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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • A Clear And Self-Centered Danger

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (A couple approaches the information desk while I’m manning it. They are probably in their mid-60s.)

    Me:  ”Can I help you find something?”

    Customer:  ”Yes, where are your paperbacks by Clancy?”

    Me:  ”They’re right over here in fiction; follow me.”

    (They tag along behind me as I lead them the 10 steps over to the fiction wall.)

    Me:  ”He’s this whole shelf, and part of the next one.  Was there anything else you were looking for today?”

    Customer:  ”Other stuff like him. You know, like Woods, Connelly, and Lescroart.”

    Me:  ”Well, they’re all here in fiction too. It’s alphabetical by author, so you can work your way down from here.  Woods is right at the end by the window.”

    Customer:  *peevish* “Why can’t you people just put all the stuff I like together?!”

    (At this point his wife, who has been silent the whole time, chimes in.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Because the world STILL doesn’t revolve around you, dear.” *to me* “His mother has a lot to answer for!”

    Single-Handedly Stupid

    | California, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “How are you doing? Did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “No, I was looking for left-handed writing instruments, but apparently, you don’t have them. I guess I’ll have to take my business somewhere else. I feel bad for my son, though. He has been suffering.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe that all pencils and pens work for both right-handed and left-handed people.”

    Customer: “Then, why is he suffering? He says his hand hurts every time he writes! You don’t understand!”

    Me: “I am left-handed. I have been using the same pencils and pens as everyone else, and never had a problem.”

    Customer: “I don’t like your tone! You are so disrespectful and unsympathetic! I want to speak to your manager!”

    One, Two, Skip A Few

    | Livingston, NJ, USA |

    Me: *answering the phone* “Thank you for calling [bookstore]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “What are your hours?”

    Me: “We’re open from 9 to 10 every day.”

    Customer: “You’re only open for one hour?!”

    Me: “Oh, no, 9 AM to 10 PM.”

    Customer: “That’s only one hour!”

    May Top Story Roundup: Skyrim, Smoothies, Soap, Shadows, And Slips!

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    May Top Story Roundup: From running thieves to running children, May’s top stories were filled with customers with nothing mentally running upstairs!

    1. Dovahkiin’s Day Off:
      A video game thief gets taken down, Dragonborn-style, by an unexpected hero.
    2. The Golden Rude:
      A delicious tale of a rude coffee customer getting what he deserves!
    3. Self Disservice:
      “Employees Must Wash Hands” and “Entitled Customers” don’t mix!
    4. Dumb Without Shadow Of A Doubt:
      A sandwich shop customer gets stupid over a shadow.
    5. Traveling At The Speed Of Stupid:
      An irresponsible parent slips up big time with her bratty offspring!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Fajita Me Not

    | Boone, NC, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am working to-go service at an chain restaurant. Note that we’re three doors down from another similar chain-restaurant that also has to-go service.)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up my to-go order.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. No one has placed a to-go order with me tonight. When exactly did you call and who did you talk to?”

    Customer: *irate* “I called 10 minutes ago and I talked to you! I recognize your voice. Where is my to-go order?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, my phone hasn’t rung once in two hours. Can you please let me know what you would like? I will have the kitchen rush make it for you.”

    Customer: “I ordered the fajitas. I just talked to you 10 minutes ago, where are my fajitas?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have fajitas on the menu here.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! You have them! I ordered them from you 10 minutes ago!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you sure you didn’t place your to-go order with [restaurant three doors down]? I know that they have fajitas and they also have to-go service.”

    Customer: “No! I talked to you! Where are my fajitas?”

    (This continues for another 10 minutes until finally, I just pick up the phone and call the other restaurant.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Do you have a to-go order under the name [patron] for some fajitas?”

    Other Restaurant: “Yes, we have her order right here. It has just been sitting here getting cold.”

    Me, to Patron: “Ma’am, [restaurant three doors down] has an order under your name for some fajitas.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t order from there. Are you guys pulling a prank on me? Just bring me my fajitas!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, you placed your order with other restaurant. The only way you are going to get fajitas is if you go over there and pick them up.”

    Customer: “Well, fine! But just know that I will never eat at this restaurant ever again!” *stomps out the door*

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