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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    I’m A Renaissance Woman

    | Princeton, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (The computers at checkout have lately been asking for the full birthdate of everyone purchasing cigarettes. While technically, we card everyone, a lot of our older customers complained at first, so we are allowed to simply request their birthdate rather than ask to see their ID.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like [cigarettes], please.”

    Me: “Alright. I’ll need your date of birth, please.”

    Customer: “What? Make something up.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the computer needs a birth date in order to sell this product.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re not getting it. Make something up!”

    Me: “Um.”

    (I put in January 1st, but leave the year free.)

    Me: “Okay, I put in January 1st, but I’m going to need the year, at least.”

    Customer: “Fine…1600.”

    Me: “Something reasonable, ma’am.”

    2, 4, 6, 8, Time To Get Your Numbers Straight

    | Bethesda, MD, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have this in a size 9?”

    Me: “Sorry, no. We only carry even sizes. I can show you a size 8 or 10.”

    Customer: “You don’t have a size 9?”

    Me: “No, we only have even-numbered sizes.”

    Customer: “Do you have a 9 in the back?”

    Me: “No. There is no size 9.”

    Customer: “So, can you order it for me?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We only have even numbers.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Er, that means 0, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, and 14.”

    Customer: “So, do you know when you’ll be getting a size 9?”

    Wine & Spirits Of Camraderie

    | Kingston, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    (It’s St. Patrick’s Day at my bar. I see a patron who has had too much to drink.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Patron: “Can I just finish my beer?”

    Me: “I can’t let you do that.”

    Patron’s friend: “Why are you kicking her out? I’m drunker than she is!”

    Me: “Then you can leave, too!”

    A Tanner Darkly

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    (An elderly man comes to my till. He is obviously tanning a lot, which is something I don’t do because I’m East Indian.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you?”

    Customer: “Great, thanks.”

    Me: “That’s good, and you found everything okay?”

    Customer: “Yes, I found everything okay!”

    Me: *giggles* “Wow, sir, if you don’t mind my saying…you’re even darker than I am!”

    Customer: *chuckles* “Well, I try to tan every moment I get!”

    Me: “Ha! Well, whenever I go in the sun, I always wear 60 SPF.”

    Customer: “I never wear that sunscreen garbage. Never have, and never will. It causes cancer, you know? Too much of that sunscreen stuff!”

    Me: “Okay…well, have a good day. Enjoy the sunshine!”

    Customer: “I will! You do the same, darlin’. You’re lookin’ a little pale!”

    Meathead In The Making

    | Orange County, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am a server assistant at a popular 40′s style diner.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, there’s something wrong with my burger.”

    Me: “What is it?”

    Customer: “Well, it doesn’t have a bun.”

    Me: “Hmm, what did you order?”

    Customer: “The all-natural, low-carb burger.”

    Me: “Well, the bun is made of bread which is loaded with carbs. So, if you wanted a low-carb burger, there would be no bun.”

    Customer: “Oh…that makes sense now!”


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