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    Butting In

    | Ridgewood, NJ, USA | Family & Kids

    (My job involves calling people to set up demos. During one such phone call, the following occurs.)

    Me: “Hello, is [name] there?”

    Customer: “No, she’s not at home right now. This is her husband.”

    Me: “Okay, is there a better time for me to reach her?”

    (Suddenly, I hear someone pick up the phone. It’s a child’s voice, and very audible.)

    Young Voice:Hello?

    Customer: *ignores her* “Well, what are you calling in reference to?”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Me: “I’m friends with [friend], and she said your wife might be nice enough to help me out with something.”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Customer: *to his kid* “One second, sweetie.” *to me* “You know, why don’t I take a message?”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Me: “Yeah, that works, too.”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Customer: “Okay, what’s your name?”

    Me: “I’m [name].”

    Young Voice:Dad? Can you come upstairs, please?

    Customer: *to his kid* “Just give me a minute!” *to me* “And how do you spell that?”

    Me: *I spell it out*

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Customer: “And your phone number?”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Me: “It’s [area code]—”

    Young Voice:Dad?

    Me: *says the next three digits*

    Young Voice:DAD? DAAAAAD?

    Customer: “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

    Me: *repeats the next three digits*

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: *says the next four digits*

    Young Voice:DAD!

    Customer: “Just a minute, please!” *to me* “Could you repeat that again?”

    Me: *repeats the next four digits*

    Customer: “Okay, so that’s [name] at [phone number]. I’ll make sure she gets that. Thanks.”

    Young Voice:DAD, I NEED YOU TO COME UPSTAIRS AND WIPE MY BUTT!

    Customer: *click*

    Hair-Brained Advice From The Hairless

    | Saratoga Springs, NY, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am a cashier with naturally long dark brown hair. Currently, I dyed it black for a little bit of a change. I am approached by a bald, older man.)

    Me: “Hi sir, did you find everything okay tonight?”

    Customer: “Is that your natural hair color?”

    Me: “This? No, not really—”

    Customer: “DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!”

    (I laugh, thinking that he’s joking.)

    Customer: “It’s not funny! You’re not very smart! You don’t want to get cancer, do you?! It spreads to your boobs and ovaries!”

    Me: “…No, I didn’t.”

    Customer: “You can’t be THAT stupid. You don’t even look attractive like that with your complexion. You look like Dracula’s daughter. And look at those ends on your hair! You need to buy mayonnaise and soak your hair in it!”

    Me: *ignoring him* “Your total is [amount].”

    Customer: “I’ll come back to see if you listened!” *pays for his items and leaves*

    This Apple Falls Far From The IP

    | Manchester, UK | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

    (I have been trying to help a caller connect her new router up to accept all the wireless devices in her house, as she’s recently changed her internet supplier to us. It’s been almost 40 minutes and not going well, until this happens.)

    Caller: “Well, you’re obviously not getting this! I’ll let my son explain because he’s been working on this for hours.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, no problem.”

    (The caller’s son gets on the phone.)

    Caller’s Son: “Right…what’s happening is that my DS isn’t connecting due to our wireless having too high security, so I’ve been trying to drop it from whatever WPA it’s on down to WEP. However, to do this I need to log into the router settings using my IP address. I used the static IP address, but to actually log in I need a username and password. I checked on the internet and it says to use admin and password, but whenever I tried it just cleared both fields.”

    Me: *slightly stunned* “Uh, well, what you could try is the router password that’s specific to you. It should be on the help sheet that came with the router itself.”

    (Around twenty seconds later…)

    Caller’s Son: “Ah, thanks very much. Cheers!

    Me: “No problem. If you have any other queries, feel free to call us again.”

    Caller’s Son: *hangs up*

    Me: *to coworker* “I f***ing love tech savvy kids.”

    America The Buttonful

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Money

    (I work for an insurance company that offers several different auto-pay options. Many people choose to use their routing and account numbers, which means a break on installment fees. We can stop or postpone extractions, but, we need three to five business days notice.)

    Customer: “Hi, my payment’s coming out tomorrow and the money’s not in the account. I need it to be postponed.”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but it looks like the debit tape has been sent to the bank. Once that happens, it’s an automated transaction that I cannot cancel or postpone.

    Customer: ”What do you mean, you can’t postpone it? This is America! You CAN and WILL postpone it!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. I’d recommend checking with your bank. They may be able to stop the transaction. A non-sufficient funds fee may be applied to your account on our end, though. Generally, we need three to five days notice to postpone these transactions.”

    Customer: “NO, THIS IS AMERICA! All you have to do is press a button or flip a switch or something!”

    Not Something To Horse Around About

    | New Hampshire, USA | Pets & Animals

    (We’ve just had a major accident in town. It’s a small department, and only one officer is on. A lady calls about fireworks going off near her house.)

    Me: “Good evening, [town] Police.”

    Caller: “There are fireworks going off and my horse is very upset!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but right now all calls that are not priority are being held. We have a major accident in town. Our officers cannot leave the scene right now.”

    Caller: “You mean to tell me that’s more important then my horse? He’s really upset! He’s crying!”

    Me: “I wasn’t aware horses could cry. I will let the officer know.”

    Caller: “You people should get your priorities straight! My horse is more important then any accident!” *hangs up*


    (To our US readers, from the NAR Staff: Happy 4th of July! Have fun and stay safe!)

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