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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Bedtime Vs. Lifetime Stories

    , | California, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (Note: I’m on the phone with a customer, who is asking if we have a certain book available.)

    Me: “We do have that book. Would you like to order a copy?”

    Caller: “I don’t have time to wait for the mail. Can you just read it to me?”

    Me: “Read you the book? It’s over 600 pages.”

    Caller: “That’s okay. I have time!”

    Always After The Next Best Thing

    | Southampton, UK | Love/Romance

    Caller: “Is [colleague] there?”

    Me: “No, I’m afraid she’s left for the day. Is there anything I can help with?”

    Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if she had a p-word?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “You know, a partner? A boyfriend?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Yes, I’m afraid she does. Is there anything else I can help with?”

    Caller: “Yes, uh, do you have a boyfriend?”

    Me: “Uh, yes, I do.”

    Caller: “Oh, right, that’s a shame. You sound like a lovely girl. Is there anyone else in your shop without a boyfriend?”

    Me: “Uh, no, I’m afraid everyone here is married.”

    Caller: “Are they all faithful?”

    Me: *speechless*

    A Call To Arms

    , | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (Since we are a large store, we communicate with each other on radios. I am helping a customer when my manager starts speaking into the radio.)

    Manager: “I need an additional cashier to the registers.”

    Customer: *pauses in mid-sentence* “Wait…is she talking to me?”

    More Than You Bargained For, Part 2

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Woman: “Can you tell me the price of these pants? I found them on the 25% off rack.”

    Me: “Sure thing. They’re $22.50.”

    Woman: “But that’s not 25% off.”

    Me: “They probably got put on the wrong rack, but they were actually $45.00, so you’re actually getting 50% off.”

    Woman: “But the sign said 25% off.”

    Me: “I understand, but like I said, they were on the wrong rack and are actually more than 25% off.”

    Woman: “I want them for the price that the sign advertised! Can I just talk to a manager? You sales people are so stupid sometimes. It’s not a hard concept.”

    Me: “Oh believe me, I know it’s not a hard concept. Let me call a manager for you.”

    (I call a manager and she comes over. I explain to her what is going on.)

    Manager: “If you get these pants as the price they are ringing up at, they are $22.50. If you get them at 25% off, they are $33.75.”

    Woman: “That’s what I want! Why is math such a hard concept for the workers here to grasp? Just change the price and give them to me for $33.75 or whatever.”

    (I changed the price so they were more expensive. The customer walks away, still mumbling something about how we suck at math.)

    Related:
    More Than You Bargained For

    Red Grapes Or Wrath

    | Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (It is 9:30 pm on a Friday night. Note that the store closes at 10 pm.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you have any more red grapes? These ones look pretty rough.”

    Me: “No, sorry sir, but we’re all sold out of grapes.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? I think you’re lying. Get me some more grapes from the back.”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that if there were any more grapes, I’d have displayed them already.”

    Customer: “Bull! You just don’t want to bring me any so you can go home early!”

    Me: “No, we just don’t have any left. Our shipment comes in at 9:30 am tomorrow.”

    Customer: “What? No, it doesn’t. There aren’t any delivery trucks here at 9:30!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not lying to you, so I’d appreciate if you stopped accusing me of doing so.”

    Customer: “Let me talk to your manager! I bet he has some grapes in the back!”

    Me: “Look, sir. My manager has gone home for the night. I am certain that there is no secret back room that only he has access too.”

    Customer: “Well, fine! This is the last time I shop here!”

    (He reluctantly buys a bag of green grapes instead and walks away.)

    Related:
    The Grapes Or Wrath


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