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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Always After The Next Best Thing

    | Southampton, UK | Love/Romance

    Caller: “Is [colleague] there?”

    Me: “No, I’m afraid she’s left for the day. Is there anything I can help with?”

    Caller: “Yes, I was wondering if she had a p-word?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Caller: “You know, a partner? A boyfriend?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Yes, I’m afraid she does. Is there anything else I can help with?”

    Caller: “Yes, uh, do you have a boyfriend?”

    Me: “Uh, yes, I do.”

    Caller: “Oh, right, that’s a shame. You sound like a lovely girl. Is there anyone else in your shop without a boyfriend?”

    Me: “Uh, no, I’m afraid everyone here is married.”

    Caller: “Are they all faithful?”

    Me: *speechless*

    A Call To Arms

    , | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (Since we are a large store, we communicate with each other on radios. I am helping a customer when my manager starts speaking into the radio.)

    Manager: “I need an additional cashier to the registers.”

    Customer: *pauses in mid-sentence* “Wait…is she talking to me?”

    More Than You Bargained For, Part 2

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Woman: “Can you tell me the price of these pants? I found them on the 25% off rack.”

    Me: “Sure thing. They’re $22.50.”

    Woman: “But that’s not 25% off.”

    Me: “They probably got put on the wrong rack, but they were actually $45.00, so you’re actually getting 50% off.”

    Woman: “But the sign said 25% off.”

    Me: “I understand, but like I said, they were on the wrong rack and are actually more than 25% off.”

    Woman: “I want them for the price that the sign advertised! Can I just talk to a manager? You sales people are so stupid sometimes. It’s not a hard concept.”

    Me: “Oh believe me, I know it’s not a hard concept. Let me call a manager for you.”

    (I call a manager and she comes over. I explain to her what is going on.)

    Manager: “If you get these pants as the price they are ringing up at, they are $22.50. If you get them at 25% off, they are $33.75.”

    Woman: “That’s what I want! Why is math such a hard concept for the workers here to grasp? Just change the price and give them to me for $33.75 or whatever.”

    (I changed the price so they were more expensive. The customer walks away, still mumbling something about how we suck at math.)

    Related:
    More Than You Bargained For

    Red Grapes Or Wrath

    | Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (It is 9:30 pm on a Friday night. Note that the store closes at 10 pm.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you have any more red grapes? These ones look pretty rough.”

    Me: “No, sorry sir, but we’re all sold out of grapes.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? I think you’re lying. Get me some more grapes from the back.”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that if there were any more grapes, I’d have displayed them already.”

    Customer: “Bull! You just don’t want to bring me any so you can go home early!”

    Me: “No, we just don’t have any left. Our shipment comes in at 9:30 am tomorrow.”

    Customer: “What? No, it doesn’t. There aren’t any delivery trucks here at 9:30!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not lying to you, so I’d appreciate if you stopped accusing me of doing so.”

    Customer: “Let me talk to your manager! I bet he has some grapes in the back!”

    Me: “Look, sir. My manager has gone home for the night. I am certain that there is no secret back room that only he has access too.”

    Customer: “Well, fine! This is the last time I shop here!”

    (He reluctantly buys a bag of green grapes instead and walks away.)

    Related:
    The Grapes Or Wrath

    Got The Bird, But No Bees Here

    | Toledo, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I work at the African exhibit of a zoo. I have a real ostrich egg that we regularly show to visitors. We only have two female ostriches that occasionally lay an egg. Their keepers take it out, empty the yolk, and give it to our staff for demo purposes.)

    Me: “Hi kids, want to see a real ostrich egg?”

    Kid: “Ooh, why is there a hole in it?”

    Me: “The keepers drilled a hole to get to yolk out, so it doesn’t become rotten. It has a yolk just like a chicken egg you eat for breakfast. We don’t have any boy ostrich so we know there wasn’t a chick inside, only a yolk.”

    (The mother of the kid chimes in.)

    Mother: “The boys lay the eggs with the chicks inside?”

    Me: “No, we only have females so there is no chick, only yolk. It’s like when chicken lay eggs we eat.”

    Mother: “Right, so only the males lay eggs with chicks inside?”

    Me: “No, males don’t lay eggs at all. It takes a boy and a girl to make a chick. Like to make a baby, the boy has to fertilize the eggs?”

    Mother: “Ooh!”


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