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    Red Grapes Or Wrath

    | Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (It is 9:30 pm on a Friday night. Note that the store closes at 10 pm.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you have any more red grapes? These ones look pretty rough.”

    Me: “No, sorry sir, but we’re all sold out of grapes.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? I think you’re lying. Get me some more grapes from the back.”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that if there were any more grapes, I’d have displayed them already.”

    Customer: “Bull! You just don’t want to bring me any so you can go home early!”

    Me: “No, we just don’t have any left. Our shipment comes in at 9:30 am tomorrow.”

    Customer: “What? No, it doesn’t. There aren’t any delivery trucks here at 9:30!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not lying to you, so I’d appreciate if you stopped accusing me of doing so.”

    Customer: “Let me talk to your manager! I bet he has some grapes in the back!”

    Me: “Look, sir. My manager has gone home for the night. I am certain that there is no secret back room that only he has access too.”

    Customer: “Well, fine! This is the last time I shop here!”

    (He reluctantly buys a bag of green grapes instead and walks away.)

    Related:
    The Grapes Or Wrath

    Got The Bird, But No Bees Here

    | Toledo, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I work at the African exhibit of a zoo. I have a real ostrich egg that we regularly show to visitors. We only have two female ostriches that occasionally lay an egg. Their keepers take it out, empty the yolk, and give it to our staff for demo purposes.)

    Me: “Hi kids, want to see a real ostrich egg?”

    Kid: “Ooh, why is there a hole in it?”

    Me: “The keepers drilled a hole to get to yolk out, so it doesn’t become rotten. It has a yolk just like a chicken egg you eat for breakfast. We don’t have any boy ostrich so we know there wasn’t a chick inside, only a yolk.”

    (The mother of the kid chimes in.)

    Mother: “The boys lay the eggs with the chicks inside?”

    Me: “No, we only have females so there is no chick, only yolk. It’s like when chicken lay eggs we eat.”

    Mother: “Right, so only the males lay eggs with chicks inside?”

    Me: “No, males don’t lay eggs at all. It takes a boy and a girl to make a chick. Like to make a baby, the boy has to fertilize the eggs?”

    Mother: “Ooh!”

    The Genie Ate The Punchline

    | Christchurch, New Zealand | Rude & Risque

    (I am ringing up a customer and he is ready to pay by credit card. I hold my hand out to swipe his card for him, but he refuses.)

    Customer: “Oh, no, let me swipe it!”

    Me: “Okay, right down there when you’re ready.”

    Customer: “It’s a bit hard to handle.”

    (I say nothing and finish the transaction.)

    Customer: “You just have to know how to stroke it the right way, you know?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah. Sure!”

    Customer: “It’s funny, because it sounds sexual.”

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    | NotAlwaysRomantic.com |

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    Created by the team here at Not Always Right, we’ve long realized there was a place for romantic relationship stories — in fact, many of our best stories fit that niche (with a customer angle, of course). Just like Not Always Right, the new site will feature daily posts submitted by readers.

    Note: For our first few weeks, we’ll be re-publishing some of Not Always Right’s best customer-related love/relationship stories on Not Always Romantic until we can get a steady supply of submissions.

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    Baaaad Hearing And Maaaad Rearing

    | Texas, USA |

    (A customer and her daughter walk up to me while I’m putting up items on a shelf. Her daughter looks about 7 years old. I am well known for doing very well with young children around her age.)

    Customer: “Could you help me find something my child needs for a project she’s doing?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I turn toward the customer’s daughter, who is holding a piece of her project.)

    Me: “Whatcha’ got there, kiddo?”

    Customer: “Don’t call my child a goat!”

    Me: “Beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “You heard me! You called my daughter a kid, which is a goat! My child is not an animal!” *storms out with daughter in tow*


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