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    Who Needs Learnin’ When You Can Be Sun Burnin’

    | Canton, MI, USA | Family & Kids

    (A coworker and I are cleaning up the magazines. A father and his two kids are walking by.)

    Father: *to his son* “I just can’t believe you’re wasting your time looking at books when it’s such a nice day outside!”

    Breaking Peter To Fix Paul

    | Eden Prairie, MN, USA | Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a cashier at an electronics retailer. A customer walks up with a computer lapdesk that opens up so it can store small items. Normally, two clips hold these shut.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, one of the two clips is broken off.”

    Me: “Oh geez, I’m sorry! Do you wanna grab another one that’s not defective?”

    Customer: “Sure…” *leaves the broken lapdesk with me*

    (I give the broken one to a fellow cashier so they can take it back to the service desk and defect it out. Several minutes later, the customer returns.)

    Customer: *holding a new lapdesk* “Hey! Where’s the other lapdesk?”

    Me: “Oh, I gave it to customer service because it was defective. We can ring this up now—”

    Customer: “But I need the first one!

    Me: “Wait…why?”

    Customer: *holds up a lapdesk clip* “I broke one off the new one to put on the old one!”

    Nothing Outlasts The Criticizer

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “I want to return these batteries.”

    (She puts an opened pack of batteries on the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, so they didn’t work?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they worked for a few weeks, but now they’e broken. They’re not supposed to expire until 2015!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s a ‘best if used by’ date, not an expiration date.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Batteries die. It’s just saying that you should use them before this date, not that they will last for 3 years.”

    Customer: “You mean I have to buy more batteries?!”

    They Are Not The Toys You Are Looking For

    | St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada | Rude & Risque

    (A woman calls into the store. She’s speaking very quietly and I have to ask her several times to repeat herself. Finally I make out something.)

    Woman: “Do you sell vibrators?”

    Me: *pause* “Um, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you again to repeat what you said. I really don’t think we sell what I think you said.”

    Woman: “Vibrators.”

    Me: “No. No, we don’t.”

    Woman: “Isn’t this The Love Shop?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this is Toys-R-Us.”

    Related:
    They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

    A-moooo-sing Explanations

    | Pensacola, FL, USA |

    (As a grocery store bagger, I often help people load their items into their cars. Tonight, as I walk out the door with a customer, she notices milk all over the parking lot.)

    Lady: *casually, without missing a beat* “Oh, a cow exploded…”

    Related:
    A-moooo-sing Customers

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