworker hears the customer, comes over, and pats my shoulder.)

    Coworker: “She’s the boss.”

    (The customer is suddenly outraged.)

    Customer: “How dare you! A woman in a hardware store! This blonde b**** probably doesn’t even know the first thing about paint!I want to talk to a man about man stuff!”

    Coworker: “Actually, she used to paint houses professionally before she went to college, and has more experience than anyone in this store when it comes to color theory and technique. She’s also assisted in completely gutting three houses and rebuilding them. That’s more than I could say I, or most of the men in this store, have done themselves.”

    Customer:Lies! Girls don’t f****** know anything about this s***! You’re a f****** liar!” *storms off*

    Saved Him From Making A Big Mis-Steak

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Food & Drink

    (A regular walks in.)

    Me: “Good day, sir. What can I help you with today?”

    Regular: “I’d like seven pounds of lamb.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Got a party planned?”

    Regular: “My brother and his family is coming to visit. Oh, and my son is bringing his girlfriend over. She’s a vegetarian, so throw in some chicken too, I guess.”

    Me: “Sir, if she’s a vegetarian, she doesn’t eat meat.”

    Regular: “Wait, you mean she doesn’t eat any meat at all? Not even chicken?”

    Me: “Not even chicken, sir.”

    Regular: “But… is that even possible?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, it’s possible. Here’s your meat. I suggest you drop by a grocery store and buy something green for your son’s girlfriend. Enjoy your dinner!”

    Regular: “Thank you.”

    (He starts muttering as he leaves.)

    Regular: “No meat! Some people are so strange.”