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    Hoodlums Get Hoodwinked

    | USA | Bad Behavior

    (I’m working the night shift. The only customers are a couple in their late-teens or early twenties. While they’re browsing the shelves a couple of younger teenagers walk in with sagging pants and sideways hats, swearing loudly.)

    Teen #1: “Yo, motherf***er! Look at this piece of s*** they call a f***ing cheeseburger.”

    Teen #2: “That’s f***ing f***ed up, bro!”

    (They continue this until the girl walks up and taps one of them on the shoulder.)

    Girl: “Hey, sweetie. Remember me?”

    Teen #1: “I bet I f***ed you all night long and you’ve come back for more, b****.”

    Girl: *laughing* “Not quite. I graduated from [local high school] with your sister last year. I remember you when you were in diapers.”

    Teen #1: “I ain’t wearing no f***ing diapers no more.”

    Girl: “Yeah, but you still act like it.”

    (She then proceeds to pull his pants up and turn his hat right. While she’s doing this a pack of cigarettes falls from his hoodie, which she takes.)

    Girl: “I bet your mom would love to hear about this. I’ll be sure to inform her when I see you guys at mass tomorrow.”

    Teen #1: *goes pale and flees with Teen #2 from the store*

    I Used To Smile

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    Saved By The Voicemail

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    The Darkest Coffee Lightens The Mood

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (We’ve just opened and I already have a long line, which is being held up by a customer whose drink I’ve remade three times, but he’s still not pleased. He’s been yelling at me for the last three minutes, and the entire line is started to get annoyed.)

    Customer #1: “How hard is it to make a d*** drink?”

    Me: “Sir, I’ve made your drink exactly how I was taught. If you would just—”

    Customer #1: “Then I guess you’re too f***ing stupid to make it right!”

    (He grows increasingly belligerent, swearing at me for another minute or so. However, Customer #2, a woman behind him, has had enough. She grabs him by the shoulder and physically turns him to look at her.)

    Customer #2: “Shut. The. F***. Up! I just had a f***ing baby! I’m on my period and PMS-ing! And I haven’t slept for three f***ing days! You are getting in between me and my coffee. Now take your d*** sissy drink and get the f*** out of my way, before I get angry!”

    (Everyone in the store is stunned at her outburst.)

    Customer #1: “But she didn’t—”

    Customer #2: *through her teeth* “She. Made. It. Right. LEAVE.”

    (He takes his drink and slinks out of the store. Everyone is still in shock when Customer #2 walks up to the counter.)

    Me: “Wha-what can I get you, ma’am?”

    Customer #2: “Large. Black.”

    Me: “Would you—”

    Customer #2: “No.”

    (I make her drink as quickly as is possible. I give her a smile as I hand it to her.)

    Me: “Have a wonderful day, and may I just say you look fantastic for just having had a baby.”

    Customer #2: *much sweeter now* “Thank you. You have a good day, too.”

    (She left a $20 tip!)

    From The Mouth Of Babes

    | MI, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work at a major retail store in the deli. Two children aged 8 and 5 come up to order food. The 5 year old is close to touching the lower part of the hot case.)

    Me: “Careful sweetie, this is kept very hot and you could burn yourself.” *to the 8 year old* “You’d be surprised how many people burn themselves on this thing.”

    8 year old: “Well, they all obviously need glasses, because there’s a warning that says ‘Caution: Hot!’ right in front of their faces.”

    Me: “You’re more intelligent than most adults who come up here!”

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